Day 10- The O-bon Festival
Rated T, OOC
I looked a little bit into this festival and from my understanding, it's somewhat similar to the day of the death from my country, hopefully, it's somewhat oki. I hope you enjoy ~Love, Dia
There's a saying my grandma used to repeat "You'll find comfort in the strangest of places" it was a saying that I had forgotten about, until this very moment. The years after the war made me hate the O-bon Festival and what it signifies, I stopped going where all the dances happen and where the food is prepared in the village centre. I participated only by spending the whole night in the cemetery. The festival is meant to celebrate the dead, remember their lives and legacies, but for me, the festival wasn't a celebration, all I could think about was the death of the people I loved, I mourned their passing more than I enjoyed the memories I had of them. I still refuse to join in the dances, but now holding his hand helps ground me, helps me remember that this is a festival meant to honour the dead, it is about them and not about my own pain, I can't keep wallowing in despair aimlessly forever.
"Are you ready?" Sasuke looks down at me, his face may look expressionless to others but I could see gentleness in his eyes, I could hear softness in his voice and I could feel his support in his steady grip of my hand. I push open the cemetery door and we make our way slowly to where the 'big' clans have reserved places of rest. This is where we met three years ago, I was on the ground crying in front of Neji's grave, feeling just as much sadness as I did at his funeral, Sasuke was a standing statue in front of Itachi's grave, unable to move, having no idea how to properly ask for forgiveness, how to honour him. During the festival's ending fireworks, we both looked at the sky, looking at the colours that danced into the dark sky, listening to the loud booms of the explosions, and when they ended, the cemetery felt darker than before, the silence was loud enough to drive one mad. That's the moment when I looked around me, maybe hoping to find another lonely figure, and I found him, already looking at me. I watched as he slowly walked to where I was.
"I'm sorry for your loss," he said in a low voice and placed his hand onto my shoulder. His touch made me feel better and worse at the same time. I was glad not to be the only one there, but he also opened the gate of my sadness and all the pain I thought I locked up came rushing out. My silent cries turned into loud sobs that I wasn't able to contain, sobs that made it hard to breathe, made my stomach hurt and made me dizzy. After a few moments in which he only watched while having his hand on my shoulder, Sasuke lowered himself to the ground, pulled my body to his in such a way that my face was on his shoulder, not caring that my tears would wet his shirt. He allowed me to cry for as long as I wanted and only rubbed my back from time to time.
When I finished crying, he helped me up and with an expression filled with pain thanked me. He said I had cried enough for the both of us, that I had mourned his brother too in ways he was unable to. As fast as he appeared he disappeared too. I had not seen him for a full year until the following O-bon festival. Much like before, we were the only ones in the cemetery, but this time we weren't strangers linked by coincidence, a connection was formed between us regardless of our lack of contact. We mourned in different manners, I cried and he stood still looking as if he was suffering greatly. After the fireworks, we started talking reminiscing our most prized memories with our older brothers, the talk changed to our mothers which we found to be similar, I listened as he told me about many of his deceased relatives and this time, I was the one holding him in a hug. When the sun rose that night, we went our separate ways once again for a year.
Three weeks before last year's O-bon festival I received a massager crow from Sasuke asking whether I was able to house him in the village for the week of the festival. He wanted to restore some of the graves, plant some flowers maybe and all in all, take better care of everyone in his clan. I sent him an immediate reply that he was welcome to come whenever he chose and to stay for as long as he wanted. When he turned up at my door 3 days later, I offered to help him with the graves and we worked slowly and in silence, having finished with his clan we moved on to the graves belonging to the Hyuugas. Each day we'd work together, each night we'd go back to my apartment to eat dinner together and sleep in different futons, yet in the same room. This went on for almost two weeks until the festival, thus went it was time for Sasuke to go, the separation was much more difficult. I had grown used to being in his presence and the first few days after his leaving I found myself preparing two cups of tea, arranging two futons. A week passed and I received a message from him which brought immense joy, I replied and got a reply back a few days later. Our communication went on for a year uninterrupted, so when Sasuke showed up at my door two weeks before the festival my heart sped up. I had almost forgotten he was a real human being and not a simple idea I created with who I exchanged messages. I hugged him close just enjoying his presence once again.
We spent this past two weeks together, feeling as if that is our normal, I had feared that I would need time to accommodate to him being here just as much as I needed when he suddenly left, but that wasn't the case at all. The only thing I was conscious about was my own feelings, the way my skin would flare red and heat up whenever he was close, how my eyes would follow him around, how my heart sped up with each little bump of the hand.
Even at this moment, when we are walking hand in hand through the cemetery, I can't help my body's reaction to his touch. I know I'm selfish, because I should focus on the dead and honour them, but all I can think about is the fact that once the sun rises, he will be gone for another year. I'm not sure I will be able to survive another separation. When we reach Neji's grave and he lets go of my hand to brush the side of my cheek and move some of the hair that was in my face, the tears that start to fall aren't for my cousin, however disgusting this makes me be, I am crying from the fear of him leaving, I want to ask him to stay but I don't know how, and I don't know how I'd feel if he refused. He's holding me close, yet I weep for his imminent departure.