Chapter Three: Adviser

"He's just a servant," says the visiting lord who looks between the prince and his manservant (with confusion and uncertainty), and Arthur nods (because it's true) and calmly tells him to keep his hands off of him (or else a certain lady will hear some certain truths). The lord seems disinclined to believe him, but Arthur only smiles coldly (with a look of steel in his eyes) and heads off to deal with the problem. He smiles triumphantly (and ignores Merlin's idiotic grin beside him) when the lord catches up to him (with an insincere apology on his lips). And when the visit is over, Arthur is not sad to see them leave.

"He's a troublemaker," says the steward with his shrewd eyes and calloused voice and Arthur nods (because it's the truth) and then tells him in his I'm-the-Prince-don't-argue-with-me voice (that nobody but Merlin dares to ignore) that he will deal with the punishment for his manservant, and promptly orders the guards holding Merlin (bleeding, bruised, and barely conscious) to release him. It's Arthur himself who supports (carries) him to his tiny room and leaves him (with fire burning in his eyes) in Gaius' care. And when Merlin (still tired and bruised and in pain but there in Arthur's rooms, working away at some stain on Arthur's boot) mentions (in a voice too casual not to be suspicious) that the steward had been released from duty rather unexpectedly but nobody knew why, Arthur merely informs him that people get fired every day for any amount of reasons (and Merlin will never prove that it was Arthur's words whispering in his father's ear that was the reason today). Merlin nods and then in the next breath also mentions that the guards (and here his voice trembles slightly and he rushes over the next words to get them out) who had punished him (tortured is more like it) had both been rushed to Gaius' chambers after training. Arthur growls at him to stop gossiping like a girl and get back to work (and doesn't say that Merlin will never hear it from anyone that Arthur demanded a special training session with them and it was his blows that sent them to the physician's care.) Merlin (for once) listens and they never speak of it again.

"He's too clumsy," says his First Knight apologetically. And Arthur nods (because of course it's true) and then rushes his servant to the old physician once more. And the next morning Arthur demands (in all of the Knights' hearing) that Merlin be fitted for armor (so that there will be no more accidents on the training grounds) and when the servant complains loudly (but only in Arthur's hearing) and whines about having to find the time to be fitted, Arthur only raises his eyebrows and stares hard at the hand still wrapped in bandages. Merlin (with his twinkling eyes too knowing for Arthur's comfort) asks why, Arthur merely demands that Merlin bring him his food this instant (he will never admit to being concerned). And when the servant returns (with food piping hot and more gossip than Arthur ever wanted to know) they both promptly forget about it. Merlin never does get the armor.

The thing is, Merlin is a servant, and a troublemaker, and clumsy, and an idiot, and he never does mind his place, and he's all the other things that everyone else says about him, but Arthur always bristles uncomfortably when it's brought up. (It's the truth but Merlin's also more than what they say.) And though Arthur himself says he is all these things and so much more, he never means them the way they do. They say Merlin is just a servant (as if his station is all that makes him a person), just a troublemaker (as if that gives them the right to do what they will with him), just clumsy (as if that can explain why he goes above and beyond his duty), just a child, just a foreigner, just...just Merlin (as if that isn't enough).

But when Arthur calls him names and prattles off all his (ridiculously long list of) faults, it's never just them (though he likes to pretend it is). Because he knows that Merlin is all of those things and yet so much more. He's the voice of Arthur's conscience (reawakening after years of forced silence), the words of Arthur's (forbidden) thoughts, the voice of right (even when Arthur doesn't want to hear it).

He doesn't like it when people call Merlin just a servant and he especially doesn't like it when it follows into his dreams (the ones that don't feel like dreams but forgotten memories) and it is his voice saying the words.

"Who are you to tell me what I'm thinking?" His voice is harsh and his eyes furious.

"I'm your friend." Merlin's voice is soft (so different from his own) but passionate (his eyes blazing with sincerity).
"No, Merlin, you're my servant!" Arthur spits cruelly and strides away.

Arthur wakes up (cold and alone) and spends the rest of the night trying to undo the words (and the hurt they caused). And when morning comes and Merlin rushes in opening the windows ("Rise and shine!") and babbling nonstop, Arthur certainly does not feel relieved at all (most definitely not!).

To make up for his confusing thoughts, Arthur throws a pillow at him.

The Black Knight had killed his men, torn them down as if they were nothing, extinguished their lives and for what? What purpose had there been? (No kingdom, no sovereign, no cause.) And Arthur is angry (it's coursing through his blood) and hurt (sorrow is beating in time with his heart) and afraid (fear is running wild through his veins).

So what he doesn't want (or need, so he tries to convince himself) is a lecture from his servant. (But when has Merlin ever cared what Arthur wants?)

"You have to pull out," he demands, barging into Arthur's rooms without knocking (bringing with him the faint smell of smoke and ash).

"And why's that?" Arthur asks, his voice soft because he's frustrated (with this conversation, with his father, with Morgana, with them all).

"Because he'll kill you," Merlin answers (his voice so sure, his eyes so confident.)

And Arthur is so angry that nobody believes in him, believes that he can defeat this Knight, that nobody understands that he must do this so that he doesn't have to see each and every one of his Knights fall to this monster. "Why does everybody think that?"

"Just pull out." Merlin advises (and who ever gave him the right, the permission to speak to his master this way?) "You're the Crown Prince. No one wants to see you die over some stupid challenge."

Arthur stiffens at his casual dismissal of the Knight's Code (their way of life, their honor, their death) but Merlin doesn't seem to notice. "I'm not a coward," the Prince insists.

"I know that!" Merlin agrees (with not a hint of hesitation or his usual sarcasm). There's a small pause and Arthur hopes (though he knows better) that this will be the end of it. (He's wrong). "I've stood there and I've watched you overcome every fear you've ever faced."

"It's what's required of me," Arthur says honestly.

"But you are more than that," Merlin continues (his eyes blazing with that emotion Arthur can never decipher). "You're not merely a warrior. You're a prince, the future King!" (And Arthur looks at his sword, anywhere but at Merlin, because he does not deserve these words of loyalty.) "You've proved your courage. Now you must prove your wisdom."

And Arthur (upset, hurt, and angry) feels the stirring of pride (not cockiness, not arrogance, but of something purer, of a work well done) at his servant's words (though it shouldn't matter to him what Merlin thinks of him)... But he cannot let the deaths of his Knights go unpunished. "I'm not backing down," he growls fiercely.

Merlin looks like he's just as frustrated with Arthur as Arthur is with him, but he doesn't give up, going to the window, spouting some nonsense about the Knight not being ordinary.

"No one is unbeatable," Arthur says and he's talking about the Knight (of course he is), but he is also reminding himself that he is not invincible.

"If you fight him, you will die."

Arthur wants to shake him, to yell at him, to make him understand! He isn't doing this for himself, but for his people, for his Knights, for the ones who can no longer speak for themselves. (This has nothing to do with Arthur himself, only his blade.) "I'm not listening to this." (But he can't block out the words, the loyalty, the finality.)

"I'm trying to warn you, Arthur!" Merlin cries, coming up to him again, and it is too much (the final straw for Arthur's tense nerves).

"And I'm trying to warn you, Merlin!" he yells and whirls to face his insubordinate servant (Arthur's eyes are wide and his heart is beating too fast, but his hand is steady), his sword stopping inches away from Merlin's throat.

Merlin (his own eyes wide in surprise) leans back to avoid the sword perilously close (as if he thinks that Arthur would ever let it harm him). Then Merlin (finally getting the message that he's unwanted) straightens, looks into Arthur's angry face, then shakes his head and leaves. Arthur glares after him, his sword still in the air, his breathing still too fast. He tries (and fails) to erase that look of fear and disappointment in Merlin's eyes.

Arthur goes back to his paces.

Author's Note: Any recognizable dialogue is taken direct from the episodes, 'The Gates of Avalon', and 'Excalibur'.

My sincerest apologies for taking so long to get this next chapter posted. And thank you so much for all the kind reviews!