Chapter Four: Friend

Arthur doesn't know why or when or even how it's come to be but he knows it is the truth: Merlin has become more than a servant to him. He is a friend. Against all the odds stacked against them, against all the laws (that separate nobility from outsiders), he has become Arthur's closest friend, closer even than the Knights of Camelot. They who are his brothers, they who have a bond that cannot be broken, yet between them there must always stand his title, his future role in life. They can never forget that he will be their King (and neither can he). As it should be between Merlin and him as well (more, of course, because Merlin is only a servant and cannot even hide behind a Knighthood). Instead...it's as if titles and backgrounds and stations in life have no bearing on them.

With Merlin, Arthur can be himself, all of himself and not just one aspect. He can be the pretentious, arrogant prat (as Merlin so eloquently describes him) or the vulnerable, scared, feeling man that he is (and that he tries, so desperately, to hide).

Why he feels as though he can trust Merlin with his fears and his weaknesses, his strengths and his dreams, he will never know. Perhaps it is because Merlin does the same with him (giving of himself time and time again). Perhaps it is because, of all the people in the entire world, it seems that they (Arthur, Crown Prince of Camelot, and Merlin, servant from Ealdor) understand each other as none else can.

No matter that Merlin grew up in a small village outside of Camelot's borders, surrounded by poverty, and Arthur in a castle, surrounded by wealth. No matter that Merlin is poor and will inherit nothing and Arthur is rich and will inherit an entire Kingdom. No matter their differences (and there are many) they two understood each other.

When Merlin tells him, he is going back to Ealdor with his mother (for his mother), Arthur understands completely (at least he thinks he does). He gives permission easily (he would want the same if their positions were somehow to be reversed).

But when Merlin tells him goodbye (final, permanent) Arthur feels a panic rise within him. "You'll be coming back, won't you?" He keeps his tone as calm as possible but worry leaks through his self-control.

And Merlin (in pity, in sorrow) tells him that his mother must always come first. Of course she does (Arthur does understand that), but...this means that he will lose the one person in his life who Arthur feels truly comfortable with (no obligations, no duty, no divided loyalties). Merlin will leave and Arthur will lose his only friend.

But Merlin has a duty to his own family, and Arthur understands that (all too well). Family first, always.

He has a duty to Camelot. His kingdom is dying and it's all his fault. He'd been careless, foolish (again), and now his people are paying the price (with their lives).

Not deliberately, that's how Merlin had put it, but he said it (said it and believed it), that Arthur was killing his own people. That Arthur is responsible for the curse. That Arthur had brought this suffering down upon them all. He wants to scoff at it all, wants to pretend that this isn't his fault (wants to pretend that Merlin's belief that he did it doesn't hurt as much as it does). But there's too much at stake for him to cling to his pride.

He still fails them all.

Merlin comes to him with a tale of one last chance, one last test (to prove his worth, that he's not a failure). Arthur doesn't know how or why (but he's not particularly surprised) Merlin has received this message, but he grasps at the information desperately.

Arthur refuses to allow Merlin to come with him ("Let me come with you!"), his resolve strong. He has caused enough damage; he will not bring anymore down upon yet another person (and certainly not Merlin). His servant throws a fit, but Arthur leaves without him (his protests falling on deaf ears).

Arthur emerges into a scene of beauty (it's blinding after the maze), but he only has eyes for a certain servant (why can't he ever do as he is told?) sitting at a table (though Arthur is proud to see that his manservant is scowling fiercely at Anhora). The table is a mystery on the beach but Arthur only really cares about Merlin (what is the sorcerer doing with him?).

"Merlin?"

"I'm sorry," the disobedient servant says, his eyes begging forgiveness. (It's not an answer, but Arthur will deal with that later.)

"Let him go," he demands, the fear slicing through his forced calm.

"That is not possible." And Arthur is not surprised (things can never be simple). "Merlin is part of the test." And those are words Arthur does not want to hear (but they will haunt his nightmares if he lives through this). "Please, sit."

Arthur has no desire to sit (as a warrior he wants to face this with his sword and room to fight), but he sees no other choice (this, or all his people will die slow and painful deaths). Arthur sits.

"I thought I told you to stay at home?" Arthur demands of Merlin. (Home because Camelot is where Merlin belongs, by Arthur's side and not in some remote village in Cenred's kingdom.) But Merlin only looks up at him then back to the table (and Arthur tries to ignore the pit of fear in his stomach at Merlin's unnatural silence). "Let's get on with it."

He listens to Anhora's instructions (with all the attention a trained solder can give) and he feels that fear settle and a calm take its place. (This may be a ridiculous test but it is a battle and Arthur will face it head-on.) He listens as Merlin tries to think of ways around the outcome (and Arthur doesn't have the time to wonder at Merlin's calm and efficient way of approaching the problem, almost like a warrior himself). But he knows before Merlin accepts it that there can only be one solution.

"It's perfectly simple. One of us has to die," he states (and there is no way he will let it be anyone but himself). "We have to find a way to determine which goblet has the poison." Merlin nods in agreement. "Then I'll drink it."

And Merlin's eyes snap to his face (blazing with that inferno that Arthur will never understand). "I will be the one to drink it," he insists.

And thus follows one of the most bizarre conversations that Arthur has ever taken part in (and there have been many since the arrival of Merlin in his life) as they argue (argue!) over who will die! It's wrong and morbid but Arthur can never (no matter what his father believes) let another die for his sins (he killed the unicorn, Merlin did not, therefore it is he who must die and Merlin who must live).

"This is my doing. I'm drinking it," Arthur tries to explain.

"It's more important that you live," Merlin argues, his voice rising (his eyes staring at Arthur's face as if he could convince his prince with only the force of his gaze). "You're the future king. I'm just a servant."

(And Arthur hates it even more when Merlin says this of himself. He regrets that he will never be able to change his mind.) "This is no time to be a hero, Merlin. It really doesn't suit you."

Merlin sighs (huffs, really), leaning forward in the chair. "What if I drink from mine first? And if that's not poisoned, I will drink yours." (Arthur tries not to wonder if his servant is purposely distracting him from thinking too long on the riddle before them.)

Arthur reminds him why they can't do that (even if he would allow it) and Merlin sighs again, folding his hands under his chin. "I had no idea you were so keen to die for me."

"Trust me, neither did I," Merlin replies and there is no trace of humor in his voice but it makes Arthur laugh (really laugh, even though there is nothing remotely funny about their situation).

They look at the cups and there is a solution teasing at the edge of his mind but he can't quite grasp it. There's something...simple, he thinks, if he could only...

But then he chances a glance at the man before him and he can't help but say the words (because he will never get another chance) that come to mind. "I'm glad you're here, Merlin." It's not enough, he should say thank you or goodbye...(but Merlin has never needed him to voice his thoughts aloud and this time is no different.)

Arthur sighs and wonders how long Anhora will wait, when Merlin shakes his head and says in a triumphant voice, "I've got it." And Arthur looks at him (with something close to awe but there is no surprise), of course he has figured it out. "Right, we pour all the liquid we've got into one goblet. And then we can be sure it's poisoned. Then all the liquid can be drunk and it will be from a single goblet."

It's simple and genius at the same time (and he's pretty sure there's a metaphor in there for Merlin himself but he knows he doesn't have the time to find it).

"You never cease to surprise me!" he says (in all honesty). "You're a lot smarter than you look."

"Is that actually a compliment?" It's so easy to distract Merlin (but for once he is grateful at his servant's naivety) and he easily pours all of the liquid out of Merlin's goblet and into his own while Merlin is looking behind him.

"No! I will drink it!" Merlin (silly, stupid Merlin) never knows when he's beaten (when to give up).

"As if I'd let you." (Again. Arthur has already lived through watching Merlin die for him and he has no intention of ever doing so again.)

Arthur puts the goblet to his lips (he wonders if it will be a fast and painful poison or a slow and miserable death).

"You can't die!" Merlin keeps arguing (Arthur hopes Anhora will let Merlin go after he is dead). "This isn't your destiny!"

"It seems you're wrong again," he can't help but say, the goblet resting in his hands now.

"Listen to me!" Merlin begs and there is such sadness and hurt in his voice that it breaks Arthur's heart. (But he will not be moved.)

"You know me, Merlin. I never listen to you!" And then he smiles one last time and raises the goblet once more to his lips. This time there is no hesitation and he drains it in one swallow.

Merlin looks stricken and hurt and Arthur is sad that it will be the last thing he sees.

But Arthur cannot regret his actions that have led him here. He failed his people in life, in death he may save them. He failed the man before him in life, in death he may free him.

Arthur feels the poison take effect and he begins to fall.

"Arthur!"

He is glad that he did not live his whole life alone (never knowing what true friendship could feel like) and he is glad that he will not die alone (for his ever faithful Merlin is there) and in vain (for even if the curse is not lifted and Camelot falls to ruin, Arthur will die for a cause, for someone).

He will die for his friend.

Author's Note: Any recognizable dialogue is taken from, 'The Moment of Truth,' and 'The Labyrinth of Gedref'.