The atmosphere in the tech lab was frosty at best. This whole TLI thing had gone off the rails quickly. Victor feels guilty in part, but how could he have known that Chris wanted this so bad? Yes, she had talked about it, but it was open to everyone.

He is still mulling it over when he walks into the door at home and Bonnie senses his trouble immediately. "What happened?" is her first question after his backpack had hit the floor a little haphazardly.

Victor tries to block her questioning with a short "Nothing important," but Bonnie doesn't let up.

"Please be honest with me. I can see that something is eating at you. If it is a case, you know you can just say that. But don't lie. Not like this."

Victor hears something more than fear in her voice. There is disappointment and that makes him crumble almost instantly. He needs a few more calming breaths but starts talking slowly.

"Do you remember what I told you about Luca's trip?"

"Training in Europe, right? Du mentioned you could go too if you beat the other for the spot," Victor presses his lips together it sounds so easy and normal coming from Bonnie.

"Yeah," he sighs "and you know, I signed up even if I have little chance of beating the other on paper. But there is one."

Bonnie nods and waits for him to continue. She might not be thrilled that her fiancé, and then husband, will leave for a few months just after the wedding, but maybe she could join him for a little while and enjoy at least some semblance of a honey moon with short trips to the most romantic cities around Europe. Her mind wanders through pictures of Venice, Rome or even Paris.

"Well turns out, we, meaning Street and I never mentioned signing up to Chris. And she is just a tad angry with us." Victor hangs his head and Bonnie sighs.

"She's going to calm down again. If she hadn't heard before it could be just the shock that you signed up to. Actually funny that that list didn't get leaked somehow," she tries to lighten the mood.

Victor stops to think about that. Yes, on one hand hse is right it wasn't highly sensitive and they hadn't tried to conceal the fact, so it was a little unusual that Chris hadn't know but on the other hand they all were highly trained officers and they could absolutely keep secrets if necessary.

The competition was of to a good start and he even had a few wins under his belt, but this day in particular could've gone better. It had been a cold dose of reality when he overheard and figured out the betting pool. All of his good energy after smashing the driving section had been killed in a flash.

Yes, he knew he had never been the perfect candidate, but hearing that his colleagues had that little trust in him… coupled with Bonnie's less than enthusiastic support of his plans. But at least she believed in him.

And Bonnie believing in him gives him the push to soldier on, to give everything he has.

But when she called in the middle of the day, he knew it couldn't be good news. She would only call if it was bad. And he was right.

Their wedding and reception were canceled. He heard the sadness in her voice even if she stayed practical but now thinking back about that moment coupled with his warped thoughts about TLI and his chances… it hadn't been good for his head.

It had lead to his asinine move during the firehouse incident. He had risked not only his own life, but the lives of all his colleagues and the victim. Bonnie would be rightfully disappointed in him.

He tries to collect himself before he goes to meet Hondo. He knows that what ever Hondo has to say, he deserves all of It but he wants to show he understands. That he hasn't really lost his mind.

Victor's first path leads to Hicks, to pull himself out of the competition. After the stunt he pulled today, he couldn't see himself as an officer with the potential to lead.

He had been mulling over how to tell Bonnie about it all during his drive home. He knew she would be secretly happy that he wouldn't have to leave for Europe for work, but she had been making small plans for a little couple time there too. And on top she would be disappointed in him, much like Hondo and the others were. And if he were honest with himself that was what scared him so much more. Hurting and disappointing Bonnie was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

Bonnie had spent her day calling friends and family cancelling their wedding and all other scheduled appointments. Her frustration level was high but she couldn't change a thing. She'd just have to deal with it as best as possible.

Victor had tried to put on a brave front, but she knew him exceptionally well by now. He was crushed too. And yes, getting married might only be a symbolic and bureaucratic act in the end but it was a sign. A tradition. And she is sure: She wants to marry that man as soon as possible. Maybe elope, maybe a simple courthouse wedding, no big party. Just him and her.

A glance at the clock on the wall tells her the day flew by without her ever turning on a TV or radio. And if she wanted to cook something, she'd have to hurry.

After having been the bearer of bad news this morning she wanted to be able to make this evening at least nice for Victor. He deserved to feel cared for after a long day at work. And so, Bonnie sets off to prepare a quiet dinner of pasta and sauce with a little wine and candlelight.

Bonnie is setting the table when Victor shuffles through the door. Head and shoulders are slumped and he looks not only physically but also mentally exhausted. Bonnie is worried immediately. Had on top of their private struggles a case hit him hard again?

Victor rarely talked about the specifics of what affected him work wise but after that bomber had forced up some of his childhood memories and had thrown him they had talked. A lot.

She had tried to convince him to seek the help of SWAT's inhouse psychologist.

They share a quick look and Victor smiles sadly before mumbling "I am going to change," and walking off, leaving Bonnie to furrow her brows.

This was the first night he walked in and didn't greet her with at least a small kiss. And that sent a chill down her spine.

Bonnie slowly follows him to the bedroom.

"Is everything okay? What happened?" she asks softly and sees Victor's head drop even lower in response.

"I screwed up,"

Seeing Victor sit on the bed hunched over still clutching a fresh shirt in his hands instead of putting it on worries Bonnie. She crouches in front of him trying to catch his eyes.

"You are human. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes."

Victor shakes his head in response but stays silent leading Bonnie to take a deep breath and getting up from her spot.

"I'll make us some tea and wait for you in the living room. After you've changed."

She's at her wits end and just hopes that giving Victor some space to work out his head helps. She'd love for him to open up and talk to her because something really seems to be weighing on him.

A few minutes later Victor shuffles into the living rooms and drops onto the sofa unceremoniously.

"I didn't make a mistake," he whispers almost inaudible. "What I did was irresponsible, stupid and just plain moronic. I got impatient and … I risked not only my life but my teams and the hostage's life."

Bonnie just stares at him with big eyes and before she can even get one word in Victor continues on his explanation.

"I didn't act like a reasonable SWAT officer, someone who could represent what we as a unit stand for and that meant for me to face the consequences of my actions."

Bonnie's audible gasps stops him for a second and he reaches for her hand.

"No, I didn't quit. But I pulled out of the TLI competition. It's better that way. I need to focus on us and my day job."

Bonnie squeezes his hand and then hugs him close. They stay wrapped up in each other until Bonnie presses her lips to his check mumbling "I am proud of you."

After that she gets up and leads him to the still set table.

"Sit, and relax. I'll quickly reheat dinner."

Her bright smile alone warms Victor's heart.