Miranda's lease was up in another month and she still holding yard sales to get rid of all of her things. When it was done she went in her room and sat on her bed which was basically the only furniture she had left. And as soon as she could find another place she would get rid of that too.
It held the memories of all the nights that her and Tucker slept with their backs to each other. And all the unsatisfying sex that was given because he rarely cared about her sexual needs, only his own. All the nights she cried silently or he would be doing "business" on his phone at 12am.
Miranda was steady looking for apartments but none of them seem to satisfy her. She slammed the laptop down and got up to get dressed. Today she had her second session with her therapist that Ben helped her find and she was actually ready to go this time. Miranda arrived at the office turned her car off, took a deep breath and made her way inside.
"So Dr. Bailey this is our second session, how are you feeling?" Dr. Holland asked.
"Ummm much more ready than last time. I usually don't like sharing my thoughts and feelings because that means being vulnerable and I don't like feeling vulnerable because it makes me feel weak. And I've built up a reputation for myself of being strong and tough," Miranda shared as she held her hand trying her best not to pull on her fingers.
"Well it's actually very strong of you to be willing to sit here and be vulnerable with me about your thoughts and feelings. But it will be even better to be this way with people in your life that you trust.," Dr. Holland shared.
Miranda smiled slightly, "I've always been short, shy and nerdy which made me a target for bullying in school. Then I went to college and fell in love with the first man that gave me attention. We made it work for the most part for 10 years but half of it was rocky because he wanted me to be someone I wasn't. So I had to learn to have tough skin with him and as a surgical intern and resident," Miranda began to explain as Dr. Holland listened.
"Then after my son was born it became even worse and I decided to get a divorce but he already resented me and now that I didn't want to try and love him anymore he hated me. We went through a custody battle that made me spiral deeper into the depression and heartache I was feeling and for a week straight I just wanted to die so I tried….until this man who has become my angel….my support system saved me.
And even though I feel safe and reassured with him I'm scared to be as vulnerable as he wants me to be which is for us to become roommates. I don't know why this little but big step scares me more than everything else that he's seen me through," Miranda shared.
"Do you think it scare you because you might be repeating the cycle that you experienced with your ex-husband? He's the first man to show you attention even though it's not romantic, and that it could possibly go bad also?" Dr. Holland asked.
"Maybe….but he is nothing like my ex-husband. Hindsight my ex-husband was charming but he never did things for me the way Ben does and we're not even a couple. But that also bothers me because I don't want him to see me as this constant damsel in distress that he has to save." Miranda voiced.
"Have you shared that with him? And maybe just maybe he doesn't see you that way but just cares and values you enough to just want to be there for you," Dr. Holland spoke.
Miranda left her therapy session feeling a little more encouraged to be open with the people who genuinely cared and to be vulnerable because it would just make her a better person, surgeon and mentor to her residents and the future ones to come. She was really starting to miss surgery and her residents so she needed to hurry and get her mind and life in order so that she could go back and be the great surgeon she has been or even better.
Miranda also was actually considering what Ben had been suggesting all along. Miranda made it back to her mostly empty apartment and pondered on it.
"Now that I'm working on my mental health I don't need to be watched….but it would be nice to be able to save some more money if we split the bills. Ben did say he wanted someone who could be like family to him….but we don't have to live in the same household to be like family, UGH I CAN'T DECIDE!" Miranda said frustrated with her indecision.
"Okay Miranda okay….don't look at it as being a victim. It's okay to have a support system….we can be friends and support each other and plus he needs someone to be like family to him and once again I can save more money," Miranda worked to convince herself.
Ben got home around 9pm tired but dreading being at home because he was still struggling with his dreams. Even though him and Miranda were talking again they still weren't hanging out as much. Just as Ben finished taking a shower he made his way to his couch. He turned on the sports channel hoping that when he fell asleep that he wouldn't dream there was a knock on his door.
Ben opened his door quickly and was surprised to see Miranda standing there. "Hey Ben," she said softly.
"Hey Miranda, everything good? He asked as he gestured for her to come in.
Miranda walked over to the couch and sat down and Ben came and sat beside her.
"So no romance movies tonight?" Miranda joked nervously.
Ben laughed a little, "umm I came because I wanted to talk to you," Miranda shared.
"So I know that I was very stubborn about the idea of us becoming roommates because of reasons I've already shared with you. But after my therapy session today I came up with positive reasons for why it was a good idea instead of focusing on the insecurities I have about it. And if you're not still too upset I would like for us to become roommates," Miranda said slow and hesitantly.
Ben just looked at her with a blank look on his face before a smile appeared and he scooted close to hug her. Miranda gasped and smiled at the tender hug she was receiving and quickly hugged him back.
"I guess this means your answer is yes to us becoming roommates? Miranda asked.
"Yes," Ben mumbled into her shoulder as he continued to hug her.