Move in day came and Miranda had officially gotten rid of all her and Tuck's old things and she was bringing the new stuff in. Ben was smiling from ear to ear as the movers helped him bring in all the big furniture. Once that was done Ben assisted the delivery guys bringing in Miranda's new bed and setting it up.
All day as they moved in and unpacked when Ben and Miranda would walk pass each other they would reach out and touch each other's arm or hand. While Ben was on the floor putting together their new tv stand and Miranda stood by giving instructions. When it was done Ben came and leaned against her wrapping his arms around her shoulders admiring his work.
By 6:00pm they were completely exhausted but continued working as Miranda put stuff away in the kitchen and Ben worked on his bedroom. Miranda sang along to the music she had playing to motivate them. Ben came out of his room and his shoulders were drooping as a sign of his tiredness and he plopped down the couch.
Miranda continued to sing along to the music as she put things away and Ben just stared at her as she pushed pass her exhaustion to get her task done. She finally stopped, closed her eyes and just stood her rolling her neck back and forth.
"Miranda...come lay on the couch with me," Ben said with his soft baritone voice as he extended his hand.
Miranda strolled over to Ben and collapsed beside him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she leaned into his side. They laid there for a few minutes just watching tv when Miranda heard Ben's stomach growl.
"Someone is hungry," she stated as she grabbed her phone and ordered some food for them.
Ben sighed deeply as he lowered his arm to her waist and Miranda crossed her arms and laid on Ben's lap as he rubbed her back. Miranda quickly fell asleep until there was a knock at the door and she moved off of Ben so that he could answer the door. He took the food from the delivery person and walked back into the living room.
When Ben sat back down Miranda put her head on his shoulder, "Ben I'm honestly to tired to eat. I just want to go take a shower and go to bed," Miranda mumbled.
Ben kissed her forehead and Miranda snapped her head up to look at him. Ben smiled as she looked into his face, "well go take a shower and go to sleep Miranda and I will put your food away," Ben said taking her hand and kissing it.
Miranda's breath hitched and she got up and went to take a shower. As she stood in the shower letting the warm water hit her body she thought about the way Ben kissed her forehead and hand. Yes they'd cuddled before but the circumstances called for it because he was always comforting her.
But now that things were better she wasn't sure if this was a continuation of what they started or was this going to be the dynamic of their friendship. She liked it but she didn't want to cross lines, she didn't want to lose the friendship they were creating by letting it become more than a great friendship.
Miranda got out the shower, dried off, put lotion on her body and put on a night gown before getting into bed.
Ben ate his food and watched some tv before putting Miranda's food away and going to shower as well. After showering and putting on a t-shirt and boxers, Ben laid in bed thinking about Miranda. He was so happy that they lived together now and that their friendship was growing. Things were different now because he wasn't having to keep an eye on her for mental health reasons and that meant their relationship would be different now.
He thought she was absolutely beautiful and he had to admit to himself that he felt very smitten of her and he knew he was starting to love her but he wasn't sure that it needed to go pass them becoming best friends. He'd lost so much when it came to being in love or just loving altogether and he felt he could be satisfied with the close, loving friendship they were forming. He just hoped and prayed that this situation wouldn't end up with him being left alone again.
Ben and Zora sat in the waiting area of the women's and children's center. Their faces were numb and blank as they sat in silence. They were jerked out of their thoughts by a nurse coming up to them letting them know it was time to go back to the room she would give birth in.
The silence between them was deafening and overwhelming as Ben helped her out of her clothes and into the hospital gown. She got up on the bed, laid her head back on the pillows and closed her eyes as tears began to fall from them. Ben wiped her cheeks and kissed her face to comfort her as the doctor and nurse came in.
"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Warren, I am Dr. Sinclaire and this is Kristy your nurse. So we are going to give you some Pitocin to help start contractions and then we will break your water to hopefully speed up the laboring process," Dr. Stevenson explained.
Zora smiled slightly because the doctor's voice was soothing and comforting. Ben smiled a little himself because he was glad to see a smile come across her face. Soon her contractions started and were strong and the doctor came and broke her water like planned. Once she was 10 cm dilated she began to push and their deceased baby boy came out quickly.
When the nurse placed the baby on her chest she looked away but Ben fixed his eyes on their baby. The baby looked like a combination of the both of them, Ben etched the baby's face into his memory.
A day later they were home and Zora just sat quietly everyday for 6 weeks not saying a word. Ben felt himself drowning inside but he couldn't show it because he was trying to take care of her. A year went by and although they were trying their best to make it work, the devastation of losing their son had taken a huge toll on their relationship.
Ben came on from work one morning after being on call. Zora's car wasn't in the driveway which was unusual for her at this time in the morning. Ben went into the bedroom and everything looked normal but it didn't feel normal. He went into the closet and his heart threatened to jump from his chest when he saw that all of her things were gone.
Ben woke up from his dream laying on his back and just stared at the ceiling. He just stared and held his breath for 30 seconds before letting it go and continued to watch the ceiling fan turn, it calmed him a little. He turned his head and looked towards his bedroom door thinking about Miranda. They had been living together for four months now and she knew about his dreams but he never disclosed the details of them.
Ben got up out of bed and put a shirt on before going across the apartment towards Miranda's room. He stopped and opened Tuck's door slightly to check on the toddler. He was sleeping with his butt up in the air and his small toy dinosaur in hand and the sight tugged at Ben's heart. He closed the door and continued towards Miranda's bedroom.
He opened the door, quickly walked in and closed the door behind him. He looked at the beautiful, short, woman sleeping in the middle of the bed and smiled. He moved the covers back to get in and then moved her from off her back on to her side as he wrapped his arm around her waist. Her pillows had the smell of the fragrance she always sprayed on herself before going to bed and comforted him as he drifted back to sleep.
Miranda was startled from her sleep by the sound of thunder but she was quickly soothed by the feeling of Ben's arms around her waist and his smell infiltrated her nostrils. She tangled their legs together and pushed against his body to feel him more. After living together for four months she quickly got use to him sneaking into her bedroom and ending up wrapped in his strong arms. He said he had these dreams that bothered him and being close to her always helped him to sleep better. She didn't mind because she liked the feeling of being held and being what he needed.
She laid in his arms staring at the bedroom window, listening to the rain and thunder. Ben began to stir and rustle the sheets as he woke up and he pushed his body against Miranda as if they weren't already chest to back, butt to crotch and legs tangled.
"Another dream," Miranda said before turning over and looking at his face. He looked at her lovingly but his eyes showed some sadness as he nodded his head yes.
Miranda pulled him close, hugged him and kissed all over his face and even a super soft kiss on the lips that made him moan as he laid between her legs with his head on her breast with her arms wrapped around his back. She knew that they were constantly tittering on the line between platonic and romantic relationship but she liked it and it seemed to work for them.
They laid in comfortable silence listening to the storm, "I had a family once...a mom, dad and sister and I was married to a woman who at the time I felt was the love of my life," Ben stated suddenly and Miranda's breath hitched from the shock of the information.
"But my mom became sick with cancer while I was in medical school and my sister couldn't handle it so she just up and left us... moved across the country and we never knew where. Then in the middle of taking care of my mom and my last year in medical school my dad died of a massive heart attack, I think the stress of caring for my mom and worrying about his only daughter killed him," Ben shared
Miranda's heart ached listening to him finally tell his story and she hugged him close as she wiped the tears falling from her eyes.
"The crazy thing is that in the middle of all of that I fell in love, her name is Zora and we met in medical school. We tired for children and ended up having a few miscarriages. But that last time that we got pregnant was it, she made it pass the first few weeks. We found out it was a boy and we named him after me, it was so exciting to know I was finally going to be a father and we were going to have an actual baby. But during her 7 month ultrasound the doctor discovered that he had died in her uterus and we were devastated. She was extremely depressed...I was too but I couldn't feel it because I had to take care of her. But after a year and thinking maybe we could finally work towards getting back normal, I came home after being on call to find out she had left me."
"For the next two years I just walked through life numb, working and still taking care of my mom until she left me too...she died from chemotherapy complications. I was left alone and I shut down just choosing to be by myself until I met you. Now my dreams keep reoccurring of that time in my life when everyone I loved left me alone somehow. Miranda I just don't want to be left alone again to feel lonely and heartbroken...I guess that's why I cling to you so strong other than the connection I feel with you," Ben confessed holding her tighter.
Miranda wiped her tears again and stroked his head, "so you're still married," she inquired.
"No, I received some divorce papers and the address to where to send them two months after my mom passed away," Ben shared.
"I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain Benjamin. I will do everything in my power to always be here with you," Miranda said.
It was silent again for a few minutes, "I cling to you too," Miranda confessed.
"I think it has something to do with a cycle, my ex was the first man to give me attention and you after him. But what we have is different and weird, we're friends that have this unexplainable connection, who live together and cuddle intimately which for some I would say crosses boundaries," Miranda said giggling and Ben did too.
"Hindsight he never made me feel safe, I always had to wonder where his mind was when it came to how he felt about me. It was always about whether I was making him happy and it became worse over the years. I slowly but surely wasn't the wife he needed me to be...I don't know how I stayed in that for so long. But I'm glad that I have my son out of it," Miranda shared.
"But I love what we have and I don't want to lose it or mess it up, because you show me love and treat me with more care and value than he ever did and you and I aren't even together," Miranda voiced.
"That is because I do love, care for and value you Miranda, you deserve that," Ben said softly as he moved from between her legs and spooned again.
Thunder crashed and lightning strike as the ran increased and Ben nuzzled his face into Miranda's hair. Just as soon as the thunder stopped Miranda's bedroom door flew open.
"MOMMY! MOMMY!"Tuck hollered as he pulled on the covers to try and get on the bed but it was too high. Ben sat up and picked Tuck up and looked at him.
"Hey Tuck buddy its okay," Ben consoled the almost 3 year old, wiping his tears and hugging him.
Tuck's tears stopped flowing profusely and Tuck reached for Miranda and his head quickly dropped onto her chest as he tried to contain his sniffles and she rubbed his back and sang him a lullaby.
Miranda turned on her side and put Tuck in the middle as she sang and Ben rubbed his head until the toddler fell back asleep. Ben and Miranda looked at each other and smiled as they bumped fists.
"Team work!" They whispered.