Chapter 4 – Such good luck

Matthew walked out of Crawley house and closed the gate to the garden. It was early, he had to make the six o'clock train. He had said his good-byes the night before to his mother and Lavinia asking them not to get up to send him off. Lavinia was a bit teary. They had two wonderful days together where he had shown her around the village and estate; made some memories. He had been occupied enough not to have Mary constantly on his mind. Mary had been right and at dinner he had spoken out of turn. Lavinia was his fiancé, his future wife. He was glad that he and Mary were friends again but that was all they would ever be. Best not to dwell on it but look forward to his life with Lavinia should he make it home from the war.

He passed a maid and a milkman flirting and walked toward the train station dressed in his army best. That was all he wore now whether at the front or at home. He was a solider, he barely remembered the lawyer he once was. He certainly did not remember the heir to a great estate he once was, for that was no longer. But he was happy for Robert and Cora, they had been wonderful to him and he was glad they had a son and heir of their own.

Matthew climbed the steps of the platform and started making his way to the car when he spotted a lone familiar female figure. She was faced in the opposite direction but when she turned it was clear that it was Mary. His heart soared. He had not called on her since he left the abbey that night. Even though he desperately wanted to know what was in her heart, he had backed away. Yet here she was early in the morning. Matthew smiled broadly upon seeing her.

"What on earth? You must have been up before the servants!"

Mary smirked

"Rather shocking I know; they were surprised to see me"

Matthew wanted to ask her why she was here, but his heart was so full of love at the sight of her, he was speechless. Mary opened her bag.

"I wanted to give you this. It's my lucky charm. I've had it always, so you must bring it back without a scratch"

"Won't you need it?"

"Not as much as you, so look after it please "

"I'll try not to be a hero if that's what you mean"

"Just come back safe and sound."

Matthew looked at her wistfully and Mary tried to diffuse the seriousness of the situation and she gave him a small container of chocolate.

"This is from Albert, he asked about you yesterday, when you come back on your next leave you must spend more time with him"

Matthew smiled at her.

"I will do my best. And I would like to spend more time with him. Though who knows how big he will be when I get back, he won't remember me."

"I'll show him your picture and talk to him about you."

"Mary if I don't come back.. "

Mary held up her hand in protest. But Matthew continued.

"No, if I don't come back. Then remember how very glad I am that we made up when we had the chance. I mean it you send me off to war a happy man. "

Mary was overwhelmed by what he said. She loved him so much it was bursting out of her heart, trying to escape her mouth. But then Matthew spoke again.

"Will you do something for me. Will you look after mother if anything happens?"

"Of course, we will. But it won't "

Mary said it as confidently as she could, not allowing for the possibility that war could take this man, the love of her life.

The train whistle blew indicating departure was imminent. Mary gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. A kiss friendly enough for a cousin, but with the softness of a lover.

"Goodbye then and such good luck"

"Goodbye Mary and gd bless you"

As Mary kissed him on the cheek, Matthew grabbed her hands and pulled them up to his lips and kissed each gloved hand. The train whistle was blowing, and Matthew needed to board. But there was this magnetic pull with Mary. He did not want to leave her side. She seemed to want to tell him something. He could see it in her eyes, feel it in her lips upon his cheek.

As the train continued to whistle, Matthew pulled Mary into an embrace, a little too tightly for friendly cousins, but with just seconds left together, words he had not intended to say flew out of his mouth as he whispered in her ear. "Write to me Mary, tell me what is in your heart, even if you are still ruled by your head." Mary gave him a shocked look, but there was no more time for conversation or explanations. Matthew kissed her on the cheek and grabbed his kit and boarded the train.

Mary stared after him, eyes wide, hardly believing what he had just said, thinking she must have imagined it. Still feeling his arms around her, even though he was now on the train and she alone on the platform. Matthew lowered his window and stuck his head out and waved his hat at her as the train began to depart. He yelled to her "write to me". Mary just stood there with her hands covering her mouth. Once more their eyes locked and they held it until they could no longer see each other.

A-A-A-A

The train was out of sight, Mary gathered herself, not allowing the thought that this could be the last time she would see him to take over her thoughts. Instead she focused on what he had whispered in her ear. He had asked her to write to tell him what was in her heart. And how he had added, even if she was still ruled by her head. Is that what he thought of her? Oh, if he only knew the times, she did not use her head. But how could he know? He still thought that she had not wanted him because his title and inheritance were in doubt, and now it was no longer a doubt.

As Mary walked home, she continued to mull this over in her brain. She had promised herself that if she ever saw him again, she would tell him the truth and profess her love. But in the end, she could only wish him well and make him promise to come back. She had wanted desperately to tell him how much she loved him, but he was betrothed to another and he was off to a war and she could not burden him with her feelings.

He had come home with a fiancé and a new life ahead of him and she could not do it, as much as she wanted to because she just wanted Matthew to be happy. Yet at dinner the other night he had indicated he wanted to discuss their "relationship" and now as he boarded the train, he told her to write to him and tell him. Perhaps he sensed that she had more to say. Or was he doing it because he wanted to tie up loose ends? She could not be sure.

She would write to him, that she would do. What exactly she would say in the letter she was not sure. She was not sure she could give herself away until she knew it would achieve something. She needed to know if she was in his heart still, if he would break things with his fiancé before she could tell him what was in her heart. So, she decided then, she would write him cheerful letters of the happenings of Downton and all the antics of her brother Albert. Surely, he would appreciate that, but she could not write her heart in a letter. Hopefully he would return soon and then perhaps they could have a calm discussion about it. Maybe.

A-A-A-A-

Lavinia had heard the door close downstairs. She had been up early. Matthew had asked her not to see him off, and she knew she would be teary, so she did not get out of bed, but laid there thinking of the past few days. Matthew had proposed to her in London, asking her father's permission. He had brought her to Downton to meet his Mother. They had attended a concert and dinner in his cousin's manor house, and she had met the "family." She had observed how close he was with Lady Mary causing her imagination to run wild. What was their past? Friends? Cousins? Or Lovers? Was that beautiful boy really Mary's brother or was it their love child? She had to find out!

The two days together with Matthew had been wonderful and had reminded her of why she had agreed to be his wife. He had been so attentive and showed her around the village and estate. They had gone into Rippon to check on his law partnership and had tea in the village and taken a picnic by the lake. It was all rather romantic, and she was looking forward to her life with Matthew. If he survived the war, well of course he would survive would he not?

Lavinia rose from her bed and looked out the window, she could hear the whistle of the train as it was departing. Matthew would be on his way back to the front now. She continued to stare out the window when she noticed a lone aristocratic figure in the distance; shoulders straight and head held high as she walked the path from the train through the village. It was an odd sight at this hour of the morning to see a "lady" walking by herself. At six in the morning the streets were quiet, and the only people about would be maids and others in service or local shopkeepers getting ready to open their stores. The English gentry slept much later, with no jobs to go to, and even her own middle class did not start their days this early.

Lavinia squinted her eyes and saw the familiar face turn the corner and head out toward the estate. It was Lady Mary and Lavinia felt the feeling of insecurity return to her heart. She had observed at the concert and at dinner the looks of longing and love that Mary had tried to mask every time she looked at Matthew. Lavinia had seen it. This woman was in love with her fiancé. Whether her own imaginings about the two of them being lovers and having a child out of wedlock were true or fantasy, there was no doubt that Lady Mary Crawley was in love with Matthew Crawley. And here she was at six in the morning walking away from the train station. It did not take a genius scientist to figure out that Mary had gone to see Matthew off.

Is that why Matthew had asked her and Isobel not to get up and accompany him? Was this meeting an arranged rendezvous between lovers? Was she judging Matthew? Perhaps Mary had come on her own and Matthew did not arrange to meet with her? What did it matter either way? She had clearly seen Matthew off on the train. She was the last person to see him before he returned to the front, to war.

Jealousy and anger and righteous indignation took over Lavinia's heart and mind. She was infuriated! How could Matthew have done this? And even if he did not, how dare Mary go to see him? Lavinia was more convinced than ever that there was something between them. She had to find out and once she found out she would have to figure out what to do about it. But how would she find out? She would have to start with Isobel. She had a few days left in the village before she was returning to London. She would ask curious questions that a fiancé, a future daughter in law would ask, but without appearing too interested or vested.

Could she find out information from the servants? Not likely, they were all loyal to Mary and the family. It was not likely they would be forthcoming, especially Carson. Carson had given her several disapproving glances that she felt were really misplaced. After all she was just marrying a poor relation, was she not? There had to be more to the story. And then it occurred to her how she could find out…Richard Carlisle! She had done quite the favor for him several years ago. Even if it was in payment of her father's debts, he still owed her.

A/N – Thank you all for favoriting and following this story and giving me a new energy to write an AU. The scene at the train station is such a classic. In many interviews I have seen Michelle Dockery and Julian Fellowes always reference it as their favorite scene of the series. The acting was superb, and you felt the things they left unsaid. In the script book comments for season two, Julian comments on this scene that Mary needed to go see him off because she needed to see him one last time in the event it would be their last meeting on this side of the grave. He notes that in this scene Mary is trying to contain the fact that her love for Matthew is completely undimmed. And that one must remember that even though she did not dump him at the end of series one and he dumped her, nevertheless she provoked him, which was the biggest mistake of her life. He says that she is not prepared to make a direct appeal, because of her pride and her upbringing, that she just can't say, "Would it make a difference if I told you I loved you?" But she can't leave their parting words from after dinner – she comes to see him, whatever that costs her.

I have tried to keep the scene true to canon but nuanced for the existence of Albert and Matthew's growing awareness that Mary is trying to tell him something without words. As usual quotes in italics are original script lines.

Please review and let me know what you think about this AU!