Chapter 5 – next steps
A/N – Here is the next installment of "Who knows what you think of me now". I have a very busy month coming up and I don't think I will have ample opportunity to write and publish. I will focus on this story and leave the other two for now, though they are not abandoned.
Mary sat at her writing desk pen in hand and paper on the table. She had several letters to write. In her hand she held the latest letter that Sir Richard Carlisle had written to her. He had inquired about her health, whether she missed London and if she would be returning soon. He also reiterated several times how much he enjoyed meeting her and how he wanted to get to know her more. Richard was certainly interesting and, in a world, where Matthew Crawley did not exist, perhaps she could see herself with him. They would make a formidable couple, if she were to be with him, she would probably be a force to be reckoned with in London; if she wanted a London life.
She had always envisioned herself countess and if not a countess than certainly a baroness or better yet a duchess of a great estate. Her whole life she thought she would be Countess of Grantham until Patrick died on the Titanic. And when she had finally come around to Matthew, that dream was alive in her head again. Of course, her "incident" with Pamuk had ruined everything. She could not tell him and could not marry him without telling him. And then with Mama expecting Albert he totally misinterpreted her reluctance to answer him. Even so if she had accepted him, with Albert's birth she would not be a countess, merely a lawyer's wife. But she would be happy. Now she had almost no chance of being happy again. The rumors still swirled around London even with the war going on. But Sir Richard seemed interested in her, perhaps he had not heard the rumors or maybe it made her more interesting to him. He was an upstart middle class newspaper man who had built his own empire. She would have to write Richard back; she would keep it cool and write of the happenings here at Downton without sounding overly interested in him. Enough to keep the conversation going, in the case that he was her only option after the war.
Then there was the letter she needed to write to Matthew. It had been several days since Matthew had returned to the front. She had taken out his photo every night at bedtime and prayed for Matthew; prayed that he would survive the war in one piece; that he would be safe. It was a photo she had absconded with from Crawley House when she had visited with Isobel during Matthew's time at the front. She knew it had been wrong to take it, and probably Isobel had noticed. But Isobel surprisingly had not said anything and had generally looked favorably upon her especially given that everyone thought that Mary had rejected Matthew because he was no longer the heir. Had Isobel seen what she tried so hard to hide? The way she had gazed at all the photos of Matthew on the mantel with such love and longing?
Mary thought about the concert and Isobel, Matthew and Lavinia's visit. The older woman seemed welcoming to Lavinia, but there was something stiff in Isobel's posture that indicated that she was not wholeheartedly embracing the choice Matthew had made. Or perhaps Mary was just imagining it. Lavinia had seemed nice enough when they all had tea together after Matthew returned to the front. She did not seem so comfortable with Albert, but Mary supposed that was not strange. Would she herself be comfortable with a child that age if he was not her beloved brother? Still there was an odd way that Lavinia kept glancing at Albert and then between Albert and herself. Mary could not dwell on it. If Lavinia was Matthew's choice, then she would need to embrace that choice and be as welcoming as she could be.
Yet Matthew had asked her at that last moment before he boarded the train to write him; to tell him what was in her heart. So, as she lifted the pen she wondered if she could do just that. She started the letter innocently enough; inquiring about his health, telling him the latest activities in the village, about things that happened in the abbey and especially about the latest entertaining antics of her brother Albert. She also added a few lines reminding him of a certain salty pudding dinner and the laughs they had shared. As the letter was coming to a close, Mary did not think she would have the strength to do what he had asked. She would have to see what he would write her in return. So, she added a line of explanation and folded the paper and put it in the envelope. And then on a whim she sprayed the paper with her perfume. Maybe it was not the right thing to do, and most likely when Matthew received it probably would no longer have the scent. But Mary felt that in doing so she was telling Matthew what was in her heart without putting the words on the paper.
Mary sealed the letter. She then addressed it with the address that Papa had given her. It had been a slightly uncomfortable conversation getting that address, but her Papa had looked at her with empathy in his eyes and showed her the proper address, before kissing her on the forehead and squeezing her shoulder. He had then looked at her and said, "Mary, I'm glad you want to write to Matthew, I just worry about your heart, its not quite as hidden as you think it is." Mary had not known how to answer her father. She had wanted to give him a haughty reply, but she felt her throat constrict and a tear start to stray from her eye. Thankfully, Albert had burst into the room at just the right time, running to her Papa. Papa had gratefully picked him up and swung him around the room as he often did. Mary had regained her composure before kissing her brother and making her way out of the room.
The letter was done, it was the first step in their renewed correspondence, and she hoped that Matthew would write her back. She missed him so much. She missed him as the love of her life, but she also missed him as a friend and confidante. She missed their witty repartee and well she just missed everything about him. She would wait to see how he responded, perhaps she would become bolder in her next letter and then when he had his next leave perhaps, they could really talk things through.
A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A
Lavinia heard her heels click on the pavement as she walked quickly toward the office of the great newspaper mogul, Richard Carlisle. Several years ago, Richard had asked for her assistance in exchange for forgiving the debts her father owed to him. How her father winded up borrowing money from this man puzzled Lavinia. She had thought that they were comfortably upper middle class. Her father had his own law firm with a few junior partners. She had been raised essentially by him and a few nannies as her Mother had passed away when she was a young girl. That was one of the things she had in common with Matthew, he too had lost a parent at a young age. It had bonded them early on in their relationship.
Lavinia had spent several unproductive days at Crawley house. She had gotten to know Isobel better, but the woman was not overly friendly to her. When she questioned her about Matthew and former girlfriends, Isobel would only admit to some young crushes he had when he was in High School. That was about ten years ago, surely there were others. Women he had dated after studying law.
Lavinia had all but straight out asked her if Matthew and Mary had been an item; asking if the two years before the war in Downton had brought them closer to their distant cousins? Which of the girls were friendliest to them? Did he have a brother type relationship with them? Isobel had eyed her warily and just spoke of how welcoming the family had been and how she had truly grown to love all of them. With Matthew gone at war for the past two years, the Crawleys were the only family she had, and she felt more like an aunt to the girls than a distant cousin.
Isobel had been surprised that she did not know the true circumstances of why they had left Manchester. She spoke openly about how the Titanic disaster altered their lives when Matthew became heir to this great estate. Lavinia's eyes had grown wide and Isobel realized that the girl had not known and was reluctant to tell her anything that Matthew had not shared. Lavinia had questioned her as to why they did not return to Manchester once Cora and Robert's son was born. She had wondered in her own head if Isobel was keeping an eye on her grandson. Of course, that would only be the case if Lavinia's worst fears were true.
But Isobel had rationally pointed out that when the war started, the sex of the baby was not known and if did not make sense for her to return to Manchester on her own while Matthew was fighting for king and country. Aside which, Robert had given them this house for life and the change in Matthew's status aside, the family could not have been more welcoming under the circumstances. Isobel had realized that she had said too much. She had quickly recovered and did not allow for more probing questions. Isobel was very happy with her role, helping at the hospital with the war wounded and raising money.
Lavinia knew that Matthew had been back in England on leave before this juncture, but it seemed he had only been in London and visited with his mother. The greater family had not seen him since the outbreak of the war. Why was that? She had been invited to tea at the great house before she returned to London. The Dowager countess was not there, she had met her briefly at the concert and dinner, but she was not friendly toward her and had eyed her suspiciously and made snarky comments. All the Crawley girls were at the tea. Sybil was lovely and very friendly. Edith less so. And Mary, how could she describe Mary? She was perfectly cordial, but decidedly uninterested in her.
In the middle of the tea, Albert had escaped his nanny once more and planted himself on Mary's lap, sucking his thumb. Mary did look like his mother and again Lavinia noted Albert's blonde hair and blue eyes which made him resemble her fiancé. While Albert was also very loving with Sybil and Edith, he clearly preferred Mary. The little boy was cute, he had even tried to climb on to her lap. But Lavinia had not wanted to ruin her dress and patted him on the shoulder but had not allowed Albert to sit on her lap. The boy was not happy and then totally lost interest in her, climbing back onto Mary's lap and putting his head on her shoulder.
In the end, she had left Downton with more insecurities but no solid information other than that Matthew had once been the heir to this great estate and no longer was. She wondered why Matthew had never mentioned it. Why he had created a different narrative about his move to Downton.
Walking down the street to Sir Richard Carlisle's office, Lavinia temporarily questioned if she should be involving him. Richard could be sharp and while he may agree to help her to find out the true story, the consequences of what he would discover might be printed on the front page of his newspaper and then Matthew would be ruined. And then she could not marry him and show her face in public. Lavinia pushed those worries aside as she opened the door and stepped inside.
"Lavinia Swire for Sir Richard" she said to the rather endowed blonde secretary at the front desk.
"Just a moment, "she replied as she stood up, and went to knock on the office door behind her. When she returned, she indicated to Lavinia that she should follow, and ushered into the tastefully decorated office that reeked of power. Sir Richard stood to greet her.
"Ah Miss Swire, to what do I owe the pleasure? Another political scandal brewing that you can help me with?"
Lavinia took a deep breath; it was going to be a long afternoon.
A/N – Thank you so much for favoriting and following this story! And for all your great comments! What do you think about my version of Lavinia and her reaching out to Richard to uncover the "mystery?" Please review and let me know what you think