Author's Notes:
***IMPORTANT!***
It has come to my attention that there are quite strict rules over here about exp1icit content. I am not sure where FF. net draws the line between mature and exp1icit content and whether the below crosses it. Also, this story *was* supposed to feature lemons at some point, so…I haven't decided what to do yet, right now I'm on the fence between:
1. Posting elsewhere.
2. Toning any spicy scenes down (however, As this story is in many ways a character study of Katsuki's insecurities and sexuality, I'm not sure if toning some scenes down will take away from the story though)
3. Continuing as planned (i.e. because I am being overly cautious and the content is acceptable by site standards)
If anybody has any thoughts on this, please leave a review/comment!
If you are like me and hate abandoned fics – I want to reassure my readers that this piece WILL be finished and my current estimate is about 16-17 chapters total. If this site removes my story before completion and you are still interested in following my story you can message me on my Twitter J.
Thank you again to my Guest reviewer. Your comments always make me smile and inspire me to keep posting!
Panic fills Katsuki when he wakes up. The momentary disorientation and associated panic quickly dissipates once Katsuki registers he's in his childhood bedroom. After being kidnapped Katsuki always finds himself on edge whenever he wakes up somewhere different, even somewhere as familiar as his bedroom. It bothers him that these things still infuse such high levels of anxiety in him after so long.
Now that Katsuki is awake he distinctly remembers visiting home that weekend and climbing into his freshly laundered sheets. He deliberately doesn't think about the fact he's home because he wanted to avoid Kirishima. Ruminating on their kiss and their subsequent awkward conversation never ends well for Katsuki. It always takes him on a crash course through arousal to guilt to embarrassment. Although their relationship had returned to normal after their talk and at times Katsuki honestly felt like Kirishima had genuinely forgotten, he still needed some time apart.
Hence his visit home. Though the surprise displayed by Aizawa-sensi, when he requested permission, and his parents when he turned up on their doorstep, felt completely uncalled for. Everyone, including his parents, seem to have forgotten that he does, on occasion, like to visit home.
When Katsuki finally gets up and goes downstairs he finds an empty kitchen. One of his parents had left a bowl of natto covered with cling film out for him to have for breakfast.
A note lays alongside it, which informs him his mother has gone to catch up with some friends and his father will be working in his office all day. Katsuki eats quickly. He washes up when he finishes. The suds of soap sliding over his skin remind him of the way water dripped Kirishima's toned physique in the locker room. In an attempt to clear his mind, Katsuki rinses off the utensils and quickly dries his hands.
Next he grabs his homework and settles in front of the TV. He tries to ignore the fog descending over his brain and the intense throbbing he can feel in his dick. He knows why he feels this way and it isn't the arousing potential of mathematical probability theory. When the sensations get too overwhelming he decides to go to the gym and work out his frustrations.
An hour later Katsuki returns home with sore muscles and a sense of accomplishment. Sweat and grime from his workout cling to Katsuki's skin, but the thrumming under his skin feels like it is even stronger than before he left. He knows what his body wants. It wants the thing Katsuki had been denying himself since the incident with Kirishima earlier that week.
A cold shower only succeeds in washing away the filth on his body.
Eventually he gives in to the feeling of heat between his legs and decides to rub one out. He has at least two hours to himself before his mother starts banging on his door to demand he comes downstairs for dinner.
In the privacy of his bedroom Katsuki strips off and gets under his bed covers.
For as long as he can remember doing this, Katsuki has preferred to put measures in place that ensure he doesn't accidentally catch a glimpse of himself while masturbating. When he sits hunched over his laptop he makes sure something is covering his lap. When he's planning to jerk off in the shower, he always dims the lights.
Katsuki pulls up a private folder on his phone and searches for one of his favourite videos.
A dick fills his screen, hairless and huge. He loves this faceless individual's lack of pubic hair because it means he can pretend the dick he is seeing belongs to anyone. Sometimes when he watches this particular video he likes to pretend that cock he was staring at belonged to him, other times he likes to fantasize about it belonging to a redhead – like his favourite singer Oda Hanamichi or sometimes, shamefully, his best friend.
Watching the erection on screen fill with blood never fails to make arousal pool in Katsuki's stomach. The primary reason why this is Katsuki's favourite video is due to this individual's remarkably unique technique of masturbating. It provides an unobscured view of that gloriously thick dick despite the fact the individual is touching himself. Most videos hide what Katsuki considers the star of the show on every stroke. Katsuki appreciates how this individual cups the underside of their shaft as they rub up and down and only closing their hand into a fist at the tip on every third stroke or so.
Katsuki can hear heavy breathing in the background and his own breathing quickens. Reaching down with his right hand Katsuki begins pulling and tugging his dick, while his left hand awkwardly balances his phone in front of his face.
Katsuki keeps going until a wave of pleasure engulfs him. He takes a moment to float in the resulting bliss. For Katsuki the only truly pleasurable part is the peak of climax. It is in this space, this moment, when he can stop thinking, stop worrying and just be. The subsequent afterglow feels nice but he can never completely relax. The second his brain comes back online it is hit with the usual underlying edge of anxiety and shame that colour his experiences with sexual pleasure.
This doesn't stop him from starting the entire process all over again. Maybe it is even why Katsuki can't ever settle for one orgasm when he's alone, especially when he's feeling like this.
He knows he's hurting himself, that it's pointless to keep rubbing his dick until he's gotten past its refractory period but he wants it to hurt. Because love hurts. Desire hurts. Especially when you have a cock as useless as his. He ignores his oversensitivity, the burn of friction and keeps going until he gets hard again.
At least when he comes nothing hurts.
Until it does again.
After several consecutive orgasms, his fingers are tired and his hand is cramping. His thumb and pointer finger are forced to make extremely fast, short, repetitive movements in order to stimulate his micro. Unfortunately, the movement lances pain through his tendons. Katsuki wishes, not for the first time, that he could use his entire hand. Surely the longer sweeping motions preferred by those without his inadequacy would cause less cramping?
With a loud sigh Katsuki flings his phone aside and flips over to rut against his mattress. He tries to keep his mind blank, to focus on the pleasure, but he can't stop his mind from visualising Kirishima. He feels guilty thinking of Kirishima like this, especially after he rejected him the way he did. It is just that since touching Kirishima, his mind can conjure up memories instead of fantasies. Katsuki doesn't have to imagine what Kirishima tastes like or feels like anymore. He knows. Knows how Kirishima's teeth feel against his tongue. Knows how Kirishima sounds when he's aroused. Knows what Kirishima's hard cock feels like grinding against his thigh…
Katsuki shrieks as his orgasm hits him, sudden and hard.
He lays boneless feeling filthy and frustrated. Completely disgusted with himself for giving into his lust. Katsuki briefly falls asleep even though his mind and gut continue to roil. After his workout earlier and extended masturbation session his body is weary but sated.
Eventually Katsuki finds the strength to drag himself out of bed and shower. The spray of water is almost painful when it flows over his oversensitive cock, rubbed red and raw. When he scrabbles to turn down the temperature to see if it helps, he almost weeps when he sees how much smaller it gets in reaction to the cold water. He hates this. Hates himself. By the time he exits the shower all the positive energy Katsuki gained from completing his homework and beating his personal best at the gym has dispersed.
Towel wrapped tightly around his waist, Katsuki pads across the landing to get changed in his room. His already sour mood worsens once he registers his mother is yelling something at him from downstairs. Ignoring her he continues to his bedroom, slamming the door with enough force to make the entire door frame rattle.
Transferring the towel around his waist to his shoulders catches the beads of water falling from his messy blonde hair. Opening his wardrobe, Katsuki begins digging around looking for some decent clothes to wear. Katsuki is in the middle of pulling up his underwear when Midoriya bursts through the door in his usual over-excitable manner.
For some inexplicable reason Deku had apparently decided to visit him at his home and for some otherunfathomable reason it appeared the old hag had let him in and sent Deku up to his room. Deku and him were…not friends, but after their fight on Ground Beta and the experiences they had had over the past two years they had slowly begun to mend some of what had been broken. However, they were still a long way from being at the point where they would visit each other unannounced like when they were kids, so what the actual fucking fuck is happening right now?!
Katsuki panics – yanking his underwear up as fast as he can…but the blush he sees spread across freckled cheeks suggests that Midoriya had seen. A hot rush of shame and uncontrollable anger surges through Katsuki. He snaps, palms sparking, face twisting in rage as he stomps over towards where Midoriya is standing frozen in the doorway.
Midoriya spends the rest of the day in hospital, recovering from multiple second degree burns and a fractured eye socket.
His parents are furious and Katsuki knows he deserves it. Knows he deserves whatever punishment he gets, be it a suspension, a caution or something worse when his parents and Mrs Midoriya notify the UA and potentially even the police. That mark on his record won't look good, especially so close to graduation.
Katsuki can't think about the trouble he's in for hurting Deku again though. He's far too fixated and worried about Deku having found out his secret. He rages at the idea that somebody who had claimed to admire him from when they were children, somebody who had called him and his Quirk amazing, has now found out about his greatest insecurity.
Regardless of what Deku chooses to say or do, their relationship will change irrevocably forever. Deku will no longer be able to claim he doesn't look down on Katsuki, that he doesn't pity him. He's going to be humiliated. By Deku. By his friends. By society. How can he possibly hope to debut as a hero when society's derision of his inadequacy will tinge all his future successes? Katsuki imagines becoming the Number One hero and having internet trolls turning him into a joke, a punchline. He shudders. He feels so angry and embarrassed, but mostly he just feels vulnerable.
When Midoriya and his mother come to his house later that day, he is prepared for the worst. His imagination clearly is not good enough.
Instead of accusations, he receives apologies and hugs from both Midoriyas. They tell his parents what happened was an accident. Midoriya should never have entered Katsuki's room unannounced without knocking. Of course a little fight between friends isn't worth taking to UA, never mind the police. Of course neither Midoriya harboured any ill-will towards Katsuki or by extension his family…on and on it went.
Katsuki is confused.
He decides this is another example of Midoriya goodness, of his big heart, his desire to be a hero. Maybe he overreacted. He and Midoriya could never recover from this, but he can trust Midoriya not to share his secret right? After all, he's kept Midoriya and All Might's secret about OFA all this time.
Katsuki is confused but he relaxes. He feels glad his chances of punishment were decreasing with every platitude that passed the Midoriyas' lips. It is only in hindsight that understands he had let his guard down too soon. He should have at least waited until the Midoriyas had left.
Holding out Mrs Midoriya's coat, Bakugo Mitsuki let out a loud sigh, before running one of her manicured hands through her blonde hair.
"We were planning to take Katsuki to a concert to see his favourite punk band - "
" - punk rock" Katsuki interjects without thinking.
" - to celebrate his exam results before yesterday's incident."
Dire situation temporarily forgotten, Katsuki's brain catches up to what his mother is saying.
"Wait what!? You got me tickets to see Carolina Reaper?" His loud interruption goes ignored and his mother continues to speak as if he is not even there.
" - Though it hardly sends the right message letting him go to see Carolina Reaper after yesterday's display of violence, if it really was an accident and the boys have forgiven each other. Izuku should go with this knucklehead instead!"
"Oh that's too kind! Honey, would you like to go?"
Midoriya looked up from where he had been shoving his feet into his red shoes.
"Yes! Of course! Kacchan's test scores were so amazing! He was the best in class, he deserves to celebrate! I'd love to celebrate with him. I've never been to a real concert before. It sounds so exciting!"
Smiling sweetly, Midoriya looked up at their mothers before redirecting his gaze at Katsuki.
"I didn't even know Kacchan liked Carolina Reaper."
Their eyes lock for a long moment before Midoriya's eyes deliberately flicker down to Katsuki's crotch.
"I can't wait to see what other secrets Kacchan has been hiding."