Chapter 11: Breaking the Unbreakable
Katsuki aggressively yanks the vacuum plug from the wall and the loud noise immediately dies. The roar of the vacuum had been so ridiculously loud in the small dorm room that the subsequent silence is a welcome relief.
It has taken the better part of an hour to tidy, dust, scrub and vacuum his room but now he has, he feels oddly refreshed. Katsuki can tell he's getting used to his new normal from the way his emotions have recalibrated from his initial angry discontent. It makes him appear more emotionally stable on a day-to-day basis and hides his suffering.
A few weeks ago he had been in a very dark place where he felt like nothing mattered. His desire to be the Number One Hero had faded into the background. Late at night when harsh scratching kept him awake – scratching he wasn't sure if it was coming from outside himself or from under his skin – he thought about how he could end this game Midoriya is playing with him. It is discomfiting to consider some of the grisly places his mind went. But things have improved since then. For some reason Katsuki feels like his apathy has decreased and he cares about things again.
His stomach rumbles.
Well most things.
He still finds it difficult to find the motivation to take care of himself. Eating, bathing, sleeping and relaxing are all things that are a relic from his past, from a time before Midoriya caught him with his pants down. More often than not it is the threat of one of Midoriya's punishments that motivates him to half-heartedly shove food down his throat. At least that is significantly more enjoyable than other things that Midoriya forces down there.
He's doing better in school too. Admittedly Iida and Momo's study sessions have been incredibly helpful. Of course, he hasn't told them this but their happiness when he regained his position in the class ranking and the compliments they showered him with suggest they know regardless.
Nonetheless, Katsuki's academic recovery is mostly attributed to his familiarity with how upset Midoriya gets when he does poorly in school. Unsurprisingly keeping his blackmailer happy is one hell of a motivator. Even when Katsuki is dropping, plummeting down into the abyss, mind scattered and hazy, he forces himself to study. Even when he's exhausted, bruised and bleeding he forces himself to train.
He doesn't know when his desire to do well shifted. Initially he felt the internal pressure to do well. He had to. He was going through this to ensure his future as a hero wouldn't be over before it started and he was committed to succeeding to make enduring Midoriya's behaviour worth it. When his desire to succeed became about what Midoriya wanted he doesn't know. Perhaps it was when he lost himself, when the emotional abuse reached the tipping point that made him frozen with helplessness and self-esteem.
His sleep schedule is still a complete mess. Everyone stares whenever he arrives late to class, uniform slightly askew, as if this hasn't become a regular occurrence. The worst is whenever one of his friends looks concerned. It means he has to expend what little energy he has to assuage their fears as quickly as he can before Midoriya steps in again.
Having Kirishima back in his life is both wonderful and tiring. Pretending he's alright in front of somebody who knows him so well is hard. Even when he's on top of his game, little touches and looks from his best friend suggest he's falling short at pulling the wool over Kirishima's eyes.
Katsuki hadn't realised how much he missed gentle touches, those that don't aim to humiliate and have no expectation associated with them. He loves it when Kirishima touches him like that yet at the same time he can't help himself from stiffening whenever it happens. Fear always thrums through his veins that Midoriya might see, might think it means something it doesn't, might share those photos.
Once Midoriya did catch them and Katsuki had apologised profusely that night with desperate tears leaking from his eyes. By now Katsuki is used to swallowing his pride and begging if he must, though it is still just as painful as the first time. Midoriya had tenderly cupped his face and licked up his tears. He told him that he was fine with platonic touches. If anything, this unmoored Katsuki and made him feel even worse. Having no idea where the line was meant he remained constantly terrified about crossing it.
Kirishima wasn't stupid. He felt the way Katsuki tensed every time he clapped him on the back or wrestled a game controller from his hands and over time these touches became less and less. An awkward interaction with Tetsutetsu leads Katsuki to wonder if Kirishima has concluded the sudden re-emergence of his discomfort with touch is somehow related to his current friend-with-benefits. Katsuki does not want to know what mental gymnastics Kirishima employed to come to that conclusion but he'll take it.
Anything to keep him from becoming suspicious of his relationship with Midoriya.
Recently Kirishima hadn't touched him at all, maintaining the distance he did after Katsuki's kidnapping, when Katsuki couldn't bear to be touched by anyone. He appreciated Kirishima's kindness then but he hates it now.
Touch me, he would think when Kirishima would sling an arm around Kaminari's shoulders the way he used to with Katsuki.
Hold me he would plead in his head as Kirishima sat a respectable distance away whenever they settled down to watch a movie during the evening.
Don't give up on me he would beg internally when he saw Kirishima smile fondly at a text from Tetsutetsu.
Today their practical heroics class is taking place in a marsh-like environment. Kaminari teases Mineta for being squicked out by the way the ground squelches underneath his boots but privately Katsuki agrees with him.
The students listen as Aizawa introduces the two unfamiliar people who are standing next to him as support teachers. One is a portly man with a thick black moustache. The other is dressed in neon coloured sports attire and looks as if they should still be in middle school.
Aizawa explains that they will be working on their stealth and surprise attacks and that the support teachers are here as part of their teacher's qualification.
Katsuki inches towards his usual partner, Kirishima, amidst Aizawa's bored, mildly threatening drone. At least he no longer threatens expulsion with failure like their first year. Not that these threats ever bothered Katsuki back then. At the time it never even occurred to him that he'd be at risk of failing anything hero related and it wasn't like he considered any of the weaker extras who might fail the task his friends. He shakes his head as he considers the sick glee he'd felt when he thought Deku would be sent home after coming last in the Quirk apprehension test.
Katsuki nudges Kirishima when he reaches him, trying not to show his dismay when Kirishima looks so astounded by the contact.
"Ready to get your face smashed in some mud?" Katsuki mocks under his breath.
Kirishima looks positively delighted. "Ready for you to try," he returns. The two boys smirk at each other until Mina kicks Kirishima to indicate that one of the support teachers is watching them. They quieten down to pay attention. Katsuki tries his best not to roll his eyes when Kirishima feels the need to murmur something along the lines of 'mud is so manly' as an ending to their conversation. He loves Kirishima. Obviously. Plus Katsuki likes the outdoors as much as the next person but he doesn't think he'll ever understand Kirishima's love for getting down and dirty in the wilderness.
The rest of the class groan when Aizawa starts assigning partners to spar against each other.
Aizawa surveys them all with a disappointed frown.
"Problem children, stop complaining. The entire point of this exercise is to work with people who you don't usually spar against or partner with. The pairs have been chosen with this in mind."
Aizawa clears his throat and resumes reading out the list of partners. Mineta, who is not much of a physical fighter, howls in outrage when Todoroki is paired with him. To Mineta's annoyance Aizawa ignores him and simply raises his voice.
"Midoriya, today you'll be fighting against Kirishima."
A ball of anxiety forms in Katsuki's chest. Taking a deep steadying breath, he steps forward to protest. Aizawa cuts him off and explains that he wants Kirishima to try out his durability in his unbreakable form against other types of Quirks.
"I think Kirishima has had more than enough practice defending against explosions."
Something about the way Midoriya says it makes Katsuki boil with rage. He knows what he did to Midoriya as a child but he's changed. The implicationhe'd ever hurt Kirishima fills him with indignation.
Katsuki is still seething when Asui is selected as his opponent. The moustached support teacher shows them the area they'll be sparring in and reminds them that they are being judged on their ability to take their opponent down using a stealth attack.
Appraising his opponent Katsuki grins. He's aware of the strength she possesses despite her relatively small frame. Additionally, he can acknowledge that Asui's Quirk, especially her ability to camouflage herself, is clearly more suited to this task than his own. Not that either of these facts are going to make a difference to the outcome. His win is already predetermined. Katsuki's smile becomes devious as he thinks about how he almost feels bad for her.
Katsuki falls back, lowering his centre of gravity and bringing his hands up. As soon as a shrill whistle cuts through the air he emits a strong blast, hoping to end things quickly. A flash of green above him indicates Asui has taken advantage of her frog physiology and jumped up to avoid the blast.
Right. Asui is also highly observant. He needs to watch out for that. She probably predicted the timing and direction of his explosion from the way he shifted his body weight when the whistle blew. Katsuki readies himself for another explosion but instead of blasting the frog-like girl, something she has regurgitated from her stomach takes most of the impact.
When the smoke eventually clears Asui is no longer visible so Katsuki rushes to find cover. He stays alert as he plans his next move. Hairs standing up on the back of his neck prompt him to dive out the way as Asui's extended tongue whips down in the space he was standing milliseconds before.
Katsuki finds he is engaged with what he is doing in a way he hasn't been for a long time. He's actually having fun. The parameters of the task mean that Asui isn't necessarily an easy win like he'd initially expected from the outset. Grudgingly he also recognises that she has gotten much stronger compared to when they first met.
It is rare but sometimes the emotional numbness to current reality is helpful. There are times when he has these sudden bouts of clarity and Katsuki appreciates them so, so much. He becomes a fearsome mix of calm strategy and adrenaline fuelled physicality when the fog lifts and his clear mind combines with all his repressed rage.
Katsuki explodes the marsh in front of him. To an outside observer it probably looks like he is getting impatient but he has a plan. The smoke takes longer to clear this time, allowing him to conceal himself more effectively camouflaging himself with mud. He moves slowly, using a reed to breathe. She has the advantage and can outswim him but she won't expect this. She'll be expecting a huge takedown. When he sees the shimmer he moves towards his target, incrementally slowly. Slowly, slowly until –
He tackles her. No explosions. No showy tricks. Just a rough tackle, something that many would assume is beneath Katsuki and thus wouldn't expect.
He pins her down, mud dripping from his hair and onto her face.
"Got you Frog!" He crows in elation.
"I told you to call me Tsuyu," she says, but she's smiling.
He releases her and starts to stand. While he's wiping the mud from his vest a bloodcurdling scream pierces the air. Immediately, he, Asui and the rest of the class turn in the direction of the noise. Horror shoots through him when he registers what he's seeing.
He's running before he even consciously decides to do so.
Kirishima lays crumpled on the ground, face and body a mismatch of black and purple.
His legs are bent at unnatural angles. He's also bleeding profusely. Blood is oozing from every square inch of his arm, shit it looks like he doesn't even have any skin left, hardened or otherwise. Thin lines cover his chest as if a whip has sliced them open. What the everloving fuck happened to his Quirk? The rise and fall of his chest is erratic and laboured. Worst of all is the gaping hole on the right side of his chest, it is perfectly cylindrical. It sickens Katsuki to realise he can see through the hole to the ground underneath Kirishima's unconscious body.
With how often Midoriya used to hurt himself when he was learning to use his Quirk, Katsuki has previously assumed that Midoriya had somewhat masochistic tendencies. When he started blackmailing him Katsuki thought that it was just as punishment, that Midoriya's cruelty was just directed at him. Now, however, Katsuki is firmly convinced Midoriya is a sadist. How else could he hurt somebody as pure and kind as Kirishima.
There is an expression of shock and regret on Midoriya's face. Katsuki instantly wants to tear that stupid look right off his fucking freckled face.
"You fucking did that on purpose," Katsuki spits bitterly.
Impossibly wide green eyes meet his. Katsuki's glare intensifies as his palms crackle and pop.
"N-no," Midoriya stutters, taking a step back. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to."
The chorus of placating tones around him barely register. All he can hear is his heartbeat reverberating loudly through his skull. Katsuki's entire world has narrowed to Midoriya and Midoriya alone. He wants to burn that shitty nerd to ashes. Red seeps in from the edges of his vision until all he can see is red. Red like Kirishima's hair. Red like the blood covering Kirishima's body.
Almost simultaneously Katsuki's rationality implodes and his hands explode. The Howitzer Impact, already the strongest move Katsuki currently has in his arsenal, is the most powerful it has ever been. The explosion creates such a huge shockwave that those in close proximity are forced backwards by the air pressure. A huge ice wall shoots up from the ground to protect his classmates from the waves of heated air that follow.
When he's finally dragged away screaming, his classmates look at Katsuki like he's the monster. He didn't even get the pleasure of getting any decent hits in with how quickly everyone leapt to Midoriya's aid. When the smoke clears, Katsuki sees mirth in those green eyes. Katsuki knows he's going to suffer tonight but this time he's going to make Midoriya suffer too. Yet, despite his resolve, his stomach churns uncomfortably.
Shockingly it is the timid support teacher who manages to calm him down. "Stop it now! Your explosions are blowing debris into Kirishima's wounds."
As quickly as it appeared, Katsuki's anger gave way to alarm and concern.
Please, please let him survive.