Imagine Dragons have an insane amount of songs that are just pure art. I've seen them in concert and they were amazing! So I highly recommend. And now I'm listening to them again on repeat, so there may be a few more songs added in the future.

'Monster' just keeps coming to me when I'm thinking about Celeste's idea of herself and I feel like the lyrics fit her feelings.

Also, italics are from her vision.

! Also another trigger warning !
Celeste goes into a bit more detail about her childhood and the implied sexual abuse.
I'll put another *** before and after just in case. NO EXPLICIT DETAILS! Just implied of what happened.

Gets a bit sad at the end too. Maybe, I don't know! You can be the judge of that.

Song: Monster - Imagine Dragons

Celeste's POV

Laura had set me up in a room, said I might need to share with one of the others, possibly Natasha. I was okay with that, although I wouldn't be surprised if she and Bruce shared a room. I think there's something there. But I didn't want to cause a fuss and I wasn't picky. It was nice to just sit and have a moment.

I just got out of the shower and was sitting on the bed, towel drying my hair. It was the first shower I'd had in almost four days.

"Who do you think you are?"

My hand froze.

"You're a monster. Even worse... a monster who worked for HYDRA... and you didn't even question it!"

I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt my heart pounding again.

"Celeste?"

My eyes opened as my head snapped up, seeing Steve's concerned face as he swung a hand towel back into the bathroom across the hall. He walked over, halting at the threshold.

"May I?"

"Of course" I nodded my head.

"Don't lie to me, please. Are you alright?" He gently asked.

"It was just my... dream, or whatever it was." I looked down, now noticing he was in a white tank displaying his defined, well built shoulders. Down girl!

"Yeah, I... I had something similar just after Thor left."

"He left?" I asked, surprised.

"He said he saw something in his dream and had to go find answers. He'll be back when he does." He sat down on the lounge chair opposite me.

"It just felt so real, didn't yours feel so real?"

"Yeah," he sighed, "it did." I looked to his handsome face, seeing him defeated.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask softly.

"It was just a dream about a life I used to want. With someone I used to want it with."

"You don't want that anymore?"

"I don't know. I think that guy went into the ice seventy years ago."

"And a different one came out?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Maybe... maybe not... I really don't know anymore."

"Well... I guess you'll just have to give it some time. Everything will work it's way out, Steve. The way it's meant to." We smile at each other and my heart twitches again. That's happening a lot.

"Thank you. Alright, that made me feel just a bit better. You're turn. What's going on?" He questions me. I feel my smile drop.

"There was a lot going on, to be honest." I sighed, leaning back on to my hands. "It was about the night I got picked up by Fischer..." I felt my voice break.

"Fischer was your handler, correct?"

"Yeah. I felt really close to him, I saw him as a father figure... basically family. But I relived a traumatic reminder of my childhood. I was young, but... it's not something you really forget. Then you were actually in it at the end..."

"Really?" He frowned.

"Yeah... you said some... hard truths... something I guess I need to deal with... I just don't know how..."

"Celeste... do you mind if I ask... about your past? Everything?"

I wrung my hands together, getting nervous... "Can you tell me about HYDRA after?"

"Of course."

I took a deep steadying breath and began my story.

"I was born in Australia, a small country town. I had a mum, dad and an older sister. I don't remember a lot really, the incident happened when I was so young, about four. But I remember mostly good. But..." I took another steadying breath, "we had a neighbour. He was pretty good friends with my parents. Sometimes when he'd be over for dinner and my sister and I'd go to sleep... he'd come into my room... he'd... do things I didn't like..." I ground the last sentence out, feeling myself getting angry and upset. "I never told anyone... I was so young and I never really understood what was happening, I just knew it was wrong. One night he started getting violent, I had started to try and fight back and he was getting upset.

I screamed. So loud that the windows all blew out. I had felt this painful burning from within me and the next thing I knew, everything just exploded into flames. Then it was almost like my mind had escaped for a moment after because then I was surrounded by darkness, heavy winds, plenty of rain and lightening. Looking back, I realised it was a hurricane, or a cyclone is what we called it back in Australia. But as I looked around, everything was destroyed. I saw the body of the man, completely destroyed... I walked around and found the remains of my house, seeing the bodies of my family. Eventually I calmed down, the cyclone had disappeared to a steady rain. Then I saw a car pull up and a man get out, introducing himself as Michael Fischer. He was there to take me away, somewhere safe. Help me. I had nowhere else to go, no other family and I was only four years old." I paused for a moment.

"I'm sorry that happened, Celeste." Steve said sympathetically, reaching for my hand. I squeezed it gently, it helping me feel grounded.

I shrugged, "Unfortunately, it happens."

"So this began your time at HYDRA?"

"He took me to Russia. I got an education of sorts. Learnt multiple languages; Russian, Romanian, German, French, Spanish, a bit of Arabic. All pretty standard for HYDRA. I made friends, or at least I thought of them as friends. Met the Winter Solider." I looked back into Steve's eyes.

"Yeah, you said he was your trainer?"

"Combat training. Although I have pretty powerful abilities, Fischer insisted I learnt how to protect myself if they ever failed. Or I had a special collar around my neck." I chuckle, looking to Steve.

"So you could have fought back?" He smirked.

"I had a pretty bad concussion, which I think I still have!" I laughed, rubbing the back of my head. "Wasn't certain I'd be able to get out at all."

"Fair enough" he laughed.

"But he taught me everything I know about combat. Weapons, hand to hand, everything. He took me on my first mission. He was absolutely terrifying, like I said, everyone else was scared of him. But I had a real soft spot for him. He was always so patient when I'd screw up. Even when I'd slip up and use my powers against him. He understood why. We even spoke about this stuff." I gestured between us. "He was... he became someone I could trust implicitly. Until I never heard from him again."

"That sounds like Bucky. Not the not hearing back from him part, pretty sure he had his reasons, but just... him."

"Yeah, he was someone who I guess I really needed. But... after everything, I'm sorry, Steve, I just... I don't know if it was real anymore..." his brows furrowed in response. "Please don't be offended, Steve."

"No, I'm not."

"Can you tell me about you? About HYDRA? Tell me everything?"

And he did. He told me everything. About him as a sickly child, always trying to get into the the army, even lying about where he was from. About Dr. Erskine and the serum, Peggy, saving Bucky from the Red Skull and Zola, the Howling Commandos. He shed tears when he was telling me about loosing Bucky on the train. Crashing the plane into the Atlantic. Told me about the fall of S.H.E.I.L.D. and all the poison they had spread over the years they had secretly been within the organisation. The truth about DC, finding out the Winter Soldier was actually Bucky, how he saved him from drowning in the Potomac. He told me everything I needed, confirming to me what I knew was all a lie.

"Wanda told me HYDRA and Fischer only ever used me. Okay, maybe not the most reliable source... but... fuck!" I stand up, pacing the room. I felt overwhelmed with all this new information. "Everything I know, everything Fischer said to me, they're all lies, right?! You've said it, Wanda said it, everything I did! Oh Steve!" I begin to sob. "Everything I've done! I have blood on my hands, innocent people's blood!"

"Celeste, you didn't kno-" Steve tries to stop me.

"In my dream, you called me a monster!" He stopped at this. "You called me a monster who worked for HYDRA. That I didn't even question it!" I continued to sob. "And I didn't. I believed everything. Everything!" I emphasised. "Because I wanted approval... and love... I wanted to feel like I was something to someone, because I'm not worth anything! It's how I've felt most of my life..." I felt tears drop on to my cheeks. "I trusted people I shouldn't have as it turns out... and I'm just realising that I hurt so many innocent people. I was told they were terrible, that what I could do would be helping those affected by them. Because that was all I've ever wanted to do since the night I killed my family.

You know, I was told my work was a gift to mankind? That I was helping to shape this century, because our society was at a tipping point between order and chaos. That HYDRA as a whole was not going to be able to give the world the freedom that it deserves, if it didn't have people like me doing my part. How many people have I killed, Steve?"

I turned away, walking to the window, looking out and seeing Clint playing with his kids. Laura and Natasha were off to the side laughing with each other.

"How many children?" I ask. "Families that I tore apart, all because I believed I was helping the world, helping those who needed it?" I look over my shoulder at him, tears falling down my face. "I deserve everything bad that's ever happened to me and I deserve everything bad that's coming my way. Because what was said in my dream is true, Steve. I am a monster."

Steve takes a step forward, stopping just in front of me. I'm looking right at his chest, I can't look in his eyes right now and see his disgust.

I feel his hands gently touch the sides of my face, turning my head up to his. I close my eyes, feeling his thumbs brush away my tears.

"Celeste, please look at me." He whispers. I open my eyes, falling into his oceans of stunning cerulean.

"You're not the monster you think you are." I scoff, a disbelieving smile on my face. "You aren't." He insists. "You were a child who they took advantage of."

"What about everything I've done?" I ask in a whisper.

"They were bad things. I'm not going to patronise you. But you recognise those bad acts, Celeste. You recognise that. A true monster wouldn't be able to even admit to that."

I step closer to him, my right hand resting on his waist, my left coming up to do the same on his other side. We look into each others eyes, feeling our gentle breath mixing together. I look down to his soft lips, then back to his eyes. We're closer now. I tip my head up closer to his, it's not much, as I'm only slightly shorter than him.

I don't even recall my eyes fluttering closed, but they were. Shortly after, I felt his lips pressing against my own gently. I returned the kiss, pushing into him softly. His hands on the side of my face felt as if they were keeping me from floating away completely. My arms moved around his back, hugging him. He soon moved his arms around me, hands on my back.

We continued kissing for a few more moments, until we both pulled back, resting our foreheads together. I wasn't ready to open my eyes, enjoying this moment for awhile longer. He pulled me closer into the hug, resting his head on top of mine and I nuzzled into his neck. We stayed like this until we heard a gentle knock at the door. We both turned to see who it was, myself blushing at being caught in an embrace with the handsome Captain.

"Sorry to interrupt," Bruce said awkwardly, "but we have a visitor." I turned to Steve, worried. "It's Fury."

"Thank you Bruce, we'll be down in a minute." Steve replied.

When we were alone once again, we gave each other soft smiles.

"Thank you, Steve. Truly."

"Anytime, Celeste. I just hope you don't feel like I overstepped.

I didn't say anything, just moved closer and pecked him on the lips, smiled again before walking past him and grabbing the hoodie Laura had lent me, before walking out the door and down the stairs.

I thought it was time for a little bit of fluff to soften this chapter up.

Please let me know what you think!