Trying my hand at a bit of angst!

Song: Too Good At Goodbyes (acoustic) - Sam Smith

Celeste's POV

It was now Saturday morning. Yesterday we had visited Peggy, and I had to say it was an amazing experience. She told me a lot about her time before the war, during and after the war and her life up until now. I honestly could have listened to her speak for hours, even days. But you could see her mind deteriorating.

There were two occasions she forgot who I was, so Steve had to reintroduce us as if it were the first time again. I could see the heartbreak on his face with every moment that passed.

Eventually I had decided I would leave the two of them alone. That way they would get there own time together. But also because I couldn't stand to see Steve's face anymore when he looked at Peggy.

Honestly, I know that I can't even truly be mad at him if he still felt so strongly towards her. Peggy was an amazing woman. And I could see them having a life together if Steve didn't crash the plane into the Atlantic. They were so similar, yet so different that those differences could have complemented each other.

It wasn't until Steve had driven us home that we spoke to each other.

Yesterday afternoon

I walked into the apartment once Steve unlocked the door. I walked straight into the bedroom.

"So, I was thinking we could go out for dinner." Steve said from behind me.

I pulled my bag out from the cupboard and began to pack my clothes into it.

"What are you doing?" He asked, walking into the room standing on the other side of the bed. I looked up to his confused face. I then turned around to the bathroom to collect my toiletries.

"I'm packing." I said.

"Why? We're not leaving until Sunday."

"No. You're leaving Sunday. I need to leave tomorrow. First thing." I placed what I needed to into the bag.

"Why? Did you get a call from the compound?" He asked, pulling out his phone to check it. "I didn't get anything."

"You wouldn't have, because I haven't been summoned back, Steve."

"Then what's wrong? Why are you leaving?"

"You can't be serious, Steve..."

"I'm very lost here."

"Are you?"

"Can you just tell me what's going on?" He asked frustrated.

"You're still in love with Peggy!" I yell, throwing my bag on the bed. "Shit..." I sigh, turned away from him.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know damned well what I'm talking about, Steve." I look at him over my shoulder. "I saw it written on your face at the museum and it was obvious at the home."

"Celeste, I'm not still in love with her."

"Don't act like I'm stupid, Steve!" I turn around, the lights flickering. I take a breath, calming myself.

"I don't think you are, Celeste." He whispers.

"Then I'm clearly not the only naive one in the room." I say. "Because there's no denying what I saw in your eyes today. I knew it would be difficult. And I know I said I wanted to meet her when you mentioned it. But I wasn't prepared for this."

"Prepared for what?"

I stared into his eyes. They looked heartbroken. I wish I could go to him, to comfort him. But I can't.

"Prepared for everything. You and me? Today made me realise, that you're not ready either."

"Ready for what? For us to be together? I thought we already spoke about us, that we both had feelings for each other."

"And I'm not denying that we do, Steve. But you can't be with me if you're still in love with someone else."

"I really don't think I am, Celeste."

"I need you to know you aren't, Steve. Not just think that you aren't. Because what I saw today, tells me you aren't ready for us." He just looked at me, saying nothing. "And what's even harder for me... is I can't even be mad about it."

"So what? We're over?" He asked.

I sigh, feeling like my chest was heavy. As if I was back in Sokovia drowning in the water.

"Did we ever really start, Steve?" He looks down, placing his hand on his hips. "Listen," I walk around the bed making my way over to him, hating the fact that it felt like a physical representation of how distant we were from each other in this moment, "I'm not saying I don't want to be with you. Or that I don't believe you want to be with me. But maybe we took this too fast." I'm standing next to him at this point. He turns to look at me, eyes glassy. I move my hand to his face, rubbing my thumb along his cheek.

"I don't want this to be over, Celeste." His voice breaks.

"I'm not saying it's over, Steve. I'm not expecting you to be in love with me. I know I'm not ready for that right now."

"But we need a minute."

"Yeah."

Today

I insisted that I spent the night on the couch after I booked a train back to New York. Steve insisted he drive back with me, but he understood when I said I needed to go alone.

So here I was, on the train. I couldn't help the rain. I was sad. But it was just a drizzle. I couldn't be anymore cliché if I tried, looking out the train window as rain spread its way over the glass. All I needed was a sad song playing in the back ground.

I hadn't spoken to any one else. But I wouldn't be surprised if Steve had already informed Sam or even Natasha that I would be returning early and alone.

I hailed a cab to take me from the station back to the compound. Once I paid the driver, I took my bag to my room getting changed into some clothes I could get dirty. I then made my way down to Tony's workshop that I hadn't spent too much time in since that first night I discovered Tony in there after my nightmare that first time.

I was surprised to see I would not be alone as Tony looked up to the sound of me opening the door.

"Oh, hi Tony." I said surprised.

"Hey, Ace. I thought you and Capsicle were in DC?" He said with an equally surprised tone in his voice.

"Yeah... I uh... I decided to come home early."

"Oh... do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know... not yet. I'm still processing."

"Okay, well. Grab a stool. You know where the tools are."

I did as he said, grabbing the stool and bringing it over to the table where I'd left the last engine I'd been working on. Once I'd settled myself in, I looked up to Tony, his brows furrowed.

"What are you doing here?"

"Ah, well. Pepper and I had an argument."

"What did you do?"

"Why do you automatically think I did something?" He asked defensively. I only answered with a raised brow. "Okay, yes, I fucked up. I kinda burnt the apartment..."

"What?!"

"It's fine! The apartment is fine, but... one of Pepper's art pieces didn't survive..."

"Damn..."

"Yeah. She was not impressed."

"I can't say that I blame her, Tony."

We sat together in silence for about two hours before my phone started ringing. I pulled it out of my pocket, seeing Steve's name on the caller ID.

"That Rogers?" Tony asked.

"Yeah." I said as I just let it ring.

"That bad, huh?" Tony asked as it finally went to voicemail.

"It's complicated." I sighed.

"More than a burnt painting?"

"I'm not sure if I'd say worse, but I guess it depends on the way you look at it." I chuckled without humor.

My phone notified me with a tune that Steve left a voicemail. I pressed play, putting the device to my ear, Steve's voice making its way to me.

"Hey, it's me. Steve. *sighs* I just wanted to see that you made it back alright. So... if you could just let me know. I'd really appreciate it. Um... yeah. Okay, I'll talk to you... when I see you... I guess. Bye."

I pulled the phone away, opening a text conversation.

C: Hi, all good. Got in about 2 hours ago.

S: Thanks for letting me know.

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"You love Pepper. Don't you?"

He looked up at me from what he was doing.

"Yeah. I do." He responded.

"And she loves you." I said, more of a statement than a question.

"Honestly, I don't think she'd stick around like she has if she didn't. If you haven't noticed, I'm a lot of work. Even I can admit that."

"When did you know? That you loved her?"

"Ah geez." He says, leaning back. "I don't know if I have a specific moment. Probably in the cave I was being held in all those years ago. I thought about a lot in that cave, but I kept coming back to her."

"What was it like when you saw her again?" I asked in a soft voice.

"It was like I found a part of myself. Like... like she just made everything okay in a way I guess. She made things right." We sat in silence for a moment. "Is this what happened in DC? Something to do with...," he waved a hand around in front of him, "love?" He asks, face screwing up as if it wasn't the right word.

"I guess you could say that."

"Celeste, do you love Steve?"

My eyes snapped to his.

"No. I don't believe I am." I say sternly.

"Is he with you? Did he say he loved you this weekend?"

"No," I scoffed, "Steve did not say such a thing."

"But it does have something to do with love..." Tony states.

"Maybe I'm overreacting." I sigh heavily.

"Celeste, I think whatever you might be feeling, you're entitled to feel the way you feel. I haven't known you long, but you don't seem the overreacting type."

I feel my chest getting tight again, along with my throat.

"I like Steve. A lot. Probably more than I've had the opportunity to like anyone."

"Yeah, I mean he's a great guy."

"The greatest!" I say. "But I'm not ready for such strong feelings. And he introduced me to Peggy."

"Oh." Tony raised his eyebrows, eyes widening.

"Exactly. And she's amazing. It's not her."

"It's Steve."

"He introduced me as his friend."

"Ugh... shit."

"I think he's still in love with her."

"This is what you coming home early is about." He states.

"Yeah. I said as much to him."

"How'd he take that?"

"Not bad. Not great. He insisted he didn't think he still loved her that way. I said that I needed him to know he wasn't."

"Wow..."

"We both agreed that this was probably fast anyway, that we needed a minute to just..."

"Figure it out?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well, kiddo. That sucks. But I can't say you didn't make the wrong choice. Maybe it'll make him realise what he wants, you know?"

"Yeah, that's what I'm hoping."

"And not to say you won't have that chance too. I guess I agree, coming from me this is saying something, but it was pretty quick."

"I can't argue with that. And I think I may have always known..."

"Are you going to speak to your counsellor about it? She might actually be able to help you more than I can."

"Yeah, I have an appointment with Susan on Monday."

"Good. Because God knows I'm not the best person to give advice in this arena. Pepper is the first person I've ever said 'I love you' to, and that took me a while. On top of it being my first real, genuine relationship. And I still mess it up sometimes." He chuckles, which I return.

"Thanks Tony." I smile at him.

"Not sure how much help I was, but anytime kiddo." He says, giving me a genuine smile. "And I won't say anything to anyone."

"I appreciate that."

Steve returned to the compound Monday evening. He had messaged me yesterday saying he was staying an extra night. Which worked well for me, since I really wanted to speak to Susan.

I was in the kitchen, making a tea before I was going to head to bed when he came in, his bag in his hand.

"Hi." He said, seeing me.

"Hi." I said, placing the kettle on the bench just as I finished pouring the water into my mug. We stood looking at each other for a moment.

"Well...," Sam sighs, standing up from the dining table, "I'll take that as my cue to leave. Goodnight, you two."

"Night, Sam." Steve and I both say to him, our eyes following him as he makes his way to the sleeping quarters.

"Well, I'm gonna-"

"Tea?" I interrupt him.

He looks at me, hopefully seeing that I was genuine in wanting him to stay. He must have.

"Please." He sets his bag on the floor next to the dining table, taking a seat as I walk over with our mugs. "Thanks."

"No problems. How was the drive back?" I ask, taking my seat opposite him.

"Okay. Not too much traffic."

"Good, good. Rest of the weekend?" I wanted to slap myself. Really?

"Uh... fine. Didn't really do much. Rained a lot..."

"I'm sorry I left early."

"Don't be." I looked up to him. "If it was me, I probably wouldn't have wanted to stick around either." Was he admitting he still loved Peggy? "I just... thought a lot about what you said."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

"Did you," I cough gently, "did you uh..."

"Did I come up with a conclusion?"

"I guess, yeah."

"Peggy was one of the only people, other than Bucky and my mother, who saw me for more than what I was. Just a short, sickly kid from Brooklyn. And yeah... I did love her. And I think I always will. But... I did see her again. Yesterday after you left." I look down to my lap. "She really liked you, Celeste. She thought I was nuts for even letting you get on that train." I looked back out to him.

"Well in your defence, I didn't exactly give you a choice."

"No, you didn't." He chuckles. "But Peggy had a life. She got married, had kids. It was hard for me when I realised she was still alive. To know she got that, without me. But I know it would be selfish of me to wish she never got that. And I guess I have many regrets, and feelings to work through still. But I don't regret meeting you. I don't think a part of me will ever not love Peggy. She was my first love. But I know... that what I feel for her now isn't what I felt for her all those years ago."

"It wasn't that long ago for you though, Steve. You only came out of the ice a few years ago."

"You're right. It hasn't been that long for me. But time didn't stop for me. And I think I'm in the same spot as you, not ready for such a big commitment such as love. But I do really like you and I hope, one day, that we can continue liking each other. And seeing where this could go."

"I would like that too, Steve." We grasp each others hands on the table. "I saw Susan today. Spoke about us."

"Okay. Do you want to talk?" I nod.

"She said what we both agreed on. That this was probably too quick." He nods. "But we also spoke about how... about how I was scared."

"Scared?"

"Yeah. And once she said it, honestly it made sense. I trusted someone, who I grew to care about deeply. And I feel betrayed by him. She said that, although what we spoke about was correct, I may have pushed you away, because I was scared of feeling betrayed. Not that you possibly still having feelings for Peggy was a betrayal, but I felt it could lead to one."

"I understand." He said as he squeezed my hand. "I think we could still take a minute. Just to slow it down."

"I think that's a good idea." I smile at him. "I do feel like I need to let you know, that I confided in Tony the other day."

"That's okay, I confided in Sam."

"I suspected as much when he saw me the first time Saturday night and avoided asking me anything like everyone else. I swear he tried so hard to get everyone to not speak about it either. He even 'dropped' a glass by throwing it across the kitchen." I laughed, which he joined in on.

"I hope this won't be awkward between us." Steve says, once we settle down.

"We're both adults, Steve, who still have feelings for each other. And it's not like this is a break up, we're just taking a step back. Getting back to basics."

"True. I like that." He smiles at me, which I return.

"I think I'm going to bed." I say, yawning.

"Let me put these away." He offers, grabbing my mug.

"Thanks." We both stand up, me walking around the table to him. "Goodnight, Steve." I say softly, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

"Goodnight, Celeste."

Not as hard as I thought to wright. Just a drop of angst!

I'm planning for things to start picking up again for the next climax of the story from the next chapter.