Songs:

Dark Things - ADONA

Bring Me To Life (Synthesis) - Evanescence

Songs found on Spotify like always!

Warnings: alcohol abuse and derogatory language against women

Celeste's POV

I'd been pretty out of it to say the least. At first, when they told me what they found at that HYDRA base, yeah... I was emotional. Then I spoke with Steve, and I felt settled. Still upset with the information, but more settled than I was. Until a few days later.

The nightmares came back. I guess it was expected. These nightmares were detailed. Realistic. If there was a breeze in my dream, you know I felt my skin tighten, goosebumps rising in response that didn't go away for hours. On more than one occasion, I woke to my blankets on fire, or a thunderstorm raging outside my windows. It got to the point where I was terrified of even closing my eyes. So I was hardly sleeping.

"You look awful, Celeste..."

"Gee thanks, Susan... just what every girl wants to hear."

"You're not sleeping." Susan doesn't say that as a question, but more of a statement.

"I am..." I say. It's not a total lie. I am sleeping, just not a lot.

"How much have you got in the past week. And don't bullshit me." She says firmly.

That's one thing I've come to like about Susan. She's not afraid to say it how it is or water down the way she speaks.

I didn't appreciate it right now though.

"You got me." I sigh. Susan quirks a brow at me, waiting for me to answer. "Probably four."

"Nights?"

"More like hours."

"The nightmares?"

My only answer is a nod.

"Are they the same as the last ones we spoke about?"

"They're worse. They're... they're detailed, they're real. I feel everything!" My voice breaks. "I'm terrified to close my eyes." I get out, the sting in my eyes from my tears.

"Are you terrified because of the what they contain?"

"Yes. I'm terrified because of what happens in my dreams. And I'm terrified because I don't know if they are real. They're dreams... But I can feel myself doing those things... feel a persons touch on my skin... at least when I know I'm awake, I know what's really happening. When I'm asleep, I can't tell that it's just a dream. They're almost memories. Like I've done those things. And honestly... I think I have."

"Why do you think you have?"

"I don't know. I just do." I say, my answer leaving an air of finality to it.

We sit for a moment in silence before I eventually break it.

"I just don't know what's real... but I know I don't want to feel it anymore...

"That's why you're here talking to me, Celeste. I'm here to help you navigate these things."

I walked out of my session not feeling better or worse, and made my way to my room. I went to my small fridge, opening the freezer section and pulled out my bottle of vodka. I popped the cork lid out, bringing the bottle to my lips, and swallowing. I swallowed about half the bottle before there was a knock at my door.

I sighed a heavy breath, put the cork lid back in before putting the bottle away. Another knock sounded at the door.

"I'm coming." I growled out as I made my way to the door, pulling it open. "What is it?" I snap at Nat.

"Well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." I internally roll my eyes. You have no idea. "Just got a call, there was a sighting of Rumlow in Iran. We're heading out in fifteen."

"I'll grab my suit." I make to turn around before she interrupts me.

"You're not coming."

"Excuse me?"

"You're not coming on this mission."

"Says who?" I ask, deeply offended by her non-descriptive answer.

"Me." I quirk my brow. "And Steve."

"Why?" I ground out.

"Not everyone has to go on every mission, Celeste."

Fed up, I slam my door shut as I push past Natasha and make my way to Steve's room. I find his door open as I arrive, so I storm in, not bothering to knock.

"What the fuck, Steve?"

Steve turns around to me, just as he's lacing up his boots.

"Celeste-"

"Why am I not going? Nat can't give me a straight answer, and I know you're shit at lying, so cough it up."

"I think it's best you sit this one out. It was my call."

"Your call? Why?" I demand.

"Because you're not yourself."

"Not myself?"

"Yes. You're not yourself. You've had a lot going on the last couple of weeks, I don't think you need to be put in a position with anyone involved with HYDRA."

"You've just decided this?"

"I've been thinking about it for a couple of days, actually."

"But you didn't care to share?!"

"Celeste, please..." he sighs tiredly.

"'Please' what? Don't make a big deal about my life? About my work? You can fuck right off with that bullshit, Steve. I'm fine! I can go on this mission."

"Steve," I hear Natasha say from behind me, "Celeste can stick with me." She offers.

I can see that Steve doesn't like it, but he lets it go and agrees.

"Fine." He sighs.

"Fine."

"But you stick together. The whole time." He says with a a pointed look and finger gesturing between the two of us.

After the team got on the jet, I sat myself as far from Steve as possible. I could have slapped him. The tension in the jet was so thick, you could have cut it with a knife.

After a tense filled flight to Iran and a briefing from Steve about where Rumlow was last spotted and what the plan was, we disembarked the craft. Natasha and I made our way to where we had been directed to search.

"You good?" She asks over her shoulder to me as we begin making our way up a flight of stairs.

"Yeah, just peachy." I grumble. A second later, "Who the fuck does he think he is? 'You've had a lot going on.' No shit. Just found out I'm actually seventy, forty years older than I thought I was. The man I trusted most of my life, is a fucking arse who lied to me and made me do terrible things. But yeah, let's take something else away from me! When I'm finally finding a real home and family, let's tell her she's not herself. Let's take that away from her. But no, when he came out of the ice and had literally no one but SHIELD, he can go and save the fucking world."

"He's not entirely wrong though."

"Oh? Please, enlighten me."

"You don't think I noticed the empty vodka bottles in your bin?" I stop walking, so she turns around. "I'm a spy, Celeste. I notice things."

"How long have you known?" I ask in a whisper.

"A couple weeks."

"Who else knows?"

"Just me."

"You didn't tell Steve?"

"No. He noticed other things. It's kinda hard not to when the weather is constantly changing. I think if we have anymore thunderstorms, we'll be living in a swamp."

"I'm not proud of it, Nat."

"I know. I wasn't either when I turned to alcohol. Do you feel like you need it all the time?"

"No. I just want to not feel. I've been feeling too much. Honestly... it's not really making a difference... I actually wonder if it's water and not vodka..." I say, not ready to explain the real reason.

"You don't appear to be drinking. But it's obvious that something is wrong. You honestly look like you haven't slept in weeks."

"That's because I haven't."

"You can't keep going on like this, Celeste."

"I'll fix it."

"You don't have to do it on your own, you know." I look in her eyes seeing sincerity and her caring nature coming out. "We're all here."

I only nod, the lump swelling in my throat.

"Let's get back to it then." She says, turning and continuing her way up the stairs.

After spending about ten minutes searching, Rhodey's voice breaks the silence on the comms.

"Sam and I have found a suspect." He grunts out. "We need backup!"

"What's your location?" Steve asks.

"Fourth floor!"

"Natasha and I just got on that level, we're coming!" I rush out, Natasha and I running through the halls to where we hear some commotion.

We turn a corner to see Sam, Rhodey and a man struggling with each other. The man was in a mechanical exoskeleton that was providing him with more strength than normal.

I pull my hands up and control the electrical forces in his brain, causing him to halt his struggle, hands rushing to his head.

"What the-? Oh, hey Celeste." Sam puffs out, tired from the fight.

"Don't know if I'll ever get used to that." Rhodey adds.

With my hands still raised, I move forward to the man, easing my powers slightly for him to remove his hands from his head.

"What the hell?!" The man groans out, making me recognise his accented voice. I reach over and rip off his mask.

"Felix?" I ask when I see his face.

"Tempestas? Tell these men I'm harmless." I don't do as he says. "Tempestas? What are you waiting for?"

"I don't work with you anymore, Felix."

"You don't work with HYDRA?"

"No, not anymore."

"That's not possible... HYDRA is your family. Where's Fischer?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you 'don't know'?"

"I don't. Know." I ground out.

"Who are these goons?"

"Goons? Oh man, you're cruising..." Sam huffs out, crossing his arms.

"We're the Avengers." Natasha adds.

I feel my stomach sink, Felix's eyes shooting daggers at me.

"The Avengers?!" He yells in disgust. "You're a traitor!" He starts to fight against Rhodey's hold, Sam jumping in to hold him back from lunging towards me. I jumped back a step, just escaping his reach. "You bitch! How could you?!"

"What's going on in here?" Steve's authoritative voice asks from behind me as he makes his way into the room.

"Ah, the Captain!" Felix screams out, launching himself further forward, brushing my arm in his attempt. Steve pulls me behind him and out of reach. Felix doesn't miss this action. "Ahh! I knew you were a whore!" My throat closes up, acid filling my veins. "But your enemy?!"

"You better shut your mouth, man!" Sam grunts out.

"Are you fucking him too?" Felix asks me.

"Rhodey, Sam, get him to the jet." Steve orders.

"His suit is pretty strong, Cap."

I raise my hands around Steve's body, cutting some of Felix's air off. Enough to make him close his eyes, halting his struggle. His sleeping body slumps against Sam and Rhodey.

"Jesus..." Rhodey huffs out.

Natasha moves forward, cuffing his hands and feet together as Sam and Rhodey look at a way of disabling his exoskeleton. Nat moves to the side, talking into the comms. I don't hear what she says.

"Celeste?" I look to the voice. Steve brows are furrowed in concern. "Are you okay?" He asks gently, putting a hand on my arm.

No.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I respond. "Did we find anything else?"

"No sign of Rumlow, typical." He huffs out. "But we can take him," he gestures to Felix, "and question him back at the compound."

"Sounds good. He probably has something on Rumlow. He's a decently high level at HYDRA."

"We'll probably pick your brain on the way back."

"Okay."

We arrived back at the compound two hours ago. Steve had been questioning Felix in one of the interrogation rooms for the past hour to no avail. Nat even had a crack, and he just wasn't speaking.

I was in the adjoining room behind the two way mirror watching, Wanda by my side and Sam on the other. Nat walks in, Steve behind her.

"This guy..." Nat groans in frustration.

"He is a tough nut to crack." Steve sighs.

I see Felix's eyes look up to the mirror, directly into mine. I step closer to the glass, my arms crossed. I know he can't see that he's actually looking at me, but it feels like he is. A conversation about how we can get anything out of him continues in the back ground, but it's just murmuring to me. I'm only paying attention to Felix. He then smirks.

"Let me speak to him." I say.

The silence is deafening.

"I don't kno-"

"Let me try." I cut Steve off. He looks at me, brows furrowed in concern. "Just let me try."

"Okay. But I'm going in with you."

I didn't like it, and he knew it. But if that's what it takes...

"Fine."

Steve walks into the room first.

"You're going to try again?" Felix's smirk is evident in his voice.

"Not me." Steve responds.

I take a deep breath and exhale slowly before walking in.

"Ahh... Here she is. I was wondering when you were going to come and see me. Are you going to take a seat?" He gestures with his cuffed hands to the seat opposite him.

"I'm good where I am." I say, leaning against the wall. We stare at each other for a solid minute. I can feel the tension in the room, and even notice Steve shifting his feet from his spot against the wall behind Felix.

"Are you going to speak, Celeste?" Felix breaks the silence, shocking me with his use of my birth name.

"You're not calling me 'Tempestas' anymore?"

"You seem to have lost your identity as a HYDRA agent. You don't deserve that name anymore." He seethes.

"HYDRA is an abomination to the human race." I reply.

"How dare you...? You turn your back on the organisation that raised you and lifted you up. And for what? For him?!" Felix pointed his thumb back at Steve, who narrowed his eyes at his insinuation.

"No." I replied. "I was lied to." Felix scoffs. "I was used."

"You're a hypocrite!" He hissed.

"Excuse you?"

"You're saying HYDRA used you. Yet you're using your precious Avengers to try and seem important now? How did this come about? You turned on Fischer, your mentor, the man who raised you!" I felt my chest getting tight. "And all for what, exactly?"

"The Avengers have accepted me for who I am. Not what I am. Or what I can do."

"And why is that exactly?" Felix asked with a sly look on his face.

"We are not in this room to talk about Celeste." Steve says, moving away from the wall to stand beside me. "We're talking about HYDRA. About Rumlow."

"Of course you're acting as her keeper, Captain. One of HYDRA's most valuable assets always needed a keeper. It appears I must be right. Can't have her running around to just anyone now can you?"

"What are you talking about?" Steve growled, picking up again on his disgusting insinuation.

"He's talking about me being your whore." I said.

"Are you not?"

"I have never been, nor will I ever be anyone's whore." I sneered.

"You keep telling yourself that, Celeste. But you and I both know... that's what you are. Fischer even said so himself."

I saw red and I lunged at him.

Steve's POV

It happened so fast, I wasn't able to react in time to hold her back before all chaos broke loose.

After what Felix said, Celeste launched herself over the table, punching him square in the face. The power from her punch and throwing herself at him threw them both to the ground. She was throwing punch after punch at his face, the smell of blood reaching my nose.

I rushed over to try and pull her off him, but she gave my super soldier strength a run for its money. She was scratching at his face, his shirt, in an attempt to keep her hands on him. Soon, I heard yelling, sounding like Nat and Sam, but I couldn't distinguish what it was they were saying.

Sam and I was able to eventually retract her from Felix, pulling her back. I was able to hold her arms down, allowing Sam to grab her. She was kicking and screaming, throwing her body around making it hard for Sam to control her movements. Wanda appeared in front of her, whispering soothing words trying to get her to relax, which was appearing to work. Soon enough, Sam was able to loosen his hold.

I had made my way to Felix, who was still on the ground, in the struggle to get him up. Natasha had grabbed some tissues that were on the table to press against his now bloody face.

"Touch a nerve did I, Celeste?!" Felix chuckled with a nasally voice from the tissues covering his nose. "Your reaction tells me you know it was true."

Celeste screamed out again, shooting a blast of air at him, sending his body into the wall with a deafening crunch sound.

"Get her out of here!" I yelled at Sam and Wanda. Sam pulled Celeste out of the room, Wanda following behind. "FRIDAY, get Rhodes and a medic in here!"

"Right away."

"Jesus Christ, Steve..." Natasha said under her breath, moving to Felix's body. She checked his pulse, and he groaned in pain. "She shouldn't have come in here."

"I didn't want her on the mission in the first place, Natasha." I argued.

"The mission was fine, Steve. But you saw how he reacted when we found him. We should have left her in the other room."

"I'm not arguing with you." I muttered as the medic pushed his way through to Felix.

"What the hell happened in here?" Rhodes asked, seeing the crack in the concrete wall above Felix's body.

"Let's talk outside." I said, making my way out of the room.