3rd person P.O.V
Alder focus:
She hated funerals, having attended so many both military and personal, over time she just learned to block all of it out, relay the necessary platitudes, and then feel the emotions privately, away from judging eyes. It was heartbreaking to attend the funeral of a girl who hadn't even made it out of basic training, those tended to hit the entire witch community hard, it served as a reminder that really nobody was safe in the war against the spree and the centuries old hatred that festered against witches. Hatred that grew in the hearts and souls of civilians who at first were jealous, then confused and then fearful of that which they did not understand. Hatred that lived likewise in witches as well witches forced to use their gifts, their songs, their bodies to fight in wars that had no say in, to defend those whole would just as easily toss them aside to ravenous wolves. It was hatred and death that had kept witches tied to governments worldwide for centuries, politicians to scared and fearful of what witches might do if there were able to live freely, manipulating events and pushing buttons from behind their desks that lead to more witch deaths, all the while they claimed to be true patriots.
She hated having to tell grieving mothers and daughters that the woman they were burying, died honourably, and that she went down fighting for and defending her country. Deep down they all on some level knew this to be true. At least this funeral was peaceful, with an eulogy from Abigail Bellweather, Libba's summer fling. Everybody knew about it it was hard to hide, they could both be very loud in the bedroom, nobody ever talked about that summer thought, it was their last summer before conscription day and their first and last act of defiance against thor families, their three months where nobody spoke about it but it was clear to see how happy they were. Even Libba's ex boyfriend Gregorio Shelbark was happy for them once he figured out what was going on between the pair. Sarah hoped that Abigail wouldn't allude to the fling in public. Witches were very free around the subject of sex and who someone had sex with but still it was somethig that everyone acknowledged but didnt make unnecessary fuss over.
Thankfully for all present Abigailail did not overtly speak about the fling, although if one knew either girl well enough they would be able to figure out that there had been something else going on between them in the past. Sarah was thankful that this was the first High Atalntic military funeral for a basics' soldier in over a decade, thankful that while there were less answering the call, less were dying without all of the needed training to survive in a world that hated them. She caught Tally's eye just after Abigail moved to sit back down. She was angry, angry at her, for the choices she made in ordering them to destroy the trucks. She could feel her own sadness and desperation to end the deaths of witches alongside Tally's anger, both churning unpleasantly in her stomach. None of the biddies could feel the anger.
That was just between her and Tally. It was strange, like nothing she had ever felt before, something she knew only Tally would have the answers for. It was anger that did not fade for the rest of the day, and anger that was still there the next morning as she sat with the biddies for their breakfast. It persisted through her morning meetings, now entangled with her own anger and understanding. Anger that Tally did not come to speak to her, as she had done previously, but also understanding that Tally had done one of the worst things a soldier would ever have to to, take another's life, a life that was not already on the line by signing up to fight in a war, a life that was thrown onto the line by their faceless enemy. It brought some relief to hear knocking on the external door that evening after the dinner service had ended. Tally had not made an appointment, which meant that she wanted to talk to Sarah and not the General. She went down herself to open the door. "Hi Tally," she said quietly once the door was fully opened. "Come in." Sarah closed the door behind her, wondering now if this was how her cadets felt when she called them into her office, unsure and fearful of what could happen, of what conversation could take place.
Tally didn't say a word, she shut the door behind her after walking in, not giving Sarah the opportunity to do so, in silence the pair climbed the stairs. Sarah growing more uneasy with every passing second. "I'm not angry with you Sarah, you're my wife. I'm angry at the General." Tally said once she reached the top of the stairs, Sarah could feel relief both from herself and the biddies as they were able to relax for the first time since before City Drop. Tally had yet to turn around or to look at Sarah, as they walked this time to the armchairs by the fireplace, they had not sat there in months. They had moved to the sofa after their first hug. While Tally may not be angry with her as Sarah, she clearly wanted some separation between the two even if she had sought her out and Sarah was going to give it to her.
She watched as the younger witch settled in one of the armchairs, angling herself towards the unlit fireplace. "Sarah, I love you, never forget that, but it will take time for me to come to terms with what happened, the matrifocal communities are conscientious objectors for the most part," Tally said, reaching out for Sarah's hand. "Remember the promise you had me make, that I would separate you as my wife from you as my CO? Well I'm working on it, but it's an adjustment." she said as Sarah sat down, bringing them both back to that day in the house, right before she had left.
"I remember," Sarah said quietly, looking into the empty fireplace. Teetering on the edge of her chair, as if desperate to share a seat with Tally. Both looking at the other from the corners of their eyes, "Tally, what I did. I had no choice, there was no other option available to make." Sarah said, lifting her head to look at Tally, who still did not look at her properly.
"I don't want to talk about it with you. I only came because I felt your anger at my own anger," Tally said before standing and walking around the backs of the chairs. "I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk again." she whispered as she passed by the older witch before walking out of the office and into the gardens.
Once again, Sarah was left feeling alone in a room full of people. Anger replaced with grief. Grief strong enough to bring her to her knees, it was fortunate that she was already sitting down. Grief that was both hers and not hers. Overwhelming her, intertwined with fear that she would lose Tally. Tears started to fall, she had cried more in the last 6 months than she had in the last 5 years.
Tally focus:
Leaving Sarah in the office was one of the worst feelings ever, she could feel their shared grief, and she knew that Sarah would have questions, about the shared emotions, about her reaction to destroying the trucks. About everything that had happened in the last few days. Tears blurred her vision as she walked through the warded gardens back to the barracks. She didn't know where to go, Abigail was grieving Libba, Raelle was upset with her for reporting Scylla as Spree and Anacostia would most likely repeat everything she said to her back to Sarah. The only other person she could talk to was her mom, but she was sure the phones were locked up for the night now. Just before she left the gardens, she doubled back and climbed up the tree she had spent plenty of time waiting in, but this time not to wait, but to sit and think, hidden from the world.
The sun set with Tally sitting in the tree and all three night bells rang, but she could not find it in herself to move, to climb down and walk to the dorms. The moon rose, a smile in the sky, struggling to light the tips of the tallest trees. She watched as the lights in the buildings turned off one by one, and stars twinkle in the sky. The lights in Sarah's office switched off last and the dying light of the fire that must have been lit after she left glowed near the bottom of the windows. The song of the owls lulled her to sleep in the branches of the alder tree. She soon fell into a fitful sleep leaning between two branches, waking when the sun rose opposite her the next day, rose coloured light filtering through the leaves of the tree in front of her.
She thought it was all very nearly a mistake, sitting there, staring at her hands, wondering if the choice she had made was worth it. Was it worth it to have gone to see Sarah the night before? Was it worth it to have barred her soul and expected time? Time that left her clinging, sitting in a tree in Sarah's private gardens, just wanting to be near but not actually face her wife. As the first bell rang, Tally jumped down for the tree, stretching her stiff muscles, she would only have time to change her clothes before breakfast started, and she would most likely also have to answer many questions from both Abigail and Raelle, in regards to her wear abouts overnight.
She hurried into the barracks and up to her dorm, with enough time to change and redo her hair as well as wash her face to get rid of the tear tracks that had dried overnight. Just as she wa in the middle of brushing her teeth she felt an intense wave of momentary self-loathing, that she knew came from Sarah, she suspect her actions were the cause of such feelings, but she couldn't control what she felt, or if each emotion impacted Sarh, she suspected that Sarah also didn't know which emotions she could feel and which were not passed between them. She could also feel a determination that was not her own, it almost overpowered her own upset.
It was a determination to do or find something, Tally couldn't tell any more than that, and it confused her greatly. Thankfully there weren't too many questions from her unit mates, and they were able to get down to breakfast on time. They started their last day of basic training before they would find out if they made it to war college or war meat. It passed quickly, drills that had now become learned standard to them, insults that had once been hurtful between the unit now being used as banter between the three of them to keep motivation up. They were soon in the auditorium after their dinner, in their dress blues, sitting in units as General Alder gave a speech to the class. And then standing outside waiting for the first bell to check their medals to find out where their futures would lie.
War meat. On the front lines. Disposable. Not her wife or Abigail's mother could save them from the judgement of the military high council.