Chapter 3

My Fatal Mistake

Derek (and his dad are sitting in his dads car and Derek is inhaling his eighth sandwich. George is munching on a chicken leg and they both let out a sigh of relief before Derek sips from his soda cup and hid dad wipes his face with a napkin.): thank you, I really needed that.

George:its no problem son, I meant what I said.

Derek: I know! I just wish the rest of the family would come around. I know its a lot but...( he whispers and he voice cracks as he says.) I don't want them to hate me.

George: they don't hate you! They know what happened to Casey was an accident, they're just mad right now, which they have every right to be. You went to far and Casey got seriously hurt, she almost died! They are going to be mad, they aren't gonna want to talk to you for a while but they don't hate you.I just think that they need some time. What were you thing! How could you let things escalate this far! I know I gave you this lecture before for the last three months but, I thought you were past pranks. What happened?

Derek: I don't know ( he starts to cry) I- I wasn't trying to hurt Casey! ( his voice breaks) I just wanted her to talk to me ( he avoids his dads eye contact)

George: what?

Derek: Casey and I had made progress, we were talking in the halls, eating together and hanging out without being forced to. To be honest, ( Derek let out a deep exasperated breathe) I was starting to enjoy having her around.

George (chuckles): really?

Derek( ignoring his dad and continuing): one day and it seems so stupid looking back but...( Derek exhaled deeply) the guys were teasing me for hanging out with Casey, and I know its immature to be embarrassed by that but they were saying that Casey was acting like a controlling girlfriend and they were saying that I was whipped. Others were saying I was her puppet and whenever she came around all the fun stops and she starts pulling on my strings. They said that whenever were together, we lose track of time and that I never make time for them. They said its like Casey was my girlfriend ( Derek pauses, looks at his dad and then looks away and continues his story.) With none of the perks.

Derek: I told them to shut up and not talk to Casey like that. They laughed and said that Casey had me trained and that I was defending her because I was her boyfriend, so I had to be her knight and shining armor. They said that I'm soo nice to Casey now and I never even prank her anymore. I told them I was past that now and they laughed and said yeah, because were in love now and she has me whipped. In true Casey fashion, she showed up with a huge smile on her face and told me that we had to hurry up if we didn't wanna be late. One of the guys said that's right, run along doggy! Listen to your master! Jump! Fetch! Speak! Play dead! Go with your girlfriend! Good boy! He scratches my ear and head. Casey jumped in to defend me but that only made it worst. Then he said looks like she cut your balls off and now she wears the pants in this relationship but then again...she always did ( he smiles as he looks at me) Casey opens her mouth to defend me again and...I don't know what happened, I just unload on her and she runs away crying. I felt so guilty! Also she was crying and looking into my eyes, she looks so disappointed... She looked like I just stabbed her in the back. I wanted to reach out and hug her, tell her I didn't mean it...

George: so why didn't you?!

Derek: I was sooo ashamed of what the guys might say. I looked away and she just scoffed and stormed away crying, the guys just laughed and I faked A smirk thinking about the consequences of my decision. I hung out with the guys all day, they were planning out the pranks I should do on Casey. I did them all just to shut them up and started to work but I could feel the distance growing further and further away from Casey. All the times I pranked Casey, she never reacted the way she did to my new pranks. She would cry and say why are you doing this, I'm leaving you alone just like you wanted. I told her I was bored and that I got joy out of messing with her. She said ( Derek pauses again but this time he couldn't face his dad.)

George: what did she say?

Derek: she said ( holding back tears) so..were you pretending to be nice to me this whole time? Were you pretending to be nice? Pretending to care! So you could strike at the right time! Did you get some sick kick out of pretending that we were friends, planning things togethr! All the while you were secretly plotting to hurt me...she, s-she started crying and she said geez, why I'm do you hate me so much!I make an effort to be good to you, to get along and I thought we were but it was just another lie...but I'm stupid because I keep believing them, wanting to believe the lie because that's better then thinking you hate! But I don't even know why? Why Derek? Why do you hate me? What did I do?

George( looks at Derek disappointed waiting for him to finish the story) what did you say?

Derek: I told her that I didn't hate her and that I was sorry and I begged her to stop crying. As expected, that wasn't enough. She was really hurt this time and nothing I could say would fix it. She said she was done and stormed off. She didn't talk to me for months and months. ( Derek lets out a huge breathe as if telling that story put him through a lot, like he was reliving those moments all over again. He really didn't wanna talk about it anymore, he didn't wanna think about it anymore, he wanted this to be some nightmare that he wanted immediate out of but his was real and he couldn't go anywhere, he couldn't forget and he can't undo what happened to Casey... Let alone all of the stupid things he did and said but he was holding back from George, he didn't tell George the full story. He couldn't tell George, he couldn't tell George the months and month that he spent trying to get Casey to forgive him, the roses, flowers, chocolates, the jewelry followed by more sor-reys, the poetry and the one thing she responded to besides the laughter that came from her door when he read the poetry and she let him in. She whipped her tears, he kissed her and before she deepened the kiss... He said

George: Derek! Can you continue! Where were you right now?!

Derek: nowhere! I just...its hard telling this story, I don't wanna think about it. It just hurts so much with Casey lying in a hospital bed because of me. Retelling this story over and over again...I can't do it anymore.

George: I'm sorry, I just wanna know how all of this happened. It just doesn't add up and its not like you, you know when to stop and you always apologize and find a way to make it up to her.

Derek: I did! But she was still upset. So I thought the only way to get a rise out of her was to do another prank. A harmless prank and I thought it worked! She was mad when she woke up, she was wobbling on the bed and she said De-rek!, the way she normally does and she smirked back. She smirked back (he said again happily) I knew it worked and she just shook her head at me and smiled and I smiled back and I said so- Rey and I know she saw me because she nodded suggesting that she was saying that she knew I was sor-rey. She started to wobble more now and she looked at me panicked and I ran to her but it was too late. My heart jumped out of my chest and stopped at the same time when I saw her hit that pavement and fell in that pool. I rushed in the pool and I saw one of her ankles tied to the bed and the bed was tied to the stairs. I reached her, pulled her up from the underneath the pool and untied her. I tried to get a response from her and nothing, I got her out of the pool and performed CPR ( his voice breaks) the way she taught me, when I looked up, the ambulance was here and they took her away...they said I could come too and I did.

What Derek didn't tell his dad was that him and Casey had been made up, he couldn't tell him all of the ways they made up or what he said or what she said after. He couldn't tell him the deal they had to cover it up by continuing the pranks for the next month, harmless but not completely boring pranks this time and Casey pretended to be annoyed and Angry and she would run off. They pretended like she still wasn't talking to him.

Of course, this was before Casey's Grandma had came by one day and she caught them on one of their dates, she knew it wasn't A normal date. Casey panicked, freaked out and she pushed him away because her Grandma threatened to tell if they didn't stop. She told her what a huge mistake I was making and how wrong and disgusting it was to think it, let alone act on these devious impulses . It was just an innocent date though, like I said we were enjoying each others company. Maybe we were so lost in each other that we didn't realize we were acting like a couple. I looked at her face, she was ashamed and her heart was broken that her Grandma said that. She isolated herself from me, said she didn't love me and to leave her alone. I was heart broken too. I forgot that we had something important planned that day and Casey offered to help and I forget.

That's when she said, we have to hurry and that's when I blew up. I wasn't really made at her, I just missed her and didn't understand why she was avoiding me. I was so mad and stupid, I actually listen to the guys. Nothing had even happened Between us yet Casey's Grandma and the guys had saw something more. I spent months apologizing like I said before. The poem and the " I love you" finally did it. This time was different though, this time we kissed, she looked at me and smile and just as I was about to deepen the kiss, she said " I love you too" for the first time, I was really happy...I know it sounds cliche and I would never say anything like that out loud, it was true. So we made the plan and then it happened. Its the one thing I wish I could stop seeing in my head.

We were really enjoying being back together again before this happened... Was this a sign? Or just a fatal mistake? Maybe he should stay away from Casey, maybe it would be better if he did. She would be safe and things would be a lot easier if he did. But where would he go? People at the school would look at him differently and his family hated him. Where would he go besides to a bar for a few hours, take another meaningless girls home and then leave in the morning while she was sleep. He did need a drink, maybe that would erase the image of case panicking, looking at him for help but not reaching her in time and her head hitting the pavement. He knew he couldn't erase the image permanently but even if it only lasted A couple hours, those hours are what he needed to stay sane. Maybe Case's Grandma was right, maybe this was his karma for falling in love with his steps sister, maybe this was a sign that they should stop and god let them off with a warning. Maybe he should go back to repressing his feelings for Casey, maybe he should bottle them so far down this time that it no longer exists. Maybe he should go far away, that way everyone could be happy and perfect without him... Maybe he should just kill himself and do the world a favor.

George (interrupts his thoughts): Derek!

Derek: sorry dad( he says sadly and in a voice that his dad can barely hear)

George: its ok son, you ready to go back to the hospital?

Derek: no! ( he says scared)

George: what?! Why?

Derek: I would love nothing more then to see Casey again ( he admits surprisingly) but she doesn't want to see me again, she and the rest of the family hate me. I hurt casey! It wasn't on purpose but life has consequences and I may not have to go to jail but my family hates me, I hurt Casey and I I have to leave with that for the rest of my life. I wish I was in prison, I hate myself for what I did to her.

George: fine, we will go back to the hotel.

Derek: the family isn't going to want me there, especially Nora and liz

George: I know Nora and Liz lot of things when they found out and a lot of those things were hurtful but

Derek: they did mean it dad, every word and I don't blame them... I deserve it and They have every right to feel, say and do whatever they want. I just wished they believed me when I said it wasn't on purpose... I wish they didn't hate me and have that look in their eyes, the look that say...I'm a terrible person, I know that... I knew that my whole life... And I tried so hard to put on a facade... But all of that's over now...they see the real me.

George: stop saying things like that! Your not a terrible person!

Derek (laughs sadly): come on dad, stop fooling yourself... I'm a screw up, you even said it yourself.

George: I didn't mean it, I was angry because what happened to Casey, I just

Derek: finally told the truth.

George: I wasn't thinking, people say hurtful things out of anger.

Derek: careful dad, or you might make make the same mistake I did if you aren't careful. You might say or do something you can't take back, trust me... You don't wanna know what that feels like.

George: fine. I will take you to another hotel.

Derek: don't bother.

George: I'm not taking no for an answer, ( the dad drives to a hotel, gives Derek some money and says he will be check up on him later.)

Derek: ( thinks to himself) if I'm still here later.