Sterling was sitting as his desk going through some paperwork when his phone rang. The agent was in a bad mood after the shit show yesterday, but tried to keep his cool as he answered. "Sterling."
It was Monica, his assistant. "Hey boss, there's an issue with the printer out here. I'm going to have to run downstairs and try the other machine."
He sighed, yet another thing not going right today. "Take your time, just don't forget that coffee on your way back."
"Of course, sir." She hung up.
He started reading through the next file when his phone rang again. He answered, not quite as calm and collected as last time. "Yes?"
It was Monica again. "Printer's out down here too, I guess just the coffee for now until the network guy gets here?"
Sterling sighed. "Fine, just make sure it's fixed in a timely fashion. I really need those papers."
"Will do, sir." Click.
He was just reaching for the next page when his phone rang for a third time, and now his patience was wearing particularly thin. Let me guess, he thought. The freaking coffee maker is down. The frustration in his tone was impossible to miss as he answered. "What?!"
"Sterling, you're as pleasant as ever. How are you feeling?" He was expecting Monica, so Nate's voice on the other end of the line caught him off guard.
The mastermind's cheerful tone only served to anger Sterling even more. "That stunt with the cake wasn't funny, Nate. I looked like an idiot in front of Nevins."
Planting the giant cake in Lucille was a bit over the top, but then again most of Parker's ideas were. Regardless, Nate was willing to let the team have some fun. Especially if it was at Sterling's expense.
The Interpol agent heard his former coworker's tone change from sarcastic to deadly serious. "I'm sure you did. But you know what's not funny? The sixteen bullet holes in the back of my car. You happen to know anything about that?"
Sterling paused. If he was caught off guard before, that paled in comparison to what he felt now. He was disappointed that Nate had taken the low road and joined the criminal underworld, but he still did care about his former coworker's safety. They had been friends at one time, after all. "Are you alright?" he asked.
"Parker and I are fine, but we could've just as easily not have been." Nate answered. "I have the sneaking suspicion that it has something to do with the files Caldwell had, so if you know something, it'd be a damn good time to share it."
As much as he wished that he had some kind of intel that could help the mastermind, Sterling had only been at the Reliant building to hopefully catch one or more of the internationally-wanted thieves Nate was working with. "Look, all I know is that the FBI took Caldwell after they got that cute little video feed of yours. I, on the other hand, haven't made one single arrest this week."
The mastermind paused for a second. "Well, maybe I can help you out with that."
.
.
.
Eliot opened the front door to the apartment, having just returned from an uneventful patrol of the area. Hardison was still sitting at the kitchen counter with his eyes glued to his computer screen, and Nate was standing with his back to them while talking quietly on the phone. The hitter closed the door after he entered and locked the deadbolt, the sound garnishing a quick glance from Hardison.
"Yeah," the mastermind said. "I'll be in touch." With that he hung up and pocketed his phone, then turned around for an update from the hitter.
"Chaos got something already?" Eliot asked.
"No, that was Sterling," Nate explained. "Figured I'd give him a call, see if he knew anything." He made sure to control his tone and body language carefully as he spoke, hoping the hitter wouldn't recognize his statement for the partial truth that it was.
Eliot raised an eyebrow. "And?"
"He didn't know anything," Nate answered honestly.
"Figures," Eliot grumbled as he walked over to the fridge to hunt for a beer. "Worthless son-of-a-bitch..."
Nate and Hardison exchanged hesitant glances for a moment, both glad that Eliot seemed satisfied with the explanation. The hacker took a sip of his orange soda and turned his attention back to the screen.
Nate sat down and put a hand into his jacket pocket, toying with the Interpol-issued device Hardison had given him. He knew the hitter would go nuclear if he found out that Sterling had planted a bug in his truck, and he really didn't need to deal with that right now. The Interpol agent could end up being useful, but not if Eliot killed him first.
Sophie and Parker came back downstairs to join the others, the grifter's presumably-wet hair wrapped in a fresh towel. He could tell by Parker's frown that the thief must've lost custody of the bathroom sink, which was good news for the rest of the team. After all, she really did need to find a better place to cheat at crosswords puzzles.
Parker plopped down angrily on the sofa, while Sophie casually sat down in the neighboring armchair. "You see Parker," the grifter said, her voice smooth as silk. "Things work out better for everyone when we're all willing to compromise."
The thief's frown deepened. "Since when is giving you the entire bathroom a compromise?" she argued. "You can't even use the shower and sink at the same time, so I don't see why I have to – "
Just then the mastermind's phone rang. Thank God, he thought. Another awkward conversation avoided. He pulled the device out of his pocket and checked the caller ID, immediately recognizing the number. Eliot, Sophie, and Parker all looked at him expectantly as he picked it up.
"Chaos," Nate answered. Hardison stiffened visibly in his seat at the name, an angry scowl coming across his face as he turned to listen.
"Why hello, Nate," Chaos said, his tone as sarcastic as always. "You know I've been meaning to ask you why you needed a crew of five and an entire day to botch a job this royally. I mean seriously, don't you think you could've at least had the decency to screw things up in a more timely fashion?"
The mastermind clenched his jaw for a second before taking a breath, trying to keep Chaos's insult from getting the best of him. Eliot gestured for him to put it on speakerphone, but Nate just shot him a look and shook his head. Hardison's rival was truly gifted when it came to pushing people's buttons, and he needed to make sure things stayed under control until they got the files.
Nate chose to ignore the other hacker's question and stay on topic. "Did you get the footage?"
"They tried erasing it but yeah, you bet I got the footage," Chaos said, grinning as he scrolled through a few choice screenshots. "Quite the show, too. You know your friend Stir-Fry was there – "
"Sterling," Nate corrected. "Yeah, we noticed."
"– And you know Parker really does look spectacular as a redhead," Chaos continued, not skipping a beat. "I mean seriously, it's no wonder someone's trying to take you out of the picture –"
"We don't need the commentary, Chaos," Nate interjected. "So if you could just send the files as agreed that'd be great." He'd forgotten how infuriating the man could be, but it was quickly coming back to him.
Chaos laughed. "Oh Nate, all work and no play as usual. You don't speak Geek so put Hardison on, would you?"
The mastermind tossed the phone over to Hardison, who caught it and grudgingly put it up to his ear. "Chaos..."
"Ah Hardison, there you are," Chaos greeted him. "Is everything on your end as it should be? Other than the sub-par hacker behind the screen, that is?"
"I got all the file transfer protocols set exactly the way you wanted," Hardison answered, trying to emulate Nate and keep his anger under control. "So we're just waitin' on you."
Chaos smiled. "Good, I'll send everything over then." His finger hovered over the Enter button, but after a few seconds of contemplation he pulled his hand away from the keyboard. "Actually," he said, a hint of snarkiness in his voice. "Maybe we should discuss compensation before I do."
Hardison's formerly-angry scowl got even angrier. "What you mean 'discuss compensation'? We already agreed to pay the weekend rate, lunch hour bonus – at four in the afternoon, I might add – and your idiotic 'Hardison-sucks' surcharge." He scrolled through the invoice on his laptop, looking over some of the other extraneous charges Chaos had insisted on. "And why the hell did we have to pay for you to get a new uniform? Don't you already have half a dozen disguises from all the other lame-ass jobs you've pulled?"
"I do, but I really wanted something special for this one," Chaos said, looking down at the custom embroidery on his coveralls. Hardison's Plumbing: I Know Shit. He smiled to himself before continuing. "And don't worry Hardison, I'll mail you the uniform. But in the meantime, let's get back to the subject of compensation, shall we?"
Hardison let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine...What else do you feel the burning desire to charge us for?"
"Well," Chaos said, rubbing his hands together. "This really large bird took a crap on my van, so I kinda feel like that deserves combat pay."
"You are not serious –" Hardison started, losing what little bit of cool he had left.
"Oh but I am," Chaos interrupted, putting his feet up on his desk as he took a sip of his red soda.
Nate leaned forward and rubbed his eyes, not seeing how this battle of wits between the two men could possibly end well. Even though he could only hear half of the conversation, it was pretty clear what they were arguing about. He sighed before calling over to his hacker. "Just pay it, Hardison."
Hardison leaned over to glare at the mastermind, unwilling to give his arch enemy the upper hand. He turned his attention back to the phone. "How 'bout I just give you a couple bucks for the car wash and we call it even?"
"Or maybe you should be a good doggie and do what your boss says," Chaos countered. "Unless of course you'd rather scrub it yourself. I mean honestly, I do love a good bikini car wash..."