Hey guys, sorry I didn't post this earlier. I had a long, relaxing weekend sleeping in late, knocking out a bunch of bounties in our favorite game, Destiny 2, and enjoying some of yall's fanfictions- there are some SERIOUSLY good writers on this website! Hope y'all are still liking my story. HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!
XOXO,
CRCOOKIE
October 15th
Dear Petra,
I'll admit, this is the first time I've ever actually written anyone a letter, although I've written a few in my head. I'm not quite sure where to begin. Things over here have been boring without you. The Corsairs I'm supposed to be working with aren't as talented or creative as you, and it's so hard to give them simple instructions, they never seem to understand what I mean. I've gotten too used to you, how easy you were to work with and talk to.
Things are quieter with the war over, too. The rest of the Wolves have accepted Mara as their Kell, Skolas has been gifted to the Nine as a war prisoner, and that fallen-exo-assassin thing, Taniks, has been dealt with again. Not much else is happening.
I miss you so much. I'm constantly aware of the lack of your presence, your smile, your laugh. I miss talking to you, listening to you, being near you. Even as I'm eaten up by the grief of not having you here with me, though, I'm still far happier than I was before, just knowing that someday you will come home and be with me again. Until then, I live on the hope of our secret meetings, the short hours when we can talk to each other, when I can hold you in my arms.
There are very few things I know that I didn't have to teach myself, but you taught me what love really is. I never knew it could be so wonderful! It isn't distant, it isn't selfish and demanding, it isn't earned through suffering. Love is being close to you, being honest and telling you everything, being myself and not having to be perfect, not having to impress you. Love is something we share generously with each other, with no strings attached, no price to pay.
You're still afraid of love. I can see it. I don't blame you, after the way you've been used and abandoned over and over. But I will prove to you that you can trust me. You're so sweet and lovely, and the way you doubt yourself and everything around you makes me want to wrap you up in my arms and keep you there forever until you can see how much I really love you. When you tell me about your past, about your sisters and their lies and the way they treated you, it makes my blood boil. You deserve so much better than that and so much better than this- you should never have been banished!
I think about you all the time, when I wake up, when I eat, when I'm training my crows, or going on missions, and when I'm falling asleep. I wonder what you're doing and if you might be thinking of me and if you miss me as much as I miss you. I need you here with me. I'm so much happier when I'm with you I'm not afraid of anything.
There's so much more I want to say, and more I wish I knew how to say, but time is against me. I must end here if I want to send this today. I'll come see you again as soon as I can.
Love,
Uldren
October 16th
Dear Uldren,
This is also the first time I've ever written a letter and yours was the first I've ever received. Nothing too interesting ever happens here, although I did meet that hunter. Her name is Kenzie and she's been around for several hundred years. She was resurrected during the dark ages.
I think that it must be suffering itself that creates those most fit to survive it. The dark ages were a very different time than now for the lightbearers, and the few surviving guardians that lived through it are far wiser than those now. Most Reefborn born before the wars didn't live in the kind of conditions that I did, the kind that turns sisters against each other, makes them fight each other for scraps of food and forget to care for one another. Most people in the golden age didn't have to fight poverty and rough living conditions like you did. That's why we're so different, because we know what it's like to suffer early on in life, to grow up with very little.
It's because of that, too, that we can get through this. Being away from you is so hard but it makes such an enormous difference just knowing you're there. Someone who had never been as lonely as I have been might have given up on having this because they wouldn't appreciate its full worth, and so lost so many good things they could have had. But we'll make it through. I love you and I need you too much to give you up.
I didn't know anything about love, either, before I met you. I also thought I had to be at my very best and prove that I could be helpful and useful to other people. I thought no one could care about me more than they cared about what they wanted me to do for them, but you showed me how wrong I was! You love me even though you've seen me at my very worst and you know what a horrible mess I am. You risk everything just to come see me, just to come cheer me up, even though I'm nothing.
You've been so good to me, you're the only thought that makes me smile in this place. I keep you on my mind at all times. If you think of me as often as I think of you, then we are always thinking of each other at the same time, all the time. I've spent all my spare time dreaming of being with you again and dwelling on the memories of the time we've already spent together.
Maybe I am a little scared, but I trust you. I've never trusted anyone before. I've always kept to myself and I've never looked to anyone else for hope or happiness. No one was reliable before you. But I know that you'll be there for me, and I know that your promises are true.
Writing all of this feels so strange, and so right, like I'm opening up the deepest part of my heart to you. Some of the things I've said I would never have dreamed of saying before I met you. "Before I met you" seems so long ago. I was at the end of my rope. I was so alone in a world that had always been cruel to me. I don't know how much longer I would have made it without you. Now, though, I can't imagine living without you.
I've never been good with words, and I'm afraid to bore you, so I'll end here. I can't wait to see you again!
Love,
Petra
October 20th
Dear Petra,
You could never bore me! I spent all week longing to have time to read your letter. Tell me every detail, everything, don't be afraid to say anything. I loved your letter and I love you more than everything I've ever loved before. Wow, that sounds confusing, but I think you'll get it. I'll leave it. I'm keeping your letter forever. Hearing from you made me so happy.
I love being around you because you don't ask for anything extravagant, you just enjoy what I have to offer. That's been so amazing, because all my life I've been a huge people-pleaser, even to the point of physical suffering. I'm terrified of being alone and I'll give people I care about whatever they want because I'm so scared that they will leave me if I don't. My own mother left us when Mara stood up to her. It scared me that she could do it so easily, so I stuck with Mara, but she too has only ever asked more of me while drifting further and further away.
It was like magic that we met when we did, when we needed each other most. At first you were just nice to talk to, but as I realized how much I enjoy being around you and what an amazing person you are, I started to fall in love with you and now I love everything about you. Pleasing you doesn't scare me, it doesn't hurt me, it makes me happy. The more I gave to others, the more they wanted, but the more I give to you, the more I have. It's strange how love works, but it's true. It isn't one-sided, either, for I know that you give me all that I've ever wanted, you give me all your love as I give you mine. I couldn't be enough for my mother, and I couldn't be enough for Mara, but you say I'm enough for you and you fit so perfectly in my arms.
What I wouldn't give to have you here with me! How peaceful it would be, to have you here in my arms, snuggled up with me in this armchair I'm sitting in as I write this. I can almost feel you as I dream of it, but imagining you isn't enough, only the real you can satisfy me. I want to be with you all the time. I feel more alone around other people than by myself, but I never feel alone when I'm with you, I just feel you, and what a nice feeling it is!
I believe I should be able to visit you again sometime next week, perhaps the 28th, around 15. Let me know if that works for you. When I write back I'll tell you if that will still work for me and we can decide where to meet.
Petra, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. My family is so complicated and I'm not even close to my only friend. I'm sure he thinks we are, but just because we've known each other for thousands of years, he doesn't really get it. You can't know someone better than other people without knowing things about them that no one else does, without sharing some secrets. I can't know him because everyone does, and he can't know me because he doesn't want to.
But you, right from the start I found myself telling you things I'd never told anyone else. I could tell you anything and you'd understand. My mother and Mara treated my feelings like they could be right or wrong, and convinced me to see things the way they did. But you and I see the world through the same lens, and you accept me for who I am and love me. I couldn't possibly ask for anything better than that! You're the best thing I could ever have, and you're all I want.
Don't you ever wonder how you turned out so well, with no one to guide you? I do. It doesn't seem natural that after your years of being abused by your own sisters, forced to cheat and steal, then shamed, that you could still be so sweet. It seems more likely that someone in your situation would be broken by circumstance and become as nasty as those who beat her into it. But here you are, so determinedly good and true! You've fought for better all your life even though, as you say, you had nothing to fight for. I see how strong you are and the only conclusion is that you are simply a woman above all the others, and you're the most wonderful person I've ever had the honor of meeting, the sweetest person anyone could have the privilege of loving. You amaze me, Petra. You're too good to be true, but I know you are. I can't believe how fortunate I am to have someone like you! I miss you more than words can express. I love you, and I hope to see you again soon.
Yours forever,
Uldren
October 21st
Dear Uldren,
I've never thought about anything like that, but you are so kind. I've never believed anything good about myself before I met you. If no one ever loved me, how could I be good or worth loving? I always thought it was some inherent wrong in me that no one could care about me, and that I had somehow brought about my own pain. I tried so hard but nothing ever seemed to be right. You changed my life forever with your love and I know I'm the really lucky one to have you.
The 28th works for me at any time. I don't know of any good places here to meet, and if you don't either, we could always hang out at my apartment. In case I can't write back in time, the address is Citybridge Apartments- 28954 101st street, building 18, room 21.
I tend to expect the worst from people when I meet them, but you were different. When you came to me I was far past my breaking point, alone and angry at everyone around me. You showed me that you cared about doing the right thing and before you even knew me you went out of your way to help me. You protected me from getting punished just for telling the truth. Before that, no one had ever even listened to me at all! You were kind to a corsair who had been reckless and defiant and you completely turned my life around. You let me talk to you and tell you about my life and having someone listen to me and believe me for the first time was so nice. When I started to understand my feelings for you, I never thought you could feel the same way. I didn't see anything in me worth loving, but you did, and that means so much to me. You've shown me that someone as wonderful as you can care about me without needing me to be useful.
I've kept your letters and I reread them often. They are a great comfort to me. Is this really only the second letter I've written to you? Already it feels like a normal part of my routine, and it's already cured some of my loneliness. I'm getting used to living here, though. It's nothing like the Reef, and it's hard to believe the Earthborn ancestors would ever want to leave to come to this place, but the people here are so proud of it.
It's probably because of the terrible living conditions they had before this, that they're so happy with it. That, I can understand. I was the same way. When I was eleven I found out that two of my sisters didn't hate me as the others did. They gave me in secret a small birthday present, a ration card for dessert, when the others refused to acknowledge my birthday at all. But did they really love me? They barely gave me anything and didn't take any risks on my behalf. They didn't stand up for me when my other sisters forced me to do terrible things for them or when they hurt me when I refused. Yet I eagerly accepted the scraps they offered because I had nothing better.
You've given me so much more than I could ever ask for, more than I ever dreamed of having. You've listened to me, helped me, risked your own life to save me, and now you put everything on the line just to come see me. I never dreamed I could be so lucky! I think that somehow you and I were just meant to find each other and fall in love. So many good things are in store for us, I know it.
I don't understand why the guardians won't cooperate. I'm trying as hard as I can to calm things down so I can come home. They just won't listen. I'm sorry, I don't know what else I can do. I miss you so much but I don't think I'll be allowed to come home anytime soon. Guardians are so strange. I hope you can come see me again soon, I need to be near you again. I can't stand this separation without the hope that I get from our meetings.
Leaves are falling off the trees, and winter is coming. That means it will be the Dawning soon. This year, I look forward to it. It will be my first year to celebrate with someone who loves me even if we're millions of miles apart. Dawning has always been such a lonely holiday, but this year will be different. I'm so grateful to have you in my life and I long to be with you again. I love you with all the love in me.
Faithfully yours,
Petra
October 24th
My dear Petra,
I've cleared a few hours on the 28th where no one will go looking for me or expect me to be on the Reef. I'll be at your apartment at 15 sharp.
Don't blame yourself for being stuck where you are. Guardians are ridiculous and Mara is being so unreasonable. You deserve way better than this. It's not fair that we have to meet in secret, as if we're doing something wrong. You should be welcomed back to the Reef by a parade, you should be brought back to the Dreaming City in honor. The whole world should know what an amazing woman you are and we should have the Queen's blessing on our love, as we would if she knew you as I do. I should be allowed to choose you as my love and take you back with me into the Palace at Old Vesta. But, as ever, Mara treats me like a baby and she prevents me from getting the few things I need to be happy. She thinks she's my mother, she thinks she can keep me in a cage as our mother did, while she does as she pleases as our mother allowed her to do. What would it hurt her to have us happy together? Nothing! She's being selfish to both of us. I'm sorry. I hate being Prince. If I weren't, no one would care. We'd be free to do as we pleased. She probably banished you just to try and separate us.
Petra, you're my everything, you're my love, my sweetheart. I can't live without you. Every day we're apart I just want to run away, come get you, and go somewhere with you. Forget the Reef, wherever you are is where I want to be. Just tell me that you're done trying to fix this and I'll come get you. I'll make a home for us anywhere you like and we'll spend the rest of our days in peace together. We'll do everything together, we'll work together, eat together, we'll sleep together and wake up together. Doesn't that sound wonderful? We could have everything we've ever wanted. Think of how happy we could be!
Petra, I promise you, you will not spend this Dawning alone. I will be with you. I'm never alone when I'm with you. I'm never really alone on the Dawning but it feels that way. This year we'll be together, we'll be happy, I promise I'll wait as long as it takes you to come home. I spent thousands of years without you and I'd wait thousands more if that's how long it took to hold you in my arms again.
It breaks my heart to think that you could be so alone for so long, to think that I would be the only one who ever loved you! I don't understand how no one else could see you the way I do or how you could believe such sad things about yourself. You are so, so, so worth it, worth knowing, loving, and protecting. I can't believe no one ever treated you that way. I love you so much that I can't ever stop thinking about you. My mind is always divided between the task at hand and you. My heart longs to have you here with me, to hold you close and feel your heart against mine. I want to rest with you, kiss you, feel your hair between my fingers. There's nothing as nice to touch as you.
Petra, my love, I know I saw something special the first time I looked into your eye. I know I saw a flash of forever hidden there. I knew I was meant to help you, then to befriend you, and you were the best friend I'd ever had. Being in love is better than the best of friends, for friends can't share the same things that lovers do; a hug, a kiss, or a tender touch. I want to know everything about you and share everything with you.
As we draw closer to the day when I'm coming to see you, I feel more and more excited. I wish I knew when you'll come home that I might count down those days as well, like a child waiting for his birthday. My imagination has been busy painting me a lovely picture of what it will be like when you come home and we can be together all the time. I have many things I need to do so that I can meet with you, so I'll end my letter here. I'll see you soon, and I love you so much.
Yours forever,
Uldren
October 25th
Dear Uldren,
I'm here by no fault other than my own. You talk as if Mara purposefully separated us, but she doesn't even know that we're in love! There's no malicious intent to either of us, she only means to teach me not to be carried away by my pride in the field. I'll stay here and keep working to earn my way back. It hasn't even been a month! We can make it through. We don't need to turn our backs on the Reef, our home, just yet. The happiness we desire will come.
And think, what a disservice it would be to your sister, whom you know you love, if you left! You told me that for years you feared she would abandon you, perhaps she feels the same way? Would you really leave her, as you were afraid she would to you? It would be sweeter than anything else, to live in peace with you and with no troubles, but such a perfect life can't exist. There are better options than running away together, options that would benefit more than just us. I feel the same impatience, the same longing to be near you at any cost, but we shouldn't give up. There's still plenty of hope! Someday, all those things we want will come, but we only have to wait and they won't come at such a heavy cost.
I hope you have a chance to read this letter before you come to my apartment, for I must give you a warning. The woman in the apartment next to me is very nosy and suspicious, and she comes home from her work at 15:10, so make sure you aren't late. If she sees you, she'll be sure to investigate.
I can't wait to see you on thursday. There's so many things I want to tell you, so many things I want to do! I hope we'll have plenty of time. I'm looking forward to being with you again, so I'll keep this short and save the rest for when we're together.
Faithfully yours,
Petra