Sharon had never been so nervous about visiting her parents as she was now. Her parents were loving and warm, and as the youngest daughter after three brothers, she often felt like they tried to overprotect her. Every time she came for a visit, she felt as if her family wanted to wrap her in cotton wool, like a precious vase, even though she was more than capable of dealing with the challenges life has thrown her way.
Her fingers shook as she curled them around the handle of her parents' front door. She looked at Ethan, who was holding Ricky's tiny hand and smiled at him nervously. Unlike her, he looked serene, unaware of the storm that was brewing inside her.
She pressed the handle down and opened the door. Her parents never locked their front door during the day, so any family member or friend could come and go as they wished. Being a cop, Sharon always worried that someone would one day take advantage of her parents' overly welcoming habit, but she couldn't convince them to lock it during the day too. While this wasn't a surprise visit, Sharon was expected to let herself in, just like the rest of her family.
"Mom? Dad? Are you home?" she called out, followed by Emily, Ricky, and Ethan.
"Sharon, is that you?" she heard her mother's voice as the elderly woman rushed from the kitchen towards the entrance. "Look at you. God blessed me with such a beautiful daughter," she called out excitedly and cupped Sharon's face.
Sharon felt Emily wrapping her arms around her leg. "Say hello to grandma, Emily," Sharon gently ushered her daughter forward.
"Emily, you've grown up so much," Sharon's mother called out.
"My tooth fell," Emily said and gave her grandmother a toothless smile. "And the tooth fairy bought me ballerina stickers."
"Did she?" Sharon's mother asked excitedly and pressed a wet kiss to her granddaughter's cheek.
"Did I hear something about the tooth fairy?" Sharon recognized her father's voice as he walked towards the door.
Emily ran towards him and told him of the tooth fairy as she followed him to the living room.
"And who is that big boy?" Sharon's mother swept Ricky into her arms and kissed him.
"Mom, he's –" Sharon started. She wanted to tell her mother that Ricky was at the age when he was afraid of strangers, but Ricky's hysterical cry preceded her.
Her mother did not seem even remotely phased by her grandson's crying, and when she offered to give him candy, he calmed down.
"Um, mom, this is Ethan, he's –"
"You're Sharon and Jack's friend. I remember you from the wedding," her mother called out. "I'm Catherine."
When Catherine finished her introduction, Sharon and Ethan followed her to the kitchen, where Catherine gave Ricky a soft cookie and boiled water for tea.
"So, have you heard from Jack recently?" her mother asked.
"He's still nowhere to be found," Sharon replied.
"What kind of man leaves a pregnant wife and a young child?" Catherine muttered as she put Ricky down.
"Dada," Ricky called out and toddled towards Ethan, who scooped him up in his arms.
"Poor boy, he needs his father so badly," Catherine said.
"Actually, he's been calling Ethan 'dada' for a while now," Sharon said.
"What do you mean?" Catherine's ears perked.
"Well, after Jack left, Ethan has been there to help with the kids a lot," Sharon started.
"That's very kind of you, Ethan," Catherine said.
"Yeah, and you know, we spent a lot of time together in the last couple of years," Sharon said, trying to think of the best way to let her mother know about her relationship with Ethan.
"You like children, huh?" Catherine handed Sharon one mug and placed the other in front of Ethan, who was still holding Ricky in his arms.
"I do, and these two in particular," Ethan replied.
"That's sweet. I bet you would make a wonderful father one day," Catherine said.
Ethan smiled sweetly. He promised to let Sharon do most of the talking as far as approaching the subject of their relationship went.
"Yes, mom. Ethan is incredibly sweet and loving towards Emily and Ricky. He's been there for all of their important moments."
"It's nice to know that you're setting a good example for these children," Catherine beamed.
"And he's also been there for me, you know?" Sharon continued.
"I'm glad you have such a good friend that helps you with your children, Sharon, but don't forget that you, too, have an important role as a mother."
"Of course, mom. But really, what I'm trying to tell you is that Ethan and I are more than friends."
"What? Like a brother?" Her mother looked at her with confusion.
Sharon took Ethan's hand and inhaled deeply. "Ethan and I have been involved in the last year and a half."
"Involved as in you're a couple?" her mother's voice shook.
Sharon hummed affirmatively and watched as her mother's eyes widened and her face reddened. Sharon's brain only registered her mother's anger a moment before her mother's palm forcefully hit her cheek. The impact of her mother's slap made Sharon drop the mug. It shattered at her feet, and the steaming tea spilled all over her jeans and shoes.
"Crap, it's hot!" Sharon whimpered at the searing pain.
"Do not swear in this house," her mother's palm hit her face a second time, this time more forcefully. "I can't believe what I'm hearing, Sharon."
Sharon felt a shiver going down her spine. Her mother has never laid a hand on her before, nor did she ever beat Sharon's older brothers. She had not expected such a violent reaction. Behind her, Ricky was sobbing in panic in Ethan's arms, and she turned towards him, tears in her eyes.
"Shhh, don't cry, sweetie. Mommy is fine," she said to her son. She considered taking him into her arms but worried about what might happen to him if her mother unleashed her wrath upon her again. Her gaze met Ethan's, who was barely keeping his distress in check. She shook her head slowly.
"You are a married woman, Sharon. Have you no shame?" her mother asked in a dangerously low voice. "Sleeping around with your husband's friend. No wonder he left you."
Her mother's words hurt more than her slaps.
"Mrs. O'Dwyer, if I may," Ethan started.
"You may not," Catherine called out.
Sharon wanted to flee, and maybe that was the smart thing to do, but she didn't. "Jack is an alcoholic, mom. He's been drinking and sleeping around. He is not a good father to his children. He's never been there for me either."
"Spoiled brat," Sharon ducked in time, and her mother's palm missed her face by an inch.
"Would you stop hitting her?" Ethan called out.
"Ethan, don't." Sharon turned to him. She knew that Ethan did not shy away from a confrontation that he felt was just.
"No, Sharon. It's not okay for her to beat you like that. You've done nothing wrong," Ethan said.
Sharon shook her head at him but knew that he would continue.
"Mrs. O'Dwyer, I have known Jack Raydor since I was four, and I loved him like a brother," Ethan said. "But he made it clear that he's no longer interested in Sharon or his family. I am. And we came here because I want to marry your daughter and make her happy, like she deserves, and to be a father to these beautiful children."
"Marry my daughter?"
Ethan pulled Sharon by the arm to get her out of the way of another slap.
"Seriously, Mrs. O'Dwyer, stop hitting your daughter," he said through his teeth.
"Mom, please," Sharon said. Her entire body was tense, and she felt nauseous. She's seen her mother angry before, but never this mad. "We love each other, and we want to have a future together. We want to have children and watch them grow and grow old together. We want to be happy, and I wanted you to get to know him."
"You are married," Catherine said.
"I'm filing for divorce," Sharon answered.
"No, you're not," Catherine hissed.
"Ma'am, Sharon has already made the decision to end her marriage to Jack," Ethan interjected.
"The Catholic church will never allow you to divorce or get remarried," Catherine said viciously.
"We're not getting married in the church," Sharon replied.
"I'm not Catholic, Mrs. O'Dwyer," Ethan said and adjusted his hold of Ricky.
Sharon could see her mother's nostrils flaring.
"What's all the fuss in here?" Sharon's father came into the kitchen with Emily in tow.
"Go on, tell your father and break his heart too," Catherine said.
Her father looked at her, a mix of compassion and confusion crossing his face.
"Dad, Ethan and I are getting married, and I wanted you and mom to meet him," Sharon's voice shook.
"Well, Ethan, our daughter is already married, so I don't see how that will be possible," William O'Dwyer said.
"I'm divorcing Jack," Sharon said.
"No, you're not. You made a commitment to this man. You can't turn your back on that," her father said.
"Dad, Jack turned his back on his family. He doesn't want us in his life. I want to move on from him and rebuild my life."
"Honey, I'm sure Mr. Ethan here is a very nice man, but you're confused about this whole thing. You can't marry another man because, in the eyes of God, you are already married. Only death can do you part," William said.
"Mommy, why is everyone angry?" Emily walked towards her mother and hugged her leg.
"Your mother is doing bad things, that's why," Catherine said and handed her granddaughter a cookie.
"I know this is hard for you, but I love you, and I want you to be happy for me that I've found love again," Sharon said. "And when you get to know Ethan, you'll see what a wonderful, loving person he is. Don't you want this for your grandchildren and me?"
"We want you to be happy, Sharon, but this man is not your path for happiness," her father said and turned to Ethan. "I am sure you're a fine man, but you have to find a single woman. Our daughter already belongs to someone else."
Sharon took Ethan's hand. "I wanted you to be happy for me and give us your blessing, but I see this isn't working out. We'll leave now, and I do hope that despite everything, we'll see you at our wedding."
She motioned for Ethan to leave, picked up Emily in her arms, and carried her towards the front door.
"Sharon?" she heard her mother's voice behind her.
Sharon turned around.
"If you follow through with the divorce and marry this man, you will not have a place in our family anymore. You will never see us or your brothers or your nieces and nephews again. Choose your path carefully."
After they checked into their hotel and put the children to bed, Sharon let Ethan place an ice pack on her swollen cheek and examine the burns on her thighs from the spilled tea.
"Sharon, I know this was a rough day, and I want you to know that the things your mother did and said were not okay," he said softly as he applied burn ointment on her thighs. Luckily, her burns were not severe and would probably heal without leaving a scar.
"She's not always like that," Sharon mumbled, her gaze fixed on the floor.
"Maybe, but it still makes it wrong," Ethan said.
Sharon raised her eyes and looked at him. "I don't want to lose my family."
"What if you file for divorce, and we'll just live together without getting married? Would that appease your parents?"
"They don't believe in divorce," Sharon said.
"Do you believe in divorce?"
"I don't know anymore," Sharon said.
"What does that mean?" Ethan asked.
Tears welled in Sharon's eyes. "I love you, but I don't know if I am willing to lose my family over this."
"You mean the family that slapped you and threatened to cut you off if you dare to do something that makes you happy because it's against their faith?" Ethan asked.
"I love them, Ethan," Sharon said. "Would you ditch your parents and sister for me, really?"
"My family loves me enough to accept my choices," Ethan replied.
Sharon sighed. Her body ached from the tension of her earlier confrontation with her parents, and a headache was forming behind her eyes.
"You're not Jack's property, Sharon. You're not tied to him for life. It's just a thing your parents said," Ethan took her hand.
"You were at my wedding; you know as well as I do that I promised to be his in sickness and in health until death separates us. This is my faith, too."
"Do you think Jack feels this way too? Did he think of that when he left you and never even called to ask if his son is okay?" Ethan asked.
"He's never filed for a divorce, has he?"
"And that's because he's such a good Christian or maybe because he never gave a damn about how his decisions affected you and your children?" Ethan insisted. "Sharon, I may not be Christian, but I'm not blind to your faith. What you promised each other at church when you were nineteen has been broken endless times by both of you. He's not here for you, and you're not there for him either. And if Jack wanted you to be there for him in sickness and in health, he'd stick around and let you watch him drink himself to death, but he didn't. He left because he doesn't want this marriage anymore."
Tears burst from Sharon's eyes. Even though she loved Ethan very much, she couldn't deny that she still harbored some feelings for Jack. Having both her parents and her fiancé telling her that Jack didn't want her felt like a thousand daggers cutting into her skin at once.
"I'm sorry, this came out wrong," Ethan said, and his fingers stroked the knuckles of her hands. "I know Jack loved you. But we both know he loves drinking even more."
"Alcoholism is a disease, Ethan. We both know that," Sharon said.
"That may be true, but do you really see yourself married to the bottle until your last day? Because that's what you'll get if you choose your marriage over our relationship."
"I know you don't understand why I need to think this over, but I'm asking you to accept it and give me the time to figure out what is right for me on my own," Sharon said.
August 2014
Sharon picked the pen again and sighed. Her marriage to Jack defined her in many ways throughout the years, and there wasn't a single day that she didn't regret choosing her family over Ethan. Yes, her children had a good relationship with their grandparents, but they've missed out on a wonderful man. Sharon was also aware that her choice led to her children experiencing abandonment by not one father but two. She truly messed up on this one.
After that day at her parents' house, Sharon's relationship with her mother was damaged beyond repair. She had refused to let her mother spend time with Ricky and Emily for several years, fearing whatever physical punishments she may inflict on them should they do something she deemed wrong. While her father was not happy about her relationship with Ethan, he was willing to cut her some slack. Sharon felt like he would have eventually accepted Ethan had she not broken up with him.
She knew that Ethan got married and had three beautiful children because he invited her to his wedding and his children's Bar Mitzvahs, and she went. She was happy for him that his life turned out well. Despite their breakup, he continued to try and convince Sharon to divorce Jack throughout the years, but to no avail. Until Rusty came along and changed her life.
God, did she love that boy, despite all the complications he brought into her life. She and Ethan often spoke of their desire to have another child, and after they broke up, Sharon had lost hope of ever bringing another child into the world. Sure, she could always have another one with Jack, who, at some point, came into her home and her bed frequently enough for her to be able to conceive. But she didn't want to put another child through Jack's abandonment, just to satisfy her own selfish need to become a mother again. With Rusty, it was different. Although he had dealt with similar issues as Emily and Ricky did and had an even more onerous burden to carry due to the sexual and physical abuse he endured, Rusty's presence in Sharon's life filled her with joy and light. Her heart adopted him a long time ago. Now all that was left was to do it on paper. And the step that it required was signing her divorce papers.
"You will not have a place in our family anymore." Her mother's threat that she'll never have a family again if she divorced Jack echoed in Sharon's ears.
"You are not Jack's property," echoed Ethan's voice.
Sharon's hand shook as she brought the pen to the paper and scribbled her name over the dark line. She was no one's property. She was Rusty's mother.
THE END