Chapter Seventeen 17/19
Jarrod changed in the water closet into his smoking jacket and silk sleeping pants. He walked into the dim room to find Liz asleep in his bed. Her sister had taken her auburn ringlets down and put her in a white nightdress. She looked like a maid herself instead of a 30-year-old mother of six.
Victoria came into the room and brought Jarrod a scotch. "Want some company?"
He nodded affirmatively.
She pulled out some blankets from his closet and fixed the trundle for him. They sat in companionable silence in the two large wing chairs by his fireplace. They left a single light burning in case she woke.
"Jarrod, she is going to be ok. She observed herself as Stella today. She saw her life through someone else and it deeply shook her. It will take time."
"I know but the look in her eyes chilled my soul. I couldn't help her at all."
"You have some mighty deep cracks to fill that John shattered in her. It won't happen easily or quickly."
"She was barely 13 when I met her at her wedding. She was a child dressed up as a woman. Do you realize Lily will be 12 soon? I can't even imagine— Liz was so brave. She looked me straight in the eyes and introduced herself and made a California cowboy joke. She had confidence and strength even then."
He took a couple more sips of his scotch. Victoria refilled it.
"I saw her a few years later. I met Beth on the train home from DC after that. Liz had to swallow her pride as I attempted to deflect her attention from her husband's mistress. He left her with me at a party on the Potomac. She was no fool—-she took it in stride. She accepted her lot with this kind of quiet dignity that I never forgot. She would stay with her children no matter what-and how she defied both of the bastards to protect Isabella and Adrienne. "
"And Violet—-he demanded that she christened a ship instead of obeying the doctor's orders. She talked me through the delivery completely—- she comforted me when it should have been the other way around."
"The day I punched John—-I realized I felt better but I made it worse on Liz."
"I wonder why Nick and Katarina never told me about San Diego?"
"I think you know why—-Jarrod"
"I guess I do—And her at Isabella's wedding hosting it all and wearing long sleeves and high neck lace to cover the bruises."
"I wanted to kill him so many times. Just like today. It didn't bother me at all to take that man out either."
"Even at the Inquest, she was so brave—-moving here, having Laurel—-she did it all 'narry a complaint."
"She even blamed herself for Amy—-"
"But tonight, there was no light in her eyes."
He grew silent again and downed the scotch staring ahead. Willing Liz in his mind to fight and let him help her mend.
Around 3 am, Eire brought Laurel up to the room. Victoria and he had drifted off restlessly.
He took the sniffling baby and kissed her forehead. She nuzzled him and then reached out for Liz. He quietly took Laurel over to the bed.
"Liz, Liz our little girl needs you. Laurel is ready to eat."
She hardly opened her eyes but reached out for the child instinctively. Victoria propped her up and handed her Laurel. She cradled and sang to the baby in French as she fed her—with her eyes completely closed.
Victoria took the sleeping Laurel and took her back to her crib. Jarrod leaned over Liz and helped her get back under the covers and fluffed her pillows. She had the same vacant stare for a moment and turned away from him.
He kissed her on the top of her head and she flinched. His stomach knotted up at the rebuff and he went back to his chair —-watching her sleep.
Liz slept until dawn and Laurel needed to feed again. Jarrod handed her down to her disoriented mother. Liz vacantly took her to her breast and closed her eyes.
After she nursed, Jarrod gave the child to Katarina to dress for the day. He went over to Liz's bedside and held her hand. She allowed him too which relieved him.
After a few minutes, she asked him about Stella and Billy. He told her they were recovering at Dr. Merar's and they could visit them soon. That seemed to calm her and she drifted back to sleep.
Around an hour later, she started tossing and turning. Liz flailed at the air whimpering. She woke the dozing Jarrod with a start. "John, John Noooooooo". He jumped at her scream.
"Liz, Liz, Liz… it's Jarrod" he spoke softly.
Her eyes flew open and she grabbed her throat, "I can't breathe."
He gently pulled her up to sit. "My love, I am here. Slow, slow… you can do it. Relax my dear…"
She was very anxious and her eyes kept darting around the room.
"Can I hold you, Liz?" He made no sudden movements.
She nodded. He reached out and sat beside her on the bed. She forced herself to lay her head on his chest. He took a deep breath, kissed the top of her head, and took this as a good sign.
—&—-
After several days, Liz moved back to the guest house trying her best to act normal. She was embarrassed that she had caused such a fuss. She kept apologizing to Jarrod and Victoria.
Iva and Howard came to check on her when they brought Billy back to the bunkhouse. Stella got a room at the boarding house with Nick's help.
She allowed Jarrod to hold her and kiss her on the cheek. He once looked as if he wanted more and she quickly turned away.
"Jarrod, can you take me to see Stella?"
"Are you sure, my love? It may be hard on you."
"I have talked with your Mother. She is a very wise lady. I think I need to do it along with something else" but she didn't expound upon it.
He reached over and kissed her hand. "Yes, I am blessed with two very strong and wise ladies in my life."
He took her into Stockton the next day. She sat close to him in the buggy and leaned into his shoulder. Those simple romantic gestures comforted both of them.
They found her in pretty good spirits. She was wearing a simple gingham dress with her hair pulled back in a net bun. Without the makeup and saloon dress, she looked like a girl—-how had she been married for several years already and ended up in a saloon?
Jarrod left them alone after a few minutes. "I will be downstairs if you need me."
They nodded.
"I would like to help you."
Stella looked at her hesitantly and waited for her to go on.
"Can I ask you some questions, please? I promise I am not being nosy or gossipy. Anything you don't want to tell me just let me know."
"Sure," she said tentatively.
"How old are you? When did you get married?"
"I will be eighteen in May. My daddy gave me to Craig when I was 14." She lowered her head and added, "Cause he owed him money. He married me and took me to his cabin and did things to me— I ran off two years ago and I ain't looking back."
"Oh my dear, you don't have to go and tell me anything else. I need to share something in my heart with you."
"I was 13 and bedded at 14."
Stella's eyes flew open. Liz continued…
She told her story in its entirety. Stella couldn't believe that this fine lady and her saddle tramp self could ever have a conversation much less become confidants—-but they had.
"Did you run away too?"
"No, I would not have. He threatened to keep my children. The Barkley's showed me kindness for years and in a terrible scene, Nick killed him in self-defense. He caught him violating me. I was with child and was beaten unconscious for several days."
Stella couldn't help her tears from falling and Liz let hers freely fall finally.
"I would like to do something similar for you."
She looked confused and Liz took her hand.
"Jarrod and I have six children already and we will be married in December. We are building a house next door to his family. I would love for you to come live on the ranch and I will pay you more than a fair wage. We can decide what you feel comfortable doing and work on some responsibilities. Trust me, there is work to go around. How far did you go in school?"
Stella gave her first smile to Liz, "I graduated primary school and was the top of my class—-until I got married off. I love to read and there wasn't too much time for that in a saloon…And Miss Liz, I love to cook and clean. I liked working in a restaurant before I picked up and came to Stockton."
"Wonderful…we are going to have plenty to do. I also want you to read to my children every day and work on their studies."
She beamed and for the first time in a long time, felt like she had a future.
"Miss Liz, I need to tell you something. Billy and I have been talking about the future."
Liz beamed at her. "I shall be the first to congratulate you if it happens."
And she reached out to hug Stella. "I will have someone bring you out when you are feeling better. Billy won't be riding for a while. Or you get a rig at the livery anytime you want to come out, meet the children, -see your Billy. Have a boy ride out with you. Charge it to the Barkley accounts… My treat...Nick paid for this room all month. Let me know if you need it longer."
And as she hugged Stella, "Remember you make your own choices now. You can live freely and happily. Just remember there is going to be someone down the road one day that needs to hear your story. Mrs. Barkley reminded me of that."
And she went down to meet Jarrod and head back to the ranch. A weight was lifted off of her shoulders, just by getting it all out.
Jarrod recognized the change in her demeanor and the wide smile he had not seen in days.
And then to her next healing strategy. Victoria was right about seeing Stella so to her second piece of advice.