I'm in trouble with Oni Press! Apparently I'm too good a writer! Brian Lee O'Malley now has time to actually write Snotgirl! Not too sure on GINAX… Oh yeah, I don't own any of these dudes. (except for this 'Author' character...)
OoOoO Asuka Langley Soryu Gets It Together! OoOoO
"Wake up Asuka! You don't wanna be late for your first day of School!" Ramona shouted from behind the closed door of Auska's bedroom. "You too Scott! Can't be late!"
'She is way too damn happy this early.' Unit-02's pilot thought. Looking at her alarm it said 6:45, 45 minutes before school started. "Why do I have to get up so early?" She whined.
"'Cause I have to. And unless you want burned eggs and undercooked toast, I make breakfast." He complained back, equally tired. "Also we both gotta get to school."
"You still go to school? How were you placed in charge of an EVA pilot?" She scoffed at the now downtrodden man.
"Hey! The Commander owes him a bunch of favors, how do you think we live for free here?" Ramona piped up, wandering out of the bathroom. "Also, there are people called 'teachers' Asuka. They, y'know, work at the school."
"Really? I doubt you know much about anything!" She turned her nose up, getting annoyed at the pair. "A dummkopf like yourself probably failed school!"
"I teach English." He said, turning over the eggs on the stove. "[I'm from Canada, you redheaded meanie.]" He said in English, assuming she couldn't speak any.
"[Scott, you're just gonna rile her up!]" Ramona said, hoping he would catch on to her. Unfortunately, she forgot it was Scott who picked up on things about as well as a brick.
"[Nah, It's fine. Not like she can understand us anyway. But doesn't she remind you of Envy? Red hair, skinny, Bitc-]"
"[I understand every word perfectly]" She said, narrowing her eyes. "[Who is Envy? They sound like a bitch.]"
"She was my ex, the bad one." Scott said, crossing his arms. "She was a famous rockstar, but she was really mean…" Scott trailed off, then finished breakfast.
"Better than my exes, she didn't try to kill me." Ramona rebutted.
"Yeah she did! Remember, you had to fight her with that giant hammer, and the knee thing. That doesn't even mention that Todd blew new craters into the moon. Twice."
"What the hell are you two talking about!" Asuka finally shouted. "Your exes wanted to murder you?"
"Oh yeah! You haven't read the books. So basically, when me and Ramona started dating, she told me; 'You need to beat up my evil exes, they're gonna kill you.' So I beat up this Pirate-magician guy with demon hipster chicks. Then I had to trick a skater movie star to grind down 300 flights of stairs. Then my band was invited to open for my ex's new band, which was the top Indie act that year, her ex was the bassist of the band. Turns out they were dating!"
"That's… a lot." Was all Asuka could say.
"I got beat up by his magic vegan powers, then we opened for them. But Ramona was getting her butt kicked by Envy because of something, I don't remember. Then I had to fight her ex-girlfriend, who was a fat ninja, and" Scott leaned into Asuka's ears so Ramona couldn't hear. "I think they were sleeping with each other 'cause we had an argument a few days before." He leaned back out. "I cut her in half with this sword that can come out of my chest. Then I beat up these two Japanese twins after they kidnapped my friend. After that Ramona kinda, like, teleported because of this weird glow, but I'll get back to that."
Scott and Asuka got up and put shoes on, Ramona was a minute behind. She had roller skates on, which confused Asuka. "Why are you wearing roller skates?"
"They're for work." Asuka's face was skeptical, at best. "Really! They help me go through subspace faster. NERV's all about time management."
"What do you do? Are you the delivery girl?" She said sarcastically.
"Yep! Misato needs to get a file from Central Dogma to level 3? I'll get it done in 25 seconds. The Burger King by the school to Commander Ikari's office? Under a minute." She smiled, slightly smugly. "I'm the best at what I do!"
Asuka decided it wasn't worth the trouble to ask how it worked. She doubted that she even knew. 'It would make sense to ask Dr. Akagi about it next time I see her.'
She and Scott were walking, which for her was easy enough. Scott however, was soaked before they got to the next block. He decided to continue his story.
"So after the twins, there was Gideon. He was the worst, by far. He put this weird thingy in your head that changed your memories. So I tried beating him up. He killed me, but hey, I got better. Then me and Ramona cut him in half and were pelted by 7,777,777 coins. Did I forget to mention they blew up into coins?"
"I somehow doubt all of this." Asuka said, just loud enough for Scott to hear.
"I've got tapes of most of them! Minus 5 & 6. Plus, we're from an alternate universe! I don't know much about why, so you'll have to ask Ritsuko."
"That… makes enough sense." Asuka finally said.
The walk to school was mostly silent from there, if you didn't include Scott's panting. They did reach school eventually, heading the same way for a minute, before Scott took a small detour. He went and changed into a fresh set of clothes in a seemingly empty locker. After exiting the changing room, he continued his way to class 2-A, or as they both realized, Asuka's new class.
"So you're going to be able to meet the First Child! Ain't that convenient." Scott said excitedly before entering the class. "[Hello Everyone!]" he said in English.
"[Hey Scott!]" They said back.
"We've got a new student today! The new robot pilot, and my wad. Please enter the class, Asuka!"
A loud 'Nooo!' could be heard, but everyone decided to ignore it.
"I'm Asuka Langley Soryu. harmed, huh?"
"So in conclusion, Peter Gabriel was the best Genesis singer, not Phil Collins." Scott said finishing his lesson. "Well, there's about 5 minutes till lunch, so you guys just mingle among yourselves, I'm gonna play video games."
"So, Third. Mind introducing me to the illustrious First Child?" Asuka asked the poor boy. After all, he just wanted to relax for a few minutes.
"Fine, but don't be angry at her. She's just a bit… different." Shinji said, hopefully deterring the Red-headed Witch's wrath from Rei.
The two walked over to where the aforementioned Rei Ayanami was sitting. She was reading a book, specifically a textbook on the Estonian language.
"Guten morgen Erstes Kind!" Asuka happily said to her fellow pilot. "Wie geht es dir? Wärst du mein Freund?"
"Ich werde es in Erwägung ziehen." She replied in her usual monotone voice.
"What's take supposed to mean, Wondergirl?!" Asuka fumed. "Am I not good enough for you?" The german poked her head up and turned away at that.
"She doesn't mean, whatever she said, like that Asuka! She's just not too receptive to people. She hasn't had many friends." Shinji interjected. He hoped to sway her opinion.
"Worried for your girlfriend stupid shinji?" She goaded him.
"N-No!" The boy blushed hard. "I just thought that you weren't being very nice!"
Asuka was laughing her A-10 clips off. "You're too easy Third!"
Meanwhile Rei was sitting in her chair, looking at the two arguing children of NERV. 'The Second Child is odd… but I would not mind being friends with her.' She stood up, startling both of the other pilots. "Very well, I accept your offer of friendship Pilot Soryu."
"O-Oh. If we're friends, just call me Asuka. I still get to call you Wondergirl ey." Asuka said.
"Alright, Asuka."
Almost nobody came down here. Poor, poor, Dr. Akagi. Her office was one of the least visited places in NERV. So there she would sit, smoking her Pall Mall Reds cigarettes. She used to smoke Oranges, but when the angels arrived she switched to Blues. After her new duties in testing Rei, she turned to the Reds.
But at the moment, poor, poor Dr. Akagi was being straddled by two hairy arms.
"You've lost weight." The voice of Kaji came from her back.
"Is that so?" She said slyly. She turned her head a few degrees in his direction, but not quite enough to look at the stubbled man. Kaji decided to walk to where she was looking instead.
"You must be suffering in a loveless relationship." He said adorned with his cocky smirk. "'A woman with a mole in the pathway of her tears is destined to a life full of them.'"
"If you're trying to put the moves on me, I'm afraid you can't. There's two pairs of eyes watching us." She said looking to where both Ramona & Misato were walking to see the doctor. "Long time no see Kaji."
"Not long enough!" Misato shouted from the now opened door. "You already delivered Unit-02, you should be gone by now!" She huffed in front of the man, whose smile only got wider.
"She's got it baaad for you. Don't misuse your power over her feelings." Ramona replied, smirking as well. Misato fumed even harder, trying not to blush, but failing. Miserably.
"I'm on loan from Germany. The Commander set me up. Apparently I was doing such a good job, I got access to a beautiful woman such as yourself." He smirked out through his impossible big smile.
Misato prepared to pay him another insult, but was interrupted by blaring alarms. An angel had come to NERV.
"That's my queue!" Ramona shouted, pulling down the goggles on her head. "I'll be in the cages in 6 minutes at most." She walked through a star-marked door which had no exit.
"What the hell!" Kaji shouted. "So they really can teleport..."
Subspace was sickening, both in premise and execution. 'Makes me wanna vomit. How do they stand it?' Asuka thought. She was in her EVA, awaiting Misato's orders. Shinji was in Unit-01 next to her, prepping to be sent out. Today would be her first land battle, and she was determined to win it.
"Evangelion Units 01 and 02 will sorte against the Seventh Angel classed as Israfel. Said angel will be coming from the sea. You will be rotating in turns between long distance and close distance fighting… if there is no Code ABAB905. In that event, command of this operation goes to Scott Pilgrim." Misa- no Captain Katsuragi briefed the pair.
"Roger." The two pilots replied.
And thus, battle commenced, or at least it should have. The angel had split into two had a massive afro held upright by a sweat band, with the other was bald but had ankle weights on. Both were adorned in bright blue uniforms that had Israfel 00 & Israfel 01 on the back and a bright white ANGELS on the front. The Japanese Coast turned to… an NBA Jam stage.
"My god… They've done it." Scott barely breathed out. "They… Do you have no shame! You lunatics!" He shouted. "Retreat, there is no way to beat them at the moment…"
"Belay that!" Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki yelled. "We must try!"
KOZO FUYUTSUKI
SUB-COMMANDER OF NERV
59 YEARS OLD
FUN FACT: IS OLD
"Sub-Commander sir, I don't think you understand. At the moment, the pilots will be useless! This is taking an unnecessary risk!"
"They will engage, Pilgrim. The order is final." Scott was sweating harder than thought possible.
It was rough. The Israfels were getting steals, blocks, and rebounds, all while hitting most of their shots. Asuka was the more effective player on offense, but was inept on defense, while Shinji was bad on the offense's side, but great in his own end. The score at half was 28-5. Everyone at NERV knew what needed to be done.
"Both of you listen up! The Israfels are kicking your ass, but I know how to defeat them. Asuka, you're gonna focus on scoring and protecting the outside. You're more mobile and have a better sync-score. Shinji, you've gotta lock up the inside and focus on defense." Scott planned out.
"Leave it to me Shinji! I'll score for us. Just don't make me worry about them scoring on you." Asuka said. "Get Ready!"
"Alright!" Shouted Shinji in response. He knew what he was good at, it didn't matter if he wasn't the one scoring in his mind. 'Let Asuka worry about shooting, I just gotta block and rebound.'
The difference was immediate. With Asuka working around the perimeter and scoring and Shinji staying inside and blocking, they had gotten the score to 34-20 by the end of the 3rd. With just 35 seconds left in the 4th, the EVA pilots were down by 2 points. A steal by the Israfels went nowhere as Shinji secured the rebound off a missed 3 pointer. 13 seconds left. Asuka marched down the court, lining up a 3 for the win. 8 seconds left. She shot, but missed. 5 seconds left. Shinji was there, he hopped up and slammed it down with less than a second remaining. It was heading to overtime.
"Fantastic you two! Continue what you were doing!" Scott shouted, all but knowing how good they were.
'I missed the shot… Stupid Shinji had to tip it in. But he was there for me. Could I possibly trust him? Fe, I doubt it.' Asuka thought to herself. She looked over at her compatriot, both waiting to beat the angels in OT. But the questions in her mind were being ignored at the moment. It was time.
Overtime was off to a bad start. The Israfels were hot to start, getting the score to 44-38. Asuka began her own hot streak, hitting three threes in a row, but allowing two herself, 50-47. Shinji then came through with a block, leading to a break away with Asuka getting a dunk. There was very little time left on the clock, but the feisty girl was going to use it to her advantage. She stole the ball with 12 seconds remaining, then shot the open three to time the game. Israfel 00 then tried a long pass in, which Shinji intercepted. Open, Asuka received the ball with just 3 seconds left. Letting the ball fly on 1.03 seconds, she was certain it would land into the basket. Shinji, Scott, and the rest of NERV could only watch in anticipation as the ball clanked in, then rolled, before sliding into the net.
The sounds of cheers could be heard for miles.
"You did it Asuka! You made the shot!" Shinji shouted while running up to his comrade. "You're fantastic!"
"I did, didn't I?" She said, before blushing profusely when she released the second comment, and that she was being hugged by Unit-01. "C-Cut it out Shinji!" He muttered an apology before letting her go. "Do… you really think I'm fantastic?"
"Of course!"
"Good! After all, I am the greatest EVA pilot!" She smirked, but inwardly yelled at herself. 'Stupid, stupid! That was your chance! Why do you shut yourself off at every opportunity?'
The next day was uneventful, thankfully. School had been cancelled because of the angel attack the day before. Asuka, Scott, and Ramona decided to visit the Katsuragi/Ikari household. Rei, Ritsuko and Kaji were also there. The event was planned after the conclusion of the battle. Asuka had demanded to see the footage of Scott beating up people, and since she had beaten the toughest angel to come yet, who was he to deny her?
That led to the entirety of the bridge wanting to see it too. The Bridge Bunnies along with the Sub-Commander were on their way too. Shigeru & Maya had offered to pick up the Huyga and Fuyutsuki during the planning of the event. When they arrived a few minutes later the tapes began.
They watched Scott beat up an Indian Pirate dude who could fly and perform magic. Apparently he was dating a high schooler at the time too. They then saw him fool a movie star into killing himself. After that there was a musical intermission, with the concert being played in full, while Scott and Ramona pointed out their exes. Then there was Envy's fight with Ramona, in which Misato joked that she looked and acted like Asuka. Scott won by headbutting a man to death. He then cut Ramona's 4th evil ex into fluffy animals.
"Well, there's not video of me defeating the 5th & 6th exes, so we'll have to reenact. Ramona will be Kim, I'll be me, and these bean bags will be the Katayanagi twins." Scott explained, then acted out the entire fight, at least to some extent. Then came the penultimate act where the group watched Scott die, come back to life, then cut a guy in half.
"Y-You've died?" Poor Shinji, he just wanted to see some funny videos.
"Only once! Besides, I kinda went into my own mind? It's hard to explain, but I was going around in subspace for a while."
OMAKE II: ATTACK OF THE (REI) CLONES
Gendo Ikari came back to a NERV in chaos. The technicians were playing video games, Flowers was polishing her… giant hammer. Sensei was… drinking wine and eating cheese? What the hell was going on?!
"I hope you don't mind, I gave everyone a lax schedule today. I think we deserve it." The old man said before sipping his wine.
All Gendo could do was sigh. He did owe Pilgrim 18 favors, and Sensei at least 3 more. Then he heard the music...
(Symphony X- Church of the Machine)
Bow down
In the platinum maze
Twilight cathedrals
Spread the system plague
Forging sacred thrones
In the void unseen
Merciless judgement
In the Church of the Machine
"Sorry Commander, I took the liberty of adding music to the facility. Enjoy it, it's Asuka's favorite!" Scott's voice rang through Central Dogma.
"Sometimes, I hate my job." The 'poor' man said to nobody in particular.
A/N: This Chapter's gotta bit a fluff if I'm being honest. Still one of my favorite chapters I've written. I wanted to give Scott a bit more focus in this chapter. I also skipped the whole 'Asuka & Shinji live together for a week' because you basically got a summary of that in the fishing scene last chapter, plus the end blurb after the battle.
Yes, Rei is a decent amount of OOC this chapter, but she's had a bit of development. She's probably not going to get another large swath of development for a few chapters. Next two are Asuka & Shinji focused.
Welp, that's it for now! Remember kids, Close to the Edge is the best Yes song, Echoes by Camel is better than Echoes by Pink Floyed, and most importantly, Low is the best David Bowie album. Have a good day/night y'all,