CHAPTER 2

As I was fixing myself a cup of tea, I heard the doorbell ring. I walked through the dining room and into the entry hall to see my father standing on the front porch. I pulled open the door to let him in.

"Hi, Dad. This is a nice surprise," I said, kissing him on the cheek. His normal jovial face looked pensive.

"I needed to see my baby girl and my grandsons. I hope it's a good time to visit."

"There's never a bad time to visit with my Dad. Can I get you anything? I just made myself a cup of peppermint tea. Would you like one?"

"Sounds good, baby girl." I retreated to the kitchen and made another cup of tea and brought it out to him.

"Where are they?" he asked, looking around the immediate area.

"Em took Finn to the park and Wyatt is upstairs asleep in his bassinet, but he'll be ringing the dinner bell soon. Do you want to take a peek at him?" He nodded his head. We set our tea down, then went up the stairs. We tiptoed into the bedroom and stood beside the bassinet, gazing down at Wyatt, who was sleeping soundly.

"He's beautiful, Maddy," whispered Dad, wiping a tear away from his cheek. "How has he been doing?"

"He's as healthy as a horse...and eats like one, too, I might add." He let out a soft chuckle, but there was still an underlying sadness to his demeanor.

"How are you feeling, baby girl?" he asked, taking my hand in his.

"I'm okay, Daddy," I said.

"No, you're not. I know you better than that," he said. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight, letting a few tears fall onto his shoulder. He took my hand and led me out of the bedroom and down the stairs. We picked up our mugs of tea and sat down at the dining room table.

"I think I have a few chocolate chip cookies left unless Em and Finn polished them off before they left. Do you want me to look?" I said, getting up from my seat.

"No, baby girl. I want you to sit down and talk to me. It's high time we did," he said. Like the dutiful daughter I was, I did as he asked.

"OK, but you look tired, Daddy, which worries me. Have you been feeling alright?" I said quietly. Ever since his last heart attack, I was always on high alert about his health.

"I will be once I say what I need to say, baby girl." I nodded and held my breath, waiting for the mild admonishment that was sure to follow. He had been quiet about the situation between me and Matthew, but I knew him well enough to know he'd be disappointed in both of us for everything that got us to this point.

"First off, I want to show you this," he said. He pulled a piece of folded up paper from his shirt pocket and handed it to me. I scanned it as he continued to talk. "It's time you saw this. It's the agreement that the Walker's lawyer drew up after Harper was born. Your mother and I signed it before we took you back to Chicago to that mental hospital. I want you to know that it was the most difficult decision we ever had to make, honey. I know it looks like we took a pay off to forget our granddaughter, but there were extenuating circumstances...things you didn't know. Now, it's time that you know everything."

"Daddy, you don't have to explain anything. I was in no condition, physically or mentally, to take care of a baby at that time. I understand what..." I said, but he interrupted me before I could finish.

"Don't stop me, Maddy. You need to hear this...all of it. Your Momma had just been diagnosed with cancer and that's why we agreed to take a cash settlement to relinquish all rights to the baby at that time. My insurance with the city didn't completely cover the cost of her treatments or her medications. Without the Walker's money, your Momma would have died a lot sooner than she did. She got another five years because of the chemotherapy and radiation that money bought her. We chose not to tell you about her illness then because you were already so distraught about losing Jackson and the baby. Then when you tried to hurt yourself...well, I'm sure you can understand why we did what we did."

"I do understand, Dad. You don't have to feel bad about it, especially now. Junior Walker has given Harper a good life. He loves her very much. If I have any regrets, it's that I wasn't strong enough to deal with losing Jackson and wasn't given a proper chance to take care of her. I was so young and I had lost everything that was my entire life in a matter of days and I couldn't handle it. It's water under the bridge now. Besides, when I saw Harper last October, she told me she knew that Jace and I were her real parents. She and I had a long talk about the reasons that I wasn't able to keep her. She's so beautiful and she's a remarkable young lady, Dad. You'd be so proud of her." I wiped my eyes and slid the paper back to him.

"I am proud of her, baby girl. Up until a few years ago, Mrs. Walker sent me regular updates on her...pictures, her grades in school, the progress with her health...everything, but then they suddenly stopped."

"Grace was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago. That's probably why she stopped communicating."

"She showed up with Harper here in Chicago the day that you and Matt were married. Grace had read about your engagement and decided to come here so I could see her. She said you and Matt stopped to talk to them after the reception. She said you gave Harper a rose from your bouquet."

"Oh, God...I remember that. I remember thinking that both of them were vaguely familiar for some reason. When Matt and I left for our honeymoon the next afternoon, I saw you talking to them in front of the hotel."

"That's right, honey. It was the first time I had seen her since she was born. It meant a lot to me that Grace did that." He pulled a handkerchief out of the pocket of his pants and wiped his eyes. "I just wish your Momma had been here to see her."

"I'm ashamed of myself, Dad. You raised me to be strong and to speak my mind, but at the times I needed that strength the most, I failed. My weakness back then caused you to lose your granddaughter and now, my weakness for Jackson has caused everything in your life that you held dear to fall apart."

"You are not weak, baby girl. Anyone that had gone through what you had gone through back then would have fallen apart, too. You have made me proud every day of your life, Madeleine Elizabeth. Never doubt that for one second. I know how hard these last few weeks have been on you and Matt. You're doing your best to keep him and everyone else happy."

"To be honest, it's been hard for us for almost a year now. Jace coming back from the dead after fifteen years and showing up in Chicago threw everything into chaos." I took a sip of tea and rubbed my hand over my face.

"I know, baby girl...and if there was something that I could have done to prevent that, I would have."

"Everything would have been fine, but when the memories of my life with Jace came back to me, it stirred up so many emotions. Emotions I wasn't prepared for."

"You still feel love for Jackson, don't you, baby girl? Just like you loved him when you first met."

"Yes, and I hate myself for it." I said, beginning to cry harder.

"Don't, honey. The heart wants what the heart wants. We can't change that. Your love for each other was strong and he treated you like a princess. You had a fairy tale life. It's hard to let go of that."

"But it ultimately hurt Matthew. That's what I regret the most."

"But he hurt you too."

"Yes, he did. In the short four and a half years we've been married, we've had more than our share of bumps in the road. The bumps got bigger when Jace showed up."

"Do you still love Matt, honey?"

"I do."

"But he's not living here right now, is he?"

"No. There are too many things to work through. He slept with another woman and fathered a child. I slept with Jackson and got pregnant with Wyatt. Neither of us could go on pretending that everything was normal. He's here as often as his schedule allows. He sometimes stays for dinner and doesn't leave until after he puts Finn to bed. He's slept on the couch a few times, too."

"What about Jackson?"

"He's here several times a day to see the baby, usually on the days that Matt is on shift. He changes him and rocks him to sleep after I feed him. He holds him and interacts with him more now when he's awake and alert. It's a beautiful thing to watch. In fact, he should be here any minute."

"You're giving him what he wasn't able to have after Harper was born."

"I am. At least I'm trying to. He deserves that much, doesn't he? I wanted to give both Matt and Jace as much access to their sons as is humanly possible without me losing my mind in the process."

"Do their paths ever cross?"

"Yeah and it can get pretty tense at times. I wish they would learn to get along."

"What is it you want out of all of this, honey?"

"I want everyone to be happy. That's all I want."

"But what about you, Maddy...what do you want?"

"I don't know, Dad. My mind is a complete mess right now. I've started going to counseling to help me sort it all out. Jackson and Matt have agreed to participate when they can. Maybe eventually, I'll figure out what it is I want."

"I think you already know what you want, honey. Sometimes, the mind needs more time to accept what your heart already knows. You just don't want to say it out loud yet, because once you do, everything will change."

"I'm not ready to admit to anything except that I feel incredible guilt over hurting Matt and disrupting our lives, but at the same time, I feel tremendous joy for giving Jace a son. He was a broken man last October, Daddy. I've never seen anyone so low, thinking that he was half a man because he couldn't father any more children. Telling him I was pregnant was what sent him careening off into a drunken abyss. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I suspected he was the father of the baby I was carrying even though he told me that's what he had wished for. As far as we both knew, he was sterile. I didn't want to hurt Matt or our progress together. Being pregnant brought us closer together. I would have lived the rest of my life not knowing if Jace was Wyatt's father. I never expected him to show up at the hospital, but in hindsight, I'm glad he did. Jace learned the truth about Wyatt and I learned the truth about Matt's daughter with Gabby. The truth shall set you free. Isn't that what they say?"

"Right, baby girl...which is why I need to say a few more things to you. Back when you went to college, your Momma and I knew all along what happened to Matt and his family. Neither of us had the heart to tell you, honey...and then when you met Jackson, it was no longer an issue. You found love again and you were happy...happier than we had ever seen you before. That was all that mattered to us."

"I don't blame you for not telling me. Besides, it's old news at this point. I was probably better off not knowing back then anyway. The funny thing is that Matt and I had an argument about it last year. He told me what happened and why he disappeared when it was early in our relationship. But when Jace showed up and Matt's nose got knocked out of joint, I questioned him as to why he didn't contact me when he turned twenty-one. He never tried to find me and I guess it still bothers me. It may be one of the underlying reasons I turned to Jace when I did. At least that's what Dr. Jenkins thinks."

"I think the main reason you turned to Jace is because he's the love of your life, baby girl. Both your Momma and I knew that the moment we first saw the two of you together. I know you love Matt, honey, and he loves you, but it's nothing like you had with Jace." I stared blankly at him, unable to speak. My father had always been an unassuming man, never one to offer his opinion unless he was asked directly. For him to be able to say that to me took a lot of courage on his part.

"Of course Mom would have said that. She never liked Matthew from day one," I said, trying to ignore what my father had said.

"It wasn't Matt she didn't like, baby girl. It was his father and with good reason. Everyone in Lincoln Park knew he was a violent man. She just didn't want you to end up like Nancy Casey."

"Matthew has been a good husband and father, Daddy, and you know that. He's never once laid a hand on me, so he's nothing like his father. He's only broken one vow. It's not like he's been habitually unfaithful, for Christ's sake." The anger in my voice was palpable.

"I know, but what you have to ask yourself is if you can live with him knowing he cheated and ended up fathering a child. That's the big question, isn't it?"

"He has to ask himself the same big question, doesn't he? I cheated too, Dad. I had another man's baby." As the words left my mouth, the sounds of Wyatt's cries crackled over the receiver of the baby monitor. "It's time for him to eat. I'll be right back." I pushed myself away from the table. As I passed the front door, I saw Jace coming up the steps of the front porch.

"Right on time, Papa. He's calling me to come fill up his tank," I said, opening the front door and letting him into the entry hall.

"You have company?" he asked, looking towards the dining room.

"My father is here. He came to see me and the boys. Go in and talk to him while I get the baby."

"Do you think he wants to see me? I mean...I'm the reason you and Matt…"

"Don't be silly, Jackson. He'll be happy to see you. And for the record, Matt and I are also the reason we aren't together right now, not you."

Jace nodded and walked into the dining room to see Jim sitting at the table, nursing a cup of tea.

"Jackson, how nice to see you again. It's been a long time," he said, standing up and extending his hand to Jace.

"It's nice to see you again too, sir. It has been a long time," said Jace, shaking Jim's hand firmly. "If I came at a bad time, please tell me. I don't want to interrupt your visit. I'm sure you and Madeleine have important things to discuss that you don't need me hanging around for."

"Don't be silly, Jackson. You're family and that's your son upstairs. You have just as much right to be here as I do...or anyone else, for that matter."

"Thank you, sir. That means a lot to me."

"And you mean a lot to my daughter. Never forget that."

"I won't, sir. I can't. I'm sorry for causing so much trouble between Madeleine and her husband. That was never my intention in coming here this time. I know her husband doesn't believe that, but it's important to me that you and Madeleine do. I only wanted to know if the baby was mine."

"I do believe that and I'm sure Maddy does too. In the short time I knew you, you never impressed me as the type of man to purposely stir up trouble. You are headstrong, but you have a good heart. I also know that you still love Maddy, don't you, son?"

"I love her more than anything else in this world...with the exception of Harper and my baby boy."

"You say that you had no intention of causing trouble between Maddy and Matt this time. Was it your intention when you came here last year?"

"I'll be honest with you, sir...when I came back here last summer, I was hellbent on bringing Madeleine back to Texas with me. I wanted our life back just as it was when I left for Iraq, but when I saw her for the first time with her husband and little boy on the beach that day, I knew that wasn't going to happen."

"And what about now, Jackson?"

"Now, my intentions are to have a presence in my son's life."

"And if Maddy decides to continue in her marriage to Matt, you'll accept that?"

"Yes, sir...I'll have to. Like I said, I would only ask that I can continue to see Wyatt and have a say in his upbringing."

"I know my daughter and she'll make sure of that."

"What do you think she wants?"

"It doesn't matter what I think she wants. She's her own woman."

"She's definitely her own woman. She has been since I've known her, but you know her as well as anyone. You must have an idea."

"She's said nothing to me either way. All I know is that when Maddy and you were together, it was the happiest I've ever seen her. Since she's been married to Matt, they seem to have one problem after another." Jace remained silent, not wanting to give away the elation he felt at his former father-in-law's admission.

"I was the happiest man in the world when she and I were together. She gave me unconditional love and turned my life around."

"You did the same for her, son."