CHAPTER 6
Jace looked at his watch for the fourth time as he paced back and forth across the front porch of Madeleine's house. It was twenty minutes after three o'clock and the house was locked up tight. There was no sign of anyone inside, not even Madeleine's friend who, up until his last few visits, had always treated him like shit under her shoe. He didn't like her much either. She always seemed a little too territorial over Madeleine and the boys, like he was the big bad wolf and she was trying to protect them all from him. He had a hard time believing that she was Madeleine's best friend with a controlling attitude like the one she had. He never said a word about her to Madeleine. She had too much on her mind as it was. He didn't need to add to it. Madeleine must have seen qualities in her that he didn't and he trusted her judgement. Besides, when push came to shove, he could put people like Emily Morrison in her place and never bat an eye over it. He looked at his watch again and was just about to call Madeleine when her black Cadillac pulled into the driveway, followed by a tan Chevy truck. He could see that Matt was behind the steering wheel. He hadn't expected that he would be here during his time with Wyatt and he was annoyed that Matt had assumed himself into his visit.
"Sorry we're late," I said, as I popped open the door to the driver's side. I could tell by Jace's expression that he was upset that we weren't here when he arrived. I opened the back door on the passenger side and leaned in to disengage the baby carrier from its base. I locked the handle in the upright position and lifted Wyatt out of the car. Matt unbuckled Finn, who was sleeping, from his seat and hoisted him up and against his chest. We both walked up the front steps to the house.
"It's okay, but I was getting worried. I thought something might have happened," said Jace.
"We went to lunch after our therapy session, then took a little ride out to the country. We lost track of time. I'm sorry we worried you. I should have called or texted you," I said. Matt unlocked the front door and carried Finn upstairs.
"I'm gonna put him down, Maddy. I'll be right back down," said Matt, as he headed up the stairs. I set the infant carrier on the couch, unlocked the handle and pushed it down. Almost immediately, Jace scooped Wyatt up into his arms. Wyatt was alert and looking at him with his big blue eyes...the eyes that Jace had given him.
"Come here, my big boy," he said, lifting him out of his seat and holding him up in the air. Wyatt cooed and burbled as he looked down at Jace and me. "Is he gonna need to eat, Momma?"
"I nursed him just before we finished lunch and that was almost two hours ago, so my guess is he'll be hungry again soon," I said. I picked up the blanket from Wyatt's carrier and spread it out in the middle of the living room. Jace laid Wyatt down in the middle of the blanket and then laid down beside him. I sat down on the other side of the blanket opposite Jace. He propped his head in his head and let Wyatt grab onto one of his fingers, which he held fast to. After a few minutes of mimicking Wyatt's baby sounds, I could tell that Jace had something he wanted to say. After a few more minutes, he finally broke the silence.
"So, where did you and Casey go that you were late?"
"We drove out to the construction site of the new house that Matt is building for us. He wanted to show me the progress he's made on it," I said, clearing my throat of the uncomfortable lump that had formed there.
"Uh huh," said Jace. His eyes never looked at me. He kept his focus on Wyatt. "So, does that mean…" Before he could finish saying what he wanted to, Matt came back down the stairs.
"He's out for the count. All that fresh air must have worn him out," said Matt, looking down at both of us on the floor.
"Me too," I said, yawning.
"Why don't you take a nap after you feed the baby, Cook? I'll change him and rock him before I put him down like always and you could catch a couple of hours. Matt and I can handle things while you rest," said Jace.
"Are you sure?" I said, looking up at Matt.
"Maddy, you just had a C-section and have been taking care of the baby and a toddler for weeks. Feed the baby, then go get some sleep," said Matt, giving me an approving nod of his head.
"OK, if you both insist," I said, getting up from the floor and sitting in my overstuffed chair. I put my feet up on the ottoman and Jace handed Wyatt to me, who was now starting to fuss. I unbuttoned my dress and unhooked the bra flap from my left breast and positioned the baby to nurse. Jace and Matt were standing on either side of the ottoman watching me as Wyatt latched on and began to nurse. The look on Jace's face was one of love and pride, but the look on Matt's face was one of hurt and regret. As much as I could have used a couple of hours of sleep, I was uneasy with leaving them alone with no one to referee any arguments that might break out between them.
"I'll get you a drink," they both blurted out simultaneously. They briefly looked at each other in surprise until Jace spoke.
"This is your house, Matt . You take the lead," said Jace. Matt nodded his head, then retreated into the kitchen. I grabbed Jace's hand and squeezed it tightly, letting him know that I appreciated him deferring to Matt in this situation.
"Thank you," I said softly.
"Anything for you, baby," he replied. Matt came back into the living room and handed me a tall glass of lemonade. I took a long sip, then handed it back to Matt so I could switch Wyatt to the other breast. I finished the lemonade just as Wyatt finished nursing. I kissed him on the head, then handed him to Jace. He cradled the baby in his arms and carried him upstairs, talking to him the whole way. I buttoned up the front of my dress as Matt took my empty glass into the kitchen.
"OK, the kids are taken care of, so now it's your turn to be taken care of," said Matt, returning to the living room. He took me by the hand and led me up the stairs. We walked into our bedroom together for the first time in two months. I kicked off my shoes and turned the overhead ceiling fan on to take the stuffiness out of the room. I started to take off my clothes when I suddenly felt self-conscious. I turned and looked at Matt who was watching my every move.
"Matt, could you…"
"Could I do what, Maddy? Turn around while you undress? You're my wife, for Christ's sake," he said, sounding irritated. He was right. I was his wife and felt foolish for even entertaining the idea to ask him to look away. I took my dress off, but kept my bra and panties on. I draped my clothes over the wingback chair in the corner of the room. I padded across the room to my side of the bed where Matt was now standing.
"I can take it from here, Matt. I've been putting myself to bed for quite a while now," I said, looking into his blue-green eyes. He lifted the covers without saying a word and I climbed into bed. He covered me up, then leaned his face down towards mine.
"Sweet dreams, baby. Sleep well," he said, kissing my forehead. He picked up the receiver to the baby monitor that was on my nightstand and started for the bedroom door.
"Matt?" I said, sitting up. He stopped and turned around.
"Yeah?"
"Promise me that the two of you won't fight or I won't sleep at all. I'll just lay here worrying you're at each other's throats," I said.
"I promise we won't fight, now no more talking," he said. A soft smile crept over his face before he turned back around and closed the door behind him.
Matt turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs into the living room to see Jace sitting at the dining room table. He walked through the living room and set the baby monitor in the middle of the dining room table.
"We're officially on duty. I think she was asleep before her head hit the pillow," said Matt. "You want a beer or something?"
"Lemonade, but only if Madeleine made it. I can't stomach that powdered crap. She spoiled me with her homemade version when we were together," said Jace. Matt nodded and walked into the kitchen. He returned with two tall glasses of lemonade. He handed one to Jace and sat down on the opposite side of the dining room table.
"Maddy's been making lemonade from scratch since I've known her, so enjoy," said Matt, taking a sip from his glass.
"This takes me back some years," said Jace, after taking a swallow. Matt's face fell slightly, but said nothing as he continued to drink.
"It bothers you that Madeleine and I have a history, doesn't it?" said Jace, putting his glass down on the table. "I can see it written all over your face." Matt drew in a deep breath and slowly released it. He ran his hands over his face and through his hair.
"I've come to terms with that, believe it or not...but the fact that you…" Matt suddenly stopping what he was going to say. "Never mind. It's better that I don't go there right now. I promised Maddy I wouldn't fight with you.
"You don't have to say it, anyway. I already know what you were thinking and I don't blame you for feeling that way," said Jace. His tone was intentionally soft, not wanting to start an argument that neither of them would win. "I'd feel the same way if I were in your shoes." Matt nodded his head again, choosing not to reply. "I'll be honest with you...when I first came back here last year, my only focus was getting Madeleine back. But after I saw her with you and Finn, I knew that wasn't going to happen and I accepted that. I had to."
"And now? Has that changed?"
"No, Matt. I will continue to accept it just so long as Madeleine does. It's her life and her decisions with what she wants to do with it."
"So, you'd be content to have me raise your son, if that's what Maddy chooses?"
"I know Madeleine and I know she will always allow me to be in Wyatt's life as much as I want, so I'm not against you raising him if I'm in his life, too. I think the bigger question is if you'd be okay with raising the son that another man fathered with your wife."
"I don't honestly know. It's a horrible position to be in. I was torn up when we learned that you were Wyatt's father. I've loved that baby since Maddy first told me she was pregnant."
"Has that changed now that you know?"
"No, of course not...but it's complicated, especially since I've put her in a similar position."
"But Madeleine isn't faced with having to raise your daughter."
"True, but if something ever happened to Gabby, it could happen."
"Do you love her, Matt?"
"Maddy? Of course I do. I love her very much, in spite of…" Matt's voice trailed off before he finished his thought.
"In spite of what?" asked Jace. Matt rubbed his hand over his face.
"In spite of everything that's happened or what Maddy thinks."
"She thinks you don't love her?"
"No, not exactly...but with all due respect, that's not something I feel comfortable talking to you about," said Matt. A long silence fell between them as they sat and drank the rest of their lemonade. Neither one of them made eye contact with the other, both of them looking around the room at everything but each other.
"You love her, too. I know you do, so don't try to deny it," said Matt, breaking his silence.
"I would never try to deny it. It was my love for her...the memory of our love for each other, that got me through the last sixteen years," replied Jace.
"I relate to that more than you know," said Matt in a quiet voice, looking down at his glass as he wiped the condensation from the side of it with his thumb. He let his mind briefly drift back to the time when his life had been torn apart by his father's death and the years of chaos that ensued. He deeply regretted that he hadn't reached out to Maddy then to let her know what was happening, but it was all water under the bridge now. Jackson Walker had come into her life during that time and there was nothing he could do to change that. In his head, Matt knew that the mature adult thing to do was to get along with Jace and make it easier for everyone involved. But in his heart, he wanted to keep Jackson Walker as far away from Maddy and their family as possible, even though he knew that would never happen. He was in danger of losing her. He felt that just as strongly as if Maddy herself had told him that. The life they shared together before Jackson Walker came back from the dead didn't exist anymore. He doubted it would ever be the same again.
"I know that you didn't have an easy life back when you and Madeleine were teenagers. She's told me," said Jace.
"No, I didn't...and it was the memories of how we were when we were together that helped me get through that. I made some mistakes back then and I wish to hell I could go back and change that, but we're together now...well, sort of. Jesus, how did things get so fucked up?"
"I think we both know the answers to that," said Jace.
"I've made terrible mistakes," said Matt.
"So have I," replied Jace. "If I had listened to Madeleine, I would have never been captured in Iraq and held captive for all those years. She begged me not to go back for a second tour. She said she had a bad feeling about it, but I was bullheaded and told her I had to do it. " Matt said nothing as the realization of what Jace had said hit him. Maddy would have still been his wife now if he hadn't returned to Iraq. The bigger realization was that if he hadn't slept with Gabby, he wouldn't have fathered a child and he would be living at home with his wife and his son...and Jace's son.
"It's hard to know what to do next," said Matt, feeling the pain and frustration of the situation deeply.
"We wait. It's all we can do," said Jace. Matt nodded his head slowly in agreement. Both of them knew that everything they wanted was balanced on Maddy's decisions and they would have to wait until she was ready.