CHAPTER 11

Maddy handed the house keys to Matt and stepped back as he unlocked the front door to her father's house. It was the house she grew up in, but it looked completely different to her now. It looked cold, dark and foreboding in spite of the bright sun and heat of the late June day. She held tight to Finn's hand as they stood on the porch. He was accustomed to running in and heading straight for her father's recliner, where he knew his "Gampa" would be waiting for him. Before leaving their house, she and Matt had tried to explain that "Gampa" would not be home because he had gone to Heaven yesterday. But toddlers had a special knack for living in their own little microcosm, being too young to understand grown up problems. He was keenly aware that Matt wasn't living at home, but she wasn't confident that he would grasp what had happened to the grandfather that he loved so much.

Matt pushed the front door open and picked Finn up. He motioned for Maddy to go inside, but she was hesitant. She started to cry at the thought that her father would never be in this house again.

"This feels wrong. We shouldn't be here without him," she said. She didn't know if she could do the things that they had come to do, until she felt a reassuring hand on her back. She knew immediately that it was Jace. He had been standing behind her, holding Wyatt in his infant seat.

"You can do this, Cookie. We're right here with you to help you get through this," he said.

Maddy walked through the doorway and was immediately struck by the stuffiness inside the house. She told Matt to leave the front door open and she would open the back door to get a cross breeze going to air it out. As she walked through the kitchen, she caught a glimpse of the coffee mug that her father had last used on the counter near the coffee pot. It was one she had made in art class for Father's Day when she was in the fourth grade. It was painted bright green with dark blue letters that spelled out "Best Dad Ever". It had several chips in it and the handle had fallen off years earlier, but he still insisted on using it. She smiled softly at the memory of the day she had given it to him and his reaction to it. She had been so proud of her work on it and her father had lavished praise over her attention to detail. Looking at the dilapidated remains of the cup that she held in her hands, she thought how so many things he had done for her in her life had truly made him the best Dad in the whole world.

"Maddy?" Matt's soft voice startled her out of her trance. She turned around to face him, still holding the mug in her hand.

"He must have had his morning coffee in this yesterday before he…" She set the mug back down on the counter and covered her face with her hands. Matt wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close. He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. She put her arms around his waist and quietly wept on his chest.

"I can't believe he's gone."

"I know, baby."

"Thank you for being here, Matt. I couldn't do this without you," she said, lifting her head to look at him.

"I loved him too and I knew this wasn't going to be easy for you. I will always be here for you, Maddy. Always." He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips, which, to his surprise, she returned. She moved her hands up and around his neck, her mouth never leaving his. The tacit thought running through her head was that she wished things were the way they used to be before Jackson first arrived in Chicago. She and Matt were happy then. There were no complications, no infidelities and no jealousy or anger. It was just the three of them and her father would still be here. So much about their lives had changed into something that she couldn't reconcile in her mind. She loved the man whose arms she was in, but she also loved the man who was in the living room with her two boys.

"I'm going to take these two out in the backyard, if that's alright." Jace's voice boomed through the kitchen like a crash of thunder. He had the infant seat in one hand and Finn's hand in the other. Maddy quickly pulled away from Matt and removed her arms from around his neck. She wiped her face with the back of her hands and nodded her head.

"You can leave the back door open. Matt and I will be going upstairs to Dad's office now if you need us," said Maddy. He nodded his head and gave her a half smile as he walked through the kitchen and out the back door. Maddy watched him walk out of the house, feeling strangely embarrassed that he saw her kissing Matt.

"I guess we better get to it," said Matt.

"Huh?" she said, turning her head back to Matt. "Yeah, right." She followed him out of the kitchen, through the living room and up the stairs. Her father converted the spare bedroom into an office just before Maddy had gone away to college. When her mother passed away, he had written down all of the important information that she would need in case something happened to him, like where he kept his life and health insurance information, funeral arrangements, his bank book, his mortgage papers and things like that. Matt opened the door and stepped inside with Maddy following behind him. Just like the rest of the house, this room looked strange to her now. It smelled of old papers, stale cigar smoke and a hint of her father's cologne. She drew in a deep breath as she looked around the room, trying to remember the last time she had seen him in here. It was the night before her and Matt's wedding. He had come in to write the last minute checks to pay the balances to the caterer and the Drake Hotel. She remembered how he looked both happy and sad that night. He was happy for his daughter who was going to marry her high school sweetheart after a painful divorce, but he was sad that her mother wasn't here to see it. Even though Maddy thought her mother was a difficult woman, she wished that someone loved her as much as her father had loved her mother. You have that, Maddy…

She looked at her father's desk and smiled at how organized it was...pens and pencils in their holder, paper clips in a little ceramic dish that she had made him in the third grade and all the papers stacked neatly on one side of it. It reminded her of her desk at Lakeshore. He had always told her that she was like her mother in temperament, but she knew she was more like him when it came to the way they did business. Everything had to be neat and orderly at all times. How she wished that everything in her life could be so easy to manage. She doubted she would be in the predicament that she was right now.

She moved behind the desk to the credenza and bookshelf that lined the wall. She scanned the three shelves with her eyes until she found what she was looking for. It was a ceramic cookie jar in the shape of the Pillsbury Dough Boy and it sat on the very top shelf near some miniature clown statues that her mother used to collect when she was a kid. She stood on her toes to try to retrieve it, but her hand was still several inches away from it.

"Let me do that," said Matt, coming up behind her. He reached up and easily grabbed it, then gave it to Maddy. She sat down in her father's swivel chair and put the cookie jar on the top of the desk. The memory of how she would spin herself around in the chair came rushing back to her and how her father would always laugh when she couldn't walk straight when he finally made her get out of it. She remembered how he would always call her back and have her sit on his lap while the dizziness subsided. She wished she was still that little girl. She took the top off the cookie jar and reached inside to get the set of keys he kept in it. One was to the locked drawer in his desk. It's where he always kept all of his important papers. She placed the key in the lock and turned it until she heard it click, then pulled the drawer open. Sitting on top of a pile of manila folders was a locked metal box. She lifted it up and set it on the desk in front of her. She pulled the key out of the drawer lock and placed the other key in the lock of the metal box. She unlocked it and lifted the lid. She pulled out the pile of papers and envelopes that were inside and started going through them. Directly on top was a sealed envelope with her name written on it in her father's handwriting. The date on the envelope was just over a week ago.

"Oh, my God," said Maddy. Her hands were shaking and she was unable to take the letter out of the envelope.

"What is it?" said Matt, crouching down beside her.

"My father wrote this letter a week ago. It's like he knew something was going to happen to him," she said, wiping a couple of tears off of her cheeks.

"It's possible he did, Maddy. It happens all the time," replied Matt.

"He unexpectedly showed up at the house about a week ago for a visit. He said he wanted to see his grandsons. I remember remarking on how tired he looked, but he said he was fine. He promised me he would go to see his doctor, but…" Maddy's voice trailed off before she could finish.

"Do you want me to read it for you, baby?" asked Matt. Maddy shook her head.

"No. He addressed it to me and reading it is something I need to do, Matt." He nodded his head in agreement and rose back up to a standing position. She shakily pulled the piece of paper out of the envelope and unfolded it. Her eyes briefly scanned the page before beginning to read it out loud.

"My dearest Madeleine,

As I am writing this, I am aware that my time here is limited, which makes the urgency of this letter even more necessary. My doctors told me a few weeks ago that my heart was too weak to last for much longer. I knew you would figure things out for yourself the moment you saw me today when I came to visit you and the boys and I was right. You always were a smart cookie.

I am glad we cleared the air on a few things...things that I wanted you to know before it was too late. I felt it was important for you to know the motives for the decisions that your mother and I made so that there wouldn't be any misunderstandings. I wanted to be able to go with a clear conscience and I wanted you to know that what we did was purely out of a financial need for your mother's cancer treatments and out of a deep love for our only child who needed her own kind of treatment.

I know your heart is breaking right now because of what's been going on in your life and if I could give you the answers, I would have already done it. But like I told you today, I am certain that you will figure things out and do what's best for those that you love. It won't be easy, but nothing worth having is and sometimes, the head needs time to catch up with the heart and what it wants.

I have made all of the necessary arrangements for my wake and funeral. The paperwork is in this box, with a few other things you'll need. My life insurance policy will cover all expenses, with you being the sole beneficiary. The deed to the house is also here. There is no mortgage, so you can sell it if you want to. I also left you the name and phone number of my lawyer. You will need to contact him about the reading of my will and all that nonsense. You will get everything I have, baby girl. I wanted to give you so much more, but your Mom's illness had other plans. He also has a list of the things I want saved for my grandchildren, including Harper. She may have been out of my life for the last fifteen years, but she was never out of my heart. Please tell her and the boys about their Grandpa and how much he loved all of them. Give my love to Matt and Jackson, too. In spite of everything that's happened, they are both good men and they both love you very much.

I love you too, baby girl...more than I could ever tell you. You have been the light of my life since the day you were born. I am so proud of the woman you have become, especially since your Mom wasn't much of an influence. You managed to find your own way and I have faith that you will find it again. You are stronger than you think you are. Never doubt that. Hang in there, baby girl. You'll get through this and you will be happy. I promise.

All my love,

Dad

She folded the letter and carefully slid it back inside the envelope. She placed it on top of the pile of papers in the box and took a deep breath. She wiped her eyes with her hands and turned to look out the window.

"Are you okay, baby? I know that had to be hard for you," said Matt, coming up beside her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently. She touched his hand with hers and turned her head to look at him.

"For the last two months, everything has been hard, but he promised me I would be happy and that's what I'm going to hold on to, Matt. He never broke a promise to me. Not once in my entire life. He's the only man who hasn't."

Matt cleared his throat, his discomfiture was obvious as he shifted from one leg to the other.

"Maddy, I've said I'm sorry a hundred times. I don't know what else I can do," he said in a hushed voice.

"I shouldn't have said that, Matt. We're not here to lament over my personal issues. We're here for Dad. I tend to get self-involved easily these days. It's a fault of mine that I'm trying to correct," she said, smiling softly at him and still holding onto his hand.

"Are you going to call the funeral home or do you want me to do that?"

"Oh God, could you do it? That would be a huge relief. I need to call his lawyer and make an appointment with him and a hundred other things." Matt nodded and took his cell phone out of his back pocket. Maddy handed him the necessary papers. He looked them over for a few minutes before calling them, while she rifled through the rest of the papers. She came across his bank book and she silently chuckled to herself. Only her father would still be using one. He refused to do anything online, stating over and over again he was afraid of having his identity stolen in spite of her reassurance that she would help him. He did agree to get a debit card and insisted that she get one for his account, too, which she obliged him. "You know...in case something happens to your old man...he had said. She opened the small blue book and flipped through the pages. When she got to the last page that had been stamped by the bank, her eyes focused on the amount in his account. She blinked a few times, not fully believing what she was seeing. She looked up at Matt, who was still on the phone with the funeral home, then back down at the book. She tried to speak, but no words would come out.

"Everything is arranged with the funeral home. They're scheduling the wake for Saturday, with two separate viewing hours. I assumed that would be okay with you. Jesus, Maddy! Are you okay?" He turned to see the look on her face and immediately became concerned for her. She was struggling to find the words to speak. He kneeled down next to the chair she was sitting on.

"I...Jesus, Matt...look at this," she said, handing him the book. Her hands were shaking. The look on Matt's face changed from concern to shock.

"Is this accurate?" he said, looking up at her.

"I can only assume that it is. I had no idea that he had this much money socked away. Look at this," she said, pointing to three separate entries. All of them were entitled " College Tuition Accounts" and they were marked with all of his grandchildrens' names..Harper, Finn and Wyatt. Each of them had a minimum of $50,000.00 in them. The ending balance in the book was over $500,000.00.

"Where did he get this much money? A long-time city employee makes a good salary, but not this kind of money, not even in a pension," said Matt.

"It's from the settlement that was arranged with the Walkers years ago. They offered my parents $1,000,000.00 to relinquish their rights to Harper. As he noted in the letter, it was driven by my mother's illness and the cost of her treatment, plus my own hospitalization. The last time he came to visit me and the boys, he explained it all to me."

"I'm guessing his lawyer will tell you more when you see him," said Matt, handing the bank book back to her. She put the book in a manila envelope, along with the other necessary papers, then slid it into her bag.

"I'm going to call him right now. Dad made me the executor years ago, so the sooner I find out the details the better," she said. Matt placed his hands on her shoulders and gently massaged the muscles. They felt tense and hard and he did his best to rub the pent up pain away. He leaned forward and kissed her on top of the head. He wanted to be able to go home with her tonight, lay next to her in their bed and hold her close. He wanted to make all of her pain go away, but he knew that wasn't possible. He was a part of her pain and that was something he didn't know if she would overcome. Over the past couple of days, she had demonstrated a strength and courage like he had never witnessed before and it made him love her even more. He feared that would be his undoing.