Chapter 5 – The new normal
The next few weeks see a new normal set it. Vala comes to work exactly on time, only coming to the team breakfast a few times. The team notices Daniel looking for her every morning and getting concerned when she doesn't show up, but he never says anything. They also see the light in his eyes the few times she does show up. Those mornings she complains a that they've been too busy to go grocery shopping and there is nothing to eat in the house. She rarely stays late, unless they are working on something time sensitive, and she turns down Daniel's offers to drive her home saying she already has a ride.
Conversation at the breakfast table is as lively as it always has been when the whole team is together. She laughs as loud as ever, makes ribald comments, makes fun of Cam and Teal'c when she can, but only talks to Daniel when he says something directly to her and it would be noticeably rude if she didn't answer him.
They still work together on occasion, but when Daniel has nothing for her to work on, she still disappears into other offices and labs. Daniel has asked General Landry if anyone has complained about her annoying them and getting in the way, but the General tells him that she is being helpful and is really an intelligent woman. She's just apparently never had the opportunity to use it in a productive way.
This information makes Daniel feel guilty for not bothering to see beneath the surface and giving her a chance to show what she's capable of. He's getting really tired of feeling a guilty about the way he's been treating her. Maybe she is better off without him, he thinks. She seems to be doing better when she works with other people.
As if to prove his point, Vala goes out with SG7 several more times over the weeks as well as on missions with SG1. When she's with SG1, she still helps Daniel out, as is her job, but her chatter is always work related. She asks intelligent questions, makes intuitive suggestions, and points out things he misses, but she does not flirt, chatter about pop culture references Daniel does not get, or care about, or sing songs from whatever radio station she is listening to now. Daniel briefly wonders if she is depressed.
But that thought is contradicted when she comes back from missions with SG7. Daniel finds a way to be either in the control room, the briefing room, or somewhere close to the gateroom when they step out of the gate. She always comes back animated and skipping, which makes him smile. He also realizes she is wearing sparkly bows or colorful barrettes in her hair, which he has not seen her do during the SG1 missions lately.
He hesitates to ask Cam if he has seen the difference in her, not wanting to be subject to more of Cam's advice. Teal'c will probably be cryptic, but it better than being called an idiot, directly or indirectly by Cam. The team leader always sees things that Daniel misses and acts like Daniel is blind for not seeing the "obvious". At least Teal'c doesn't make him feel stupid for not being able to figure people out on his own. People are tough for Daniel; he can never figure out what they are thinking or understand what he has said that they get upset about. Teal'c understands and makes things obvious in a way that doesn't have him kicking himself for being slow.
Daniel stops by the gym one evening, when he knows Teal'c is cleaning up the area after a sparring session. Teal'c sees him walk in and stands up straight and looks Daniel in the eyes. "I know why you are here DanielJackson," he says.
"Of course you do," Daniel says.
"You wish to inquire about the behavior of ValaMalDoran," Teal'c states.
"I thought Vala and I were friends, Teal'c. I thought we had gotten to a place where we were comfortable with each other. We were getting along better; we weren't fighting as much, and she was annoying me a lot less. Now she'll hardly give me the time of day," Daniel said with resignation.
"I believe the issue arose from your evening at O'Malley's, am I correct?" Teal'c asked.
"I apologized for that. I got caught up in a conversation with Maggie and lost track of time. And Vala."
"ValaMalDoran was very much looking forward to spending time alone with you. She was not pleased that you invited another woman to join you," Teal'c explained.
"What was I supposed to do, Teal'c?" Daniel whined. "Maggie was by herself in a new city. It was only polite to invite her to join us."
"I do not believe it was polite for you to exclude ValaMalDoran from your conversation, nor to not take her feelings into consideration," Teal'c replied.
"I know, I know. I just got caught up in being able to really talk to someone with a similar background and experience. I've been excluded from my own profession for so many years, it was exciting to be able to talk to another professional who realized I wasn't crazy," Daniel tied to explain. He realized that explanation hadn't worked with Vala, he didn't expect Teal'c to go for it either.
"I am familiar with isolation from those who understand you, DanielJackson. But you cannot ignore those that are closest to you if you wish them to remain so," Teal'c told him.
"I have tried to apologize, but it doesn't make any difference. She's still distant and indifferent, even when I try to talk to her about work. How do I get her to talk to me again?" Daniel asked.
"Hunters frequently abandon prey that has proven too elusive and seek out slower, less troublesome targets that are easier to catch. Perhaps she has decided that the risk outweighed the reward". Teal'c suggested.
"What are you talking about? That is not what is happening. We are, were, friends, nothing more. Even if it was, that analogy isn't quite correct. Vala loves the thrill of the hunt, she isn't really interested in the catching part. She'll just lose interest and start the hunt all over again. I pretty sure she has her sights set on slower, less troublesome prey right now." Daniel sighed.
"Your words and your actions are contradictory. What is your wish concerning ValaMalDoran? Do you wish to be friends, or do you wish for a closer relationship? Your heart and your head are leading you in different directions. Deciding which to follow will tell you the direction you need to go," Teal'c advised.
"Teal'c, I can't," Daniel closed his eyes and sighed. "I can't let her in," he taps his heart. "She'll tear me to shreds when she moves on and I can't do that again. Parents, Nick, foster families, Sha're. It's just too much. I don't have it in me to go through that again."
"We have lost you many times, DanielJackson, "Teal'c said "and we have grieved for your loss every time, it does not get easier. Even O'Neill grieved for you, though he would not show it. His greatest fear was losing you and not getting you back. He has also suffered through a terrible personal loss, yet he still let SamanthaCarter into his heart, knowing there is the possibility she will be lost one day,also."
Daniel ran his hands up under his glasses to rub his face and sat there, thinking.
"I do not believe ValaMalDoran has been insincere in her feelings for you. You are only seeing the exterior behavior and are not the motivation behind it." Teal'c said.
"But it scares me. What if I'm wrong? I've believed in her, given her every chance to prove she's a good person, trustworthy and good team member, and look at her now. Even the IOA agreed she deserves a chance to live off base. She keeps proving me right. But what if I'm wrong about this? She flirts with everyone Teal'c, how do I tell the difference? How do I know she's sincere about me and not anyone else flirts with?" Daniel asked.
"Because you were able to hurt her. If her feelings for you were not genuine, she would have been upset with you for ignoring her, but not hurt to the point of retreat," Teal'c said. "She has given up, and she is hurting and trying to hide it."
"I didn't mean to hurt her; I was just being thoughtless. I hope I can fix this" Daniel said as he left the gym.