Bleach on the Brain

by Vinelle

After a vacation Renesmee was never meant to have taken, and a secret she was never supposed to know, she realizes the true nature of her world and the people in it.

4. Renesmée Gets a Terrible History Lesson

A/N: Why write few words when I can write many?

In other words, there are lots of words in this one. Sorry about that. For what it's worth, it's worse for me than it is for you.

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Carlisle was quiet for a long time after she pulled her hand away, frozen in the way only vampires can freeze.

She wondered if this was intentional, if he wasn't allowing himself to react in front of his granddaughter.

She teared up.

At that, his eyes focused on her. «Oh, Renesmée,» he said quietly, and before she could say anything he'd pulled her in for a hug.

She didn't close her eyes, simply let his familiar, safe, scent of honey and flowers fill her nostrils as she concentrated on breathing, determined not to cry again.

She felt Carlisle kiss her hair, and then he crouched down to look her in the eyes.

He studied her for several long seconds, his stone features expressionless as he seemed to weigh some decision.

Finally, he nodded to himself in resolve, and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. «You've thrown me for a bit of a loop, Nes,» he said gently.

He stared at her for another few moments, his eyes indecipherable.

Renesmée could see her own face, wide-eyed and pale, reflected in his eyes.

«I had not planned on telling you any more about what happened in Volterra,» Carlisle finally said in a very soft voice. «Those memories are private, and not just to me.»

«But,» he continued, the look in his eyes unmistakably caring even as his voice was so soft, so distant, he seemed to be musing aloud as much as he was talking to her. «I want you to have peace of mind.»

He straightened, and with a hand on her shoulder guided her into the woods. «It's going to be a long talk.»

They were both silent as he led the way, seeming to know where they were going for all that they didn't have a destination.

After a few minutes, he started talking. «I think I should begin with Corin. You see, I was influenced by her.»

At that, Renesmée did something she had never done in her life, not even when she was a toddler learning how to walk.

She tripped.

Carlisle was there immediately to catch her. «Easy now!» he said, and watched her with a fond smile as she stood up on unsteady legs, brushing the dirt from her dress.

Renesmée was reeling.

She supposed she'd known this was coming, but hearing it from Carlisle himself was a very different matter.

With a sinking, awful, feeling, she realized Carlisle must have known for some time that he'd been raped, if not all along, and had merely wanted to spare Siobhan and Renesmée the ugly truth when the affair was uncovered.

She almost wanted to make him stop talking before she could hear any more, but decided against it before the thought had even fully formed. He had chosen to tell her this, and whatever it ended up being, she would not reject that confidence. If he wanted her to shoulder some of this burden then she would, she would shoulder it with every inch of strength that she had and never let him regret trusting her with it.

That, and she would kill Aro.

«Not like that, Renesmée,» Carlisle hurried to say, and knelt before her, for all that she was taller than Bella now. «Breathe.»

It took her almost a minute to compose herself.

Carlisle was giving her a pitying look, as if he wasn't the one who'd been violated. Renesmée felt a keen sense of shame and guilt for making it about herself.

«Renesmée, you wanted to know if I was coerced by Chelsea or Corin to sleep with Aro,» Carlisle said slowly, watching her reaction carefully, «and when it comes to Corin I can give you a definitive no.»

«But you just said—»

Carlisle nodded. «Yes. I was influenced by her, knowingly, on occasion. Nothing like what you fear, nor what Edward described.» He placed one of her hands between his, and squeezed it in reassurance. «I assure you, Renesmée, it was only after I began my affair with Aro that I even met Corin, and even then I gave my verbal consent before she used her gift on me. I was curious, understand, and…» he made a funny face. «There may have been an experiment at one point involving my being dismembered - in the name of science - and being doped out on Corin's gift made that a whole lot more pleasant than it otherwise would have been.

My point, Nes, that I wanted to get to is that I've been influenced by Corin, and as such I know how her effect feels. She's much less subtle than Jasper, anyone influenced by her instantly feels, er… a very particular form of bliss. She's not compared to drugs for nothing.

It's strong, and while she can tune it down somewhat she can't use her gift the way Edward believes.» An impish smile pulled at Carlisle's lips. «Unfortunately I can't tell him that, because if I ever tell him I did drugs with Aro there will be hell to pay.» He winked at her.

Renesmée did not laugh.

Carlisle pursed his lips. «Renesmée, I knew Corin for twenty years. I know how her gift works, and it doesn't do what your father told you it does.»

«You sure?» Renesmée asked slowly.

Carlisle nodded. «Yes, I'm positive.»

«And Chelsea?» Renesmée asked.

Carlisle hummed. «Chelsea is different. Her gift can be very subtle, so I suppose I'll never know for sure that Aro didn't solicit her. But, Renesmée, she can only amplify what is already there, she can't create anything from scratch.»

A smile crossed his lips. «And as it happens, I did not like Aro much at first. He was charming, I was taken in by him, but he was a demon, and his eyes testimony to the life he chose. I did not instantly jump into bed with him.

As it is, I suspect Edward has gotten a little ahead of himself. He does not care to dwell on my years prior to his creation, and he hates Aro. I'm not surprised that he would look to Aro's gifted guards for an explanation, though I wish he'd have come to me about it. I certainly wish that he hadn't told you these things…» Carlisle's lips tightened.

«Do you think he knows?» Renesmée asked quietly. «About you and Aro?» she added.

Carlisle shook his head and, standing up again, proceeded walking.

She followed, hooking her arm through his.

Renesmée wondered what made him so sure. Oh, Renesmée could hide things from her father if she took care and planned ahead of time. The trick, really, was to not let him suspect anything in the first place, and then he wouldn't catch on.

However, there had been no small number of times that she thought for sure something was hers alone, only to have Edward, or Bella as informed by Edward, suddenly bring it up.

The thing with Edward was, you never knew what he knew.

Carlisle seemed to notice her doubt.

«I'm sure,» he said. «He knows Aro was very dear to me, I told him far too much about how wonderful Volterra was for him to not realize that much. The painting speaks for itself. However… oh, how can I put this,» he said, more to himself than to her.

She waited, watched him frown at the snow-covered ground before them. «Edward would take it poorly,» Carlisle finally said.

«Poorly how?» Renesmée inquired, squinting up at his face.

Carlisle smiled tightly. «If he knew, I would know about it,» was all he said.

He seemed content to leave it at that.

Renesmée was still frowning, but she let it go.

«The important thing, Renesmée, is I do not believe Chelsea was used to influence me. Aro and I discussed vampire gifts often, he wanted to hear my thoughts on them and valued my input, and that meant he explained to me Chelsea. I've seen her in action from time to time, too, most notably one time when Demetri and Felix got into a rather bad fight on one mission, and the moment they returned to Volterra they stormed right into the throne room looking for Chelsea so she could make them friends again. There wasn't even a question that this was the appropriate way to resolve conflict, in fact Aro applauded their maturity. I was amazed.» Carlisle shook his head.

«From what I understand, her capabilities are more like… like turning the knob of a volume button. She can reduce or amplify, and change the nature of a relationship if she works very carefully and in tandem with Marcus. But, even then, she can never create something from scratch, nor hope to turn a man's heart into something it is not. From what I understand, Aro mainly uses her to keep his guard loyal and harmonious.»

Renesmée chewed on the inside of her cheek as she thought his words over.

Chelsea, or the woman Renesmée was fairly certain had been Chelsea that awful day in the clearing, came to mind.

She had moved her fingers like she was working an invisible weave, pulled and released at invisible threads. Of all the gifted vampires Renesmée had seen, Chelsea had been the one who most reminded her of a witch.

She had certainly seemed to believe that she could dismantle the bonds among Renesmée's family's friends.

And there was Demetri, who wasn't willingly with the Volturi at all, and now according to Carlisle willingly let them brainwash him further whenever he felt at odds with them. What did that say about Aro, that he was able to get his guards to a point where they would deceive themselves?

She wanted to believe Carlisle in his conviction that Aro couldn't have used Chelsea to make him a slave.

But…

«How did it happen?» she asked softly.

Carlisle looked down at her in bewilderment. «How did what happen?»

«You and Aro,» she said quietly. «Could you tell me how it— started? Please?»

«Oh,» Carlisle said, and nothing more.

«You don't have to if you don't want to— if you don't feel—» Renesmée cut herself off.

The truth was, she did want to know. Scratch that, she had to.

It had nothing to do with prying, or even curiosity.

No, she needed to understand.

If Renesmée was to be at peace with what had happened, with what Carlisle had done with Aro in Volterra, and trust that Aro hadn't in some way violated him, then she would need to know what had taken place in Volterra, all those years ago.

She held the hand on her available arm up to Carlisle.

He took it in own free hand, and she showed him why she'd asked.

He squeezed her hand, and let it drop.

«You know, no one ever asked to hear this story,» he said, more to himself than to her.

He shot another look down at her.

«Alright,» he said after a moment in a soft voice.

He was silent for another few months, the only sounds those of their footsteps creaking in the snow, her heartbeat, and the sounds of the forest all around them.

«I first came into contact with the Volturi in sixteen ninety-five, when I was in Bologna,» Carlisle began, his voice still very soft. She looked up at him: the look in his eyes had become distant, contemplative. She wondered if, had she had her father's gift, she would have been seeing his memories as they unfolded now.

«I'd been perusing the library belonging to the università,» Carlisle continued, «and would hunt in the woods down South. Which, of course, happened to be awfully close to Volterra.» A reproachful smile crossed his lips.

«Demetri soon picked up the scent of a vampire he didn't know - an accomplishment, since you'll recall that Demetri knows not just those people he's met, but everyone he has ever met, has met, as well.»

Yes, Renesmée remembered. Carlisle had used this for math exercises when teaching her about graph theory - how many people does Demetri have to meet, in order to be able to find everyone on the planet? Demetri arrives at a funeral where the only person who knew everyone is now dead. He doesn't know who knows each other among the bereft. What is the fastest strategy for him to be able to index as many of the two hundred funeral-goers as possible?

«Now, even if I hadn't set up camp alarmingly close to Volterra, Demetri still makes a point of not letting any vampire stay a stranger. So, one misty September morning when I was breaking out of the library, Demetri sought me out.»

«Sorry,» Renesmée interrupted, «you were breaking out?»

«Oh— yes, well, I did not wish to interact with humans. Understand, Renesmée, humans were not ignorant of the supernatural as they are now, and I did not yet trust my control,» Carlisle explained off-handedly. «So Demetri watched me shimmy out of a window, and when I had climbed up to the biblioteca's roof he was waiting for me there.

I was not happy to see another of my kind.

I had met Alastair, but he was a haunted, neurotic creature trapped in the trauma he had endured centuries earlier. He was a creature to be pitied.» Carlisle pursed his lips, and threw a look down at Renesmée, seeming to weigh his options for a moment before he continued.

«Alastair's creator had claimed to be the demon Astaroth, and brokered a deal with Alastair's father that he would make Alastair a god, and place him on the throne of England. In exchange, he would have Alastairs mother and sisters. So poor Alastair wakes up, his father doesn't understand how dangerous his son has become and gets himself killed immediately, then Alastair finds his family butchered and Astaroth does… from the sounds of it, he does this full villain monologue.»

Renesmée blinked at the word choice. Carlisle had been working on updating his vocabulary recently, to sound more like someone who'd grown up in the 90's. A move from Forks loomed ever closer, and with that would come a new identity, a Carlisle Cullen whose birth certificate said he was younger than Bella. He seemed to pay close attention to Jacob and Bella's banter for that reason. To Renesmée, who was in a special linguistic place where she was influenced by Jacob's irreverent slang in the one ear and Edward's conscientious efforts to make her an eloquent and intellectual young woman with Bildung coming out of her ears in the other, hearing Carlisle casually incorporate modern colloquialisms into his vocabulary was just as jarring every time.

She supposed this was what he did, what he had been doing for centuries to fit in among humans, and that even what Edward viewed as classy and old school was to Carlisle every bit as new and artificial as paraphrasing TV tropes or using internet slang.

Still, it was weird.

Carlisle shook his head. «I found out later from Aro that his name was actually George.»

Renesmée's eyebrows rose, but she didn't say anything, not wanting to interrupt.

As it was, she was rather thrown by this whole tangent.

Not only had she not expected Carlisle's answer to her question about his time with Aro to involve the nutshelled life and times of Alistair, but she had not expected the funny nervous vampire she briefly met before he ran away from the Volturi to be much more than a funny nervous vampire who ran away from the Volturi. Truth be told, she'd dismissed him as a coward the moment he did, put him out of mind before she could grow scared about what him running away meant for her family's odds of survival. Her mother had had enough to worry about, and Renesmée had wanted to be on her best behavior in turn.

Knowing what she now did about Alistair, however, she could not help a seed of pity for the man from planting itself in her heart.

Carlisle continued. «I'm telling you this because at the time of my meeting Demetri, my only other exposure to vampires had been my own creator, who butchered people in my parish and then murdered me along with people I'd known my entire life, Alastair who remains a ruin to this day, and then Alastair's awful creator. Even I couldn't be around humans without wanting to rip them apart…

My discovery of the animal diet made me hopeful that I could still resist my nature and retain my soul, but I continued to view vampirism as evil, and those sharing in my affliction as corrupted souls. I was ignorant, as well, as ignorant as you'd expect a seventeenth century priest to be. I believed Astaroth had likely been a real demon, as he said, because of course demons had to be real.» Carlisle's lips twitched at that. «Alistair, hermit that he was, wasn't what you would call a wealth of knowledge either.»

Renesmée frowned up at him.

She'd heard the story of how he became a vampire, Edward had told it to her at bedtime when she was an infant. But she had apparently not heard the part where, even after learning that he could live off of deer, Carlisle had continued to think vampires were a scourge upon the earth.

That, she thought, was a rather big part to leave out.

It seemed it wasn't just her, but the family as a whole that forgot Carlisle had lived for centuries before he met any of them.

«So, having met only Alistair previously, and having no positive connotations whatsoever with others of my kind, I was less than enthused to see Demetri waiting for me.

I stared at him, not saying anything, waiting for him to make the first move. He did not seem like he was going to attack, but he was a vampire and his eyes bright red, and that alone had me on edge. I was looking at a killer.

«Good morning,» Demetri greeted me, and if I may be so anachronistic, it felt like the beginning of a Mexican standoff.» Carlisle shook his head with a small laugh. «I was very tense.»

Renesmée tried to picture her grandfather as a narrow-eyed, paranoid nomad, and failed.

It was also getting increasingly difficult, with every word out of Carlisle's mouth, to see how this paranoid nomad would end up willingly in Aro's bed, for all that he seemed to believe this was the case.

«It took me a full two seconds to reply,» Carlisle continued, oblivious to his granddaughter's inner turmoil. «I echoed «Good morning.» back at him. I don't think I could have been any more hostile about it, either, in both tone and posture. I wasn't in a crouch, but I was quite ready to spring into one, for all that I had no fighting ability whatsoever.

Demetri is of course a rather charming person, he has to be if he wants people to introduce him to their friends, so instead of telling me to watch my attitude he introduced himself. «I'm Demetri,» he said, and expected that to be enough. To most of our kind, it is.

It wasn't to me.

«Dei Volturi,» Demetri added after seeing my blank look . Ah— we were speaking Italian.

Well, I was still looking nonplussed, my only thought that it was strange for a man so obviously Middle Eastern to have a Russian first name and an Italian second name. But Southern Europe and the Mediterranean has always been racially diverse, so I decided his family must have been mixed race in life.

«Sono Carlisle Cullen,» I eventually replied,» Carlisle said, and Renesmée was briefly stumped by his mispronunciation of his own name. Apparently Italian and «Carlisle» did not go well together.

But then, she supposed Italian and «Renesmée» went together even worse. «Nessie» wasn't much good either, and in her heart of hearts Renesmée did not actually like that nickname. It sounded like a pet, not a person.

Privately, very privately so Bella would never know, Renesmée had decided she'd have to use «Carlie» if she ever, for whatever reason, found herself in pretty much any place outside the English-speaking world.

«I tried to relax,» Carlisle continued, nodding to himself. «If Demetri had ill intent, he would not have bothered to introduce himself, or so I hoped. My creator certainly hadn't.

Demetri merely smiled to himself. «Are you passing through, or do you intend to stay here in Emilia?» he asked me then.

As it happened I had planned to stay for however long it took me to pour through every book that I could find, and not just in Emilia, but in every state on the Italian peninsula. Tuscany was next on my agenda, as it happened.» Carlisle smiled to himself again.

«But I wasn't sure how much I wanted Demetri to know, so I said, «Passing through.»

And then Demetri simply nodded, his keen eyes on my yellow ones with clear curiosity in them. «And you will be careful with your hunting, yes?» he said, a bit too pointedly to truly be conversational.

I felt… decidedly condescended to by both the question and his tone, but it sounded as if our interaction was nearing its end, so I didn't want to say anything that might make him stay longer.

«Perhaps keep out of the humans' way, as well… I do hope you're being subtle,» Demetri continued.

«And how is that any of your business?» I blurted, because I couldn't help myself, I thought that was completely rude. How I wanted to go about my life was hardly any of this stranger's concern.

Demetri just stared at me.» Carlisle grinned gleefully to himself, looking in that moment every inch the twenty-three-year old that he was.

Renesmée covered her mouth with her hand in silent dread. She was all for being a punk in the face of the Volturi, but…

If her fears were right, then having an attitude had really not worked out for her grandfather.

«Very slowly, he said «I am Demetri, I am with the Volturi,» and he pointed to the black cloak he was wearing. Which of course I had thought was a menacing fashion choice that he wore simply on account of being a vampire.

Being ignorant of all things vampire, poor Alistair hadn't known about the Volturi either. No one had ever told me about them or about the law, and I simply took this Demetri fellow for being someone with an overly large ego who believed he could tell complete strangers how to go about their day within seconds of meeting them.

So I said, «Well, I've never heard of you.» And yes, when I watched Monty Python three hundred years later I did feel a sense of déjà vu.»

As Carlisle snickered to himself, Renesmée started to wonder at how much detail he was including, when Aro hadn't even been entered the stage yet. She had a sneaking suspicion her grandfather was largely happy simply to be talking about this, that now that he had an audience and the chance to revisit those old memories, he was taking a deep dive.

That, and she wished Edward would let her watch Monty Python.

«Of course, we were speaking Italian, so I didn't say as much in those exact words, but the important thing is that I had, unknowingly, made Demetri decide to bring me to Volterra. You see, a vampire ignorant of the law, or disrespectful to the Volturi - as far as he knew, it could simply be I was being smart with him - often breaks the law when it suits them. Or so Aro claims.» A look best described as sarcastic crossed his face.

«He took a step closer, and said to me, «You are in Italy, you take basic steps to avoid detection— and you don't know of the Volturi.»

I was rather confused by this point, thinking he meant that I had been successfully hiding from vampires without intending to, and at this point I decided to just ask. «Who are the Volturi?»

«The rulers of our kind,» Demetri answered, sounding slightly incredulous that he even had to explain this. «I am a member of their guard, and aid them in enforcing the law.»

And—

You must understand, Renesmée, as a human I had been told all sorts of stories from my father, about demons, about the unholy, about all of the Devil's legions of the damned. He told me, too, that they have ranks - there are minions, and princes of Hell, and the Devil himself at the very top.

Then I became a vampire myself, and decided that part had to be nonsense. Oh, there were sure to be things I did not know about the supernatural, if anything I took vampirism being so different from my expectations as proof that there was surely a whole world out there of knowledge that had been kept from humans. And there was, I was right about that, my point is that I took my continued free will and general lack of desire to go find an evil overlord to serve as well as the absence of minions coming to serve me as proof that vampires probably don't come in classes.

Only to have Demetri walk up to me in a black cloak and say that the evil overlords not only exist, but that they have their own demon law that demons follow.

It was the funniest thing I'd heard in years.

I couldn't help myself, I started laughing. «I apologize, I apologize,» I said with a hand covering my mouth to Demetri, who at this point was giving me a look of pure consternation. «I merely… oh, would that my father could hear this, it would be the most vindicating moment of his life, I assure you.»

I continued laughing while Demetri at this point decided I had to be touched.

«Yes, well,» he said, and clapped his hands together, some of that genial manner lost as he sought to regain control of the conversation, «I must tell you, then, that we do not permit openly feeding on humans.»

His tone made it very clear he thought I, irreverent and loony as I was, certainly must have been doing just that.

I merely waved a dismissive hand. «Oh, I don't feed on humans.»

That, Renesmée, was the moment Demetri decided I was completely insane. He didn't even believe me about my not feeding on humans, such a thing was impossible after all. He just thought I was mentally unwell.

However, he knew Aro would want a look at the kooky handsome fellow's thoughts, if only to learn why my eyes were yellow, so he brought me to Volterra. Er, I did not have much choice but to follow him.»

Renesmée pursed her lips as she tried to decide if what Carlisle described counted as an abduction.

Carlisle continued on with his story. «Aro was in his library when I arrived, he had to be summoned. So I waited with Demetri in the throne room, and let me tell you, I never as a vampire felt more like the animals we hunt… there were entirely too many vampires in that room for my liking.

I heard Aro's approach before he actually entered the room, his gait so unique that I instinctively knew the approaching figure had to be the leader Demetri had mentioned.

He came in through the main door not a second later.»

Carlisle's voice had gotten very warm, and there was a smile on his lips Renesmée doubted he was aware of.

He also seemed to be lost in memories.

«He spotted me immediately, and lit up. «So this is Demetri's mystery vampire! I'm so happy you've come to visit us.»

Then his eyes widened, and in a moment he was standing not a foot in front of me. «Such unique eyes you have, what a lovely color. I've never seen anything like it. Oh!» He clapped his hands together, I think in part before his curiosity could get the better of him and make him grab my hand, and beamed at me. «Do you have some sort of gift to affect your appearance? You are beautiful to look at. What else could it be?» And that wasn't a rhetorical question, Aro's mind was spinning at a mile a second trying to guess at what had caused my unique eye color. «Do you implant optic illusions into the minds of those observing you? Could you make me see other things? Or is it just my perception of you that you can influence? Is it something else entirely?»

He said all of this in less than three seconds and in a single breath. The man was so excited.» The smile on Carlisle's lips spread into a full grin, and he shook his head at the Aro of his memories.

«I, meanwhile, had expected Damien, the Prince of Darkness, Lucifer's right hand man, set to rule the world on his behalf, the kind of monster who would call himself king of vampires and monsters. You could say I was surprised by what I met instead. Frankly, I had no idea how to respond to this hyperactive, zany, oddly endearing man.

Of course, Aro was just about ready to burst with excitement. His smile somehow grew even wider as he looked up at me, he was practically vibrating, and he held out his hand. «May I?» he asked.

I thought he was being unusually polite about a handshake, so I offered it without further ado.

The moment I did, I knew I had given him more than that, because he did a sharp intake of his breath, and shut his eyes. His demeanor changed completely and he covered my hand with his other one, drawing it close to himself.

I looked at him, and felt unafraid for all that I did not know just what I had offered up to him. Mostly I just felt befuddled, as my day just kept getting stranger.

I spent the following moments studying his unique skin. I'd never seen anything like it, and just as he had tried to figure out my eye color, I was theorizing what might have caused his skin and eyes to deteriorate the way they had.

When Aro's eyes opened again, the look in them was completely different. Gone was the hyperactivity and the excitement, replaced by this dully overwhelmed look that turned to fondness as I watched him. When his eyes met mine, the look in them was almost reverential.

That is the nature of his gift, one touch of your hand and he knows you better than anybody else in this world. To me, we had just met, but he knew me more intimately than anyone ever has, or ever will.

He continued to stare at me for several full seconds. I don't think there were a lot of thoughts passing through his mind, he was just looking at me.

I had no idea what had just transpired, but it was hard to look away. His eyes were fascinating.

Then, Aro seemed to remember he was on planet Earth, and he stepped closer. He was all but purring.

«Oh, I think you and I are going to get along very well,» he said, and filled his nose with my scent.»

Renesmée sighed in dejection. «So he was interested in you straight away, huh,» she muttered.

Well, between being kidnapped to Volterra and having Aro instantly decide to sleep with him, it appeared her grandfather's virtue never stood a chance.

Carlisle frowned down at her. «What? No, he… it must be my translation, I suppose I'm biased by what happened after. Aro was speaking French to me. Remember, none of the dialogue was actually in English. What he actually said was, «Je veux bien te connaître.» We started out as just friends, I assure you.»

Right.

Renesmée could only touch her fingers to her temple in silent consternation.

«I was taken in by him, he was intriguing. But, I was less enthused about cohabiting with vampires, and the color of his eyes spoke for itself. Besides, I had this creeping fear about what saying yes to living with demons might mean for my immortal soul. So I told him, as politely as I could, «No thank you, I was just passing through.»

He wouldn't have it, he dismissed my words as if they had only been a politesse. «Nonsense,» he said, «I insist you stay here with us. As my personal guest, I assure you the pleasure will be mine, and you're free to leave at your leisure. But first, you have much to learn. And besides,» and he looked very pleased with himself as he drew out the syllables, «you would have free access to my library.»

«You have a library?» I asked, so surprised that I'm glad Aro wasn't offended.

«M-hm!» Aro confirmed with a grin. «And it's very sizable. I think you'll enjoy it quite a bit.» He even winked at me.»

Renesmée's hand crept up to cover her mouth.

Carlisle continued on.

«I could not resist such an offer, of course. Before I knew it, I'd been furnished with rooms, and Aro was giving me a tour of his library. It was magnificent, to this day I've never seen anything like it.» A smile lit up Carlisle's features. «His treasury was just as magnificent, as was his art collection.»

Then the smile faded. «It truly is a shame you won't get to see it.»

Renesmée raised her eyebrows to herself. She could live without ever seeing the insides of the Volturi headquarters, which really sounded like a glorified sewer when it came down to it. Somehow, she would muster the strength.

She didn't want to say anything, but…

Yeah, the Smithsonian was good enough for her.

Carlisle shook his head lightly, lost far down memory lane. «The next few days passed by quickly. Aro gave me all the information my creator never did. Who the Volturi were, what I was, how some of us were gifted. He answered my every question, and corrected my many misconceptions about the supernatural world. What's more, I enjoyed his company immensely.

Before I knew it, Aro was teaching me exotic languages and showing me texts and treasures that are now lost to humans.

I was delighted, but more…» he heaved a sigh.

«You see, Renesmée, don't you, that the way my life had been thus far I did not have a particularly positive regard for vampires. Aro changed all that. I could no longer dismiss our kind as wicked, or lesser than humans, when Aro was so charming, so kind, so knowledgeable… He was simply wonderful.

I'll spare you the particulars of how I wound up in his bed.» He shot a look down at her. «You are my granddaughter.»

Renesmée opened her mouth, but Carlisle gave her a look.

Fair enough.

«The important thing is, I had believed terrible things about our kind, and Aro did not only disprove them, but he gave me hope, friendship, and a place to call home as well. His library, a wealth of knowledge the likes of which would remain unchallenged until the dawn of the internet - and even then I would sooner spend ten years in his library than on JSTOR - was a treasury I wouldn't have dreamed of before then.

Everything about the man was wonderful, I was dazzled by him. I had never had a friend like him, to tell the truth I hadn't had much in the way of friends at all before Aro. As a human, I was well liked around the parish, but I never had someone it was natural to seek out, someone I would choose above all others for company. And as a vampire… well, I was hopelessly lonely, but you knew that already,» Carlisle said, and Renesmée could only gape at him.

No, she had not known that.

Funny, how her grandfather's reassurances that nothing untoward had happened in Volterra were only making her more and more dubious of the fact.

The memory of Aro's petrified face, his kind reassurance that he wasn't going to hurt her, followed by Edward's immediate hiss at the bald-face lie, came to mind, as it had many times before.

Only this time, the memory came in the form of Aro smiling that kind, reassuring smile at Carlisle, soothing him in that same, warm, voice, but there was no one there to tell Carlisle to run.

Renesmée shuddered.

Carlisle veered left all of a sudden, and then he leapt gracefully up into one of particularly large and tall tree. He indicated Renesmée to join him.

She followed, and sat herself down on a branch near the top so that her face was level with his.

Looking out from her new vantage point, she could see that Carlisle had chosen this spot on purpose. She could see not just the woods all around her, but the Salish Sea, and in the distance the Olympic Peninsula they'd come from.

Up ahead were layers of clouds scattered in different shades, ranging from pure white to darker gray, glowing as the sun behind them struggle to get a peak through.

It was a beautiful sight.

Carlisle hummed lightly, his eyes far away, the treetops ahead reflected in his golden eyes like resin-preserved fossils. A smile lurked at his lips, faint like he had been etched in stone and the artist had only wanted to hint at it.

He looked ethereal.

It was in moments like this one that Renesmée pitied humans. Her family would always be there, for better and for worse, untouched by the passage of time, impervious to the illnesses and misfortunes that befell humans. Renesmée would always have her mother, just as her grandfather would always be as he was now, radiant and immortal.

Charlie, however… in the past few years, he had gone from healthy, to Renesmée now listening to his blood struggle past his vena cava, as the artery slowly grew encased in more fat, limiting the blood supply to his heart, each time she visited. She couldn't tune it out, like the beating heart under Poe's floorboards; it was always there, rushing in her ears, when she was around her human grandfather.

Carlisle and Sue could monitor him, and Sue and Seth could watch his diet, but no amount of medical intervention could stave off the terminal condition known as humanity.

The discovery that her family would not be making Charlie immortal had been a brutal one.

Carlisle inhaled with closed eyes, seeming to savor the smell of pines and tree sap.

«It is perhaps worth mentioning here that, not unlike you, I had not had… a modern sex education,» Carlisle contemplated. «Homosexuality as an orientation was not really a concept yet, it wouldn't be for another few centuries. At the time, there was only the sin of sodomy, or buggery, and the twisted men who committed it. I was taught that it was a sexual perversion, nothing more.

So, to me, finding Aro's face pleasant to look at, his lips inviting, or enjoying his proximity, and always looking for excuses to be around him, were merely indicators that we were very good friends. I was deeply attracted to him, but I didn't connect the dots. Homosexuality simply wasn't on the radar.»

The smile on Carlisle's lips split into a grin. «Seventeenth century socialization aside, in retrospect it's clear that I was also just deep in the closet. There's a Narnia joke to be made, I'm sure.» He winked at Renesmée, and she smiled hesitantly.

Carlisle nodded to himself, still grinning. «Aro later confessed that he had had a rather frustrating time with me, as I was alarmingly oblivious to any of his hints.»

Yes, Renesmée could believe that.

Remembering how a few minutes ago he had recounted to his granddaughter Aro saying «I look forward to sex» without realizing, Renesmée could only marvel at what other hints Carlisle must have missed, or how obvious a desperate Aro must have gotten in the end.

She wondered what Aro's response would have been if Carlisle had refused him.

Carlisle, meanwhile, seemed lost in thought as his eyes looked far ahead.

Renesmée wondered what memories were passing through his mind.

Carlisle's brow creased into a frown. «Of course, from my point of view he was… er, deft. At seducing.» He made an odd, shy, gesture, and seemed to shrink, just a bit.

It appeared «deft» was as explicit as he was capable of getting, at least around his granddaughter.

Though, Renesmée had the feeling he would have acted the exact same around any of his friends.

Once again she was struck with the sheer improbability of her grandfather finding himself in anybody's bed, nevermind Aro's.

«Grandfather,» she began slowly. Carlisle turned to look at her. «Grandfather, I have to know. If Chelsea was a factor, if she… aided Aro, then how much do you suppose she might have done to you? Do you have any way of guessing?»

His eyes cleared, and he exhaled slowly. «It's hard to say, Nes. My feelings for Aro were unlike anything I had experienced before, or after for that matter. I was mad about him. Analyzing those feelings rationally, picking them apart and examining their components with an objective lens, is easier said than done.»

He tilted his head back in thought.

In a flash, something seemed to occur to him.

«Renesmée,» he said slowly, «would you mind terribly if I went on a bit of a tangent?»

Renesmée blinked, a bit thrown. «Sure?» she offered, and added a shrug for good measure.

Carlisle flashed her a smile. «I've been morbidly embarrassed over this incident for the past, oh, seventy years or so. Since you know about Aro now, that means I can finally complain to someone.»

He nodded to himself again, not noticing the slow, but elated smile that crept up on Renesmée's face.

It was stupid, to be so touched by those words, but…

Having her relationship with her grandfather progress to the point where he now considered her a confidante meant so much more to her than he seemed to realize.

She blinked rapidly before she could start crying, or anything silly like that.

«You'll remember that we met the Denali in the 30's. It was wonderful, I was thrilled to meet a large coven of vampires who had all chosen the diet of their own accord. It was unprecedented, and so soon after Edward returned to me.

Then, as we were getting to know each other, I learned that Eleazar had been with the Volturi for a few years.

Specifically, he had been Aro's advisor and confidante, up until Carmen came into the picture and Aro gave him an ultimatum, him or Carmen.»

Carlisle pursed his lips together to form a very thin line.

Renesmée gasped aloud: she could not help it. «You don't mean…»

Oh, that was…

That was unexpected.

She had no words, only a sense of utter shock.

She didn't know if picturing her uncle Eleazar with Aro was more or less possible than picturing Carlisle with him.

Eleazar was one of those men who were more their wife's husband than they were a person in their own right. Whenever he and Carmen were in the room together, Renesmée would focus on Carmen, and Eleazar would become an afterthought, and when it was just Eleazar in the room he seemed incomplete.

In that marriage, Carmen was the one with the charm, the one whose face came to mind when Renesmée heard the words "Carmen and Eleazar".

Of course, Eleazar was often eager to speak with Renesmée, her gift interested him and so did her unique nature as a hybrid. But, Renesmée had found him easy enough to evade if she simply called her father over with her mind. The two would always start conversing, leaving Renesmée to slip away unnoticed.

Overall, Eleazar was an uncle Renesmée considered dear to her because he was her uncle, but beyond that he really wasn't much more than an afterthought, the last person in the room you approach for small talk.

Considering him as a person, then, and enough of one for him to do something so mad as to sleep with Aro, was difficult.

Picturing him kissing Aro the way her parents kissed was as impossible as picturing Carlisle doing that, she concluded after trying for one cursed second.

She would not be able to look at her uncle the same way again.

Carlisle merely gave her a sardonic look. «I mean that Aro made no secret of the fact that I was not his first lover. Far from it. So, when Eleazar told me he'd been close with Aro, using words like personal assistant, and had to leave because he found himself a wife… you can imagine what I thought.

Learning that Eleazar had arrived in Volterra shortly after I left did not make me feel better.» Carlisle's fingers tightened around the tree branch he was holding as he spoke.

«Wait, wait, so did he sleep with Aro or not?» Renesmée asked.

Carlisle shot her a look. «Not.» he said.

Renesmée nodded, exhaled in what was undeniably relief.

Carlisle merely smiled thinly.

«At first, I was determined not to pay it any mind. I had left Volterra, I had forsaken any claim I might have had. I had no right to be jealous, and even if I did, that would not be Eleazar's problem.

However, Eleazar… this was before he grew disillusioned with the Volturi. Which meant that he would, ah, talk about his time with them.» Carlisle's lips thinned. «Often.»

Renesmée sat very quietly, not saying anything.

«In retrospect, I let my emotions get the better of me. Eleazar is in no way Aro's type, for one, and he was polite about Aro's petrification in the way one only is if they find it to be a detriment… had I sat down to think this one over, calmly and reasonably, I would have recognized just how ridiculous I was being. But, because of Edward I had to avoid thinking about this at all. Whenever possible Eleazar would entertain my family and myself with stories of his time with the Volturi, with Aro…

Unable to think of it near Edward and unwilling to say anything in front of my family, I had no way of venting my feelings. It finally got to the point where I couldn't take it any more, so I asked Eleazar to come on a hunt with me, just the two of us.

When we were far out there in the woods, truly in the middle of nowhere, I made him stop.

«Eleazar,» I began, and leaned against a tree with my arms crossed. (Over the years I've found human mannerisms to be good for difficult conversations, they give me something to do while I collect my thoughts.)

Eleazar frowned at me, he of course had no idea what had been brewing in that stupidly jealous mind of mine.»

Renesmée grimaced on her grandfather's behalf. Already, she could feel the secondhand embarrassment building in her chest. Had this been a movie, she would have paused it.

«Eleazar,» I said again, «you'll recall that I, too, spent a few years in Volterra. Ah, by Aro's side. Much like yourself.»

I looked up at him then, conveyed as much as I could with my facial expression and tone, certain that this euphemism would clear up any doubt he might have had about my relationship with Aro.

Eleazar merely nodded. «Yes, he spoke of you often.»

I made a face at that, and felt the beginnings of very genuine anger rise in me. I had not wanted to know that Aro apparently had so little shame that he would discuss me with other lovers.

But I was determined to be the better man, so I plastered a smile on my face. «Lovely.»

I didn't get further than that, and now Eleazar was openly staring at me.

«Is everything alright, Carlisle?» he asked after a long moment.

I closed my eyes, breathed in, breathed out, and finally said, «Eleazar, let me begin by saying that I'm not in any way upset with you. I have no right to be, and I am trying to be mindful of that fact. However—» I broke off and broke eye contact with him, searching for the words.

«Upset with me?» Eleazar echoed in confusion. «Carlisle, what did I—»

I held up a hand.

Breathing in again, I said, «You've done nothing wrong at all, quite the opposite, I'm—» and god, Renesmée, the smile on my face was not convincing, «happy for you. Glad you enjoyed yourself.»

Drawing in another breath while Eleazar frowned at me, I continued. «However, I must ask that you stop talking about Aro, and Volterra, when I'm around.»

Eleazar's eyes became very wide. «What do you mean? Why?»

It was my turn to stare at him. «Eleazar, I just told you, I find it— upsetting. I've tried to be rational about this, I've failed. Now I'm asking you to please stop reminding me of the time you spent with Aro.»

Then I added, «I'm sorry that I ask this at all, but you must understand, I really don't have it in me to be entirely reasonable when it comes to a matter such as this.»

Eleazar's eyes widened. «Oh, I see,» he said.

Of course, he did not see at all. I, however, did not know that, so I relaxed.

Before I could say anything, however, Eleazar continued.

«You feel threatened,» he said.

It was my turn to stare at him. «I— really, Eleazar? No, no, no. No, I'm happy with my life as it is.» I could only laugh in incredulity, that he would think so little of me. «Aro, Volterra, everything that happened there is firmly in the past, believe me. However, Eleazar, I've brought you out here because—» I clasped my hands together, at a complete loss for words.

It wasn't just the fact that Eleazar would imply I wasn't happy with my present life, it was the fact that he would take the fact that I'd confessed something so sacred to him and asked him at my most humble to do one small thing for me, and turn it around to use against me. I was mostly just shocked, but, god, now I actually was upset with him.

And, er,» Carlisle cringed slightly. «When I'm upset I tend to get… honest.

«Alright, fine!» I said, spreading my hands and looking him directly in the eyes. «I am jealous, not because I have any right to be or even because I want to go back, but because the mere thought of—» I broke off, and made some vague gesture, «the mere thought of being replaced, of anyone taking my place by Aro's side, nevermind someone I know and who insists on reminding me of the fact on every damn occasion— fine! It makes me so jealous, I want to vomit.»

Eleazar was shocked at my outburst. Er, with good reason.» Carlisle cringed again.

Renesmée watched him, transfixed by the story he'd launched into.

She wondered for how long Carlisle had been bursting with these old stories and repressed emotions, wanting to talk about what he never could.

Carlisle misinterpreted the look on her face. «It gets worse, dear,» he said, and took his hand off of the branch he was seated on to pat her shoulder.

«Eleazar looked at me, and after a moment's indecision he closed the distance between us and put a hand on my shoulder. I stared at it.

«My dear Carlisle,» Eleazar exclaimed, «you needed only say! I never meant to upset you, in fact I had no idea you felt this way. It makes sense now, of course, I should have realized. I apologize for putting you on the spot like this.»

He clapped my shoulder. «If it makes you feel better, dear friend, then I think there was no avoiding it. I had a gift, I have a strategic mind: I was useful to him in a way that you could never be. The fact that he let you stay for so long, use his library as freely as you did, and even have your portraits made, speaks a great deal to your…» he paused to search for the nicest possible word without outright calling me useless, «charm.

Carlisle, I didn't mean to make you feel impotent, and now that you've let me know how you feel I'll be mindful around you. But, if it is any comfort to you,» he shook my shoulder lightly, «to your family you are everything. They will always have use for you, to them you are irreplaceable.»

Then, leaning in, he confided in me, «Truth be told, being Aro's closest advisor is overrated. The man has a fascinating psyche, but he spends most of his time doing paperwork. Paperwork! For a vampire. Can you imagine. Really, Carlisle, by the end of my sojourn in Volterra I was really quite bored.»

He smiled brightly at me.

And that, Renesmée, was the moment I finally realized that Eleazar had never had an affair with Aro.

More, thanks to the scene I'd caused, he believed - and continues to believe, to this day - that I was hopelessly jealous of his position as a high-ranking guard and advisor to Aro, and resented having never been more than a visitor. And I can never correct him, at least not if I want to avoid scandal.»

Carlisle smiled thinly. «It would be funnier if he hadn't been giving me these knowing looks for a near century now.»

Renesmée bit her lip delicately. «That's…»

«You're free to laugh.»

She supposed it was funny, but…

Lacking the words to formulate her question, or more honestly not wanting to, she reached out with a hand to touch his. She replayed the way he spoke of Eleazar, the little facial expressions he made when recalling what Eleazar had said or done, and the way his mimicry of Eleazar's voice was laden with just a bit of sarcasm.

She did not want to say it, but…

She'd always thought Carlisle and Eleazar were close.

Carlisle opened his mouth at what she showed him, and closed it again. «Oh, no,» he said quickly, «Eleazar is very dear to me. The Denali as well.»

Renesmée frowned at how quickly he said that.

Carlisle heard that thought.

He sighed.

«It seems you're learning all the secrets today,» he muttered.

He looked at her for a moment, searched her face for something.

Then, having apparently found it, he said, «Let me turn your earlier question back at you, Renesmée. Do you want to know unpleasant truths?»

Renesmée frowned. «Unpleasant how?» she asked slowly.

Carlisle gave her a long look. «Very unpleasant, and regarding the Denali.»

Renesmée's eyes widened minutely.

That, she supposed, was an answer in and of itself.

Perhaps the wise thing would be for her to say no, to let whatever it was Carlisle intended to tell her die, but…

Even if she hadn't wanted to know, even if she hadn't been curious (and she was, the curiosity was burning within her), then this conversation was the first time in her life that she was being treated like a person, not merely a child that couldn't pick her own books to read or games to play.

She would be damned if she was going to flinch in the face of even a moment of this.

«Yes,» she said, more strongly than she'd intended. «Yes, I do want to know,» she added.

Carlisle gave her another long, searching, look, but he nodded.

«The Denali are our family's closest friends and allies, make no mistake. However… I will say this, Renesmée. There's a reason why we don't live together.»

Yes, Renesmée thought, and relayed that sentiment to him. Their covens would be too big combined.

Carlisle cringed. «No, not… not quite. Oh, Nes, how do I put this…» he shifted. She was reminded of what he'd just said about human mannerisms during difficult conversations.

«The Denali have made a very noble choice in abstaining from human blood. That is, indubitably, a good thing that they do. However…» he gave her a hard look. «You do not tell your parents I told you this, don't even give them the indication that I told you this. Bella doesn't even know.»

Renesmée's stomach tied itself into a knot in dread.

Being Carlisle's confidante was quickly turning out to be the most exciting development in years, possibly in her entire life (the Volturi had been nothing if not an anomaly), but it was a lot to handle.

In a flash, she was seated on Carlisle's branch, pressed up against him.

He looked surprised for a moment, but then his face warmed, and he shimmied so that he was lined up against the trunk of the tree, and then he put an arm around her shoulder, drawing her in.

She wound her arm through his and rested her head against his shoulder, letting his scent fill her nostrils again.

«Just let me know the moment you want me to stop talking,» Carlisle said gently, but she shook her head.

She wanted this knowledge now, wanted all the knowledge in the world that her grandfather had to offer, and she would not refuse even a morsel of it. It was just that it was a bit easier to hear it all if she had a hand - or arm - to hold.

After a moment's pause, Carlisle began talking, his inhumanly clear and lovely voice filling the air like a symphony that, by some coincidence, formed words. «The Denali, as you know, take human lovers. This is the reason why they uncovered the diet in the first place, they had been feeding on these men for centuries when Tanya could not take it any longer.»

Renesmée frowned, and she straightened a bit. «Feeding on them? But— I thought they didn't hurt their lovers?»

Carlisle smiled humorlessly. «Not anymore.»

Then the smile faded into something steely, and he said, «Ostensibly.»

Renesmée sat back and stared at him, uncomprehending.

Carlisle pursed his lips and tilted his head back, searching for the right words.

When he spoke again, his voice was carefully neutral, not betraying any emotion. «It's not enough that they abstain from human blood. Vampires and humans are not meant to engage sexually, Renesmée, we are not easily compatible.

Not all of the Denali sisters' lovers survive, and those who do frequently sustain injury. It's enough that the Denali overestimate the durability of humans, even by a little. They let them overheat, they don't heat themselves enough beforehand, they wear them out, even something so little as closing their legs too tightly during the act can cause gruesome damage.»

Renesmée froze. «But— you said—»

«The difference, Renesmée, between then and now is that there is a survival rate now. There wasn't before.»

Renesmée's hand crept up to cover her mouth in mute horror. «But— surely they don't want that? The men? I thought— I thought they fall in love with the sisters? If they're getting injured like that—»

Carlisle pursed his lips again. «That's the part you must never tell anyone. But, Nes, I've spoken to a few of the Denali lovers over the years, and the vast majority have, in some form or another, expressed terror of the Denali, and a desire to escape them. They're eager lovers, in the sense that they fear the Denali too much to refuse them.»

Renesmée felt faint. «No.»

Tanya's face, so warm and kind and lovely, swam before her. Kate's, too.

She called both of them auntie, she had grown up with them constantly visiting alongside Garrett, Carmen, and Eleazar, and all five of them would coo and fawn over her.

She held tightly onto Carlisle's arm with both of her hands, held on before she could lose her balance and fall off the tree altogether.

«The sisters don't seem to realize,» Carlisle said softly. «They really do adore these humans, and they are so wholly convinced that all men want sex, always, that it doesn't occur to them things may be more complicated than that. They forget that to human men, there is such a thing as being too beautiful, and that the vast majority of humans have an instinctive, primal, fear of our kind. They forget that their cold, hard skin, and impossible strength is impossible not to notice when you're in bed with someone…

Those human men know they're not making love to human women, but between finding themselves in an isolated house in the mountains, and being so much weaker that they could sooner tear the house down than fight the Denali, they have no recourse.»

«The Denali don't realize what it is that they do, they believe they love these men. Perhaps, in their own way, they do.»

Renesmée's eyes welled up with tears of horror.

«How can you let them do it?» she choked out.

Carlisle turned slowly to look at her.

«I tried to tell them, once, when I first became aware of this. Do you think they agreed with me? They have been doing this for a thousand years, Renesmée, it's how they live. Believing me would mean forsaking what they love most in this world, and so they refused to believe me. Renesmée, they will never stop of their own accord.»

«Then—»

«Then the only way to stop them would be to kill them. And you know I can't do that.»

Carlisle tilted his head back again. «I've seen countless of abusers, rapists, gangsters, murderers, and the lot over the years. The vast majority of them human, stopping them would have been the easiest thing in the world for me. But, Nes, the world has enough murderers, enough monsters. If I were to become one as well, I would only be making the world a darker place. I would sooner exist to make it brighter, and do my piece against the injustices of this world by helping those who fall victim to it.

Edward once, shortly before he ran away, accused me of being selfish, of valuing my own morality above the safety of the innocent, he made the point that when I have the power to stop evil and don't use it, I am allowing evil to happen. I disagree, but this is where my faith comes in. It's not for me to decide who gets to live and who doesn't, I don't have that right. I place my faith in God for that.

And, when it comes to the Denali, I seek to help their lovers whenever they'll let me, because the only way for me to stop them would be by massacring a coven that's like family to me.»

He sighed, closed his eyes.

For a moment, he looked almost tired enough to sleep. «The thing you must understand, Renesmée, is that we are not humans. My family may play at being a part of human society, but we are not actually a part of their world. That goes for you as well.

Our world, Renesmée, is a brutal one. We have only one law: to keep the secret.»

He gave her a hard look. «That is our only law.»

Renesmée frowned at him.

To be quite honest, she wasn't sure what he was getting at.

Carlisle seemed to know as much without her needing to show him. «Renesmée, there is no law among vampires against rape, nor murder. Among our kind we do what we want, when we want it, and the only consequences come from the enemies we make, and the Volturi should we offend them.

And I assure you, Renesmée, not even when Aro was trying to make the best possible impression on me, did he give me any illusions about the kind of society he named himself protector of.»

Renesmée stared at her grandfather mournfully.

At this point, even if Chelsea hadn't been involved, she could not believe that Carlisle's relationship with Aro had been a particularly happy affair.

That, or she did not understand her grandfather's heart at all.

Perhaps it was better if she stopped trying to make sense of it.

«Renesmée, this has turned out to be our most open conversation yet, and you will need to hear this sooner or later. You are nearing adulthood for your species. You will have to decide for yourself when you feel you have become an adult in your own right, that is no uncomplicated matter even for humans - but, Renesmée, you need to start preparing to close the door on childhood, and enter the adult world.

And that, my dearest granddaughter, means that you have to understand the world, and your place in it. Ours is a large coven which can protect you, but it is important that you understand what it means to be a member of the supernatural community. A citizen of the Republic of Vampires, if you may,» Carlisle said, smiling just a bit.

Renesmée listened quietly, feeling once again that peculiar, awed, something that she had in Ireland, when Carlisle explained about how to live with immortality.

This was sacred wisdom her grandfather was imparting on to her, and what was more, he was acknowledging something that had always seemed like a concept to Renesmée, there to remember about every now and then, but never to fully regard as a tangible future.

One day, she would no longer be a child.

Her parents would still be there, as young and in love as ever, and Jacob would still be there, wanting to spend his every day with her, whether that meant Skyrim or accompanying her on hunts.

But she would, in some immeasurable way, be different.

Frankly, even as she struggled to understand what Carlisle was telling her, and why, it eluded her.

For her to become an adult she would have to become an adult in the eyes of others - that, after all, was one of the composites of the self according to the philosophers. An adult Renesmée would be different from the child Renesmée, yet—

She couldn't picture it.

That, and she was going to go out on a limb and say that Carlisle's «Republic of Vampires» line was a reference to the Republic of Letters.

A smile crossed his face. «As it is, I'm fairly certain the only reason I - a giftless, weak, nomad who was constantly trespassing on other people's territory - am still alive is precisely because I was so inoffensive. Understand, Renesmée, that a species that relies on regularly killing humans to survive, is not going to remain particularly empathetic to others either.

To us, what the Denali do is awful, impardonable.

But, in the grand scheme of things, they are quite ordinary vampires. To tell you the truth, until our falling out, I believed Aro to be one of the best among our kind, certainly one of the wisest and most integritous.»

Renesmée...

It was a good thing, she supposed, that she had cried so much already that day.

She was all out of tears, all out of any strong emotion.

Still—

Like a boat whose ropes had been cut, she felt adrift, lost, in the sudden horror that was the world she thought she'd known.

«How can you stand it?» she asked softly.

Carlisle smiled to himself. «It's called survival. And really, it's not quite as awful as I make it sound. I have formed excellent friendships, made a large and loving family for myself. However, in order to do any of that I had to understand this world first.»

Renesmée chewed on her lip, taking it all in.

Then, as she was replaying his words in her mind, something stood out to her.

«Did you say my father ran away?» She had to have heard that wrong.

However, the moment she said it, Carlisle blanched. «Oh, no,» he said, very, very, quietly.

Renesmée's eyes widened, but before she could say anything he'd shaken his head.

«Nes, I'm sorry, but that's not a subject we'll be broaching. That's not— that's something for your father to tell you, I can't be the one to— I don't think this is something he wants you to know about, Renesmée, not ever. Please, just as I count on you not to betray my confidence, I ask you not to make me betray his.»

Renesmée's jaw fell in shock.

«So he did run away? Why? When? What happened?» The questions fell out one after the other.

But Carlisle only shook his head. «I can't, Nes, I really can't. Please, if you commit every other word from this conversation to memory, then forget that one slip. There are things you are not supposed to know, and then there are things you are not supposed to know.»

His eyes were wide, almost pleading, as his eyes seemed almost pleading.

She wanted so badly to know, to ask more. For her father to run away like some human teen was unthinkable in and of itself, but Carlisle had made it sound as if the reason was a discord between him and Edward, and that was so far out of the realm of possibility that Renesmée didn't know what to make of it at all.

This was not something she could simply forget.

But Carlisle, it seemed, was desperate not to talk about it.

So she reluctantly nodded.

Carlisle nearly sagged in relief.

Sensing this part of the conversation was over, she went back to sit on her own branch. It had been much more comfortable.

Carlisle smiled lightly, and shifted on his own now that he had more room.

They were quiet for several minutes, long enough that Renesmée began to worry that Carlisle was going to say it was time to go when he next opened his mouth.

She did not want their talk to be over just yet.

«Is there nothing to be done about the Denali?"

Carlisle's head snapped around to look at her, quickly, as if he'd forgotten she was there. «What is there to do?» he asked softly. «They love their lifestyle. They fully believe their men are happy, and I can't convince them otherwise. The men who try to tell them, are dismissed in one way or another - after all, Tanya and Kate have a thousand years of experience with men they believe were willing, so any detractors must surely be anomalies.»

He reached out to lightly squeeze her shoulder.

«As it is, it is all I can do to be on Tanya's call list, so that she'll let me know when she has gone too far.»

He sighed. «If you want to help, Renesmée, get yourself a medical degree. You'd breeze right through med school, and then you would be in a position to help as well, perhaps even more so than I am.» He sighed again, more tiredly than the last. «Tanya is reluctant to let me see her lovers, as I tend to whisk them away even when they're in perfectly good shape.

You, on the other hand, are adorable and impossible to say no to, you should have a much easier time than I do getting those men out of there.»

He gave her another look. «Consider it, at least.»

Renesmée nodded mutely.

She hadn't yet made up her mind about God, she was inclined towards believing there was a creator, but she hadn't decided which religion sounded like they'd gotten the closest yet, if any.

But it was starting to seem to her that if there was a divine creator, and He was sentient, then—

Then he had the blackest humor imaginable.

For the first time, she felt a sense of admiration for her grandfather's faith. Oh, she admired him in just about every aspect, but it had never occurred to her to admire his faith.

Yet, to see so many dreadful things as he surely did, day in and day out, for centuries, unrelenting evil practiced even by those he would call friends…

Staying sane had to be a herculean effort.

It was a good thing he'd eventually found others, Renesmée could not bear the thought of her grandfather going through this world alone.

She'd have to see about getting her parents to let her skip high school.

She wondered what Jacob would do when she was off to campus all day, every day.

«Now,» Carlisle said, squaring his shoulders, «I do appreciate the company of the Denali. They are sweet women, and Eleazar and Carmen a lovely couple. They are the coven with the closest ties to ours, and that does mean something, for all that their lifestyle brings me grief.»

He sounded… distinctly unconvinced.

After a moment, he sighed. «It's a brutal world we live in, Nes, and the Denali are the only coven I've encountered that share our ideals. They have their moments, and the bonds between their coven and ours are…» his lip curled as he searched for the word for it.

Giving up, he said instead, «They believe they care for my family, and my family certainly cares for them. If I am more on the ambivalent end, then that is something I will keep to myself to keep the peace.»

«More importantly,» he added, before Renesmée could say anything, «if I was to cut contact with them, then there would be no one to save their human lovers. I can't save them all, and I can't prevent harm from finding them in the first place, but Nessie, I do save some of their lives. That's not nothing, and it's worth the world to each of those men.»

Renesmée said nothing, taking it all in.

The sun was at its zenith. Soon, now, it would begin its descent towards the East.

Funny how quickly the time had passed them by.

«I'll get that medical degree,» she finally said.

A smile like the sun lit up Carlisle's face.

Renesmée smiled back.

«Now,» he said quietly, «Returning to Eleazar. Renesmée, Chelsea can do a lot of things, I'm sure, but the jealousy I felt, the sheer anger...» he trailed off.

«To be quite frank, Renesmée,» Carlisle said, his words slowing, «while it may be possible for Chelsea turn a crush to infatuation, and a fondness to deep affection, I should not think it's possible for her to cause the kind of despair, anger, and hurt that I felt when I thought I was looking at my replacement. The fact that I thought Aro had taken Eleazar as a lover in the first place, of all people… if it makes me look any more pathetic, then you should know that for the entirety of the first week I knew Eleazar, he wore tweed. On the occasion of our hunt, he was wearing a sweater vest and suspenders.»

Carlisle shook his head in quiet disapproval. «And still I thought Aro had slept with him.»

Renesmée couldn't help it: this time, she smiled, just a little.

Carlisle made a face at her.

«So, you're sure then?» she asked. «You don't think Chelsea was used on you.»

Carlisle nodded slowly. «It just doesn't feel like it.»

«It's a good thing you've seen his true colors now,» Renesmée mused aloud. She turned to him with a small smile. «When you actually do meet someone new that he has slept with, you'll be fine.»

Carlisle's face twitched, and she heard a loud crash.

In the next moment, Carlisle was sitting on a different branch while the one he'd just been sitting on fell to the ground. She could see where it had broken in two places, one for where each of his hands had clenched and crushed the tree.

They watched its descent, neither of them saying a word.

«You'll understand once you've dated,» Carlisle said quietly.

Renesmée didn't want to say anything, she really didn't.

But, like sitting in the back seat while Edward drives, she was the horrified witness to how her mouth took on a mind of its own, and blurted, «How do you deal with the fact that he's married?»

Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose. «Sulpicia isn't… it's a bit complicated.»

Renesmée opened her mouth to ask, but Carlisle held up a hand. «I've told you far too much as it is, dear.»

Renesmée frowned. «Wait, so there's more? Involving his wife?»

Carlisle blurted a quick laugh. «There most certainly is not,» he said, in a voice that said «There's a lot more, but we're not going there.»

Renesmée's frown deepened. «Okay,» she said slowly, «though I hope you know I'll be wondering now.»

Carlisle smiled implacably at her. «Have fun with that, then,» he said.

Her eyes narrowed, and she glared at him.

«Was it that she didn't like you?» she speculated aloud.

Carlisle ducked his head. «Er, no. No, she liked me. We got along quite… quite well.»

«Then why are you so evasive?» Renesmée demanded, only to catch herself. «Not that you have to tell me either way, of course,» she added quickly. «I respect your privacy.»

Carlisle shook his head and smiled at her politeness, but he looked like he was considering it.

«Fine,» he finally muttered. «I can't believe I'm telling you this. But, ah… you could say I got along with her… quite well.»

«Oh, that's nice,» Renesmée said. «So she didn't have a problem with you?»

«No, ah… not eventually, no.»

Carlisle sat still for another few seconds.

Then, he seemed to say «to hell with it».

«Aro and Sulpicia do not have a… traditional marriage,» he muttered. «They do not mind if the other takes a lover. However, I turned out to be a more permanent fixture in Volterra than anyone had anticipated, and after a few years Sulpicia grew upset about this. Er, Aro had… he had an unorthodox solution for this, is what I'll say.»

Renesmée frowned.

«And now we enter the part where you're my granddaughter and the story therefore cuts off,» Carlisle said with another cringe.

Renesmée blinked in confusion. «Why?»

Carlisle grimaced. «We should maybe look into whether your gift makes people tell you things they absolutely shouldn't. Er, it'll come to you, my dear. Just make sure you don't contemplate this in Edward's vicinity.»

«I don't….» Renesmée began, but she trailed off. Somewhere deep within, the wheels had started turning, and for all that the realization had not yet hit her, she could feel it approaching.

Then, horribly, and all at once, she understood what Carlisle meant.

In retrospect, it was a very good thing she'd moved to sit on the more comfortable branch. It was wider, it had a few supporting branches sticking out, it was really quite like a chair. It was nothing like Carlisle's new branch, which was thin and brittle. No human man could have sat on it without breaking it.

Just as Renesmée would surely be plummeting to the ground now if she hadn't been seated so well.

She made a high-pitched, mouse-like, squeaking noise.

«I really do question my own grandparenting skills,» Carlisle sighed. «But you did ask.»

Renesmée's gaze slowly raised to meet her grandfather's. She saw her stunned, slack-jawed, reflection in his eyes.

«Sulpicia and I became good friends as well,» Carlisle tried, a bit more brightly. «I kept her company on the rare occasion Aro had to leave Volterra, and I continue to regard her fondly. She never did anything to hurt our family, and I would not decry her over her husband's actions.»

Renesmée was still staring.

Carlisle sighed, and shook his head.«Look, it was a strange time in my life, and I'm not blaming Chelsea for it. The trouble Aro had getting me into bed with his wife alone speaks to Chelsea not having been involved, he would have had a much easier time of it otherwise.»

Renesmée only continued staring, it seemed she couldn't stop.

Carlisle grimaced again at the look on her face.

After a long moment of her sitting there, shellshocked, he reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

«You know,» he said drily, «somewhere in Forks right now, I imagine Charlie feels this sudden… swell of grandfatherly excellence. Imagine, having your granddaughter not know a thing about your sexual history. Must be wonderful.»

Renesmée blinked, and tried to collect herself.

She almost made some sort of quip about going to grandpa Charlie's house to ask him about his love life, but it died before she'd even thought of a way to word it.

She couldn't handle any more.

«Another thing on Chelsea,» Carlisle added, «since this has turned into a tell-all exposé anyway, I would be remiss not to mention Afton.»

«Afton?» Renesmée echoed, not sure if that was a name or a place.

Carlisle nodded. «Chelsea's mate. She loves him dearly, yet in their eight hundred years of marriage she has not been able to make Aro like him.»

Renesmée blinked in surprise. «How so?»

«This is… it's one of those secrets that aren't actually secret, it's one of those widely known truths that no one is supposed to know. But, Aro does not like Chelsea's husband.»

«Why not?»

«Oh, several reasons, but the chief one is that Afton has the single most useless gift I've ever encountered. Or that Aro has encountered, for that matter.»

After a slight dramatic pause, a slow smile spread across Carlisle's face. «It's the power of invisibility.»

Renesmée's eyes widened. «Invisibility? For real?»

Her eyes widened further as she thought about the sheer potential of such a gift. Never mind Alec, Afton could sneak into a coven's stronghold undetected, kill their leader, frame another for extra chaos points, and be on his merry way. He could walk in the sunlight, go where other vampires could not whenever he pleased.

And apart from Bella, Afton might just be the only other vampire in the world who could evade Demetri.

«That's a fantastic gift,» Renesmée marvelled, «how can Aro say it's useless?»

Carlisle's face did that thing where he was very carefully keeping it blank. «Afton would be very glad to hear that. No, the problem with his gift is that it, um. It only works if you're not looking at him.»

Renesmée bit her lip. «So he makes you unable to look at him?»

Carlisle's lips were twitching. «Not quite. Afton is invisible when you don't look at him, and if you look at him he stops being invisible.»

Like smoke, the images Renesmée had made for herself of all the amazing things Afton could surely do dissipated.

«That… can't be a gift,» she said slowly.

Carlisle's lips split into a full grin. «Oh, but Afton insists it is. He can shield others as well, as it were. You see, if they hide behind him, they become obscured from sight.»

Unable to resist, Carlisle then put his hand behind the trunk of the tree they were both sitting on, angling it so that Renesmée couldn't see it, to illustrate.

Both of Renesmée's hands crept up to cover her mouth. «Are you really serious?»

Carlisle nodded, openly snickering now. «And Aro can't get rid of him because Chelsea is deeply in love. Chelsea, in turn, can't make them get along because Aro can't get over just how stupid that gift is. That, and Afton is… hm, well, the common consensus is that Chelsea could do better. Ah, a lot better.»

He raised a brow at her. «Of course, like everything else I've told you today, this stays between us.»

«Who would I even tell?» Renesmée pointed out. «Hi, Jake,» she said, turning to face an imaginary Jacob. «I was hoping we could chat about the Volturi today. Have you heard the latest hot gossip?»

She shook her head.

Carlisle grinned at her.

«Have I convinced you, then?»

Renesmée frowned for a moment, not sure what he was referring to before she realized. «That you weren't…»

«That I was in full possession of my mental faculties when I became Aro's lover,» Carlisle finished.

Renesmée opened her mouth to confirm, but—

Could she ever be sure?

Carlisle caught her hesitance, and the ghost of a smile crossed his lips. «Nes, the bottom line is, I was able to leave. Aro did not want me to, he understood why I made that decision but it was clear he wanted me to stay. Even if Edward is right and Chelsea was used on me to some extent, she couldn't stop me from leaving on my own terms, against Aro's wishes.»

Renesmée… wasn't quite happy, she doubted she'd ever be.

Even if Carlisle hadn't been unduly influenced, he seemed to not realize that whatever he'd had with Aro had, by the sounds of it, been completely insane.

She would much rather he never stepped foot in Volterra, that the whole affair never took place.

But Carlisle, for reasons she was either too young or too sane to understand, did not see it this way.

She let her head fall back, looked up at the sky above.

The clouds were thinning. Soon, the sun would peak through.

«Why did you leave?» she asked, still looking up.

She had heard the official reason, that it was a matter of diets, but…

Now she wasn't so sure.

Carlisle's voice was very soft. «You know why,» he said. «I left because I could not stand the killings, and after years of trying finally gave up on converting Aro.

I've never lied about my time in Volterra, only omitted the details that were no one's business but mine.»

He paused, and Renesmée turned her gaze back to him again.

«That, Renesmée,» he continued, «is one matter in which our family has been lucky. Love isn't always enough, for all that the stories would have you believe just that. Our family has been blessed in that record. All my creations stayed with me, and all the mated couples we form have been compatible. Some of us had trouble getting together, and by some of us I mean poor Alice waiting for twenty-eight years while Edward and Bella had to fight destiny itself so they could have each other, but the problems were always outside factors. Once we were together with our respective mates, we were lucky enough to be perfect for each other.»

His eyes were very distant as he mused, «That's not always the case.»

---

A/N: Thanks as always to The Carnivorous Muffin for betaing. Less thanks because under her watchful eyes this chapter grew another 4k. Betas, gotta love them.