Ron awoke suddenly and with the ominous feeling he had just escaped a terrible fate. Clutching a hand to his forehead, he groaned. He must have had an awful nightmare, that was the only explanation. Trying to remember what had happened in it, he stared out at the ashen through the frost-covered windowpane, the images coming back to him: something about a long piercing scream, a flash of light and weirdly Lavender's voice yelling 'oh fucking hell'.

'Harry I have just had the weirdest dream', said Ron, turning towards his friend's bed, which was empty. Assuming that Harry had woken up early and was perhaps in the common room, Ron was about to roll over and go back to sleep before he heard a small grunting snore come from under Harry's duvet. Worried, Ron braved the cold and got out from under his cosy blanket, staring in trepidation at the bed: upon further inspection he could see a small dark head peeking out from under the covers. Reaching a nervous hand out, in one fast motion he pulled back the blankets.

'Merlin's Pants!'

'So let me get this straight', said Dean. 'You think that Lavender turned you into a niffler?'

The niffler nodded and then drew the paper and pen Ron had provided toward it, its little rodent paws clutching the pen and writing in painstaking letters 'REVENGE'.

'But, Harry', said Ron 'why would she want revenge on you? You haven't done anything to her!'

They still in their dormitory, sat in armchairs, gazing out at the bleak winter's day. A fire crackled mournfully in the grate, and niffler-Harry appeared to be on the brink of tears. Ron didn't blame him. He'd also be crying if he had been turned into a small, vole like creature. Carefully he gazed at Harry's large wobbly writing, and with a sudden jolt of shock the pieces came together. 'Oh! You think she wanted revenge on me! And it was a misdirected spell!'. All the boys turned to look at him accusingly.

'It does make sense Ron', said Neville. 'To be honest I've always thought you deserved to be turned into a niffler for what you did to her… and now look what's happened.' He wiped a tear away. 'Poor Harry. He's being persecuted by the Weasleys… first Ginny steals his glory and kills Voldemort with a pipe, and then your ex, driven mad by sorrow turns him into a niffler!' Seamus and Dean were also glaring at Ron mutinously, but to his relief the redhead had suddenly had a brainwave.

'Ginny! She'll know what to do!'

'But, Ron-'

'No, listen. We can't let the rest of the school know that Harry's turned into a niffler. While Ginny did end up killing Voldemort, Harry still forms a key figure in the resistance movement in their eyes. There would be a national mourning day. I'm not sure how we would hide the fact that the Boy-Who-Lived is now the size of a mole, but I'm sure she'll think of something.'

Despite angry mutterings from the other boys, they couldn't deny that Ron's sister was the woman to solve the current crises. She had killed Voldemort, and with the billion pound prize money she had won, certainly had the wealth and resources to hide Harry. As Ron sent a hasty owl to her, they considered what they would do while they waited. Clearly, they couldn't stay here with Harry all day- they had lessons to go to. It was decided that while they were gone, Harry would be put in the Pygmy Puff cage.

'Gosh Harry', said a very impressed Luna. 'What an excellent disguise.' The two girls were stood together around the Pygmy Puff cage, staring at a mournful Harry who was nibbling on Ron's watch.

Ron looked anxious. 'It's not meant to be a good disguise Luna! It was a misfired spell! Honestly, Lavender ought to be locked up for this.'

Ginny frowned thoughtfully. 'Well, he needs to go to St Mungo's, and I bet it will take at least a month for the spell to be undone… but I do have quite a good idea as to what we can do in the meantime.'

…..

As Ron drew a smiley face on to the enormous Harry-sized flour baby, he sighed. 'Ginny, I don't think it's any use. They'll realise it's not him when he starts leaking.'

Ginny, who was supergluing black wool onto the flour baby's head to look like hair glared at him. 'Listen Ron, it'll work perfectly. I'm a tactical genius.' They were stood in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory, desperately trying to finish off Harry's stand in before the end of break. Just as Ginny produced a pair of glasses and forced them on to the sagging head, Dean walked in.

'Wow, Harry, I'm so glad you're back to your old self! I knew you couldn't be a niffler for too long!' As Ginny looked smug, Ron gaped.

Flour-baby Harry turned out to be even more popular than the real thing. Staff and students alike were pleasantly surprised by the Chosen One's newfound peacefulness and quiet, reflective air. He had, almost overnight, become a fantastic listener, his characteristic look of frustration had transformed into a mild smile. He was getting better grades too: while his teachers did agree that he could be engaged in lessons, Harry had become a much better student- he no longer broke things with misdirected spells, got into fights with Draco Malfoy or obsessively checked his enormous magical map when he thought no one was looking, but sat attentively staring at the front at all times. His Quidditch team had noticed an improvement too. Under his quiet benevolent gaze, they worked together in perfect harmony, and although he didn't catch the snitch in any of their matches they won through sheer force of harmonious teamwork. Ron and Hermione to their surprise also preferred the flour baby Harry – he no longer snarled at them irritably but was always so quiet and pleasant. Ron found himself having long, meaningful conversations with the new Harry, safe in the knowledge his companion would not judge him or reveal his secrets to anyone. Hermione found the new Harry pretty hunky, although she would never say so to Ron.

Alas, after three months of perfect happiness at Hogwarts (during which flour Harry won sixteen awards for service to the school, best pupil, best Quidditch Captain ever seen and so on), the real Harry was cured. As he marched into the boy's dormitory, Ron smiled nervously. 'Hi Harry, how are you feeli-'

Harry, having spotted the flour-baby Harry tucked up cosily in his bed, roughly dragged it out and chucked it bodily out of the window where it exploded on the ground. 'Hi Ron', he said. 'Where's my map?' I need to stare at Draco Malfoy's name obsessively.'

Ron's eyes filled with tears as he stared out the window at the remains of his best friend. The bad old days were back it seemed, for good.

Hi guys, I do realise this chapter looks like I'm roasting Harry (in fact he is the butt of quite a lot of my jokes in both my stories). I actually love him as a character, and think he's fantastic, but I genuinely cannot help myself. Perhaps it's because I still haven't forgiven him for stealing Ginny from Luna.

Anyway, I know I haven't updated in ages! It's because I've been settling into uni- I'm having an amazing time but I am so busy. So much reading to do! Anyway, finally I've found some time to write and hopefully will be able to go back to regular updates soon.