If teardrops could be bottled

There'd be swimming pools filled by models

Idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish

September 2, 1972

After getting dressed, Carina looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. Yesterday, she wouldn't have expected to be wearing the red and gold tie and robes but now that she saw them on, she decided that it suited her. The colors actually brought out the grey of her eyes. She threw her hair into a ponytail and headed downstairs for breakfast.

Once she got to the Gryffindor table, she sat next to Sirius, who was talking animatedly to Remus, and started filling her plate. As she was pouring herself a glass of Pumpkin Juice, she caught the eye of the girl sitting across from her. Her curly black hair came down to her shoulders and was held back from her face by a pink headband.

"Hello!" She greeted as she stuck out her hand. "I'm Dorcas Meadows. You're Sirius' sister, right?"

"Yeah!" She grasped her hand. "Carina. It's nice to meet you." They smiled at each other as they dropped their hands.

"Are you excited to finally be at Hogwarts?" Dorcas asked, kindly. "I know I was."

Carina nodded. "It's so beautiful here. I can't wait to explore the castle."

"Oh, Merlin." She groaned. "You aren't gonna get caught sneaking out after dark, are you?" Her eyes flashed over to Carina's left. "Sirius lost us a lot of points for that last year."

Sirius heard his name and looked over at Dorcas. He raised his eyebrows at her and, smirking, he turned back and continued his conversation with Remus.

Carina wore a matching smirk. "I think I'm a lot craftier than my brother." Without looking at her, Sirius playfully bumped his shoulder into hers causing Dorcas to snicker into her bowl of oatmeal.

Once she recovered, she looked back up at Carina. "You should come hang out with us sometime! Me and a few other girls study together in the library. I think they'd like you."

"That sounds great. I'd love to!" Carina beamed, excited that she was making friends. While she loved her brother, she didn't want to spend all of her time with him. And she'd never had any girl friends before.

Just then, Dorcas looked up. "Oh, the post is here." Carina looked up too and almost immediately saw her mother's Screech Owl. The color drained from her face when, without stopping, he dropped a bright red envelope on the table in front of her.

"Oh no." She said, eyes wide.

"Is that a howler?" Dorcas asked, her brown eyes were just as wide as Carina's. Sirius and Remus were looking at her too. However, while Remus looked horrified, Sirius' expression was a mixture of anger and understanding.

"You've got to open it." He said, although he looked like he wanted to rip up the letter himself. "Mum sent me one last year."

Carina nodded and she took a deep breath. Her hands shook as she picked up the envelope and broke the seal.

"CARINA BLACK!" Her mother's shrill voice rang throughout the hall. Carina covered her ears but it did nothing to block out the noise. "YOU HAVE BROUGHT DISHONOR TO THE NOBLE AND MOST ANCIENT HOUSE OF BLACK! I AM DISGUSTED. DO NOT BOTHER COMING HOME FOR THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS."

The entire hall went silent as the letter burst into flames and left ashes all over her plate. Carina stared down at the table and she felt her cheeks grow hot. She tried to blink back the rapidly forming tears in her eyes but she knew they were going to fall. Without looking at anyone, she got up from the table and quickly left the hall. Once she was in the Entrance Hall, a sob escaped her lips and tears started streaming down her face.

She didn't know where she was going, she just knew that she had to get away. Her tears were blurring her vision and she felt like she couldn't breathe. Somehow, she found herself outside but even the fresh air couldn't help fill her lungs properly.

She knew that her mother wouldn't react well to her getting sorted into Gryffindor, but not letting her come home for Christmas? What about Regulus? She hoped that he would understand. But now she was going to be alone. Would they let her stay at Hogwarts? If not, where would she go? Breathing was not coming any easier to her.

Footsteps were coming up behind her. "Cari!" It was Sirius. "Wait!" Carina stopped and let Sirius catch up to her. He ran around to face her, his eyes filled with concern.

"I knew it would be bad but I didn't know it would be that bad." She was trying to calm herself down but she just couldn't stop crying.

Sirius half heartedly shrugged his shoulders. "It's mum. You know how she gets." As Carina looked at her brother, she realized something.

"But you still got to come home for Christmas last year."

"I did." He furrowed his brow. "I don't know what her problem is this year."

Carina did. Their mother could handle one child not being sorted into the Slytherin, but two? It was too much for her perfect pureblood image to recover from.

"I don't want to spend Christmas alone." She sobbed.

Sirius shook his head. "You won't be alone! I'll stay here with you."

She looked up, surprised. "You will?"

"Yeah." He smiled. "I don't mind not going home for Christmas. We can have a fun holiday here. Just the two of us."

She sniffled but finally was able to take a deep, calming breath. "Okay." Her tears had finally stopped falling so she dried her face with her sleeve.

Sirius looked down at his watch. "I've got to go to class, but you're okay, right?"

Carina nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Good." He turned to go, but he stopped in his tracks. "And by the way, I think you can let your hair down now. It's not like mum can get any madder." He smiled and walked back up to the castle. She watched him go and realized he was right. What did she care if she was a 'proper lady'? It's not like her mum was here watching her.

She nodded to herself and pulled out her hair tie. She ran her fingers through her hair and let it fall forward. It felt… freeing.

She took another deep breath and made her way back into the castle.