derek
It's quiet; he notes as he opens his eyes.
No more monitors, no more beeping. For once, his mind is no longer loud. All he could feel was the sand under his feet; the ray of the sun on his face. He felt light, at peace—happy, almost.
Until he realized, he wasn't supposed to be there. He was supposed to be with his son, with Addison. Where was he? Was this really the end? He hopes not. He still remembers the last thing on his mind; once the transplant was over, he'd propose to Addison and whether she likes it or not, he's staying in New York.
For a moment he thinks about how he got there. He was in an operating room, and it was frantic. He could still hear people yelling — "we need to choose." — and then it was quiet, the doctors started working quietly and fiercely to save who they chose. That was then it clicked. They chose his son.
Liam was okay, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He may not have been the one to survive but his son was okay, he's alive and he's going to live a full life. And he may not be able to pursue his plans with Addison, he's happy. Addison isn't going to lose their son. And if he's being honest, if there's gonna be another man he'd want in Addison's life, it was Liam.
He may have only known his son for a short period of time, but he knows that he's a great kid. Addison raised a good kid, and Derek is sure she's going to do better. That much he's sure of. He's always known that Addison was good at being maternal (his nieces and nephews, and the babies she's worked on can attest to that). But seeing her mother their child made him sure. Addison was an outstanding mother, and he can't imagine anyone mother his child except her.
Derek has always been curious about life and death. As a man of science, he didn't believe in the magic of the afterlife. But still, a part of him was curious about what it was like. Now he knows, it's peaceful. It's different from what other people believed in—there was no big gate, he wasn't standing on clouds and no one was there to decide whether he goes to heaven or beyond. It looked like home.
It looked like…the Hamptons?
"Daddy!"
Derek whirled around to the sound of the voice, and he felt his knees buckle.
Liam was running towards him, his curls bouncing as he did. He looked so happy, so carefree but Derek also saw the pang of sadness in his eyes. Derek shook his head, this can't be. What was Liam doing here?
He already accepted his fate, but his son? No. And he's more than sure that Addison wouldn't. She wouldn't survive losing both of them. This has to be some cruel joke.
"What are you doing here?" He asks once Liam reaches him.
"I dunno." Liam shakes his head. "Where are we, Daddy?"
Derek kneeled in front of Liam, took his little hands in his before letting out a long sigh. "I don't know either, but you can't be here. You have to go back."
"But what about you?" He asks, his pale blue-green eyes growing in concern.
"I'm going to be okay here." He assures him. "There's no more pain here." He promises. "Daddy's going to be fine, okay?"
"But what about my with?"
"What?" Derek asked in confusion.
"I withed for you to love my mommy." He reminds him. "You promithed me that you were gonna love my mommy."
"I did." He concedes. "But, sweetie, I-I can't. So please, do it for me, okay? Promise me that you're going to love your mommy. Don't let her miss me."
"Thath never going to happen." Liam shakes his head. "Mommy alwayth mitheth you. You have to go back and love my mommy. Do you not love my mommy?"
"Yes. Of course, I do." He answers quickly. "More than you know, but she loves you and needs you. You have to go back to her."
"What if I don't want to?" Liam asked, meeting his father's eyes.
"Liam…"
"You thaid no more pain." He interrupts, his voice quivering as tears begin flowing down his cheeks. "I don't want to hurt anymore, Daddy. I wanna thay here."
"But don't you want to be with your mommy?" Derek asks, wiping the tears off his son's cheeks.
"I do." He nods, as tears continue to come out of his eyes. "But I don't want to hurt anymore, I don't w-want her to hurt anymore."
"What are you talking about?" He asked in confusion.
"The thinkth I don't know, but I hear her cry when the tuckth me to bed." Liam explains, wiping his tears with his little hands. "I love my mommy tho much, don't want her to cry anymore. Don't want her to be thad anymore."
"Which is why you have to go back." Derek says softly, cradling his son's face in his hands. "Your mommy is going to be sad if you don't go back. She loves you so much, Liam. She can't live without you."
"No, you have to go back." He insists. "Make her happy pleath."
"Liam…" Derek couldn't think of anything else to say, so he does the only thing he could think of. He pulls his son in his arms, hoping that whatever was happening is just a dream. That he'd wake up to see Addison and Liam curled up beside him when he wakes up.
This isn't how it's supposed to end. The plan was to go through the transplant, and stay with his family. He desperately wanted this to be a dream; silently willing himself to wake up.
"Daddy, do you thee the light?" He hears Liam whisper after a moment.
"What are you talking about?" He asks, as he feels Liam wiggling himself out of his grip. "Liam, what are you doing?"
"No more pain, Daddy." Liam says once he's successfully freed from Derek's arms.
"Liam, no—"
"Promith to love my mommy." He interrupts, as two different shades of blue met sadly.
"I promise." He says shakily, not noticing that his own eyes were producing tears. "Liam…"
"No more pain, Daddy." Liam waves goodbye before turning to walk away.
"Liam!" Derek shouts, running after him.
Suddenly he felt an arm on his shoulder, preventing him from moving. His cries were silenced as he watched his son disappear. He wanted to wake up from whatever this was. He wanted to wake up now.
"Derek."
His eyes bolted open as Addison caressed his face softly. He couldn't help the smile that escaped his lips. It really was just a dream.
He took in the white lights and the white walls; there was no sand here, no sun and the far lighthouse was nowhere to be seen. It was just Addison, and the soft smile on her lips. He watched as she sighed a breath of relief as he opened his eyes.
"Addie." He said, smiling at her lovingly. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you."
To his surprise, her smile faded and she choked on a sob. Tears started falling fiercely from her eyes, and her hands left his face as she covered her face. Addison fell on the chair beside his bed. He looked at her, confusion written all over his face.
"Addie, why are you crying?" He asked. "W-where's Liam?"
Addison looked up, shaking her head, and a sinking feeling took over his body. All the happiness and relief that he felt suddenly turned into fear.
"Addison, what happened?" He whispered, reaching for her hand. "What happened to Liam?"
"Liam…" She whispered, swallowing thickly. "You both started crashing, but Liam already lost so much blood, and they lost him." Addison shook her head sadly, fighting back another set of tears. "But they were able to bring him back. He's, uhm, he's in a coma."
"Oh, Addie…" He whispered, clutching her hand.
He moved so she could crawl in his bed. Derek immediately wrapped his arms around her, not minding the pain coming from the fresh stitches near his hip bone. Right now, the only thing that mattered was the woman in his arms. He wasn't there during the first month of Addison's fight for their son's life, so he wants to be here. He's not going to let Addison fight alone.
"I can't lose him, I'm so scared." She cried in his chest.
"Shh, we're not going to lose him." He promises, kissing her forehead as he holds her tighter.
God, he hopes he's right.
…
He watches her from afar for five weeks, despite his promise that he's not going to let her fight alone, it's clear as day that she needs space from him. He could see the remorse in her eyes every time they met his. He catches the subtle glares that she sends his way when she thinks he's not looking. Addison blamed him for what happened to Liam, but more than that, she blames herself.
She may not voice it out, but he knows that she's thinking about the what ifs. He knows that a part of her regrets calling him because then maybe their son wouldn't be limp in a hospital bed.
It's irrational, and maybe a little stupid but Addison has always been like that. When a situation occurs and she has no power over what happens, she blames herself. She calculates what she did and what she didn't do over and over again till she comes to the point that she hurts herself just by thinking. She's a control freak, Derek always loved that about her. But now, as he watches her sit by their son's side, he wishes that she wasn't.
He promised Liam that he'd make her happy, but he couldn't. Not when she's hurting herself. It's hard to get her to listen when she's fighting herself, so instead, he gives her time. He just hopes that when the time comes, it isn't too late yet.
They've always been friends with bad timing. From their wedding clashing with their intern exams (which caused them to celebrate their honeymoon on their first anniversary instead) to him realizing how much he loved her after she left. He wants this time to be different; he needs this to be different because he doesn't know what will happen if he's forced to live without her again. The little time that they've spent together was enough for him to forget how dark it was without her, and he doesn't want to remember it ever again.
"Where's Addison?" He asks one night, as he walks in Liam's hospital room.
"She's sleeping in an on-call room." Lexie says as she looks up at him.
Derek looked at her in confusion. Addison never left Liam's side; she basically lived inside his hospital room. She made Mark bring her a bunch of her clothes so she could shower there instead. When she wants to eat—something that became less frequent, and made Derek worry—she just asks Derek or whoever was available to get her a snack in the cafeteria.
"Mark told her that if she didn't leave, he'd stop bringing her clothes." She explains, reading Derek's mind.
"And that worked?" He asked in amusement.
"Not with a little hustle." Lexie smirks. "Addison's stubborn but Mark is…Mark, you know that. He loves Addison, so no matter what she does or how hard she pushes him away, he never gives up on her."
Derek nodded sadly, as he occupied the chair on the other side of Liam's bed. He does know that Mark loves her, and it unsettles him. Has Mark always loved Addison that way? He looks back. Addison and Mark were always up each other's throats in med school, but Mark had always admired her. He was always the first person to admit that she was great in everything she does. And that part hurt Derek.
It was subtle, but now, he realized that maybe Mark sacrificed his love for Addison so they could be together. He might have loved her but she loved Derek.
Mark would've given her all the stars in the sky, he's sure of that. But she wanted him, she wanted that one lonely star that burned her when she tried to hold it for keepsake.
"Doesn't it bother you?" He asks after a moment.
"Does what bother me?" Lexie asks, meeting his eyes.
"That Mark loves Addison." He says, jealousy evident in his voice.
"At first." She admits. "Mark and I used to fight about it a lot. Especially when he would cancel dates to spend the night over with her and Liam. I was always so worried that he'd leave me for her. I mean, Addison is practically perfect. Everybody here loves her. Men always ogle her but her focus was on Liam. I guess a part of me thought I was only his second choice because he couldn't have the woman everybody loves. And I hated her for that."
"But…" Derek prods.
"But Addison never made me feel like I was a second choice. I was only an intern back then but she worshiped the ground I walked on. And then, one day, I needed someone and she was there for me." She said, smiling at the memory of how she and Addison became friends. "Mark and I were broken up back then, and I saw him flirting with an eye doctor. I got jealous, so I hid in a supply closet. She followed me, and even after how I treated her, she comforted me. She was Mark's best friend but she chose me. After that, everything just kind of happened."
"Addison's always like that when she loves someone." Derek said, exchanging smiles with Lexie.
"That she is. Addison has a big heart." Lexie nods before growing serious. "Which is why she deserves someone that could love her the same way."
"She does." He says in agreement.
Lexie looked at him up and down. "Do you love her?"
"I do, so much."
"Good." She nods approvingly. "Addison and I will always have a tainted past, and so do you but I moved past that because I love her. She was the only family I had after everyone turned their back on me. We're sisters…closer than sisters. She's always been there for me, and I intend to be there for her so please. If you love her, tell her."
"I already did." He says quietly. "And I know that she loves me too b-but is it going to be enough for her to stop hating me for what happened to Liam? Everything between us is difficult. I want to be with her, I really do but she keeps trying to push me away. And I just got called back to Seattle…"
"You know, I'm not the one you're supposed to be having this conversation with. Go, I'll take care of Liam." Lexie interrupts, giving Derek an encouraging smile. She paused for a moment. "If you love her, tell her. And if it's not enough, then make her feel like you mean it."
"I know." He concedes. "In which on-call room did you say she was in?"
addison
Addison tossed and turned as she lay on Mt. Sinai's excuse of a bed. Admittedly, she wasn't tired nor did she want to sleep but Mark gave her a choice; leave Liam's room or he would stop bringing her clothes to change in. So, she gave in. The on-call room was closer than their brownstone, and she didn't want to drive all the way there to get her clothes.
It's been five weeks and Liam still hasn't woken up, and every bit of her is slowly going crazy the longer he stays in that state.
Liam was an active kid, even when he was sick, Addison has never seen him so still. It's as if she's stuck in a nightmare, except she's the one who's chasing the person trying to run away from her. It never gets easy, walking inside his hospital room—wishing and hoping for just one flick of a finger, a flutter of an eye. Just a sign that her little boy is still there.
It's just so frustrating, and confusing how her life became this complex. All she wanted was a family—not like the sham she lived in—but all she got was a son that she doesn't know if he'd come back to her, and an ex-husband waiting for her.
Derek. He hasn't been causing any problems. To her surprise, he's been giving her space…and maybe that's the problem. She needs someone to lean on. And it's not like the support that Mark, Lexie and her other friends are giving her isn't enough, it is. But sometimes, all you need is one person.
And she needs Derek—as much as she hates him, she needs him. Because once again, he's the only one who can understand her. She knows that he can read her like an open book, she's been catching him glancing at her. And she's been pretending that she doesn't know.
It's a confusing game between them. Then again, Addison-and-Derek had always loved to play games with one another. From her teasing him that he was in love with her, when she was actually the one who fell first, to the last year of their marriage—when he asked her to stay, and gave her false hope. It's a painful slope, but neither of them could stop themselves from coming back to it.
Her thoughts were interrupted when the door of the on-call room squeaked open. She looked up, and saw the man in question enter the room. His eyes were on her, but they were unreadable.
"Hey." He begins, smiling weakly. "I-I asked Lexie where you were. And, uhm, I just wanted to tell you that…" He stammers. "I just wanted to tell you that, uh. It's just…Addison."
"Tell me what?" She asks, the power in her voice surprises him.
"I just wanted to tell you that I'm leaving. I, uh, I'm going back to Seattle tomorrow." That part doesn't surprise her, she's been preparing herself for when he leaves. After all, she hasn't given him any indication that she wanted him to stay. She finds herself sighing, and he walks closer to the bed she's lying on. "But it's only for a couple of days. I already sent Richard my resignation letter a few days ago, I just need to get the rest of my things. I'll be back. I promise."
"I meant it when I said I wanted to stay." He said, as he sat on the edge of the bed, caressing her knee. "I never want to leave you. Ever. Even if you want me to. I just, when I think about my life in the next ten years, I see myself with you."
She sits up without a word, her eyes meeting his. Addison swallows thickly at the compassion emanating from them. She should say something, but she can't so she settles for silence. Wishing that his eyes could take away all the pain in hers.
"Addison, I love you." He whispers after a moment.
She nods, giving him an indication that she heard him. It's not that she doesn't feel the same, she loves him. Even more than she loves herself. But over the past five weeks, she built this wall between them. And she doesn't want to break it because if she did, she's more than certain that she'd fall apart.
And she can't fall apart, not when there's still a chance.
"Have I ever told you why I chose his name?" She asks, breaking the comfortable silence between them.
"You named him William…"
"Because of your father." She finishes for him, her mind going back to the early years of their marriage. "I promised you back then that if we had a kid, his or her first name would come from your father's name. William if it was a boy; Willow if it was a girl." She lets herself smile slightly. "And Russell..."
"Because of Russell Crowe?" He teases.
"Funny." She chuckles half-heartedly, shaking her head. "But no. It, uh, it was because of the Russell quints…I wanted to be reminded that not everything about Seattle was bad."
"And the devastating case of the quints was good?" Derek asked in confusion.
"It was a devastating case." She concedes, not noticing the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "But the way you looked at me during the surgery, it was a good memory. Nothing could ever top the story of how we met, but that was a close-second…especially if it worked out for us."
"Addie…"
"Not now, Derek." She inhales sharply as he crawls toward her. "Don't." She warns, avoiding his gaze as she felt his hand on her arm.
"I'm so sorry, Addison." He whispered, pulling her into his arms for a warm embrace. She tenses from his touch for a moment, but when he started stroking her hair, her invisible wall quickly dissolved. She held him tight as she sobbed in his chest.
"I-it hurts so much." She cried. "I don't want it to hurt anymore. Please. Make it stop. Derek, make it stop."
"I know." He whispers, kissing her head. "I know it hurts, and I wish being here would be enough to make it stop. I am so sorry, Addie."
At that moment, no walls were between them. They couldn't take the pain away from each other; but he could hold her, and she could hold him. So they'd settle for that. Neither of them knew what to say to each other, so he just held her, whispering words that he hoped would be enough for her.
Her sobs grew louder and aggressive, till it finally began to subside. He continued to hold her, somewhat fulfilling his promise of never letting her go.
"I can't take your pain away, and I am sorry." He tells her gently. "But if there's something, anything that I could do for you. Tell me, and I'll do it."
She looked up at him, before hesitantly leaning in to kiss him. And he responded kindly, kissing her deeply as he caressed her cheeks with his thumb. It was soft and gentle. Everything she needed to fall apart, and everything she needed to fix her broken heart. He tried to kiss away all her pain…all their pain. But then he felt Addison tugging on the hem of his shirt. Derek tried to pull away, but Addison's kisses became more frantic as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Addison, we can't." He breathed between her desperate kisses.
"Derek, just tonight." She begged in between kisses. "Please, for one night. I don't want to hate you. I don't want to hurt. I just want to feel something else."
And even though every fiber in Derek's body said it was a bad idea, he pulled away from her to quickly lock the on-call room door. He kissed Addison gently, and she deepened the kiss as she ran her hands through his hair.
The sex was awkward and unfamiliar at first, they were always a team—even in bed, but they wanted different things this time. She wanted fast and rough, and he wanted to be gentle and take his time with her.
But then suddenly, something changed as Derek looked down at her, pressing a soft kiss on her forehead. Their hips started rolling against each other in an incomparable rhythm. They'd finally found themselves in the same place.
Every kiss was drawn out, it wasn't slow but it was meant to last. And Addison wrapped her arms around his muscular back tightly as she felt herself getting close.
"I love you, Addie." He whispered as they finished together.
After they caught their breaths, they lay together silently, basking in the afterglow.
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. And she draped her arm around his middle, feeling his damp skin under her arm, as her head found the spot on his chest. Derek kissed her forehead, and she felt him smiling against her skin. They stayed in that position, until she heard his breathing starting to even out—a telltale that Derek was asleep.
"I wish I could love you…" She murmured in his neck, before closing her eyes and giving in to much needed rest.
…
When she opened her eyes one gloomy afternoon in New York, all that's left of him was the memories of that night and the note that she kept in her purse.
I'll be back in a few days. Wait for me, Addie,
- Love, D.
She closed her eyes and sighed; she had successfully succumbed to her weakness—more known as Derek Christopher Shepherd, once again. Admittedly, it's not a bad thing but the timing…is just so awful. But then again, when was the time that a monumental thing happened in her life at the right time? Almost never. The only thing that made it better every time is that she was with Derek.
It's been a few days since Derek left, she wasn't impatient or worried that he won't fulfill his promise. The night they shared before he left would completely say otherwise. And besides, he texted her the other morning to tell her that he'd be coming back tonight. She trusts that he won't leave her again, and she wants to trust herself that she'd do the same.
"Daydreaming about Derek or overthinking about Liam?" She hears a voice coming from the doorway of her son's hospital room. Addison looks up to see Mark smirking down at her.
"How about neither." She retorts, rolling her eyes. "Maybe I'm thinking about myself, about my clothes. The shoes I left at the brownstone."
"Addison Montgomery never cares about those things—when her son is involved in the situation." He backpedals as he sees the skeptical look she's giving him. "Liam comes first. He always comes first. At least, before Derek came back." He smirks coyly. "I heard about your on-call room escapades the other night."
Her eyes widened in surprise. "How did…who told you?"
"Just observations." He shrugged. When she looks at him pointedly, he continues. "The door was locked when I came to check on you. And I saw the look on Derek's face when he left the hospital."
"Well, it was your fiancé who told him to go there." She answers with all the dignity she can muster.
"But you wanted him there, did you?" Mark asks, sitting on the chair beside Addison.
"No, yes, I don't know." She sighs defeatedly. "I don't want him to be in my life, but at the same time, I want him everywhere."
"Well, that was helpful." He chuckled.
"Shut up." She muttered, hitting his arm playfully.
"Addison, come on." He smiled, wrapping a supportive arm around her shoulders. "So what if you slept with Derek? You guys were together for almost twenty years, you have a kid together. And I hate to point out the obvious, but you two are still in love with each other."
"I-I know." She nodded in agreement.
"So, why aren't you giving him a chance then?" He asked in confusion.
"Because…" She sighed, massaging her temples. "Because in those twenty years, love wasn't the only thing there. There was hurt and betrayal too. Derek and I had an ugly past, Mark."
"You do have an ugly past." He conceded, rubbing her shoulder. "And the pain will always be there. But that doesn't mean you can't heal. You guys can still have a future. A future with Liam as a family. Wouldn't you want that? A chance to grow old with Derek and Liam?"
"I do, I really do." She admits. "But what if Liam never wakes up, Derek's going to leave me again."
"Addison, don't do that." He whispers gently. "Liam's going to be okay. And I haven't seen Derek in four years but I know…just by the way he looks at you that he's madly in love with you. He's going to stay with you no matter what. You guys are going to make it; you were always meant to be."
She nods, turning Mark's words over her head. "Thank you, Mark." She whispers, giving him a small smile.
"You're my best friend, Addison." He grins, before kissing her cheek chastely.
For a minute, she leans in his touch. Basking in the comfortable silence that her best friend is giving her. But her mind kept running. Derek. Derek. Derek. She's in love with him. She never stopped, even after all the pain he had caused her. Derek Shepherd was the only man who had filled her heart with so much love.
Sometimes it's suffocating to love him—some nights she can't breathe while thinking about him but more frequently it makes her feel light and at peace. Happy, even. Addison wants to give herself a chance with Derek, even if it feels selfish at the moment. She wants to explore the places that loving Derek could bring her to. She just needs a minute to think.
"Where are you going?" Mark asks, as she wriggles out of his arms.
"I…I need a minute."
derek
He was in the cab on the way to Mt. Sinai when he got the text from Lexie: Addison's been MIA since this morning. Text me if she calls you.
The rest of the ride to the hospital seemed so long, but it didn't compare to the time he spent trying to find her, it felt like a lifetime. And he wasn't even sure if he'd find her. She could've left the hospital for God's sake.
But all of the worry disappeared as he caught the flash of red hair being blown by the wind as he opened the door to the hospital rooftop. There she was, standing by the railing. He could only imagine that she was looking over the East River. Addison always loved thinking while looking over it. He never understood why but he never questioned it. In fact, he even proposed to her during one of those nights that they spent at the rooftop.
Slowly, he walked towards her, leaving a little space between them as he stood next to her by the railing.
"We were worried about you." He said softly, looking at her in awe. The light of the moon shone, subtly outlining the contours of her face. Her beauty never failed to amaze him.
"How did you know I was here?" She glanced at him briefly before looking back to the river.
"On December 25, 1993, Derek Shepherd proposed to Addison Montgomery." He answered, looking down at the black pen marks on the railing. "And besides, you always come here when you want to think."
"I just needed a minute." She sighed.
"Word-on-the-street, you've been MIA since this morning." He teases.
"Well, I needed to think." She said, scrunching her nose. "I didn't want to leave Liam…I just. I couldn't think with everyone there."
"What did you think about?" He asked her.
"About what you asked me." She said, turning to look at him. It was just then he noticed the unshed tears in her eyes. "If I want to let you stay. You said I could think about it. And I'd give you my answer after the transplant."
"And…" He prods gently, his eyes shining with hope.
"I just need one thing…" She trails off, looking at him shyly.
"What is it?"
"Why should I let you stay?" She asked, her voice quivering as tears began freely falling down her cheeks.
"Because I love you." He answers simply, wiping the tears off her cheeks.
"Derek, I…" She took a deep breath. "I-can't love you."
"Why?" He asks in confusion.
"Because I hate you!" She snaps, pushing his hands off her face as she turns to walk away.
"Well, I hate you too!" He yells, as he grips on her arm. The intensity of his voice surprised both him and her. Derek immediately felt guilty, so he pulled her in his arms, holding her gently. "But I do love you, and a part of me hates that I love you—we're going in circles." He whispers, as he urges her to rest her chin on the crook of his neck.
"Addison…"
"There's a chance that our son won't wake up, Derek." She whispers, her voice breaking as tears continue to reside in her eyes. "If that happens, then you won't have a reason to stay."
He pulls back, cupping her face. "What if I want to stay for you?" He asks softly.
"I wasn't, the twelve years we spent together wasn't enough the first time. How can I be sure that this time would be different?" She whispers, her sad eyes meeting his hopeful ones.
"I don't know, Addison."
"Derek—"
"No one can ever be sure, Addie." He says gently, pushing her hair away from her face. "And I don't know how we can make this work; I just know I still love you. I am so in love with you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. And I promise every day to earn the right to be with you. I promise, if you let me."
"God, you make it sound simple." She shakes her head, trying to ignore the fluttering of her heart with the sincerity of his voice. "It makes me want to believe you."
"Then believe me." He whispered, looking at her expectantly. "Addie?" He prods when he sees a smile beginning to form on her face.
"I know that it'll never be simple between you and I, but I'd rather be a mess with you than be okay alone." She gives him a soft smile. "I love you too, Derek. Please stay with me."
"There's no other place I'd want to be." He grinned, before pulling her in for a kiss. It was nothing like the one they shared before he left. It wasn't frantic, it wasn't forced—it felt right. It was everything he remembered, and everything he longed for. And if he's lucky, he'll always remember how it feels to kiss Addison for the rest of his life.
They continued to kiss, until Addison's pager interrupted them.
"911. It's Liam." She breathes as she reads her pager.
They wasted no time, and ran to their son's hospital room, hand-in hand. But what they saw as they arrived made them stop dead in their tracks. Lexie and Mark were by his bed, looking at them expectantly. They both scanned the room. The tubes and the wires that were attached to their son's frail body just hours ago were gone.
It was just Liam. In the middle of his bed. Awake and smiling.
"Mommy, Daddy!" His smile grew wider as he spotted his parents on the doorway.
"Oh, Liam." Addison whispered, as both of them crawled into their son's bed.
"Mommy, why ith you crying?" Liam frowned, reaching to wipe the tears off his mother's cheek. "I don't like it when you cry."
"Oh, baby." She hugged Liam tightly. "Don't mind the tears, mommy's just so happy that you're awake. You were asleep for a long time."
"I wath?" He asked, as Addison pulled back.
"You were." She nodded sadly, before smiling warmly at her son. "But it doesn't matter, what matters now is that you're awake. And you're okay. You're going to be okay."
"What about you and Daddy?" He asked, looking between his parents.
"What do you mean?" Addison asked in confusion.
"Did you do what I athked you?" Liam asked, looking at his father.
"I did." He confirmed, smiling widely at his son. "And I'm staying."
Liam clapped his hands enthusiastically, causing all the adults to laugh.
"Thank you for my making my with come true!" He exclaimed, hugging both of his parents.
Derek looked over his son and Addison. "No. Thank you for making my wishes come true."
CHRISTMAS 2011
In the end, Derek did end up staying in New York. And he did everything to prove to Addison and their son that he deserved them.
He no longer took extra cases, instead spent his time with Addison and Liam; and Addison did the same for them, not that it was ever a question. It was a progress, but it was a good one. Then one day, Derek realized that they've made it. No more bad timing, no more pain.
Derek smiled as he looked around the hospital room he's currently staying in. His eyes landed on his wife, who's sleeping peacefully on the hospital bed, and his grin grew bigger. Just hours ago, Addison gave birth to the new additions to their little family.
Derek can definitely say that his decision to stay in New York was the best one he's ever made. He finally had Addison again, and just a few months after they decided to get back together, he proposed. They were remarried by Christmas last year, Addison wanted to do it earlier but Derek convinced her that it would be better if they didn't. He claimed that he wanted to make up to all the Christmases he missed, and that one Christmas he messed up. Addison, who was unabashedly smitten by the excuse, finally gave in.
Three months after that, a lovely day in March, while Derek and Addison were teaching Liam how to properly say the letter "s" (a session which probably went to vane) Addison had whispered something to the child. "Gonna have a baby brother or thither!" He squealed excitedly. Derek looked at Addison with a mixture of disbelief and sheer happiness, and Addison nodded with a warm smile on her face. It was simply one of the best days of his life.
"Daddy." He looked up to see Mark, with Liam in his arms, by the doorway.
"Sorry, we came in so early." Mark apologized, as he put Liam down. "Big brother over here was excited to meet his siblings."
"It's alright." Derek smiled, as he walked over to Liam and picked him up.
"Well, I guess you've got it from here." Mark grinned. "Congratulations, Daddy! And I'll see you later, big brother." He said, waving at Liam before leaving the room.
"Where are they, Daddy?" Liam asked excitedly, looking at his father.
"They're right here." Derek whispered, walking over to the bassinets beside Addison's bed. "But you have to be really quiet because they're still sleeping, and they might cry if they wake up. Mommy's still sleeping too so…"
Derek winced as one of the babies started to cry. He placed Liam on Addison's hospital bed and picked up a baby with his piercing blue eyes and Addison's flaming red locks. He cradled the baby in his chest, as Liam looked over the other bassinet. Derek smiled as his son looked at his sibling in awe.
"Okay, honey." He cooed to the baby in his arms. "You're okay, you're okay." Wrong move. The baby cried louder and harder. "Shh, it's okay. I know you're hungry but mommy is still sleeping so if you could just…"
"Derek..." Addison murmured sleepily, as her eyes opened. "Give me the baby, she's probably hungry."
Derek helped Addison sit up, before gently placing their child in her arms. "I'm sorry we woke you up." He smiled apologetically, kissing Addison's temple.
"It's alright. Hey, big brother." Addison smiled as Liam crawled next to her. "Did you find anything interesting with your baby sister?"
"They both look like you." He answered, looking at the baby in his mother's arms.
"They do." Derek chimed in, picking up the baby in the bassinet, as she opened her eyes (Addison's eyes). "They're all beautiful." He smiled, caressing the baby's cheek.
"Yeth!" Liam agreed. "Mommy and the babieth are beautiful…but Mommy, Daddy, what are their nameth?"
"Well, we were waiting for you before we decided." Derek chuckled, as he sat beside Addison. "I was thinking of Catherine for her. What do you think?" He asked, gesturing to the baby in his arms.
"I like it becauth Mommy lookth like Catherine Deneuve, and the lookth like Mommy." He said decidedly, causing his parents to laugh.
"Okay, so that leaves one unnamed Montgomery-Shepherd." Addison said, looking down at the baby in her arms. "What should we name her?" She asked Liam.
"Willow." He said immediately. "For grandpa in heaven."
Addison looked up, exchanging glances with Derek. They never told Liam about that name before, but somehow, their son knew. And it warmed Addison's heart. They can both feel that their son is going to be a good brother.
"You don't like it, Mommy?" Liam asks, noticing the look in his mother's eyes.
"No, I don't like them." She shakes her head, before giving her son a soft smile. "I love it. Catherine and Willow…I love the names, and I'm sure they will too."
Liam smiled happily. "Welcome to the world, Catherine and Willow!" He exclaims, looking at the babies in his parents arms. Addison and Derek couldn't help but exchange a smile.
"Do you wanna hold Catherine, Liam?" Derek asks.
"Can I?" Liam asked shyly, looking up at his mother.
"Yeah, go on." Addison said encouragingly. She smiled as Liam gently accepted his baby sister from his father. "He's going to be a great big brother." She whispered when she felt Derek wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
"He is." He agreed, smiling at her adoringly. "You raised a good boy, Addison. He's going to be a great man, and a great brother."
Addison looked at Derek with unshed tears in her eyes. "You know, I never thought that this would happen." She muses. "You and me having a baby during our favorite season, and having the most precious little boy."
"Yeah, but I'm glad we did." He whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, because Christmas makes you want to be with the people you love." He said, holding her tighter.
"I love you too, Derek." Addison grinned, kissing her husband softly.
And as Derek wraps his arm around his family, he can't help but think about how this would all be a dream if that night in Seattle had hit the nail on the coffin of his life with Addison. He's thankful, and so grateful that it didn't. Christmas makes you want to be with the people you love. And he wants to spend all of his birthdays, thanksgivings and Christmases with his family because he loves them.
He loves them and he'll love them no matter what. They're not a perfect family, but if there's one thing that Derek learned, it's that life can't give you perfect. You have a lot of dreams, a lot of ambitions—a lot of wishes, but those won't come true unless you fight for them. So he'll fight, Addison will fight. They'll fight. Together.
It doesn't matter that they can't have everything, they have each other. And that's worth fighting for.
A/N: Hi! Thank you for waiting for this long for this chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading this. Addek Always!