Sixteen Body Swaps that Never Happened to Izuku: A Series of Omakes
Number One: Katsuki in Izuku's Body
Katsuki: LET ME OUT OF THIS VAULT YOU SHITTY VILLAIN!
Hisashi: Language! I swear, that Bakugo brat has been such a bad influence on you.
Katsuki: I have renewed sympathy for the nerd and now regret making his life so much more difficult.
Meanwhile back at U.A.:
Ochaco: Whoa, Izuku's smile on Katsuki's face is creepily adorable! I'm going to record so many blackmail pictures…I mean fond memories.
Izuku: Explosion is so much fun to use! I've been taking notes on it all my life and it's every bit as awesome as I imagined. What a shame I have to give it back. Maybe. Eventually. I'm sure Kacchan and Dad can keep each other company a little longer.
Number Two: Mei in Izuku's Body
Mei: This evil laboratory is so amazing! I'm going create so many babies.
Hisashi: Damn it, did I forget to give my son the sex talk? I did! I just assumed he was too innocent to ever need it, especially from inside the vault where I'd inevitably isolate him from the world. Ducky, you're too young for children and you can't reproduce asexually.
Mei: You just watch me!
Hisashi: I should feel happy at Izuku's descent into evil and mad science, but why is the look on my son's face scaring me?
Izuku: I'm here to rescue you, Hatsume!
Mei: Noooooooooooooooooo! I haven't finished violating the laws of reality yet!
Number Three: Tomura in Izuku's Body
Hisashi: I need you to stay inside this bank vault.
Tomura: Whatever Sensei says goes!
Hisashi: It's amazing how calm and obedient Izuku has been lately. As long as I keep him supplied with video games, he doesn't try to escape the vault at all. (Reads newspaper.) What's this about the League of Villains becoming vigilantes?
Number Four: Shouto in Izuku's Body
Shouto: It's All for One! The legendary boogeyman from conspiracy theories around the dark net! I'm so excited to finally get a chance to interview you for my conspiracy theory blog. Is it true that you gave the Prime Minister her quirk as a young girl, devastated the Kansai district during a secret battle with a legacy of heroes who exist to destroy you, and assassinated the former Hero Public Safety Commission President?
Hisashi: Yes to the first two. That last one was Lady Nagant.
Shouto: Fascinating. Let me write this down. Can you settle the question that has held the internet in thrall for decades: are you a vampire, an alien, or a robot?
Hisashi: I'm delighted that you're interested in your family history, son. But it's actually a longevity quirk.
Shouto: That sounds like something a vampire would say. Next question: how many clones of yourself do you have spread around Japan?
Hisashi: None. The world isn't ready for more of this handsome face.
Shouto: You have no face.
Hisashi: Yet I'm still better-looking than most of the plebians.
Shouto: Now, for the most important question. How did you and All Might produce a son? A quirk, an unholy creation of mad science, or some good old-fashioned sexing up your archnemesis?
Hisashi: (With deceptive calm) Say what now?
Shouto: Or did you use a surrogate mother? I bet All Might donated the genetic material. Izuku looks—I mean, I look so much like him.
Hisashi: It was you! You've been spreading that ridiculous rumor across the internet! Someone needs some time in the family bank vault away from the corrupting influence of conspiracy theory websites!
Shouto: I'm not hearing you deny your sordid hero-villain affair.
Number Five: Aizawa in Izuku's Body
Hisashi: Hey, son, I'm here to vault you! (Finds himself tied up in a scarf.) What just happened?
Aizawa: Bitch, I kick ass without a quirk. Stay away from my kids.
Hisashi: Humph, all I have to do is activate one of my many quirks—
Izuku: Not anymore, you can't. Erasure!
Hisashi: (Sweats while looking up at a feral One for All user powered with the ability to erasure all his quirks.) Can't we talk about this?
Number Six: Tenya in Izuku's Body
Tenya: I come from a long lineage of heroes! I will stop you no matter what!
Hisashi: It was really just the one: your uncle. Our parents wouldn't have even passed the bar for decent human beings.
Tenya: How dare you insult my parents?
Hisashi: No, my parents, you're my son and I'm way too egotistical to insult myself.
Tenya: And now you cast aspirations on my mother's fidelity. Murder is my only solution (as usual).
Number Seven: Aoyama in Izuku's Body
Aoyama: Va te faire foutre!
Hisashi: Day seven in the vault. My son continues to speak nothing but French to me. I think he's doing it to drive me insane, and it's working.
Number Eight: Ibara in Izuku's Body
Ibara: Repent, sinner! The One Who Came from Long Ago has swallowed the lives of millions, yet your curse is such that your hunger will never be satisfied. You destroy what you love most with your own hands. Yet even such as you may be saved if you welcome Jesus into your heart.
Hisashi: Can I have French Izuku back? Even that would be better than Jehovah's Witness Izuku.
Number Nine: Ochaco in Izuku's Body
Hisashi: Izuku, you're so adorable.
Ochaco: Yes, he is. Uh. Oops. I mean, yes, I am?
Hisashi: That's an odd response. Are you narcissistic? Just like me! I'm happy at how much we have in common.
Ochaco: Excuse me? How the hell does the kindest, strongest, bravest, and most talented boy in the hero course resemble the likes of you?
Hisashi: You forgot intelligent and adorkable. You should see your baby pictures!
Ochaco: You're completely right. Wait, you have baby pictures?
Hisashi: Would you like to see them?
Ochaco: Yes please!
Later:
Hisashi: If that wasn't my son…then whoever was in his body was clearly in love with him! How dare some tart set eyes on my innocent little baby? And they stole my baby photo album when they escaped! Get Lady Nagant out of Tartarus right now, I need to arrange an assassination.
Number Ten: Monoma in Izuku's Body
Monoma: I just saw you use multiple different powers and my own ability is gone! You stole my quirk!
Hisashi: Uh, son, your quirk is literally the only one I can't steal.
Monoma: Then you must be my father.
Hisashi: Yes? Don't you already know that?
Monoma: I'm related to that show-off kid in Class 1-A…this is a devastating blow…
Number Eleven: Nezu in Izuku's Body
Izuku: Fascinatingly, it appears that Principal Nezu's quirk multiples existing intelligence by several orders of magnitude. Since it turned an animal into a genius, that means I've basically become a god. I know everything that ever was or will be! I've come up with solutions to global poverty, quirk singularity, and climate change. Please write this down.
Meanwhile, without his quirk poor Nezu has the intelligence of a rat:
Hisashi: My son just took off all his clothes and shredded them into a nest. Then he tried to eat his own shoe and defecated into the corner of the room. My poor ducky, what have those heroes done to you?
Number Twelve: Toga in Izuku's Body
Toga: Izuku's body! This is so exciting! Even better than using my quirk!
Hisashi: I know it's you, Vampire Brat. You gave yourself away in the first five minutes. Stop transforming into my son right this instant or I'll kill you.
Toga: Uh, m-master, I can't. This isn't a transformation. Please stop! You'll seriously regret it if you kill me!
Number Thirteen: Thirteen in Izuku's Body
Izuku: Let's test out what black hole can do when powered up by One for All!
The world disintegrates. Everyone dies. In the afterlife, Tomura is salty that someone else dusted planet Earth and Hisashi can't believe his own son stole his childhood dream of destroying the world like a demon king.
Number Fourteen: Kendo in Izuku's Body
Izuku: I'm going to see how hard I can punch with Big Fist!
All Might: (As Izuku's hand swells up) The resemblance to All for One in battle mode…entering PTSD flashback…
Meanwhile in the vault:
Hisashi: So then my brother tries to leave, while I'm still in the middle of talking to him. Rude, right?
Kendo: How did that make you feel?
Hisashi: Angry! Naturally I locked him inside a bank vault, but did that make him a better listener? Not at all! Unlike you, you're a great listener.
Kendo: I'm here to help. Just let all your pain out. (Internally thinking: This man is a maniac! Someone save me!)
Number Fifteen: All Might in Izuku's Body
Toshinori: I'm not Izuku! I'm All Might!
Hisashi: Your hero delusions have spread this far? What a tragedy! You're lucky you have such a loving father to look after you during your mental illness.
Toshinori: A vault is not proper childcare, you maniac! Get your hands off of me!
Hisashi: You need a hug, my poor baby. Your delusion doesn't even make sense. If you were actually All Might, you'd never admit it.
Toshinori: Yes I would, because I prefer death to being cuddled by you.
Meanwhile back at U.A.:
Nezu: How is the plan to rescue All Might going?
Aizawa: Not well. Midoriya caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror and fainted again.
Nezu: Fanboys.
Number Sixteen: Hisashi in Izuku's Body
Hisashi: Let me out of this vault!
Izuku: Later, Dad. I'm off to become the strongest hero. Enjoy your bank vault! P.S. The vestiges say your quirk isn't ever coming back.
Many thanks to all the readers who suggested the different body swaps. You're such a creative bunch! Any one of these could be a hilarious story.
To go with the Kendo swap, here's a lovely official artwork of Kendo with OFA. Doesn't she look amazing? Delete the spaces to get the link:
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