The bright dawn light glittered through the slightly open curtains of JJ's mostly dark apartment, causing Emily's dark eyes to slowly flutter open. It was much too early for her, she hadn't gotten much sleep due to the pounding impact of her own thoughts. She couldn't stop thinking of the way JJ looked at her, the way JJ's fingers felt inside herself, the way their lips fit together. It wasn't a perfect night, nor did they work together very well- more often than not, their heads would clink together causing them to go into fits of laughter, Emily would accidentally bite JJ's tongue, and even once JJ accidentally punched her in the face. It wasn't the stereotypical idea of perfection, but it was Emily's.
Emily rolled up on the couch, looking down at the blanket coating her bare body- except for her sweatshirt. She observed the way her legs still felt like jelly from their session, the way her back burned from the scratches JJ bore. She was in slight pain, but it didn't bother her. She was too happy about what they had done.
JJ, on the other hand, didn't sleep for even a second. She had too many things to contemplate from the night before. She couldn't stop thinking about the way she felt sleeping with Emily versus Will. Whenever they hooked up, JJ laid limply and counted down the minutes till it was over. (More like, seconds.) There was no chance for her to ever receive anything from their intimacy. With Emily, it was like she never wanted to stop. She wanted to go on and on and on for hours, and she wanted to help her, and she wanted Emily to do things as well. It wasn't one handed even slightly.
Perhaps she wasn't straight. She knew she had felt attraction to women in the past, but due to growing up in a small town, she thought it was wrong. To marry a girl, to fall in love, to fuck one, it was an abomination. To both all of her friends she grew up with, as well as her family. The homophobia expressed to her in her youth internalized, and she knew she couldn't give any impression that she herself wasn't straight.
However, even despite recognizing her own sexuality, she couldn't fathom that she had hooked up with Emily Prentiss. Emily Prentiss. The girl who saved her from Will, who she had been endlessly cruel to, who kissed her in front of everyone, the girl who wasn't afraid. She was supposed to hate Emily, and she couldn't. She never could.
Rolling over in her bed, JJ looked at the alarm clock: 7:43. They stopped around 5:30, she had over 2 hours to think and analyze all of the details in her life. She assumed that Emily was sleeping the whole night, and had to fight the urge to go and speak to her about what happened. She couldn't give Emily the idea that she didn't hate her after all, it had to be hate sex, she was forcing it to be. They needed something and just so happened to come upon another.
JJ rose from her bed and slipped on a lazy outfit, a large t-shirt with a pair of cloth grey shorts that rested just above her knee. She slipped her blond hair into a tight ponytail and slowly crept out of her room, avoiding waking up the other girl. She slipped past the living room, and noticed Emily was facing the window. She hadn't realized the girl wasn't asleep yet and watched for a moment to look over Emily's beauty. The lighting highlighted everything beautiful about her. Her dark hair glittered in the light, revealing lighter brown highlights trailing around in her hair. Even her skin was beautiful to JJ, it was like she was seeing her in a completely new way.
Swallowing her feelings, JJ stepped into the kitchen and began a pot of coffee. She tried to avoid thinking about the beautiful brunette, but nonetheless it wouldn't stop. The way Emily looked at her when they were done, disbelief and awe… she was in awe of JJ. JJ buried her face in her hands as her elbows rested on the counter, waiting for the liquid to be finished. Even if JJ… liked… Emily, there was no way it could be reciprocated. JJ was too cruel to her to ever feel the same way, she had to be imagining the way her hands gently took care of her body, the way her eyes softened whenever she looked over at her, everything.
Suddenly, she heard soft footsteps making way towards her and raised her head, turning to look at the brunette approaching her. JJ was correct- Emily was absolutely gorgeous in the natural morning light, she looked completely content. She swallowed once again and smiled softly at her, "Coffee?"
Emily nodded slightly, returning the smile as she looked JJ up and down - it made JJ's body break out into a flush, remembering the way Emily gazed upon her body the night before. "That's great, thanks, Jay." The new nickname made JJ break out into a smile once again and she had to look away from her, to avoid giving Emily any ideas. She couldn't let the girl believe that JJ had genuine attraction to her- romantic, or not.
Emily went back to JJ's room, scavenging for her bottoms. She eventually found her sweatpants as well as her boxers, pulling them on her bare body. She looked around the room and took it in as she was drunk and a bit too busy the night before to notice the decor, she smiled slightly as she looked around. It was simple- a light green accented wall, some plants here and there as well as some trophies shelved up all around. She was proud of her accomplishments, you could tell- it made Emily wonder if there was some reason she broadcasted it so much. In her youth was she not allowed to be proud, was there something preventing her from doing so, so now that she was on her own she could?
Shaking her head, she sat on the blonde's bed for a moment, looking back behind her. She got flashbacks of their intimacy and a small blush broke out on her cheeks. It wasn't just the sex that got her smiling, it was the fact that it was with Jennifer Jareau. She never thought she would be in such a position. Literally and figuratively. She chuckled at her own internal joke and rose from the bed, sighing softly. She knew they would have to discuss what happened and didn't know what they would say. "Hey, JJ, I know we just hated each other… 24 hours ago, and you call me slurs every chance you get, but we just hooked up. What now?" Gritting her teeth, Emily walked out of the room, preparing for what JJ would say.
In a way, she was nervous but also excited. Realizing she had feelings for JJ was like a weight off her chest, but she knew it would be impossible. JJ was straight. Well, excluding the fact that she very willingly got Emily off many times the night before, worshiping her body. She sighed softly walking back into the kitchen, coming to look upon the blonde who was sitting at a table in the room adjacent. She looked so calm, so pretty in the morning. Without makeup, or any artificial enhancements like forced smiles, it was the most beautiful of anyone Emily had ever seen. She smiled slightly and grabbed her own cup of coffee, sitting across from JJ. "Jayje… listen," Emily began, but was quickly interrupted.
"Can we wait?" The blonde said weakly, turning to look up at the brunette. She didn't want to ruin the peaceful moment between the two, she wanted to breathe it in and remember it for as long as she could. She didn't want it to turn into a hateful argument quite yet, she wasn't prepared. It was inevitable nonetheless. Emily paused for a moment, furrowing her eyebrows, but quickly nodded and leaned back in her chair, taking a sip of her coffee.
JJ gazed upon the girl across from her with wide eyes, millions of thoughts flooding her mind. She couldn't avoid the thoughts of never wanting this to end. She wanted Emily in her home every morning, drinking the coffee she made, sitting in a pair of comfortable pajamas. She wanted to be able to kiss her on the lips when they woke up, laugh about morning breath, shower together before class. She wanted all of it and it absolutely terrified her. She couldn't accept that, she wouldn't. She cleared her throat, chugging the rest of her coffee and coughing as it burned the back of her throat.
Emily watched her carefully, making sure she was alright and even that scared the both of them. Beforehand, Emily had forced herself to believe she didn't care about JJ nor what happened to the girl. Now, she was willing to leap up from her seat and get her a cold glass of water to help her throat. Little did she know, JJ observed her behavior and it terrified her as well- a human being genuinely caring for the girl, especially Emily Prentiss of all people?
In the midst of their thoughts, the door to the apartment clicked open as a key unlocked it, a girl with frizzy hair entering. "JJ? Are you here?" Elle paused for a moment, scanning her environment until her eyes landed upon the two girls sitting at the kitchen table and her eyes widened, her fists clenching at her sides. "Are you serious? Did you sleep here?" She directed her question at the brunette, who instantly rose from her seat, holding her hands up in defense.
"Elle, I-" She began, but was once again cut off by JJ who walked over to Elle, staring down at her.
"Are you coming back?" She said with a smile, leaning forward to pull the other girl in a hug, but was quickly rejected as Elle walked backwards into the wall, staring at her in awe.
"Are you serious? I was… I was going to come back, I"m trying… I'm trying so hard to forgive the both of you because I don't like holding grudges, I don't like being angry, I… I hate it, actually. I don't want to hate either of you," tears filled her eyes as she looked at them. "I was coming back to say that I didn't want to move out JJ, because you're my best friend, but fuck. I can't. Not even 24 hours after you apologized, Emily," she turned to look at her. "And you're already sleeping together? Why? You… What happened to you hating each other? What… you didn't even approve of our relationship, Jayje, and now… was it me? Did you just not like me?"
The two other girls were unsure of who the last question was directed at, and both began to answer at once. "No Elle-" simultaneously, causing the two of them to turn and look with bewilderment, quickly ripping their gazes away.
The younger girl stared at them, biting her lip slightly to prevent the tears from spilling. "I want you guys to be happy, I really do. I'm just… I'm not ready. I still have stuff to get." Elle turned away from them and scurried to her room, slamming the door shut. Emily and JJ looked at one another, their eyes wide with both concern but also uncertainty.
"I should go, " the brunette began, not waiting for JJ to respond as she made her way to the door. The blonde watched her exit the apartment, unsure if she should follow after her or wait for Elle to leave her room. Maybe she was waiting for JJ to go to her own room, but the blonde wasn't sure she could quit yet. She hadn't gotten the chance to speak to Emily about what happened, and she didn't want to get more memories of the night before because it was good memories between them for once- sighing, she made her way to her room to get ready for the day, despite her heistance.
She stood in front of the mirror in her room, looking at her body as she peeled off her outfit, analyzing the bruises welled up on her breasts, on her neck, and smiled slightly as she touched them. Unlike with her previous hookup, it was good bruises, as she remembered the way Emily was so gentle when giving them. She knew she would have to cover them up- and slowly it dawned on her that Elle had probably seen them. Swallowing heavily, she made her way over to her closet, scanning for a good outfit. She threw on a beige sweater as well as a white skirt, putting on her sister's necklace around her neck. There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't wear that particular jewelry. She smiled slightly, playing with it between her fingers. Walking over back to her mirror, she put on her makeup which took quite a bit of time- then exited her room. Elle still hadn't left her room yet, and JJ assumed she was waiting for the blonde to leave. So she did, putting her shoes on, and scurrying out of the apartment.
--
Emily returned to their dorm room, looking around as she realized Spencer hadn't returned. His bed was still perfectly made, but thankfully- nothing was gone either. He hadn't completely removed himself from her life quite yet- she still had the chance to make up for her poor actions and she knew she needed to. Sighing softly, she perched herself on her bed, leaning over to grab a photo sitting on the table next to her bed. It was a picture of her and Spence when they first met- Emily had her hair long with bangs, Spencer's hair fairly long as well, pulled into a bun behind his head. They were grinning, Spencer's arm looped around Emily's shoulders, her arms holding tightly onto his waist. She couldn't lose him. She stood up from her bed, getting ready herself for the day.
She pulled on a normal outfit, a short sleeve band shirt with a grey sweater underneath, a pair of black skinny jeans and her normal sneakers. She left the room without makeup, grabbing her bag and locking the door behind her.
She ran out of the building, running as fast as she could to the dining hall. She knew that's where he resided every morning, unless things had changed now that he was dating Morgan. She paused, it suddenly dawned on her that the two of them were dating. She hadn't even taken the time to think about it, too focused on herself and what was going on with her, JJ, and Elle. He was right. She was very selfish. She was no longer going to be, she decided. She needed him in her life.
Her sneakers smacked loudly against the pavement as she made her way there, stopping in front of the doors to catch her breath. She reached her hand up to her chest to heave heavily, her heart palpitating loudly, enough that she could hear it in her own ears. She opened the door slowly, looking around to see if she could find her best friend. She noted that not many people were in there now that all of the food for the served breakfast was gone- nobody she knew. With a sigh, she took a deep breath and ran in the opposite direction, to Derek's dorm room.
It wasn't too far from her own dorm, but combined with a lack of food, sleep, and water, Emily was on the verge of passing out by the time that she arrived. Her fist rang heavily against the door, she listened as footsteps in the room made their way over to the door, unlocking it and opening it slowly. Derek stood behind the door, only a pair of shorts resting on his hips. The rest of his body was bare, and his eyes were drooping with exhaustion as he had just woken up. "Prentiss. Hey. What are you doing here?" He said softly, yawning immediately after.
She took a deep breath, noticing that he didn't seem particularly angry at her. "Is Spencer here?" He paused for a moment, looking at her then behind them. It was as if he was having a conversation with his eyes with whoever else was residing in the room. Slowly but surely he opened the door, allowing Emily to enter the room. The brunette did so, scanning her eyes around. It was just as she expected- a man cave almost, full of sports posters, balls, and a few pictures of Derek's family on his side of the room.
On the other side of the room, his roommate, Spencer, sat casually on the bed. His legs were folded beneath him, turning to look at Emily with soft eyes. He didn't appear angry, in fact, it almost seemed like he was relieved that she was finally trying, fighting for him. "Em. What are you doing here?" He copied Derek, smiling slightly as he did so.
It was the most happy she had ever seen on the young boy's face. He couldn't stop smiling, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. Normally, he had poor posture as he was hunched over slightly from anxiety as well as insecurity, but instead he was standing tall as he looked at her. "I want to talk to you. I'm… I'm so sorry for everything, Spence. I'm going to work on it. I love you, Spencer, and I want you to be my best friend. Nobody else. Just you. You are the most important to me, and I need you, and I realize that now. I wish I realized it sooner." She sighed softly, shaking her head. "I had a whole speech ready and now I'm forgetting it," She laughed, which caused both of the other men in the room to do so as well. She relaxed slightly, noting that the two of them weren't refusing to laugh with her, or be happy, instead they were just a bit guarded which she had honestly expected. She knew she deserved it. "I'm going to work on it. I promise. Just.. come back, I want to be able to tell you about things. But most importantly, I want you to be able to tell me things." She glanced at Derek out of the corner of her eye, and he smirked slightly as he understood her meaning.
The brunette boy residing on the bed pondered her words for a moment, before rising slowly. He pushed the wrinkles in his pants down before walking over to her, wrapping her into a tight hug. She almost broke out into a sob at the small gesture, but instead returned the action, the two of them standing there hugging. "I could never say no, Emily. It'll take time to forgive you, but I'm willing to try. I think everyone involved is." He cocked his head, pulling away from her. "I'll be back to our room later, then we can talk, ok?" He smiled, rubbing the back of her head.
She nodded, wiping away the tears that began to form. The idea of needing everyone's forgiveness absolutely terrified her, but she knew it was required. She had fucked up. Big time. She was willing to change, she just wanted her friends back. However, things had also changed. It wasn't just her friends she wanted back, she thought, as the image of an articular blonde popped up in her head.