Spencer ran down the hallway, sobbing until his lungs were about to give out. He had been under an illusion that Derek truly cared about him and possibly would even love him, that he wanted him, that he was proud of him. What had changed overnight? He turned a corner and sat in an empty hallway, pulling his knees up to his chest and let himself cry until his own well ran dry. He let himself let out one last shuddering breath, compiling himself and smoothing his now wrinkled clothes. It wasn't the best he had looked- not that he cared in this moment, all he wanted was to run and have Derek hold him, reassure him that everything was going to be okay but it wasn't. He felt his heart physically broken inside his chest. What happened now? Did he just let himself forget? Would they speak again?

He sighed softly, making his way back to his dorm room. He had barely been there as of lately, and it was going to be strange. He unlocked the door slowly, gently shutting the door behind him as he slipped his shoes off, letting them fall to the floor with a small thump. He stared down at his shaky hands as he climbed into his own bed, absorbing the smell around him. He tilted his head up slightly, instantly observing the brunette also residing in her bed. She was in a deep sleep, her mouth slightly gaping open. She was wrapped up in a heavy red sweatshirt, he knew it was her comfort sweatshirt. Of course she would be upset after what happened, he hadn't even thought about it. However, he assumed she would have JJ help comfort her.

Cocking his head, he rose from his bed, rubbing his eyes. He slowly slipped over to her bed, gently shaking her shoulder. It was already later in the day than they usually awoke from- and although it may be Christmas break, he knew they needed to stay on schedule. He also needed to talk. "Em. Em, Emily." He said softly, nudging her a bit harder. The brunette's eyes slowly peeled open, making contact with Spencer's.

"Spence." She said softly, rolling up to sit up next to him. "You're… here? Everything okay? Did you… talk to JJ?" She said quietly, rubbing her eyes as she turned to look down at her own hands.

The boy leaned his head against her shoulder. 'I need to talk about Derek. Did something happen with JJ?"

The brunette raised her hand up to gently play with his hair, appreciating the affection. It had been a long walk home and by the time she had gotten back to her dorm, she was freezing. All she wanted was a hug, but no one was there. And that was on her. "Well, I- no, wait. What happened with Derek?" She asked curiously, knowing her dilemma could wait. It wouldn't be resolved any time soon.

Spencer smiled slightly, realizing that she was asking about him first, for once. He nuzzled slightly into her, biting his lip as he tried not to cry again. He explained what had happened- their conversation in the car, them… hooking up, and then what happened when Derek's friends had cme and visited. Emily tried not to get angry, but it was difficult, seeing how truly hurt Spencer was. Instead of shouting about it, she took her arm and wrapped it around him, pulling him into a hug. It was what they both needed.

"Well, he's kind of an ass, huh?" Spencer chuckled softly at her remark and nodded, pulling his face away. "I just don't understand, why would he say that after you guys… whatever you did. Maybe he got scared?"

The boy shrugged, the smiling fading from his face. "I wish I could understand. His friends obviously were not very intelligent or open minded, but I wish… I wish he didn't have to be so me-" his voice broke, tears developing in his eyes. "Sorry," he laughed softly. "I wish he wasn't so mean about it."

Emily nodded, looking at him with a slight, reassuring smile. "Are you going to talk about it and forgive him, or are you just going to… move on?"

Spencer shrugged, collapsing his hands together in his lap. He had also pondered the same thing, unsure of the right answer. He didn't want to hurt Derek, but he wasn't so sure how easily he could forgive him. It was difficult, because Derek knew what he had dealt with in his youth and his fears, and he had used it against him- whether it was intentional or not. Clearing his throat, Spencer looked at the wall. "So, what happened with JJ?"

"I was an ass." She said without any thought. "After.. I'm sure you heard about what happened with my mom, I'm sure everyone did." She sighed, burying her face in her hands. "She… tried to get me to come back with her, and I was angry and I… took it out on her. I fucked up, Spence. Again. I always fuck everything up. She said.. She loved me." Her eyes welled with tears, not even bothering to stop them from falling over her eyelids. "And I said I didn't care. What do I do, Spence?"

The younger boy looked at her in thought, knowing that she felt true remorse for what she had done to JJ. "If she loves you, she'll work with you to forgive you. Whatever it takes." And suddenly, that's when it dawned on Spencer, what he was going to do about Derek because as scary as it was; he loved him.

--

Emily hesitantly knocked on the door of Derek's apartment, immediately pulling her hands to fold them across her abdomen, waiting for the door to fly open. She hadn't prepared what she was going to say or do- she could scream at him until he got the message, she could pull him into a hug, she could offer advice, she could ask for advice… or all of the above.

After a moment or so, the door hesitantly opened to reveal Derek, a pair of pajamas slack on his body. He leaned against the door, smiling at Emily. "Hey, what's up, Prentiss?"

Emily, seeing how nonchalant he was acting, scoffed and shoved past him. "How dare you, Derek? You fucked up, man. What the fuck is wrong with us?" She laughed softly, throwing her hand up to cover her forehead. "Why did you do that to him? Listen… I get, I get not wanting to come out to your friends- okay? But you were way out of line. I don't know if he's going to forgive you for this one, Derek." She turned to look at him, noting the way his face slowly filled with dread. He knew he had messed up, but the idea of losing Spencer forever dug a whole in his chest. "But he is also one of the most forgiving people I've ever met. I think you have a chance," she said softly, smiling at him.

He shrugged, taking a seat on his bed, grabbing the bag of chips he was previously eating. He wasn't one to normally eat something like that, but in the moment, he needed something to cover up the aching in his body. He patted the place next to him to tell Emily to sit beside him so they could talk better. "I don't know why I did it. I was… fuck, i was scared shitless, Em. My friends from Chicago…" he gulped, swallowing another chip. "I was so scared." He said softly, placing the chips on the table. "I can't lose him though, I have to make it up to him." The brunette placed a hand on his shoulder, nodding as she listened to him speak. "In a weird way, I've never felt this way before. Sure, I've been almost engaged, but I've never…" he swallowed, staring at the floor. "I don't know. Fuck, Em. As you said," he chuckled lightly, "what the fuck is wrong with us?"

Emily leaned back in his bed, pulling her hand back so she could lean back on her elbows. She took his words into consideration. "Do you love him, Derek?" The boy froze for a moment, turning his head to stare at her. She could almost hear the gears turning in his head, and she knew what the answer was.

"Can we really love someone this quickly?" He said softly, taking his hand and running it through the curls on his head.

"Love has no time frame. It can take 5 years to fall in love, or it can take 5 seconds. I…" she trailed off, thinking of JJ.

"Okay, Miss Influential Speaker." Derek chuckled, gently jabbing at her on the side, causing laughter to erupt from her mouth. The two of them hadn't been very close like this before, they had known each other for years, but they weren't exactly what you would call best friends. However, after this experience, Emily could see him being one of her best friends. "Thanks, Em, though. I think… I think I do love him. Do you love JJ?" He said curiously, watching a smile break out on her face. "You can't even hear her name without smiling." The brunette rolled her eyes, rising from the bed.

"I think I do."

--

Emily ran to JJ's apartment, not even hesitating as her feet slapped against the pavement, her lungs constricting in her chest, her legs trembling beneath her. She didn't pause as she felt the sweat pouring down her face, or a collection of sweat in the worst of places. She didn't care- she needed to get to JJ and tell her the truth for once. She paused once she arrived at the door, standing in front of the buzzer- she was now hesitating. She was scared. There was a big chance JJ would finally tell her to fuck off, she kept fucking up. What if this was the last straw? Biting her lip to fight the tears, she swallowed heavily. "JJ?" She pressed the buzzer, speaking softly. "Let me in, I need to talk to you." After a moment, the door clicked without a word spoken from the other side. Emily took a deep breath and ran to JJ's door, immediately knocking on it. "Please open up." She leaned her head against the door, her breath trembling from her lips. She was absolutely terrified.

Slowly, the door opened to reveal JJ. Emily's heart broke at the sight of the beautiful blonde who stared up at her with bloodshot, puffy eyes from crying, her hair tangled as it was let down, her lips gnawing to a bloody mess. "JJ." The blonde looked at her, before letting her inside. She was still refusing to speak a word.

Emily stepped beside her, taking her shoes off as she glanced around the apartment. On the day she hadn't been there, she already missed it. It was her new comfort- her new home, with her love. "Listen, JJ."

The blonde cut her off by raising her hand, shaking her head. "Let me speak first, Emily." Hearing the sound of her full name made Emily's heart stop, turning to look at her… girlfriend. She was dreading what JJ was about to say, she wasn't ready, she… gulped, nodding softly.

The blonde paused for a moment, seeing the fear on Emily's face. "What you did wasn't fair. Pushing me…. Pushing me away like that, it wasn't fair, Em.." She cried softly, instantly wiping the tears away. "It wasn't fair. I don't understand why you are so scared to let people love you." She whispered, looking at the brunette who was staring at her with wide eyes. "Because I do. I love you. I love you a lot more than I ever expected," she bit down on her lip. "Even if I'm mad at you, which I really am, I still love you. Who hurt you so much to make you think you didn't deserve love?" The last sentence made Emily break out in a sob, falling to the floor. "Because I can help fix that, I can show you that you are an incredible, beautiful, human being who deserves to be loved, but you won't let me." The brunette looked up at JJ who had moved to kneel towards her.

"I'm scared," she said, softly, swallowing as JJ pulled her into a hug.

"You think I'm not absolutely terrified? Emily, you scare the shit out of me. The way I feel about you scares the shit out of me, but I know I can't run from this. There is no just forgetting about the way I feel about you," she pulled away to tuck a piece of hair behind Emily's ear. She fought a smile at the way Emily clung to the back of her shirt, crying into her shoulder. The brunette was being absolutely vulnerable, and even if that scared the both of them, JJ knew how she felt.

"I love you, JJ." Emily said softly, keeping her face buried against JJ.

"I know you do, Emily." The two stayed in their position for a moment, Emily clinging onto JJ, JJ holding onto Emily as tight as she possibly could. "But we can't keep doing this. We can't keep hurting each other like this. I love you, Em, but you really hurt me." She pulled away from Emily, scooting back so they could look one another in the eye.

The brunette nodded softly, sniffling as she wiped the remainder of her tears away. "I can't promise that we will never hurt each other again, because we are human and we make mistakes, but…" she dropped her voice to a whisper once again, trying to avoid her voice breaking. "I can't lose you." The blonde smiled at her, placing a kiss on her forehead. "I can't, JJ. I… knew I fucked up, but I love you. I love you." She said, confidence building in her voice every time she repeated it, looking at JJ. "I just… I thought you wouldn't like me anymore after you saw my mom and what she does and I… I was hurt, and I was scared because I can't afford the dorms and I let that overwhelm me, and I… " she cried softly, burying her face in her hands. However, JJ didn't allow that and took her hands to lift Emily's face into them. "I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have taken it out on you, and I shouldn't have gotten physical and I… that will NEVER happen again, that I can promise.."

The blonde nodded, kissing her forehead once again. "I know you won't do it again, Emily. I'm not going to lie to you, that's what hurt me the most. I.. you knew about Will, and yet you still did that, and it scared me, because I couldn't survive if you turned out to be like him, I was so fucking scared, Em."

Dread filled on her face as Emily realized why JJ had become so timid in their argument before, like a child waiting to be punished after breaking a vase, like she was waiting for Emily to hit her. She instantly felt queasy and had to turn away to prevent herself from throwing up. "JJ.." she said, swallowing the bile crawling up her throat. "I will never, ever do what he did to you." She slowly drew her hand up to JJ's face, letting her cheek rest in her palm. "I promise. I never, ever want you to be scared of me. And if you need time away, I am willing to give you that, just… I will never do that again." The blonde slowly crawled into Emily's lap, wrapping her arms around her neck.

"I don't need time away. I trust that you will never hurt me, I trust that you love me. I just… you didn't say it back, and that scared me even more and I didn't… fuck, Emily," she sobbed into her neck, Emily wincing as she felt the liquid soaking her neck. She had never felt so guilty in her life and wasn't sure she could stop herself from vomiting when she was alone.

"JJ, baby, I"m so sorry. I do, I do love you. I will do whatever I have to to show you, I'm not afraid. I love you, Jennifer Jareau, I have since the beginning. You are my love, fuck anyone else. Fuck my mom, I'm not scared. It's… going to take work, a lot of work, to move past what we have done, but I'm willing to work with you because I want us to last." Emily ran a finger through her hair, feeling JJ smile against her skin.

"I love you, Emily Prentiss. I know we can do this." She turned to look at Emily, grinning before she connected their lips, a combination of their tears turning the taste salty, causing them to both laugh. Emily leaned her forehead against JJ's, no more hesitance. "Hey, can I steal something from ya in the future, though?" Emily looked at her, confusingly filling her face.

"One day I don't want to be Jennifer Jareau, I want to be Jennifer Prentiss. Wait… that sounds weird. Emily Jareau? No, wait. Jennifer Jareau-Prentiss? Jennifer Prentiss-Jareau? I don't know, we can figure it out down the road." She teased, laughing at herself for messing up her own joke. The brunette rolled her eyes, lifting them both up and forcing JJ's legs around her waist.

"You're such a dork."

--

Spencer laid in his bed, his eyes trained on the ceiling above him. He couldn't stop the thoughts of Derek from flooding his brain, even though he never wanted to think of him again. He knew that he had to because he wanted to still be with him, but in the moment, his heart ached too much for that. He just couldn't understand why Derek was so ashamed to tell his friends, and he knew… he knew that they weren't the greatest, but…

Sighing softly, Spencer's heart stopped when he heard knocking on the door. Emily had a key (not for much longer though, she wouldn't be able to live there) so it couldn't be her, who else could it be? Even though he knew it wouldn't be, he hoped it was Derek. He slowly rose from the bed, glancing in the mirror. His messy hair was piled on his head, his clothes wrinkled, his nose red from crying. He opened the door and realized he was wrong. "Derek." He said softly, tilting his head.

The boy in front of him offered him a casual smile, pushing past him into the room. "Spencer, listen. Fuck." He face palmed, already nervous about the speech he prepared beforehand. "I fucked up, I know that. Emily made it very obvious. Well, I knew before that- fuck, I'm messing this up already. I'm so sorry Spence, I got scared and I… I don't know how to do this. I wasn't raised around this- healthy love, relationships, and I guess even that scares me? But more than anything, I was scared of what they were going to do- but it's not an excuse, because I know I hurt you, and I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do, Spence. I can't lose you. I will do anything to make up for it, because I love you." He froze, realizing he had said the words out loud. The younger boy stared at him, his eyes widening at the words himself.

"You do?"

Derek turned to look at the floor, blush crawling up his cheeks. "I do. Emily helped me realize it. And because I love you, I will fight for you. Whatever it takes, Spence." The brunette smiled, walking over to him and wrapping him into a hug, burying his face into his neck. Derek froze for a second, before returning the touch and wrapping his strong arms around the boy's waist.

"I love you too, Derek. Just… Please, don't do that again. I was scared. I thought maybe you realized I was an experiment because right before we…" he trailed off, pulling away from his boyfriend.

Derek nodded, taking his hand and running it through Spencer's hair. "I know, I won't. I promise. We are, "4lyfers,"", he joked, making a jab at the trends running through the internet at the moment. Spencer looked at him confused as to why he was laughing, but shrugged as he pulled him into another hug, smiling as he held his boyfriend.

Derek laughed at how cute he was, burying his face in the boy's hair. "I love you so much, Spence."

The younger boy nodded, sniffling slightly. "I love you, Derek."