Their deaths were my fault, I thought as I lay in the bed. Had I realized that the jar I threw was earthen and could have been deflected back at me by Seiji, I would have been able to save them.
But no. I was foolish. I thought I could take Seiji down by myself.
Why didn't I tell anybody? If I did, would anyone have believed me?
These thoughts tormented me, shamed me. Yes, Seiji killed them.
But by standing idle, I helped.
"Agh!" I roared, pushing the palms of my hands against my ears, praying that it would somehow rid of these poisonous thoughts.
"Is something wrong?" Ai asked as she walked in with a tray of food.
"Nothing," I said. "Just a little upset, I suppose. I mean, why couldn't I do anything to stop their deaths?!" A tear rolled down my cheek.
Ai sat next to me.
"Get this through your head, Akira: It was not in any way, shape, or form, your fault. I promise you that."
Envy took a hold of my senses. This girl had never even experienced a fraction of what I had. And she had the audacity to tell me these things? I gritted my teeth and kept my mouth shut.
I suppose she noticed my anger, because she raised her one eyebrow before heaving a heavy sigh.
"Akira, let me tell you a story. I went through the same exact thing when I…" she gulped before continuing. "…when I lost my brother. My half-brother, in actuality. He was by many years my senior; 18 years or so. You see, I was a, a bastard child. To top it all off, I was born a girl. And so my father didn't want to keep me; my own father wanted to leave me to die. But my brother, Yeshi, he took me away from that awful man. He raised me, even gave me my name. But one day, Yeshi lost his job, and could not find a new one no matter where he looked. Before we knew it, we were in danger of being evicted. I'll never forget when my pig neighbor offered to pay money for me; my brother almost killed the man. We got kicked out of the house and we lived on the streets for two weeks before Yeshi was…killed."
A tear glimmered in the corner of her eye.
"Right in front of me! By those barbaric Triple Threats! Over a few yuans that he had found on the ground! I blamed myself, for not being big enough, for not being strong enough, for being a girl with minimal bending powers. I was left on the streets alone, hungry and terrified. But I began learning the ropes. However, my constant hunger drove me to resent those with money, and I turned to pickpocketing, and eventually, robbing houses. One day, I robbed the house of Madame Qi. But instead of handing me over to the cops, she actually listened to me and took me in as a healer. I began to realize that the things that happened to me were out of my control," Ai finally finished, tears still sliding down her cheekbones.
"I'm sorry about what happened to you Ai, but you were born with bending abilities. I have no hope as of now; there's no work for me," I explained, somewhat guilty of assuming her happiness.
"That's not the point Akira! You must not blame yourself is what I'm trying to say! Besides, you are so young, and you have so much yet to experience. There are so many beautiful things in this world; I promise you, they are all worth the struggle that is life," Ai exclaimed, her tears being replaced by a twinkle.
It was then that I knew I was seeing the face of a woman in love.
Love was still a difficult concept for me to grasp; I knew what filial love was. And I knew what romantic love was, for Momma had been in love three times.
But I didn't understand it. Or maybe, I just didn't trust it.
Momma had loved Seiji up to a certain point, and that only got her killed.
It was too volatile a concept; it could either hurt or help you, and it was just too risky for me to understand its practicality. Falling in love just seemed so uninteresting to me. But I did understand its ability to incapacitate a person.
My thoughts were interrupted by Ai.
"Okay, your healing session is over. I am going to check on your brother, and I will be right back, alright?"
I nodded, gulping at the thought of Akash lying in his bed. I really hoped he was okay.
Ai left the room, and the seconds slowly transformed into minutes, and then hours. I looked at the clock, which seemed to inch forward ever so slightly. Sweat dripped down my face as I tossed and turned in bed, agonizing over Akash. I tried the door, but I could not leave.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, Ai burst into the room, beaming.
"It's Akash! Oh, he's awake! Come, if you want to see him!" she said eagerly.