A/N: Characters and world property of JK Rowling. No copyright infringement intended.
Of Blacks and Boarhounds
"Severus Snape?"
"Yes?"
"Your name is Severus Snape?" she asked incredulously.
"You have a problem with my name?" he drawled with a raised eyebrow.
"Is this the part where I'm supposed to ask ya if that's a wand in your pocket or are ya just happy to see me?"
Chapter Two
June 27, ?
"I beg your pardon," Severus hissed at her.
"Oh come on, if you're gonna gimme a fake name, you'll hafta do better than that. Although your backstory holds up; I'm guessin' chemistry professor at a Scottish boardin' school is your oh-so-slick nod to Potions Master at Hogwarts?"
He paled. "Lower your voice at once! This is a muggle establishment!" he whisper-yelled at her.
"Oh, we're gonna keep goin' with this? Fine. So tell me, Lou. How'd ya survive the snake bite? And why'd ya let everyone think ya were dead? Ya obviously aren't still teachin'; that wasn't in the books. Are ya runnin' an underground potions business outta your home in Spinner's End or somethin'?"
"How do you know where I live? What books? What snake?" Severus was so pale at this point that Lulabelle was half afraid he was going to pass out.
"I'm sorry, Lou, but if you're really Severus Snape, Imma need ya to prove it. Use your wand and cast Lumos or somethin'," she said.
"We are in a muggle pub, you imbecile."
"Aww, you're just as snarky as ya are in the books! I love it! Fine, cast a notice-me-not charm first, then."
"The fact that I have a wand should suffice," he said stiffly, placing it on the table, being sure to keep it out of her reach.
"One would think, but ya see, my mama didn't raise a fool. That's just a fancy stick unless it works, sugar." She winked at him. "Ya probably wanna cast a Muffliato charm first, so none of the muggles hear your spells."
He just stared at her.
"Well? Quit piddlin', sugar, time to shit or get off the pot," she gestured with her hand in a get- on-with-it fashion.
Severus grabbed his wand, moved it about in an intricate manner, then stopped, looked her dead in the eye, and said, "Lumos."
"Oh my sweet baby Jesus, it worked!" she whispered, half to herself. Her eyes sparkled as she stared at the tip of his glowing wand. Suddenly the light went out and said tip was pressed against her throat.
"Who. Are. You?" he ground out through clenched teeth.
"Better put that away for now, here comes our drinks. You can point it at me from under the table if you want. I don't mind at all!" Lulabelle was nearly bouncing in her seat, grinning madly. Severus quickly did as she suggested, cancelling the charms just as Ern arrived at their table.
"Now lassie, have you ever had a Guinness before?" asked Ern.
"No sir, but it looks wonderful!"
"It can be a bit of an acquired taste, to be sure. Just give it to L.T. if you don't happen to care for it, and I'll pull you another draft of Newcastle on the house."
"Thank ya kindly, Ern." She took a sip through the thick foam at the top of the tulip shaped glass, and rolled it around in her mouth a bit before swallowing.
"Well lassie, what do you think?"
"Hmm, it tastes like… it tastes like somethin' you should hafta chew."
Ern's booming laughter echoed through the pub, and even Severus snorted, trying not to smile.
Embarrassed, Lulabelle was quick to correct herself. "I didn't mean it in a bad way, I really like it! It's just, it tastes like it should be food instead of a drink."
This set them off even more, with Ern now holding onto the table in effort to stay upright, and Severus was laughing out loud as well. Lulabelle reveled in the sound of his rich, dark chocolate laughter. Paddy ambled over to see what the ruckus was.
"She said—it tastes—like something—you should chew!" Ern guffawed at Paddy.
Paddy grinned and clapped a hand on her shoulder just as she was taking a second sip, causing the thick liquid to slosh over the edge of the glass. "We'll make an Irishman of you yet, lassie!"
Ern whipped a rag out of his long black apron and quickly wiped up the small spill. "That's enough, Paddy. Let the kids talk and get to know each other while you come back to the bar."
Grumbling but still laughing, Paddy shuffled his way back to his stool, Ern following in his wake. The pair at the table watched them go for a moment, then Severus snorted. "'Kids', he said. No matter how old I get, I will always be a kid to those two."
"They seem like they really care for ya."
"They do," he sighed. "But you should know all about that, right? Seeing as how you know everything about me?"
"Not everything! Just what was in the books. I know ya grew up in Spinner's End; your daddy, Tobias Snape, was a mean ass drunk; your mama was a Pureblood witch named Eileen Prince before she married Tobias; your birthdate is January 9th, 1960, makin' ya 62 years old, which is odd since ya don't look half that age…" she trailed off a bit at that, confused. "I know witches and wizards aren't supposed to age as quickly as muggles, but ya really don't look 62, Lou."
"Obviously. Don't they teach maths in America? I'm 32, not 62."
"No you're not."
"I assure you, madam, I know how old I am."
"But ya were born in 1960, right?"
"Correct."
"And it's now 2022. Which makes ya 62 years old."
"No, it's 1992, which makes me 32 years old."
They stared wide-eyed at each other for a few seconds, then at the same time said, "Fuck!"
"We need to go somewhere private to talk, now," he stated.
"Oh my sweet baby Jesus do we ever!" she replied.
He gave her an odd look as they finished their drinks, taking the empties back up to the bar.
"Hey Ern, Lou here says he'll help me find my way back to my hotel," she fibbed. "Do ya have a card or somethin' so I can find my way back to y'all again?"
Ern tossed her a book of matches with The Boar's Hound logo, address, and phone number on it. "Here you go, lassie. We had a grand time meeting you, just a grand time."
"Oh it was so nice to meet y'all too, Ern! I promise I'll be back!"
Paddy chimed in with, "You look after the lassie, L.T. She's one of us now. And no funny business!"
Severus looked affronted, but Lulabelle just laughed. "Don't worry about a thing, Paddy. Sinaka is very protective."
He guffawed at her. "I don't doubt that for a second!"
"Sinaka?" Severus questioned.
"I said I kept my puppy on a purple string, didn't I?"
Severus nodded slowly, wondering why Ern and Paddy were chortling.
Lulabelle's thumb and middle finger went into her mouth once more. The shrill whistle sounded, and the giant black dog came padding out from the kitchen behind the bar, followed by the two blonde haired children and Helen, who was carrying a parcel wrapped in white butcher paper.
"Does Mister Sinaka have to leave?" the children asked.
"Yes, I'm sorry, but it's time for us to go. We'll be around, though, I'm sure. Y'all can play with him again, I promise."
The kids threw their arms around the dog's thick neck, peppering his head with kisses. Helen approached the group, handing the parcel to Lulabelle. "I wrapped up a raw ham bone for Sinaka to take home. I hope you don't mind," she said.
"Oh, not at all, thank ya so much! He'll just love it." She leaned in to give the plump woman a hug after placing the wrapped bone in her purse.
"If you're giving out hugs, I want one too," grizzled Paddy. Lulabelle laughed and wrapped her arms around his wrinkled frame, kissing him on the cheek as well. "You bring her back to us, L.T., or you'll have me to answer to!"
Severus eyed Sinaka, and replied, "I shall endeavor to do so, as long as this beast does not mistake me for a ham bone."
Ern and Paddy laughed good-naturedly, and the children giggled at the taciturn man. "Shall we away?" he said to Lulabelle.
"I believe we shall," and she took his offered arm. They made their way towards the door of the pub with the two children following, both of whom were calling out 'goodbye' and 'we'll miss you' to the dog. Once Lulabelle made sure the kids had gotten back to their parents' table, the trio left the pub.
Outside, Severus looked down at Lulabelle and raised one brow.
"You brought a Cŵn Annwn into a pub full of people, and then let children play with it?"
"A coon-what?"
He snorted, and the corner of his mouth lifted into the hint of a smile. They started walking towards the car park as he replied, "A Cŵn Annwn. It's Welsh. You probably know him as a hellhound."
Stopping, she narrowed her eyes at him and removed her arm from his. "That's a hateful thing to say!" Turning to the dog, she said, "Don't listen to him, Sin, I'm sure he didn't mean it. Apparently manners aren't a thing in England. You're the best dog in the world!" She tipped her head and kissed his nose in reassurance. "For your information, Sinaka is a Great Dane. You probably know him as a boarhound. I rescued him from an abusive situation, and he's been my protector ever since. I love him very much, and I'll thank ya not to call him names."
Severus was silent a moment. "I apologise for misreading the situation. It was not my intention to… slight… Sinaka. I'm sure he's a lovely animal."
"Thank ya," she answered primly. They resumed their stroll towards the Jeep, each silent and lost in thought, Severus in particular wondering how in the hell this witch didn't know a hellhound from a boarhound. They quickly reached the vehicle, and Lulabelle opened the back door on the driver's side for Sinaka.
"Load up, buddy!" Sin just looked at her. "We have company. Ya can't sit in the front. Load up!" Severus could swear the dog gave him a dirty look before leaping into the backseat of the Jeep.
She turned to open the driver's side door, and noticed Severus standing close by. "Did ya wanna drive?" she asked.
"Not particularly," he drawled.
She made an odd face at him, then gestured towards the other side of the car. Quickly glancing inside the vehicle, he noticed the steering wheel was on the opposite side of the Jeep than what he was used to. Incredulously he asked, "You brought your own vehicle all the way to England? Merlin's beard, how much did the shipping cost?"
She stared slack-jawed at him, the events of the day finally catching up to her. She opened her mouth and words suddenly poured forth.
"It didn't cost a damn thing! I didn't bring anything anywhere! I was on my way to my family's cabin at the lake, in Okla-fuckin-homa, late at night, in the rain, and there was a deer, and I swerved, and I drove off the side of the road, and then a tree, and then it was black, and then I was in this parkin' lot! None of this is real, you're just a character in a book, and I'm in a coma in Oklahoma! I don't even know if Sinaka is okay in real life! But you just wanna call my dog mean names and then yell about shipping costs!" At that she burst into tears.
Severus was at a loss. He'd never been good with crying women, even shying away from Lily when she turned on the waterworks. The few Slytherin students who sought his attention when upset were quickly dispatched to either a prefect or another professor more equipped to handle the situation. He found himself actually wishing he'd taken Minerva up on her offer of sensitivity training, if only to know what in the fuck to do right now. Slowly, as if approaching a wounded animal, he raised his arms and wrapped them around the crying woman. She instantly melted into his embrace, sobbing into his chest.
"It's going to be alright," he tried, patting her back and desperately seeking the right words of comfort to offer. "We'll figure this out. Sinaka is right here and he's fine, and I know I'm a real wizard, not a book character. Just like you're a real witch. Who isn't in a coma in Oklahoma—" he broke off as she pushed away from him to look into his dark eyes.
"I'm not a witch. Why do ya think I'm a witch?"
"What do you mean you're not a witch?"
"I'm a muggle. I never got a letter at the age of eleven, or however old ya are when Ilvermorny sends 'em out. I never had any signs of accidental magic. I'm a muggle. Or a no-maj, since I'm American."
"But you… but this… you know so… No. We cannot have this conversation here. Give me the keys, I'm driving as you are in no state to do so. Nor do I assume are you used to driving on the left side of the road." He held out his hand for the keys.
"Where are ya takin' us?"
"To my home. It is not far, and it is well warded; we can discuss everything that has happened to you there."
Lulabelle threw her arms around the tall man's waist, hugging him tightly. "Thank ya so much, Lou. You're really takin' me to Spinner's End?"
"Well. Yes. But I fear you are placing too much value on the place, and will be sorely disappointed upon arrival."
She leaned up to place her hands around the back of his neck, tugging him down to her level so she could kiss his cheek.
"Nothin' about ya could disappoint me, Severus Snape." She released him to dash around the vehicle and get in on the passenger side.