A/N: Characters and world property of JK Rowling. No copyright infringement intended.
Of Blacks and Boarhounds
Lulabelle pulled out the bag from the Magical Menagerie, intending to put the new dog treats with Sinaka's other things, but when she reached in the bag, instead of a box she found something that felt more like a leather strap. Shocked, she pulled out first one, then two, and finally three brand new, rather expensive dragonhide collars in different colors and patterns.
"I told ya he didn't need a new collar, and ya bought him three? Lou!"
Chapter Nine
June 28, 1992
"I realize that my living conditions leave one to assume the worst about my financial security," Severus stated later as they relaxed once more on the loveseat, tea in hand. "However, as I only reside outside of Hogwarts for two months of the year, I have not felt the need to move from this place. I can assure you, madam, that I am quite able to purchase a collar without straining my budget," he said with an air of finality towards their conversation.
"It's not that I didn't think ya could afford it, Lou. And it was three collars, not a collar, but that's beside the point. The point," Lulabelle huffed, "is that… is that… well now ya got me too vexed to think. Just assume that I had a point, and that it was a good one," she crossed her arms as she finished, frustrated at the now grinning man beside her.
"Now that we've settled that," he said, smirking when she rolled her eyes at him, "perhaps we could discuss the rest of the books?"
Lulabelle sighed. "Of course, Lou. I've been thinkin' 'bout that, actually. I think the best way to go about it is for me to outline what happens, just hittin' the main points and all, instead of like the last time when I told ya everything I could remember. At least at first, mind, just so ya get kinda an overview of what's gonna happen before ya start asking a bunch of questions. Not that I don't want ya ask things," she quickly added before he could speak. "Just that a lot of stuff gets revealed as the series goes on, ya know? What do ya think?"
Severus took a deep breath. "That sounds acceptable. Shall we cover them in chronological order as well?"
"It'd probably be best," she agreed. "Make more sense that way, at any rate."
"Right. Er, what about your beast?" he asked, gesturing towards the dog who had once again taken up residence on the couch.
Lulabelle smiled at the dog. "I better put him out back again. He likes ya, but he still won't like it if ya start hollerin'. Just lemme grab his new bone first."
Once she had returned, sans dog, Severus spoke. "So the first book was entitled…" he trailed off leadingly.
"Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone," Lulabelle replied. "The second book is called Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets."
Wide-eyed and pale, Severus looked at her. "The chamber is real?" he whispered.
"Yeah. Salazar Slytherin really did build a secret chamber in Hogwarts."
"Merlin's beard," he breathed.
Lulabelle continued, "Okay, well, the book opens on Harry's 12th birthday, which the Dursleys totally ignore. He's also upset that his friends haven't written him all summer. Then a house elf named Dobby shows up in Harry's bedroom, where he's supposed to be sittin' quietly 'cause his aunt and uncle are havin' a dinner party downstairs. Dobby's tryin' to warn Harry not to go to Hogwarts that year. This year. Whichever."
Severus quirked a smile at her confusion over tenses.
"Shut up. So Dobby thinks he's helpin', and makes a mess in the kitchen, enchantin' a dessert that gets seen by the people at the dinner party. An owl delivers a letter remindin' Harry that underage magic is not allowed outside of Hogwarts, and the Dursleys lock Harry in his room for the rest of the summer with bars on the windows and only a cat flap in the door to push meals through.
"Ron and his brothers get worried that none of their letters are bein' answered, and decide to go check on him. They sneak out one night and take Arthur Weasley's flyin' car to Lil' Whingin', and find the bars. They use the car to pry 'em off, and Harry starts passin' his stuff through to 'em. He jumps through the window just as Vernon busts into the room and grabs his legs. The twins are pullin' on his arms, Vernon on his legs, and finally he makes it in the car and they take off back to the Burrow.
"Now here's another thing that pissed me off. When they get to the Burrow, Molly Weasley is all mad and hollerin' that her kids took their daddy's car without askin', which is understandable of course, but when Ron tells her Harry's family had been starvin' him, she just feeds him. She doesn't ask him more about it, doesn't call social services, or whatever y'all have here like that, nothin'. Just makes him breakfast and lets him stay there. She had just been told a child was bein' starved, and she's just like, 'Oh, you poor dear. Have a biscuit.' Makes no sense at all if ya ask me."
"I agree," stated Severus. "That should definitely have prompted at the very least an investigation, if not the removal of Potter from the home."
"Well, no matter. Like I said yesterday, we'll fix it. Now where was I… Oh yeah. So Harry's stayin' with the Weasleys 'til school starts… their trip to Diagon Alley for school supplies is when he ends up in Borgin and Burkes, by the way; then they're runnin' late for the train, and Harry and Ron can't get through the barrier after everyone else has gone through. They decide to fly the car to Hogwarts instead. Ya get pretty pissed about that, Lou," she said with a snicker.
He harrumphed. "I've no doubt."
Still giggling, she sipped her tea before continuing. "Anyway, I forgot to mention that while they were at Diagon Alley, Lucius stuck a diary in Ginny Weasley's cauldron while he was fightin' with Arthur. Ginny thinks her mama bought it for her, and starts writin' in it. I dearly hope that he just thought it some random cursed book, and didn't know what it actually was. The teenage mind of Tom Riddle was preserved in the pages, and the book started writin' back."
"Tom Riddle?" Severus asked.
"Lord Voldemort. He's actually a half-blood. He changed his name before he started his whole world-domination plot. 'Tom Marvolo Riddle' spells out 'I am Lord Voldemort' if ya switch the letters around."
Severus looked shocked. Lulabelle asked, "Hey Lou? There's somethin' I always wondered about. All the names, well, a lot of the names in the books are plays on words, and with Voldemort doin' that with his name, I just hafta ask. Ya see, if ya switch around the letters in Madam Pince's name, 'Irma Pince', ya get 'I'm a Prince'. Is she… is Madam Pince your mama?"
Severus was silent as he looked at her. Suddenly, his laughter filled the room.
Gasping, he replied, "Good Gods no!" Trying to catch his breath, he gulped at his tea, only to splutter it over himself as he was overtaken by laughter once more. "She's four years younger than me!"
Blushing furiously, Lulabelle hid her face with her teacup and mumbled, "It was just a theory…"
"I am sorry for laughing at you, madam, but that is the funniest thing I've heard since… well, since you met Lucius, to be honest. Nevermind. It was hilarious."
Lulabelle smiled, even though her face was still rather red. "I meant what I said, Lou, ya really do need to laugh more often," she said softly, watching the way his stern face transformed from merely striking to quite handsome when he laughed.
"Lulabelle, I have laughed more since you have come into my life than I have in years. If nothing else, I thank you for that," he replied, still snickering quietly.
"Oh, Lou," she said, taking his large hand in her small one. "That just breaks my heart. I'll just hafta keep ya laughin', then."
Severus smiled down at her. "Please do, my lady."
They sat in companionable silence for several moments, Lulabelle tracing patterns on the back of his hand with her thumb. Finally, she spoke.
"Right. So Ginny has Riddle's diary. The main point of the story is that he's usin' her to come back to life, forcin' her to do things, takin' over her life. There's a basilisk livin' in the Chamber of Secrets, has been since Slytherin's day. Tom makes Ginny kill all the roosters 'round the castle and Harry can hear the snake talkin' in the walls. Tom's been controllin' it through poor lil' Ginny.
"Harry is outed as a parselmouth at the first duelin' club practice. Gilderoy Lockhart is the new…"
"Lockhart?"
Lulabelle snorted. "Yeah, he's a real piece of work. Faked all his books, too. Apparently the only thing he's good at is obliviatin' the people who do the dangerous things he said he's done. Anyway, Lockhart is the new Defense professor, and he starts a duelin' club. Ya totally kick his ass at the demonstration, too."
"Naturally," Severus drawled, moving cautiously to wrap his arm around her shoulders. Lulabelle snuggled close into his side, much to his delight.
"So Draco conjures a snake, Lockhart makes it grow instead of vanish, and Harry stops it from attackin' Justin Finch-Fletchley. 'Course now, everyone thinks Harry's the heir of Slytherin 'cause he was a parselmouth too.
"People start gettin' petrified, by the basilisk of course, but no one can figure out why. Once Hermione gets petrified, they start thinkin' Harry probably wasn't the heir. Then Ginny gets taken into the chamber. Hermione had figured out that the monster was a basilisk, had a page from a book about 'em in her poor lil' frozen hand, and she'd written the word 'pipes' on the page.
"Lucius had gotten the board of governors to remove Dumbledore from the school, so he wasn't there when Harry and Ron find the paper. You and the rest of the teachers tell Lockhart to go deal with the snake when he starts braggin' about knowin' what it was all along, mostly just to get him outta the way while y'all make sure the students are safe. Harry and Ron find out Lockhart is fixin' to run away instead, and they disarm him and make him go down into the chamber with 'em."
"Wait," Severus stopped her. "How did Potter and Weasley find the entrance to the chamber? That knowledge has been lost for centuries."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot that part. Right, so Hagrid had been taken to jail, I mean Azkaban, 'cause he was the one who supposedly opened the chamber the last time, only it was Riddle all along. As they're draggin' him off, while the boys are hidden in his hut under the invisibility cloak, he said to follow the spiders. They do, and they go talk to Aragog, Hagrid's pet Acromantula, who tells 'em that Hagrid had been falsely accused of openin' the chamber, which led to Moanin' Myrtle's death. Aragog said he wasn't the one to kill her and he never lived in the chamber, but they expelled Hagrid and broke his wand anyway.
"The boys go talk to Myrtle, and she says she died right there in that same bathroom. After lookin' around, they find a snake carved into one of the sinks. Harry says 'open' in parseltongue to the stone snake, and the chamber opens right up."
"Merlin's beard. It's been there this whole time?" Severus asked.
"Yup, right in the same bathroom Hermione brewed the Polyjuice potion. Oh yeah, they thought Malfoy was the heir for a minute, so she brewed Polyjuice and turned the boys into Crabbe and Goyle. She was supposed to be Millicent Bulstrode, but accidentally snatched a cat hair off her robes instead of a regular hair, and couldn't go with 'em."
Severus snickered. "That went well, I'm sure. Wait. She successfully brews Polyjuice at the age of twelve? In a sodding bathroom?"
"Well she was thirteen, but yeah. Ya oughta see about some advanced classes for her or somethin'. She's really good," Lulabelle offered.
"Apparently," he replied, shifting slightly in his seat, hoping she thought he was just adjusting his position and not maneuvering her closer, but then decided he didn't care either way. "So Lockhart is forced into the chamber…"
"Yeah, at wand-point. At the bottom of the entrance, he gets Ron's wand away from him and tries to obliviate 'em. Only Ron's wand was already broken and bein' held together with Spell-o-tape so the spell backfires, hittin' Lockhart and causin' a landslide. Ron is left on one side with Lockhart, who spends the rest of his days in the Janus Thickey ward, by the way, and Harry goes on to find Ginny.
"Harry finds her in the main part of the chamber, layin' on the ground unconscious, with a spectral version of Tom Riddle standin' nearby. They talk, Harry finds out who he is and who he becomes, then Riddle calls the basilisk. The snake tries to kill Harry, at Tom's command of course, but Fawkes comes swoopin' in with the sortin' hat and blinds the basilisk by clawin' at its eyes. Harry pulls the Sword of Gryffindor out of the hat and kills the snake, but it still manages to get him because a tooth breaks off in his arm. He pulls the tooth out, and Fawkes cries over him so that his tears will heal the poison, and then Harry stabs the diary with the tooth. This kills the diary and the spectral version of Tom Riddle, and Ginny is able to wake up. Fawkes then carries Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Lockhart outta the chamber. Dumbledore returns, and Harry tricks Lucius into settin' Dobby free. More last minute points for Gryffindor, and they win the house cup again. Exams are cancelled, ya finish brewing the restorative draught for everyone who'd been petrified, and then everyone goes home for another year."
They sat in silence for awhile.
Finally, Severus spoke. "How did stabbing the diary kill the specter of Voldemort?"
Lulabelle looked up into his dark eyes. "Lou, it was a horcrux."