Amanda sees the whole squad laughing and drinking, as she's fleeing Dominicks embrace. She can't bear to stop to say her goodbyes. The tears are so close to falling. She has to get home so she can breakdown in private. She ducks out the back entrance to the street. She can only hear a loud whooshing sound and she feels sick. It's the blood rushing to her head. She's got to sit down before she passes out.
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She hails a cab versus waiting for an Uber and asks him to take her home. 30 minutes. She can hold the tears in for that long, if she tries. Instead she sits in the backseat trying desperately not to think about Dominick going home tonight to another woman. This was the worst possible outcome, not only are they not going to be together, but she didn't see a way back to them being just friends now. Not to mention he's seeing someone. He won't want to spend his free time with them anymore. Just a few more minutes...hold it together she tells herself.
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Finally they pull up to her building, Amanda pays the cabbie and rushes to the door taking the stairs two at a time. The second she gets inside her apartment, the floodgates open. The girls were with her mom for the night, so she can let all her pain out right without worrying about scaring them.
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How could she have been so blind to what he'd been trying to tell her the past few weeks.
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Of course he found someone else. She couldn't believe he hadn't before now. He probably found someone without all the baggage Amanda carried with her. He probably found someone who wasn't scared to be with him. She had a flash of Dominick Carisi marrying this woman, having babies of his own. She would see him less and less as his life gets busier until all they'd be to each other would be the occasional Christmas card where she'd have to look at the family she could have had.
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Amanda's nauseated now. She can barely see through the tears. She should have told him 5 months ago on New Years that she wanted more. Maybe then he wouldn't have found her. This woman who's probably right now waiting at home for him to call her. She spirals, rethinking every opportunity she's had since he moved to the DAs office. Every time he brought her coffee, every time she brought lunch to his office.
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Last year when she'd first started to imagine maybe something more with him...back when she thought she had all the time in the world. She'd gotten a babysitter and went to his office to drive him home. She could have insisted, or cashed in that rain check. So many times she could have been brave.
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She slowly makes her way to the sofa, sobbing now. Frannie's the only one home. Sensing she's in distress Frannie jumps up in her lap to comfort her as Amanda lets it all out, the tears falling as she holds onto the sweet Pit Bull mix.