Blinding Shadows. The 78th Games.
III. Little Secrets.
Sitting in silence with heaven above me
I prayed every night by their graves
While I search for closure I feel it no longer
I can't turn my cheek away
I stand before you, I'll sin when I have to
But now I leave your side, to avenge my family's pride
I've seen my family fade away, you've taken my whole life
There's nothing left to say
Zeppelina Skansen. 14.
District Five Female.
✦✦✦
Zeppelina Skansen's got her work cut out for herself.
At just fourteen years old, there's many things the young girl could be doing on a Friday night, yet for some reason she finds herself with her legs crossed in a sandbox, talking to her classmate Ivan in hopes she can sway him to come over to her house. It'd be hard if not impossible, but it's worth a try... Right? She doesn't think so.
"I'm telling ya, Ivan," Zeppelina chirps, "You should come over."
Ivan sighs loudly, looking at his hands as they lie flat across his lap. He has one headphone still firmly wrapped around his ear and he pulls it away, looking at Zeppelina for the first time since his classmate approached him.
"Why would I wanna do that?" Ivan asks, his face devoid of any emotion.
"Cause' it'll be fun," comes her reply. Her words are met with silence from Ivan, prompting her to continue.
"Please, Ivan!" Zeppelina pleads, clasping both of her hands together. She looks at him imploringly and gives him a small pout, making sure to show off all of her teeth to make her look cute as possible. She knows how to manipulate people. Ivan doesn't say anything after that, though. His fingers twitch where he sits but nothing more comes forth.
"I'm gonna go, then..." Zeppelina says, standing up from her sitting position. She looks back down at Ivan with sad eyes. "See you tomorrow?"
The boy merely blinks at her before finally nodding his head.
With a bright smile, Zeppelina waves goodbye as she leaves, but before she can fully get up, Ivan grabs onto her ankle and says, "Wait! I'll come over."
Zeppelina pauses in her steps to face him. She looks down at Ivan's feet, then back up at him.
"Really?" she asks, hopeful. The look on her face is genuine too as she reaches into her pocket to pull out the note she'd been scribbling on earlier that day.
They're rather silent on the walk over to Zeppelina's house, which she doesn't particularly mind because Ivan can really be quite boring. The two of them just walk with seemingly lifeless expressions, only Ivan doesn't know that soon he'll be actually lifeless. As soon as he's knocked out and her ice pick's been wedged beneath his skin, Zeppelina's fun can truly begin.
She hates to admit that she's been always like this, always been a monster, but father knows best and father says humanity is better off lying dead on the ground with their eyes gouged out.
"Welcome, welcome," Zeppelina swings open the door to her house and gestures for Ivan to step inside.
"Thank you," Ivan nods before closing the front door behind himself. There isn't a single sound coming from inside the house aside from a soft buzzing coming from the radio in the living room, and Zeppelina takes this moment to look around her house.
A small, rectangular table stands near the entryway, and next to that is her dining room and kitchen. All of the walls have different shades of red except for the hallway leading to the left of the entryway, where the living room and the kitchen are located. In the living room are a couple recliners, though the two of them are alone at work. Dad's at work, Zeppelina figures. But that's fine, she's used to preforming her bloodsplatter without an audience.
She turns her gaze back to Ivan who remains silent, though Zeppelina can see something else behind those blank eyes of his, something...something other than boredom. Zeppelina doesn't want to ask what it is, though, because asking questions always brings back unwanted memories, especially ones related to when she was younger. Memories she doesn' wan' to remember.
"Hey," Zeppelina breaks the silence between them. "Let's go upstairs."
And before Ivan can even respond, she's dragging him by the wrist towards the stairs, and Ivan allows himself to be dragged along despite the fact that he feels as if he's walking through sand instead of air. They eventually reach the landing.
Zeppelina takes a deep breath before saying, "Okay, now come here."
She points up the stairs. Ivan follows. She leads him to the top of the stairs, which is also the second floor. At the end of the hall stands the double doors leading to her bedroom, and Zeppelina pushes one open while Ivan goes right by her. Zeppelina closes the door behind them after stepping inside.
Once the door shuts, Zeppelina turns to Ivan and smiles sweetly, her eyes shining.
"Alrighty! So we' re gonna start now," she explains. Zeppelina moves past Ivan to grab a pair of scissors from the desk.
She turns around once again to face him and hands the knife to Ivan. He takes them with his free hand while Zeppelina continues, "If you ever see me do anything weird or scary, don' panic. Just stand there and let' em happen."
Ivan raises an eyebrow before shrugging and says, "Yeah, okay... I guess..."
Zeppelina nods before proceeding on, "Now sit down on my bed."
Zefferina makes herself comfortable on the bed with Ivan following suit while she sets the blade on her desk.
"Okay, now watch," Zeppelina instructs. "Close your eyes."
And thus began the process of cutting open someone's skull to get to their brain.
After about 30 seconds, Zeppelina has already cut a pretty decent amount of flesh and blood and bones off of the person below her, all of which are currently laid bare before her.
There isn't much to go through, which meant the job was almost done.
That doesn't mean she was satisfied. No matter how hard she tries, she can't get anything close to her current standards. She hasn't gotten all the bones in her victim's body clean off, so she still needs another thing to work with and find a way to fix that.
But that will take longer than half an hour. It's a good thing she has time.
She peels back a layer of Ivan's skin and oogles his exposed skull and brainmatter, marveling at the structure of the organ. That's how scientists learn about the human body, after all. And as the world keeps getting bigger and bigger, scientists will need to find a way to study humans even farther ahead, so Zeppelina needs to work twice as fast.
After all, it's better that he gets to witness some of the organs inside a real body before it becomes nothing but dust and rot in the earth.
It's not exactly her favorite method of death, but it does its job. She cuts more and more until the majority of Ivan' s flesh is gone.
Ivan dead and glassy eyes stare at Zeppelina, not really understanding why he's being watched so intensely and staring down at his bare skull, seeing nothing but his reflection in the white of his skull.
Zeppelina is satisfied and smiles as she begins cutting his skull apart. Soon enough it'll fall apart, leaving the bones in bits and pieces of their original form. This will give her an idea of what kind of organs are inside and whether or not she can get rid of them by removing the brain itself. If it' s a human or animal it won't be easy, but she can try.
The girl continues her task of separating bone and brain tissue, working quickly so it won't take long for the body cavity to collapse. When she's finished separating his skull she places it on her desk to examine it closer. Its skin is pale, unlike Ivan' s, and she has no doubt that's where the organs are inside him. She picks up the scalpel she uses and begins sawing into the bone. She cuts straight through it, causing blood to spray out of the wound. Zeppelina grins as she watches the fresh blood spill out and stain her scalpel.
When she's satisfied, she puts the scalpel down and starts pulling away from Ivan, carefully avoiding his head. After taking a few minutes to inspect it and make sure that it doesn't appear damaged, she's able to take off most of the skin.
She places everything on top of the desk that' s covered in bloody tissues and bone chunks as well as a bunch of empty bags, which she promptly tosses outside the door.
He's dead, and it's because she killed her. He's dead, and lord did Zeppelina enjoy killing him.
She takes a look back at the body she's making on the floor and says to herself, "Now for a little decoration..."
Zeppelina walks back to the bed and leans down slightly before pulling Ivan up and holding him bridal style. Then with a smile, she heads out of her bedroom and closes the door behind her.
Once outside of her room, she carries Ivan down the hallway. Once they get to the front door, she opens it with one hand and carries Ivan outside with the other. She places him into one of the lawn chairs.
She smirks, "you look so handsome."
He doesn't respond, because he's dead and she killed him.
And now the Skansen family lawn looks simply divine.
But there's still so much more for Zeppelina to do. She returns to her bedroom and looks at the bag of Ivan's brain matter that she so graciously collected, "I know just the experiment for this."
Zeppelinina pulls out a vial of black liquid, and within that vial contains the liquid she got from the butcher shop. It's blood. She's never really cared for it, not when it comes to doing experiments, but now that she's looking over all the bones that've been removed and cleaned of her victims she decides to use it. The vial is filled nearly to the brim with the dark, murky substance.
She closes her eyesand pours it over the matter, listening as the combination of substances begin to fizz. Once done, she opens her eyes and stares at the mixture. Her grin widens.
Now she's ready to proceed with the rest of her plan. Now she's ready to continue her life, complete her mission, and finally bring this all to its inevitable conclusion. It's time to bring the fun to its inevitable conclusion!
Zeppelina walks over to her closet and removes several pairs of black gloves from a small cabinet near the door, before opening it and taking a pair of latex gloves out.
She slips her new pair onto both hands, then turns towards the bag of Ivan' s brains and removes the skull she placed in there earlier, placing it next to the bag before closing the closet.
Then she reaches for the scalpel.
And she cuts the skin from both sides of Ivan' s neck.
And for the first time since she started, Zeppelina fully laughs.
She's made her father proud, and soon she'll make all of Panem proud.
Zeppelina finishes removing all of the flesh from her creation and holds up the scalpel triumphantly, looking down at her creation.
Ivan.
A beautiful and tragic creature. One who died because she needed to learn a lesson from someone else, but she couldn't learn it from her own family. Who she didn' t learn anything from, really.
And now she gets to learn it from a new family member, one whose skull won't be broken in half like hers.
Her expression softens as tears stream down her cheeks, her smile growing wide. Tears slip from her eyes and drip on the ground below her.
She doesn' t care.
Not anymore.
No matter how many times she does this, this always changes how she sees everything. How she feels about anything. But it doesn't change anything about how she acts. About how she sees things. About how she thinks.
It doesn' t stop her from wanting revenge though.
She'll get it soon enough.
Morgan Beck. 17.
District Four Female.
✦✦✦
Morgan Beck's always been afraid of the deep sea.
Well maybe paranoid's a betteer word. Morgan Beck's always been fucking paranoid that she'll be swept away from the sands the same way her parents were and she'll never be remembered, never mourned and never missed. Her existence will become but another one of District Four's tradjedies, and hell even her Aunt Astrid and Uncle Caspian will forget the niece she swears they never actually wanted to take care of.
Morgan still remebers them begging her, "Take over the family fishing business," but the idea of going out on a boat remains enough to send her into hysterics.
And that's what leads her to Four's Career Academy, as she was given the choice of training for the Games or being stuck on a boat that'll bring her to tears.
Never did she think chosing the lesser of two evils would bring her here, sparring with her best friend Aria with just a week to go until the Reaping Ceremony for the 78th Annual Hunger Games, where Morgan is expected to volunteer. Expected to die too, she thinks to herself.
Aria notices the somber expression on her face and asks in concern, "Hey hey, why are you so sad about it? You know there's a good chance you'll at least get a good score and get some kills in. Maybe people will remember you for that?"
"I know, but that doesn't make me feel any better. The odds are so low. And if I don't win the games..."
Her voice trails off, as all the thoughts of death run through her mind, "If I don't win, then I won't see my friends again and I'd never hear their voices again. They might not remember me anymore after this year but I'd remember every moment we shared, which wouldn't matter because I'd be dead."
Aria puts an arm around her shoulder comfortingly, "Hey, listen Morgan, you won't die. You're gonna do great out there. If anyone can survive this whole thing it's you."
"It won't matter," Morgan repeats bitterly.
The bell goes off signalling the end of class and it' s only then that Aria realizes how late it is; she has to hurry up before someone sees her running late.
"Come on, let's head to lunch," Aria says grabbing Morgan's arm and dragging her along with her to the cafeteria.
They walk inside, Aria immediately heads for the table closest to the door, while Morgan makes her way across the room, looking around anxiously for familiar faces as she does.
She eventually locates Alex who is sat alone by his usual table near the window. Morgan smiles slightly in relief when she catches sight of him and walks towards him.
When she gets closer she can tell he already knows something is wrong because he immediately raises an eyebrow at her questioningly. She gives him a small smile.
"Did something happen?" He asks her, trying to sound nonchalant but not quite managing it.
"No, nothing happened. I'm fine," Morgan replies, giving him a reassuring smile.
Alex nods, "Okay, well, I'm glad you're okay. I was worried about you."
Morgan smiles at him gratefully, "Thanks Alex. I appreciate it."
He returns her smile, "Anytime."
Everyone's always worried about Morgan when she has her little, "episodes," as they're now reffered to as. The times where she runs to the beach and collapses in the sand, screaming bloody mercy and wishing her parents were back. Really, she just wishes everything was normal.
"...Actually, I am a bit nervous for the Games," Morgan mutters, noticing Alex's silence.
"...What?"
"Yeah. I mean I thought everyone knew this, but...I guess I'm still kind of scared."
Alex sighs, putting his elbows on the table and resting his chin in his hands, "It's true. Everyone's always terrified."
"Why?"
Alex shrugs, "I suppose fear makes us stronger."
Morgan shakes her head, "Fear isn't strong, its weakness."
Alex looks surprised, "Is that so?"
Morgan nods slowly, "Fear keeps you grounded in reality, it reminds you that no matter how strong you may feel right now, you're going to fall sooner rather than later. That you'll die sooner rather than later. Fear makes you do things that you never would have done normally, like agree to train for these stupid, stupid Games."
Alex frowns as Morgan continues talking, "Fear forces you to do crazy things for the sake of survival, like agreeing to compete for your life at a time you aren't ready. Or agreeing to kill innocent people for fun."
Alex watches Morgan continue to talk and he begins to feel anger building within him and he decides to ask her a question, "Morgan, why don't you ever try to stop thinking like that? Why do you always blame yourself?"
Morgan looks down at her lap in shame before she finally speaks up, "...Because I'm weak. Because I'm so pathetic. Because I've failed."
"Morgan, you are more than anything, capable of doing anything."
Morgan looks at Alex, surprised by how sincere he seems. She feels a rush of warmth flood through her and she knows it's due to fear and stress and exhaustion from training all day. But still, for once she believes Alex's words. It's not long before she's smiling again, "Thanks Alex. It really means a lot to me."
Alex smiles back, "You're welcome Morgan."
Morgan stands up, "I should probably get going. I promised my aunt I'd meet her for lunch."
Alex nods, "Alright. See you later Morgan."
Morgan waves goodbye to Alex and leaves the cafeteria, heading straight out of the Training Center. She heads outside to find her aunt Astrid waiting by the bench under the tree in the middle of the school garden.
Morgan greets her aunt with a smile, "Hi aunt Astrid. How have you been?"
Astrid smiles in return, "Oh, I'm alright. Busy work lately. What about you?"
"I've been doing fine. Just getting through classes, preparing for the Games, training."
Astrid nods understandingly and Morgan notices she's carrying an open book in her hand, "Are you studying?"
"Not exactly," she chuckles, "There's not much point in studying for the Games at this point. We don' t know what they're for or what we'll be put against."
Of course Astrid doesn't understand what it takes to be chosen as Four's designated volunteer. Since when has she understood anything anyways?
Morgan wonders. She shakes those thoughts out of her head, as she's sure her aunt could hear her inner musings.
Astrid sighs before standing up and turning to look at the sunset and commenting, "I suppose the sun must be nearly set by now."
Morgan follows her gaze and finds the sun setting, leaving streaks of orange and pink and yellow paint across the sky. Morgan turns her attention back towards her aunt, seeing the worry on her face.
Astrid's eyes flick between Morgan, her book and the sky. She lets out a breath, as if she was having difficulty breathing before she speaks.
She takes a step forwards as if to say something but stops herself, shaking her head. Morgan watches silently, unsure if she should speak or not; if there's something Astrid wants to say.
"Morgan."
Morgan looks at her aunt curiously.
She sighs again, "Morgan, I know I haven't said this before, but I just want you to know, everything's going to be okay."
Morgan's heart leaps at her aunt's words; she tries not to let any emotion show in her voice as she replies, "Thank you Aunt Astrid."
Astrid smiles warmly, reaching forward to ruffle Morgan's hair affectionately, "Go on now. Go back to your dorm and get some rest."
Morgan nods, hugging her aunt one last time before she hurries away, heading back towards the Academy to put in some extra work.
As she walks, she can't help but wonder what Astrid meant by everything's going to be okay.
Because even if she does make it out alive, she'll be greeted by irreplaceable trauma and despair. She's worried that she messed up her life before it could even fully begin.
After finishing her chores for the day she sits cross legged on her bed, staring blankly into space. She can't focus on anything, she can't think clearly; she feels overwhelmed. Her heart races and her breaths become shallow. She feels trapped in the darkness surrounding her, suffocating her and trapping her. She can't breathe. She can't move.
All she can feel is panic as the darkness surrounds her, closing in and suffocates her and she's powerless to stop it from doing so. She can see nothing; she feels nothing. There' s no light to break through this darkness. No noise either. There's no air, no sunlight. No air, no daylight.
She hears voices whispering to her, calling out to her, telling her to calm down, asking her to come to them, promising to give her hope and peace, to take away her terror. But she can't go to them, she doesn' t want to because they'll die too, she won' t let them. They're her family, she doesn't want them to die; she can't lose them too.
She feels hot tears stinging her eyes; burning her cheeks; blurring her vision, blinding her, drowning her. She can't breathe. She can't think. She can't move. She can't scream. She can't cry. She can't breathe. She can't think. She can't move. She can't scream. She can't cry. She can't breathe. She can't move. She can't scream. She can' t think. She can't move. She can't fucking think.
She can't fucking breathe.
She can't fucking breathe.
She can't fuckin' breathe.
She can't fuckin' breathe.
It's like she's underwater. Like she can't breathe. Everything becomes fuzzy. All she can hear is her own heartbeat pounding in her ears and her breathing becoming rapid.
It's all around her. It's deafening. And then all of a sudden, suddenly, suddenly she doesn't feel it anymore. She doesn't feel pressure crushing her chest.
And then suddenly she's out of there.
Out of her mind, out of her body. Out of her head and out of her lungs.
She gasps for breath.
Her breath catches.
Her eyes widen as she frantically looks around her, trying to process what had happened, trying to calm herself down as she feels dizzy and tired and nauseous.
She can't breathe. She can't fucking breathe.
Her vision is blurred, her chest hurts and it feels like it's getting harder and harder to breathe, like it's being forced through an endless tunnel, and it feels like she's going to die. She thinks she might vomit. She's sweating profusely and she's shaking uncontrollably but she can't think about that. She needs to keep moving or else she's gonna die.
She needs to run, run as fast as she can.
But she can't. She can't run. She can't breathe.
Reality comes crashing back and Morgan realizes she's actually alive. She can breathe, she's fine and she's safe. She's not drowning in the deep sea the same way her parents did, she's safe.
The sun has finally set and her breath is coming back steadily.
Everything will be okay. She's safe now.
Nessa Cynbel. 18.
District Two Female.
✦✦✦
"Alright everyone. Today we're gonna start with endurance runs. We've already gone over them last week and today I'll be helping each one run them as fast as possible." Mr. Cruske states. Nessa Cynbel stands at the front of the group of kids.
She starts running as usual, but when she gets to halfway through, a boy comes barreling around the corner. "Nessa get outta my way!" He shouts. Nessa stops dead. She looks over at her opponent. The boy is nearly her size, though a smidge taller.
She turns back and continues walking. When he gets to where she was standing, he tries to push her to the ground, but she easily dodges him. After a while, Mr. Cruske comes to check up on them. "What are you two doing? You should be working together. Get back to running." He says. They both turn and resume walking. Nessa glances down at the boy. They keep going forward.
Once they're almost at the end of the hallway, Nessa slows down slightly. She glances back at him and then ahead again. "You need to watch where you're going next time." Nessa mutters. The boy shoots her a glare. She glares right back at him. He huffs. Nessa glides forward. Before he can make his move, Nessa is already halfway through the hall.
She glances over her shoulder and smirks when their eyes meet. He glares daggers at her. She rolls her eyes. He huffs again before sprinting to catch up.
Nessa reaches the end of the hallway before he does. Once the final door closes, she stops. The boy is panting heavily beside her. "What took you so long, huh? I was about ready to give up." He snaps.
"We're still only halfway there. What made you think I'd listen to your dumb ideas?" She sneers. He doesn't respond, only turns his head back towards the door, trying to catch his breath.
Nessa takes advantage of this. She grabs his arm and yanks him to face her. "Hey! Don't ignore me like that!"
He glares up at her and scoffs, "Why are you such a big deal? I mean, why do you care so much?" He asks.
"Because I'm volunteering in just two weeks time, and I should be able to beat a little bitch like you in a race." Nessa snarls.
The boy's eyes widen in fear. He tries to pull away from her, but fails when she holds firm. His mouth opens and closes as though he knows what to say, but never actually manages to form any words. Instead, he sputters out, "No fair. You don't get to talk like that."
"Yeah? Well, you're the one who started it, so it should count." She responds.
"Fine." He grumbles. "I hope you don't think that's how it ends, because I'll see you later, okay." He tells her. With those last words, he storms off and slams the door behind himself.
Nessa glares after him. She shakes her head lightly. She looks back at her feet. Her hand slides down the wall to the floor. She lowers herself to sit. A heavy sigh escapes her lips. Tears roll down her cheeks and drip onto the ground. She sniffles and wonders if her foul attitude is the reason people don't like her here. Maybe there's a reason her only friend remains Mika Isayama even after eight whole years training at the Academy.
But perhaps that's the price she has to pay for being the absolute best at what she does.
A knock on the door brings her attention back up to whoever entered.
"Hello. Do you want to join us at lunch? There's more than enough seats and food for anyone who wishes to eat." It's Mr. Cruske.
Nessa wipes her face dry with a sleeve and stands up. "Okay." She replies quietly. "Thanks."
Mr. Cruske smiles brightly at her. "You're welcome. Let me know if you want anything, alright?" He leaves. Nessa walks over to the food line, grabbing a tray. She grabs some bread and a few small pieces of fruit.
After selecting her meal, she moves to grab another. She sees the table Mika Isayama was sitting with her friends at before Nessa came in. It's empty now, the seat that had been occupied previously filled with a plate of food.
Nessa sits at a different table from the others, not wanting to cause conflict between the group. That seems to be what the rest are waiting for as they begin to whisper amongst themselves.
As Nessa eats, she feels eyes watching her. She turns and glares at the group. She can tell by the way everyone looks at each other that they're talking about her. They stare at her until she goes back to eating.
"You look pretty upset there." Someone next to her whispers.
Nessa glances over, seeing that her tray is empty. It was her turn to share it. "Huh. I guess I was upset with them staring at me." She mumbles softly.
"Don't take it too personally. It happens sometimes." They say.
"I guess." Nessa responds.
It's silent except for the sounds of people chewing and swallowing. It's comfortable. Nessa's eyes wander back to the window. She can see the sky outside. It's clear blue sky with no clouds or signs of rain. There'a few birds perched on various tree limbs, pecking at some seeds that were scattered around. Some bird chirps, causing Nessa to smile softly.
She's pulled from her thoughts by someone calling her name. She glances back at the group. "What?" Nessa asks.
"Well, we were wondering if you wanted to come hang out with us, but you seem kinda sad. Are you sure? It's alright, we understand if you don't wanna. If not, it's fine, but-" They start rambling. She cuts them off, "I'll go." She offers. They smile at her. "
But deep down, Nessa knows she's not going to actually come to their little get together. She can't risk them figuring out that she's actually a bloody awful human being.
Even if she wants to go, she wouldn't dare. Nessa isn't brave enough to let them see.
That night, she lays awake in her bed. Her eyes dart around her dark room as sleep creeps into her subconscious, threatening to snatch her back to the darkness she calls home. But instead, she's forced awake by her dreams and memories flooding her mind.
She can see her father screaming in pain. She can see the blade that's plunged deep into his side. She screams.
And then she remembers blood. It's the exact sort of blood that Nessa craves. She craves inflicting onto others the same misery that took away her mother and father.
Nessa wakes up drenched in sweat. She stares blankly at the ceiling. For a moment all she thinks about is how she really wishes she could just kill them all. But that would mean letting go of her own self. And she couldn't bring herself to do that.
Her hands ball into fists as she clenches her jaw. She forces herself to calm down. She needs to stop thinking about killing. She needs to stop thinking about killing. She slowly begins to relax. She lets out a shaky breath. She closes her eyes and falls asleep once more.
It's a dream also filled with blood, except she's laying in a pool of it. Her arms and legs stuck firmly to the ground. She can't move them or lift them up, but she knows she's stuck. She can feel something else touching her legs. Sharp, pointy teeth are digging into her legs. Her heart races. Tears fill her vision. She can'a scream if she tried. So she just continues to lie there. She can feel the sharp fangs piercing into her skin, tearing her up and making her bleed, but she can't do anything to stop it. No matter what she tries she can't escape.
She wakes up with a gasp. Her eyes flutter open. She looks around her darkened room. She glances over to the clock. 1:17am. The sun hasn't risen yet.
It seems her adopted father Crulus has heard her screams, as he runs over to her and asks, "Is everything alright, Ness?"
"No," She says, bitting down at her lip, "I had the dream again. The one about how I'm destined to someday kill everybody and ruin everything." Her voice trembles slightly.
Crulus frowns at her. His gaze softens, "Did you have it again today? Did it happen again?"
Nessa nods and quickly explains. "There's more where that came from this time. I saw blood. Lots of it, lots of bodies and lots of blood. More than what I've ever seen before. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything."
Tears threaten to fall down her cheeks.
This time, her chest is rising and falling rapidly. She feels like she's gonna hyperventilate soon and she can't help but panic and hyperventilating doesn't help. She doesn't know what to do so she just keeps repeating herself over and over in her mind.
"Breathe. In...and out…breath, Ness. Just breathe." Crulus says softly to her.
Nesses sobs as she attempts to follow his instructions.
"Look at me, Ness." Crulsus gently commands.
She reluctantly lifts her eyes to his.
"Can you focus on me and tell me what your breathing is doing. Slowly, alright? Good job. Can you continue?" He asks.
"Yes, okay. Thank you…" She replies, sounding unsure whether or not she's telling the truth.
"You're welcome. Now, please try to remember the rhythm and pattern of my breathing. We'll work it through."
Yet Nessa's not sure she can do it, because even as Crulus comforts her, all she thinks about is blood. All she thinks about is how much blood she's seen spill. How much she wants to puke. She tries her hardest to follow along with the rhythm of his breathing, trying her best to mimic his motions.
She feels her chest rise. She hears Crulus exhale. She takes in a breath and holds it. After a while, her breathing steadies.
"Good job, Ness. You did very well." Crulus praises. "You did really good. Why don't we try getting some sleep? Try getting some sleep Nessie."
Nessa swallows, wiping away tears from the corners of her eyes. "I think I will." She replies quietly.
"All right. Go ahead." Crulus says. "We can talk tomorrow, maybe? Okay?"
Nessa nods. "Thank you for talking to me, Crulus." She tells him.
He smiles warmly at her. "Anytime, Nessa." He assures her.
It's no use, because as soon as she's alone, she imagines her life in the Games. She imagines herself painting the arena red, slaughtering all who cross her. She imagines blood spattering across her clothes, coating her skin, her hair. She imagines death. She imagines causing death and enjoying it too.
She imagines reveling in the screams of terror, and the pleas of the dying as she walks towards them. She imagines taking pleasure in the sight of their faces, terrified expressions, pleading eyes as she draws closer and nearer. She imagines watching their last moments of life struggle, desperately trying to keep their life flowing. She imagines feeling satisfaction in watching them die.
She imagines watching them beg, begging her to give them mercy. To spare their lives, to let them live another day, but she won't. She's not like them. She doesn't care for living or dying.
The only thing that she cares about is shedding blood. Even if she dies, she plans on putting on quite the show.
Strength of the World - Avenged Sevenfold
Alright! That was the first introduction chapter! I would love to know what you think of these three Tributes, so let me know if you can. I've also started a blog which is blindingshadows dot weebly dot com, so let me know what you think of the cast so far as well as Empira and Amor and the rest of my additional cast.
I'm thrilled to say that Blinding Shadows is officially full, save for those who I'm waiting on reservations from. Thank you so much to everybody who submitted, as I absolutely adore this cast.
Hope you're all doing lovely,
Harley