A/N: Characters and world property of JK Rowling. No copyright infringement intended.

Of Blacks and Boarhounds

Severus laughed as he took his turn for a final rinse, and stepped out of the shower. Lulabelle was already wrapped in a towel with a second one on her head, handing a third towel to him.

"I wasn't sure if ya wanted one for your hair or not," she told him.

"No," he drawled with a raised brow and a smirk. "Am I allowed to get dressed before you bombard me with questions, madam?"

"Just hurry up, Lou, I'm freakin' out here," she replied.

"Really? I hadn't noticed," he grumbled under his breath as he left the room, and grinned when she yelled, "I heard that!" after him.

Chapter Sixteen

June 30, 1992

Severus was just buttoning the last button on his black shirt when Lulabelle burst into his room. She was dressed in another old band t-shirt, The Who this time, black with white printing. She'd paired it with white shorts and her feet were still bare, her long hair hanging wetly down her back.

"Lou!" she said, but before she could add anything else Severus interrupted.

"The Who? Where are you finding these shirts?"

"Seriously?" she yelled at him.

He snickered at her display. "Alright, I apologize. That's obviously not important right now. May I dry your hair for you, at least?" he asked.

"Fine," she ground out and flipped her hair over for him.

Once she had flipped back up, Severus said softly, "I would still like to cast the contraception charm, Lulabelle."

"It's no matter, I have the implant," she replied, parroting his words back to him.

Severus sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I assume that's some sort of muggle birth control?"

"Yeah. It's 99% effective and lasts four years. I won't need another one till 2024. Or 1994. Damn, they're not a thing yet…" she trailed off.

"Come here, my lady," he said, reaching for her arm and pulling her towards him so that she was standing between his legs. "I still need to cast the charm. Muggle birth control methods, with the exception of condoms as that is an actual, physical barrier, do not work on magical people. It is probably a good thing you're so adamant about them, as I greatly doubt this implant of yours would have been of any use, no matter the medical advances in the next thirty years."

She sat down on one of his legs. "Really?"

"Really."

Lulabelle was silent for a moment. "Even before, when my magic was blocked, it wouldn't have worked?"

"I would assume so. You were still a witch, still a magical being, even if you did not have access to your magic."

"So do y'all have magic condoms, then? I mean, what do y'all use to prevent disease?"

Severus tried and failed to suppress a chuckle at her terminology. "No, no 'magic condoms'," he replied. "We are not susceptible to many muggle diseases in the first place."

"Y'all don't have STDs?"

"Not as you know them, no."

"And I can't get them? Regular ones, I mean. I never could get them?"

"I don't believe so, no. Let me ask you this: how often were you sick as a child?"

"Like with a cold? Not too often, I suppose," she answered.

"Did you ever have one of the so-called childhood illnesses? Chickenpox, perhaps, or measles? The mumps?"

"Of course not; I've been vaccinated against them."

"There's a vaccine for chickenpox?" he asked, incredulous. "Nevermind, not important. Did you ever get the flu?"

"Vaccinated every year."

"Seriously?" He stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Even a bad cold? Bronchitis, perhaps?"

"No, Lou, I rarely get sick. What's your point?"

"My point is that you never got sick because you couldn't get sick. You were surrounded by muggles, and you weren't susceptible to their diseases. Most all of their diseases, in fact. Other than the common cold and a few really specific and horrible bacterial infections, you wouldn't have been able to contract any illnesses at all."

"Oh," she said in a small voice. "But I can get magical diseases?"

"You can, yes."

"And magical STDs? Those are a thing? A thing I could get?"

Severus shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I suppose so, yes," he replied, already thinking about her future partners.

"Well then how do I know I don't already have one?"

"What?" he said, startled out of his musings.

"How do I know if you have one or not? Do y'all have blood tests we can go get?"

"Blood tests? No. I don't have anything I could have given you, Lulabelle."

"Lou. I may not know how it works here, in this time, in this world, but where I come from ya don't just take someone's word for it when it comes to your health."

Severus quirked a smile. "If you'll allow me cast the contraception charm on you, I will cast a diagnostic charm on myself and prove to you that I do not have any sexually transmitted diseases. I don't think we even have blood tests to determine that, my lady."

Lulabelle took a deep breath and stood up. "Ok then, cast away."

Severus moved his wand over her abdomen, then turned it on himself. When she read Sexually Transmitted Infections: None from the conjured list in front of her, Lulabelle finally relaxed.

"I'm sorry, Lou. I know I went a lil' crazy there," she mumbled into his neck as she hugged him tightly.

"I understand," he said as he patted her back, and surprised himself when he decided he actually did. "I imagine it is… difficult… being thrown into a new world with new rules, and everything is different from what you grew up thinking was real and fact."

She laughed softly. "Yeah, well sex-ed woulda been a hell of a lot easier if all we had to do was cast a couple charms," she joked.

"Sex-ed?" he asked.

Lulabelle pulled back to look at him. "Sexual education classes?"

"Muggles have classes about sex?" Severus asked, astonished.

"Y'all don't?" she replied, equally astonished. "Y'all have a boardin' school full of kids and ya don't teach them how to prevent pregnancy and disease? Or their reproductive systems? Or about consent?"

"Er, no? Usually their parents…"

"It's a boardin' school! For all intents and purposes, y'all aretheir parents for most of the damn year! What the hell, Lou?" she cried, and smacked him hard on the shoulder. "I'm putting that shit on the list, too. That's just plain ignorant."

"The list?" he asked, rubbing the shoulder that was actually quite sore now.

"The list! The list! The list we're makin' of all the stuff we're gonna fix. Might not be top three, but sex-ed is definitely gonna be in the top ten. Sweet baby Jesus, that's fucked up."

"Ah. That list. Right. Er, you might have to convince the board…"

Lulabelle waved her hand dismissively. "I have a law degree. Piece of cake. Now, how about breakfast?"

Once they had cleaned up after breakfast, and after Sinaka had been walked, they were sat at the table in the kitchen with a muggle notebook Lulabelle had unearthed from under a seat in the Jeep. She pulled a pen out of her purse and wrote at the top: The List.

"Okay, so the number one thing we hafta do is get Harry away from the Dursleys. Then after that, we need to work on gettin' Sirius outta prison."

"You mean out of Azkaban, and no."

"Fine. Azkaban. And yes. Otherwise we hafta let Pettigrew go free."

Severus let his head drop to the table with a thump. "Fuuuuck…"

"I know, sugar. Suck it up. You'll be fine."

He lightly banged his head a few times against the tabletop. "Your patronizing isn't helping."

Lulabelle tapped the pen against her chin thoughtfully. "Well, how 'bout we see what the sentence for attempted murder as a minor is? Then get him convicted for that, and for bein' an illegal animagus, but only if they sentence him to time served? Who do we trust in the Ministry?"

Severus lifted his head. "You… you'd do that? For me? You would be okay with that?"

"Lou. As much as I wanna get him outta prison, he most certainly did try to kill ya. He deserves to be punished for that, and to have it be known that he was punished for that. But he's suffered long enough, doncha think?"

"Fine," Severus huffed, trying to hide the fact that his heart was bursting at the idea that she thought he mattered enough for Sirius to be punished, even though the attempted crime had happened years ago.

"Good. I told ya you'd make the right decision. Now, who do we trust in the Ministry? Amelia Bones, maybe?"

"She… she would be a good option, actually. She's very fair, and almost completely incorruptible."

"Just 'almost'?"

"No one is completely incorruptible, Lulabelle."

"Jesus was."

"Fine. No one living," he said, rolling his eyes at her muggle affectation.

"Sinaka is."

"Sinaka isn't a person. And what do you think he'd let me get away with if I gave him crisps and let him sleep in the bed?"

"Damn, ya got me. Ok, fine. Amelia Bones it is, then. Now, is there a spell or somethin' that'll keep Pettigrew from transformin' once we get him? I was thinkin' we could make him stay a rat and stick him in a cage 'til we go to trial…"

"Hmm. Not that know of, not for long term like that," he mused. "There is a… box… of sorts that could hold him indefinitely. It works by dampening the magic of whatever is placed inside. We could stun him as a rat and put him in the box, and he would stay in that form until he was removed."

"Like a Faraday cage?"

"I have no idea."

Lulabelle snickered at him. "Well, does it at least have air holes? We don't really wanna kill him, as much as I know ya want him dead."

"Yes, it will have air holes. Unfortunately."

"So we get the box, get the rat, then have a chat with Amelia Bones and get a trial set up for Sirius. What's next?"

"Barty Crouch Jr.?"

"Yeah, he needs go back to prison, definitely. I'll make another list of all the Death Eaters I can think of, and we'll go through it. I don't wanmake start sendin' people to jail left and right, though. I mean, some people might be able to change. Lucius hopefully, for one. I know y'all are good friends," Lulabelle said.

"And how do you propose to do that? With Crouch Jr., I mean. How would you prove that he's in hiding?" Severus asked.

"Well, back home, whatever is stated in open court must be investigated if it's a crime. If I offer 'new information' regardin' the crimes of Sirius Black and can get on the stand, would they hafta investigate it if I let that bit slip?"

Severus looked at her for a moment, and then said, "I am not sure, but I am rather certain you would have been a Slytherin, Lulabelle."

"Hush your mouth, Lou! Every Sortin' Hat quiz I took online said I'd be a Ravenclaw."

Severus clutched his hand over his heart in mock dismay. "You wound me, my lady!"

Lulabelle snorted at him, and handed him her list. "Okay, so we have this much so far," she said, as Severus read the words she'd written.

1. Get Harry

2. Free Sirius

—Get the box

—Capture Pettigrew

—Talk to Amelia Bones

—Find out about time served convictions

—Find out about open court statements

3. Find and destroy the horcruxes

4. Get the damn snake out of the school

When he finished reading, he looked up at Lulabelle who said, "I think we need to talk to Amelia before adding anything else. Make sure we can do what we want in court, then continue with our plans."

"That sounds quite agreeable. Did you want to add the sex-ed classes? Or getting the book out of my classroom?"

"Naw, I'll make a different list for the classes. There's some other things that need to happen with the school, too. And as for the book, just pop on over to the school and get it. I'll make the list of all the Death Eaters I can remember while you're gone. No sense puttin' off somethin' that simple," she said. "Take what, half an hour, hour tops?"

"Two at the most, I would say, and then only if I get stopped to… chat," he replied, the last word dripping with disdain.

"Ooh!" she said suddenly, sitting up straight. "Do ya have your teachin' robes here, or are they all at the school?"

"They're at Hogwarts, why?" he asked.

"Grab 'em while you're there, would ya? We can play Pervy Potions Master when ya get back."

Severus stared at her, and then burst out laughing. "As you wish, my lady. Shall I see if there's a school uniform in the lost and found for you as well?"

"Of course!" she leered at him, glad he took her suggestion so well. "Now all we need is a dungeon laboratory," she added.

He glanced towards the living room and said, "Well, we have a basement laboratory, but I don't think there is quite enough room…" he trailed off, considering the space.

Lulabelle dropped her pen as well as her jaw. "You have a basement?"

"Er, yes?"

"And ya didn't tell me?"

"Er, no?"

"Why not? I love basements! I've only ever been in one real one before, like one in a house, not just hospitals and office buildings 'cause they don't count," she said.

"You've only been in… do they not have basements in America?" he asked, confused.

Lulabelle laughed. "Sure they do, just not so much in Oklahoma. Most everywhere is right on top of bedrock, and if not, the ground is made of clay. It's too hard and too expensive to dig deep enough for a basement in just a house. My great-granny up in Nebraska had one, though. I used to love playin' in it when I was little, but she died when I was nine. At home we just have a fraidy hole."

Severus blinked. "And what, pray tell, is a 'fraidy hole'?"

"It's an underground storm shelter. For tornadoes? Do y'all not have tornadoes here?"

"Certainly. I believe it was just over ten years ago that there was a massive outbreak and there were somewhere around one hundred tornadoes confirmed to have touched down in less than six hours."

Lulabelle stared, shocked. "Oh my sweet baby Jesus," she whispered. "And how many," she stopped, swallowed, and said with tears in her eyes, "and how many people did ya lose?"

Severus looked at her, confused as to why she was so upset. "None? No one died, Lulabelle. There was a considerable amount of damage, but no one died."

Now she was gaping at him. "Y'all had a hundred touchdowns in one day and no one died? What were the ratings, do ya remember?"

"Er, I think the highest rating was an F2."

Lulabelle sat back and smacked him in the arm. "Dammit, Lou! That's nothin'. An F2? Back home folks'll sit out front with a beer to watch an F2 go by. Ya had me terrified!"

Severus chuckled at her. "I can see that," he laughed. "Now tell me why you need a 'fraidy hole'," he added.

"Well, we're smack-dab in the middle of tornado alley. We get the big ones, too. In 1999, there's an F5 in Oklahoma City and the surroundin' towns that killed thirty-six people and had the highest recorded wind speeds on earth, and that record stands even into 2022. Over 300 miles an hour. Then in 2013, another F5 rips through Moore, just south of Oklahoma City, and it kills twenty-four. That one was the widest tornado ever recorded on earth at just over two and a half miles wide. Both left total devastation in their wake. With F5s, or EF5s now, if you're not underground ya might not make it, Lou. They'll throw train cars half a mile off the tracks, vehicles get picked up and tossed miles away, and in 2011 in El Reno, a 1.9 million pound oil derrick was knocked over and rolled three times. Houses aren't just knocked down, they're gone. We paint our addresses on the curbs as well as the houses, cause sometimes ya come back and all ya got's a concrete slab."

"Jesus Christ, Lulabelle."

"So. Fraidy hole. It's a hole in the ground. For when you're a-fraid of the storms."

"I see."

"Ya know ya swore like a muggle again, Lou."

"It was warranted."

She snickered at him. "I got real into meteorology for a couple years when I was a kid. Now I have all these facts and figures in my head about tornadoes. Plus, Oklahoma is like, the center of tornado alley."

"Have you ever been through one?"

"Oh sure. Lots of times. We always get in the fraidy hole if it's an EF4 or higher. Mama and I like to watch the little ones, though. I wanted to be a storm chaser for the longest time, but Daddy put his foot down about that. 'You ain't chasin' somethin' that'll suck the skin right off a cow, young lady'," she quoted.

"Bloody hell."

"Hey, I was thirteen, gimme a break! Now, can I see your basement?"

Severus snorted. "Follow me, my lady," he said as he stood and walked towards the living room. Lulabelle followed him, gawking as he opened a door that had been cleverly hidden in a bookcase.

"It has a secret entrance!" she breathed.

He laughed outright at that. "Actually, I just ran out of room for my books, and built the case around the door," he informed her.

"You have a lab, in a basement, with a secret entrance. Don't ruin this for me, Lou."

Snickering, he replied, "As you wish."