The Cousin

"Hi, Uncle Roland, Auntie Ruth!" The teenage boy stepped inside with a wide grin. "The girls ready?"

"Good evening, Charles. Sit down and catch your breath." Roland Wood gestured to a chair. "They'll be down in a minute. You know how girls are. Won't step outside their room until they are looking like beauty queens."

"They always look like that to me," said the kid and blushed.

In an upstairs bedroom, Jenny turned to Janet with an ironic smile. "He's here. You ready for your date?"

"Don't be silly! It's not a date, it's just Chuck. Aren't you coming with?"

"Nah. I don't wanna get in your way. Two's company, three's a crowd, you know."

"What are you talking about? Three's company, too! Especially since all we are doing is going to the movies with our idiot cousin. You said you'd come, remember?"

"I said I might come. Look, Jannie, I don't feel like seeing this movie. I'd rather stay home and do some reading."

"What's wrong with the movie? It got rave reviews."

"Maybe so, but who are the reviewers? What if they don't know any better?"

"Don't be such a snob, Jenny. Sci-fi can have enough complexity and depth to your liking."

"Oh, really? "Science fiction" is a contradiction in terms. It's all fiction and zero science."

"Sometimes the science behind it is not the point. Solaris is a sensitive, thought-provoking film which touches upon psychological and philosophical issues."

"Maybe that's why it's three hours long. Sorry, no movie is thought-provoking enough to keep me cooped up for three hours with Cuz Chuck panting in my ear."

"Why would he do that?"

"You'll have three long hours to find out. He's your date."

"Gross, Jenny! It's not a date!"

"Whatever you say, Jannie. How are you guys getting there? Uncle Daniel driving you?"

"Oh no! Chuck's test-driving his shiny new license and his dad's car."

"Isn't that cozy! Still insist it's not a date?"

"Girls, you coming?" came Roland's voice from downstairs. "Young Charles here looks like he has ants in his pants!"

"Too true," snickered Jenny.

"You sure you won't come?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Go!"

"Well, I tried." Janet shrugged and threw another glance in the mirror before stepping out into the hall. "Enjoy your reading."

Jenny followed her to the top of the stairs and hollered: "ENJOY YOUR DATE!"

"It's not a – " began Janet and gave up. "Hi, Chuck. Sorry I kept you waiting."

"It's okay, I don't mind." The boy was blushing harder than ever. "What's with Jenny?"

"She's not coming. Jenny picked tonight to be a brat. I'm afraid you are stuck with just me."

"Drat," said Charles looking anything but disappointed.

…

The movie was just as deep and thought-provoking as Janet had heard and just as relentlessly drawn out and slow-paced as Jenny had predicted. Janet, who had been up late studying, felt her eyelids getting heavier by the second. Before she knew it, she drifted off in the stuffy darkness and dropped her head on Chuck's shoulder.

In her dreamlike state, she was vaguely aware of an arm snaking around her shoulders and snuggled into it. The arm tightened around her.

Janet shook herself out of her doze and looked up at Chuck in surprise. Instead of looking at the screen, he was staring at her.

Fully awake now, she sat up straight, took hold of his arm and firmly returned it to its rightful place.

After a few minutes, the manoeuvre was repeated.

"What do you think you are doing?" she whispered. Chuck took his arm away without a word.

A few minutes more, and his hand found its way onto her knee.

"I am walking out of here right this minute," said Janet in a loud whisper. "Do you want to keep this hand?"

Chuck snatched his hand away as if her knee was a hot iron. "No, please don't go... I'm sorry... I won't do it anymore, I promise," he stammered.

"Stop talking," she snapped.

The moment the closing credits began to roll, Janet rose abruptly and headed towards the exit without a backward glance. Chuck stalked after her.

In the car, he turned towards her with a pleading expression and started mumbling an apology.

"Just drive, okay?" she said curtly.

They drove in sullen silence for a few blocks. Then Chuck stole a sideways glance at Janet.

"Hey, Jan, you still mad?"

"What do you think? And what did you just call me? Are you too lazy to pronounce one more syllable?"

"What's wrong with Jan? It's your name."

"No, it isn't. Nobody ever calls me that."

"Then how about I'll be the first? Jenny has some weird nickname for you, and you are fine with it."

"Yes, because it's Jenny! That's different."

"How is it different? Because Jenny's so terribly special, and I am not?"

Janet didn't reply for a few beats. "She is special to me. She's my most special person."

"And what am I, chopped liver?"

"You are my weirdo cousin. Well, normally you are pretty special to me, too. But not when you pull pervy stuff. Eyes on the road, okay?"

Chuck looked ahead with a sigh.

A few more blocks, and Janet broke the heavy silence. "Chuck? Pull over."

"What? Why?"

"I said pull over. Stop the car."

He slowed down and cast a cautious glance at her. "Why? You wanna get out and walk home? This time of night, you'll be safer in here with me."

"I am not so sure about that. Anyway, I just want to talk, but not while you are driving."

"You don't trust me to know how to drive and talk?"

"Trust you? You've had your license for, like, five minutes, so no. On second thought, let's keep going. We'll talk once we get to my house."

...

Chuck stopped the car in the driveway in front of Janet's house and turned to her expectantly. "So?"

"What was that all about, back in the theater?"

"I am sorry..."

"You said that already. What came over you?"

"Er... umm... you are hot."

"I am also your first cousin! We practically grew up together! You've known Jenny and me your whole life."

"Jenny's hot."

"What?! She's only twelve, you perv!"

"She doesn't look twelve. She looks older than you."

"Who cares how old she looks? She's just a child!"

"Some child. She can take care of herself just fine."

"And how would you know that unless you've tried something?"

"Relax! I never laid a finger on her. She just has this... this ninja warrior vibe."

"Good for her! She's gonna need it. If we can't even feel safe around family – "

"Lighten up, will you, Jan? Like I would ever do anything to – Sorry, I called you Jan again."

"You know what? I don't care what you call me as long as you keep your paws off me. What are you gonna do with all the extra time you'll save by dropping one syllable? Find a cure for cancer?"

"Ha-ha! You are funny."

"Ha-ha! You are weird. Listen, Chuck, I've also known you your whole life. You've always been a normal, sweet kid. Why are you acting like a perv all of a sudden?"

"You wouldn't understand. You are a girl," he said grimly.

"As everybody's been reminding me recently. I may only have half a brain, what with being a girl – "

"That's not what I meant! I know you are not stupid!"

"Thank you, sir, you are most kind. Don't turn my head with flattery. Then what on earth did you mean?"

"I meant... girls are different from boys."

"Wow, what a profound observation! May I ask how you arrived at this brilliant conclusion?"

"You know what, Jan? You are always doing this! How can I tell you anything if you are either mad or making fun of me? Especially if it's something that's not easy to talk about in the first place!"

"Fair enough. I'll try not to. Please go on."

"Well... ever since I hit my teens... I've been feeling..."

"Horny?" prompted Janet helpfully.

"You do know! Then why'd you act like you didn't?"

"Yep, I know what horny means. Did you know I could also read and write?"

"There you go again with the wisecracks and the sarcasms."

"Right, I'm sorry. Naturally, I know boys your age are chronically horny. I just didn't expect to have to deal with it when I was with you. The guys at school are bad enough but you are the closest thing Jenny and I have to a brother."

"Are the guys at school bothering you? Just tell me who – "

"Hey, knight in shiny armor, chill out! You are not beating up anybody. It's nothing I can't handle. Okay, there's this guy in my class I've been trying to tutor – "

"What's his name? Come on, tell me!"

"Cut it out, Chuck! The worst he ever does is gape at me when he's supposed to be studying and mumble something about how much better I am than all the other girls taken together. You are bothering me much more than that."

"I didn't mean to but I just couldn't help it! I wasn't gonna do anything, I swear. It's just there... all the time... and I dunno what to do about it. And it hurts, too!"

"I get it. But why me?"

"I told ya. You are hot."

"Don't you know any girls you are not related to? Some of them may be just as hot."

"Girls. Sure I know girls. Fat lot of good that does me."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Like you don't know. Nice girls like you won't do anything because their mommies tell them not to. Did Auntie Ruth tell you you'd burn in hell if you did it?"

"My folks are always telling me they trust me to behave responsibly. So, they must've figured I didn't need telling. And anyway, Mom's not the kind to talk that way."

"Your mom's h- "

"You really need to shut up right now, Chuck. You have a one-track mind, you know that?"

"I'm sorry, man. So would you if you were me. Anyway, there's another kind of girls... Those would do anything with anyone. But I am not sure I wanna get mixed up with them."

"Actually, that's very smart of you! But I am just curious. How come you feel that way, horny as you are?"

"I dunno, Jan. I just feel... squeamish, I guess. I mean, those girls do it with a lot of guys... I'd feel dirty all over."

"You know, that's really mature. I guess we are not related for nothing! So, this means – "

"This means I'm screwed. And not in a good way."

"You ever try talking about it with anybody? Like, Uncle Daniel?"

"Who, dad? Are you kidding me? What does he know – "

"He must know something, or you wouldn't even be here."

"Very funny, Jan! I was gonna say, what does he know about being a kid my age?"

"Right. Because he's never been one?"

"Ha-ha, go ahead and laugh. That was what, like, thirty years ago? He's forgotten all about how that feels."

"Well, I dunno. What about the kids at school? Do you talk to them about it? What do they do?"

Chuck blushed even darker. "You don't wanna know."

"I think that ship sailed a long time ago."

"The way they talk about girls and women... it's so dirty! I don't ever want to think that way about you or Jenny or any other girls. It's just gross. And it's not like I don't know what to do when it gets real bad. You know what I'm talking about?"

"Let me guess. Cold showers, self-service?"

"Right! But it doesn't help much. For a few minutes tops, and then..." Chuck sighed. "May I ask you something, Jan? Do girls get the same way?"

"Sure we do. Mankind's not extinct yet, is it?"

Janet wouldn't have believed Chuck could have gotten any redder but he did.

"Okay, it's not exactly the same with us," she relented. "I mean, if a girl falls for a guy – "

"What about you, Jan? Would you do it with a guy you are not related to?"

"No!" For a second, Janet looked terrified. "I mean, not now or anytime soon. I'm only seventeen. I am not in love with any guy, and I don't want to do it with just anybody. I think I can hold out until I am a bit older and I meet someone I really like."

"Gotcha. You know, some girls won't go all the way but they do... other stuff. That's supposed to help the guy. You do know what kind of stuff I'm talking about, right?"

"I have a general idea. So, have you ever done that with a girl? Does it really help?"

"I haven't. You know how I'm kinda shy around girls? Haven't really mustered the courage to ask anybody. Hey, maybe that's why I came on to you! At least I know you, you know me, we are comfortable with each other... It's way scarier with other girls."

"You know, it may go easier with a girl who's special to you and feels the same way about you than with some random girl. Is there anyone you like?"

"Nah, not really. Jan? I sometimes wish we weren't related."

"You don't know when to shut up, do you, Chuck?"

"Well, what's the big deal? I heard in many parts of the world they don't think there's anything wrong with cousins marrying each other. They do it all the time. I am for real. You like reading so much, you can check if I'm lying."

"I know you are not lying but I am still not marrying you. And neither is Jenny."

"How about we leave it up to Jenny?"

"She won't have it any other way. But it's safe to assume she won't be marrying you at twelve."

"Hey, Jan."

"What?"

"You won't be staying here much longer, right?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Come on. You can tell me. I won't say a word to anybody."

"There's nothing to tell! Where'd you get the idea, anyway?"

"I dunno. You've been kind of antsy these past couple of years. Like you are just biding time till you are finished high school next year, and then you are outta here. Right?"

"I don't know, Chuck. I have thought about it but I haven't decided anything yet."

"See? I knew you were on your way out. This place must be too… too backwater for someone like you. But I'll be kinda sorry when you go. I like having you around."

"Thanks, cuz. I like being around you when you are not being pervy. And I really don't know about leaving yet. And anyway, you'll be graduating one year after me and moving away, too. Let's not think about it for now, okay?"

"Whatever you say."

"And please don't mention it to anybody. Not even your parents or Maisie."

"Maisie's only seven. Why would anyone want to tell her anything?"

"Or even Jenny."

"Jenny doesn't know?!"

"I told you, there's nothing to know yet! And when – I mean if – there is something, I'll be the one to tell her."

"Sure. She's not gonna be happy."

"I know. I'll handle it."

"Hey, Jan? How about a little cousinly kiss?" He pulled her close to him.

"Get off me! Forget about it, Chuck. Anyway, I gotta go. Bye!"

Janet hopped out of the car and slammed the door shut. For a second, she looked at Chuck's hangdog face through the passenger window, then opened the door and, with lightning speed, got back in, kissed him on the cheek and was out again before he had a chance to shut his mouth.

"Drive safe, idiot," she said affectionately before closing the car door.

June 30, 2021

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