"Has she been to talk to someone, Derek?"

They thought that she couldn't hear them, Meredith thought idly. She removed the plastic ring from the pocket in her lab coat and slid it onto her finger, examining it.

"I don't - I have no idea."

"Don't you live with her? Aren't you two dating?"

"I do. We are. We're -" Derek's breath hitched, and Meredith knew he had caught himself before saying married.

"You don't talk about this stuff?"

"You know Meredith!" Derek exploded. "She's - she's a masochist. She likes to wallow in her own pain. She's told me maybe one thing about what happened to her over there, that's it. And I don't push because I know she'll shut down."

There was a brief silence, and Meredith could picture Richard running an exasperated hand down his face.

"She needs to speak with a professional, Derek."

"A psychologist?"

"A psychiatrist."

Meredith froze. She'd gone through med school, she was perfectly clear on the difference. You saw a psychologist when you were tired, overworked and had an annoying roommate. Psychiatrists involved a whole mess of diagnosis and SSRI drugs that zapped you of your sex drive.

Standing, she crossed the chief's office and whipped the door open. Derek and Richard froze like they had been caught smuggling a body down a dark alley.

"I'm right here, you know," Meredith pointed out.

"Meredith," Derek breathed. He took her hand. "We're just trying to-"

"I don't need to see anyone. I'm fine," Meredith insisted. She glanced at Richard. "Did Mary Dunpoint's autopsy report come back?"

The chief nodded briskly. "Severe hemorrhage. You weren't at fault, the poor girl had a timer strapped to her head."

"See?" she looked at Derek pointedly. "It wasn't my fault. Everyone freezes sometimes, Derek. Please just let it go."

All she wanted was to go home, get in the bathtub, and maybe circle the drain while she was at it.

Derek glanced down at her fingers. He was still holding her hand. "Your hands are cold," he mumbled.

Meredith yanked her arm away. "I have bad circulation."

"Meredith," Richard began cautiously. He cleared his throat. "I've spoken with Dr. Wyatt, and you will begin hospital mandated therapy beginning tomorrow morning."

She felt the blood drain from her face. "What?" she looked at Derek in disbelief, hoping for some sort of backup, but he only frowned. She returned her glare to the chief. "For how long?"

"As long as it takes until Dr. Wyatt deems you fit to operate."

"Oh, so I'm on probation now too?" Meredith scoffed.

"This is non negotiable," the chief said firmly.

"This is ridiculous. You can't -"

Derek reached out and grabbed her elbow, silencing her. "He can, Meredith," he said in a low voice.

Meredith shook her head. "This is insane."

The chief removed a slip of paper from his pocket that had Dr. Wyatt's information written on it. He handed it to Meredith. "She can see you at 9am tomorrow. You don't treat another patient until then."

Meredith looked at him pleadingly. She hadn't wanted to resort to begging. "Please, no."

Richard frowned. "I'm sorry about this Meredith."

"Come on," Derek lightly pulled on her arm. "Let's go home, ok?"

[]

The first time Meredith and Derek crossed the threshold of their house as husband and wife was slightly less romantic than she had pictured. It followed a stiflingly silent car ride home, in which Derek had hummed along to the radio and Meredith leaned her head against the passenger side window, watching the rain bounce off the pavement.

When they pulled into the driveway Derek killed the engine and turned to face her.

"You could have paged me," he said.

Meredith glanced at him sideways. "I'm just as capable at treating a patient as you are. A girl hit her head on a dashboard. It doesn't get more basic than that."

"I know, but you also haven't responded to a trauma since you've been back."

"Derek," Meredith grumbled as a warning.

He held up his hand in a surrendering gesture. "All I'm saying is no one would blame you if you're having some trouble adjusting."

"I'm not," Meredith said shortly. She opened the car door and stepped outside. "Lets go in. I'm exhausted."

Sighing heavily, Derek followed her up the front steps. Meredith dug around for her key, but before she could find it, the door swung open.

"Holy shit!" Meredith's head snapped up. Lexie was standing in the doorway, biting her lip sheepishly. "What are you doing here?"

"Would you say you guys are more into warm tones or cool tones?"

"What?" Meredith craned her neck to look over Lexie's shoulder. Both Izzie and Cristina were also inside, looking over an array of colored construction paper on the kitchen table. Meredith groaned. "Oh, Lexie, you didn't."

"Hey!" Cristina barked, looking up. "When I told you guys to elope, I didn't mean immediately. And you at least could have invited me."

"Me too!" Izzie chimed in. "Seriously, what were you wearing, scrubs?"

"I had a dress," Meredith said defensively.

Behind her, Derek ushered her inside, shutting the door behind them. He smirked down at her. "I thought we were keeping this on the DL. You made me take off my ring."

"I tried my best," Meredith insisted.

Lexie grabbed her hands and dragged her into the kitchen . "We're throwing you an engagement party. We're trying to make you guys a sign, but we didn't know if you were an autumn or a winter."

Meredith's eyes widened. "I don't want an engagement party. I'm already married."

"Think of it more as a reception to your secret wedding," Izzie cut in.

Meredith tried to shake her head no, but Cristina interrupted. "Oh, come on Meredith. Stop being such a wet blanket. Even I went through the whole church with a billion guests thing, at least have a PARTY."

Meredith cautiously looked over her shoulder at Derek, who was watching everything play out with an amused smile. "What do you think?"

He gestured to the papers in various shades of blue, green. and purple. "I think we're definitely a winter."

[]

Sorry it took so long, please review!