Chapter 25

HeadSpace

Sometime in April, 2013

~~Ziva's apartment~~

As Tony and Ziva walked down the street toward Ziva's apartment, Tony looked over at Ziva closely. He could see the exhaustion and pain etched into her eyes. He blinked back the moistness in his eyes and peered into her eyes; they told Tony how much she wanted him to stay with her for the night. He tilted his head to her and quietly said, "Ziva, are you alright? I am not going anywhere tonight. I'm gonna stick with you, like always." Tony reached out his arm around Ziva, hugging her. Using his free hand, Tony managed to unlock the door to Ziva's apartment and opened it. "Here you go," Tony said as he held the door open and welcomed her inside.

Ziva looked at Tony, relieved that he was there with her. "Thank you," Ziva whispered to Tony, then turned and walked down the hallway, tossing the bag on the kitchen table on the way towards the bedroom, then stopped to look at the digital clock on the kitchen wall. It read 9:36. She let out a sigh, then looked at Tony. "I'd like to soak in the tub if you don't mind. Just relax for the night." Ziva leaned against the wall and tilted her head gently onto the wall, looking at Tony. Her eyes showed a lot of pain she is in, even though outwardly, she showed little emotion.

"Alright sounds good. I'll be right here if you need anything," Tony said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper, as he walked toward Ziva. He reached her, and put a finger under her chin and lifted it up to him as he leaned over to kiss Ziva on her lips.

Ziva smiled slightly as she returned Tony's kiss. Breaking the kiss after a moment, she looked back up at Tony. "Sweet," Ziva said as she smiled gently at him, before she stepped away and walked toward the bathroom. She closed the door behind her.

"Sure thing," Tony said to Ziva's retreating figure and smiled at her. He turned to walk toward the couch, then smiled as he heard the bath water running. He had barely sat down when his phone rang, jarring his senses. "Now who could be calling me at this time?" Tony muttered as he sat up and pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at the display. It read "McGee". Tony chuckled gently, as he answered the phone. "Hey McPhoneHome. What's up?"

McGee's chuckle traveled from the phone's speaker to Tony's ear in the split second that it took Tony to hear, "Hi Tony, How are you?" on the phone speaker.

Tony slumped a bit deeper into the couch. "Just settling in for the night." Tony leaned over briefly to grab the TV remote, then sat back in the couch.

"So, how's Ziva doing? Are you watching over her?" McGee asked.

Tony's eyes flicked over to the bathroom, where the water was still running. He let out a deep breath, then said, "I think she's doing okay. At least, I hope she is." Tony cleared his throat slightly. "Well, if I get a chance to talk with her some to maybe get her in the right headspace, she'll be okay, I think."

McGee sighed over the phone, then said, "That's good to know. We haven't really had a chance to talk because of everything that's been happening. I mean, ever since before the Israel trip."

Tony glanced up to the bathroom, where the water had just stopped running. Good, she's okay in there, he thought to himself. "Well, now's a good time." Tony smiled at the phone. "We just got home, and Ziva's soaking in the tub right now. I'm just out here with the TV on, waiting for her." Tony thumbed the remote, turning the TV on and muting it.

"Awesome, sounds like you got things handled. Actually, the reason why I called was because of how things went on the trip. How things were handled." McGee said.

"McGee, it's been a little while ago. Didn't really have the time to think about it. Well, mainly because I wasn't sure how they'd react with you being there. And also the boss breathing down our necks. We've been too busy to even think until now." Tony shrugged.

"Right, right." McGee carefully considered his next words, trying to find the right thing to say. He took a breath, then said, "Tony, I just wanted to say that I'd never rat you and Ziva out. That's just not me. I think it was just Gibbs worrying that you two would be distracted with each other and violate Rule 12. He told me to keep an eye on you but I can be selective as to what to tell him, right?"

"McGee, listen." Tony said quietly. "Sometimes it's okay to tweak your internal filters to 'selectively report' to him. Despite – wait a minute." He tilted his head toward the bathroom, hearing nothing but silence. He dropped his voice to a whisper and said, "Hang on, McGee." He put the phone down on the coffee table as he slowly stood up then walked over to the door and listened carefully. Still nothing. He gently tapped on the door, calling out gently, "Ziva? You okay in there?" He quietly turned the knob and opened it a hair, peeking inside the bathroom, straining to see Ziva in the dim light of the nightlight.

Ziva shook herself awake and looked in Tony's direction, the water sloshing in the tub as she sat up straighter. "Oh! I'm sorry. I must've fallen asleep. Gimme a few moments. I will be there" Ziva smiled gently at Tony, even though she knew that there was a good chance he might not have seen her smile in the dimness.

Tony flashed a smile to Ziva, finally making out her form in the dim light. "Was just making sure you were alright in here. I didn't hear you in a while. Half hour, maybe."

"Oh, sweet of you. Thank you for checking in with me," Ziva said with a tired smile on her lips.

"I'll leave you to it, then." Tony winked and smiled at Ziva, then stepped back, quietly closing the door. He breathed a sigh of relief, then quickly headed back to the couch, and flopped down on it, picking his phone back up. "Hey McGee? Y' still there?"

McGee answered after a short moment. "Yes, still here. Everything alright?"

"Yeah, had to make sure Ziva was okay." Tony let out a breath, then continued, "So anyways. Yeah, I remember the trip now. It's all good. What I mean to say, despite what Gibbs might tell you to do, you don't have to always take him literally at his word. Report only what is important or necessary."

McGee didn't reply for a moment as he processed that thought for himself. "That's what Gibbs doesn't really know about you and Ziva. Or cares. Either way, he's not said anything about it at all. I think all these cases popping up has kept him distracted enough to not even care anymore."

Tony chuckled. "I think we can put this to bed now. This issue's pretty much resolved itself. In fact, Gibbs told me to make sure Ziva's okay. To keep an eye on her for the next couple of days. Even for a crusty old Marine like him, he's got a bit of heart in him, apparently. Just doesn't know how to express it in words."

"I noticed that. My old man's a bit like him," McGee replied over the phone.

Just then, Tony heard the bathroom door open. He quickly replied to McGee, "Alright, I better let you go. Talk more later. And thanks for touching base with us. Have a good night, bro." Tony smiled at Ziva as he hung up the phone.

"'Night, bro." McGee's voice sounded over the speaker just before Tony hung up.

Tony tossed the phone on the coffee table, then looked up at Ziva. "Did the bath help?" Tony stood up from the couch and walked toward Ziva.

Ziva stopped in her tracks and looked at Tony. She answered tiredly, "Oh yeah it did. I'm going to bed. So beat." Ziva shrugged tiredly, then started walking toward her bedroom. Just before she entered the room, she stopped at the doorway and looked at Tony. "Who was that on the phone?"

"That was McGee. Checking to see how you were doing." Tony rubbed his hands through his hair, then let out a breath. "I think I'll take a shower for the night."

"You do that. I'll just flop on the bed and wait for you." Ziva looked up at Tony, rubbing her eyes.

"That sounds good, Ziva" Tony leaned toward Ziva, kissing her on her lips.

Eventually, Tony got out of bathroom, freshly cleaned up and in fresh pajama pants. Walking up to the bed, he noticed that Ziva had gotten under the covers. He slowly pulled the covers back just far enough to be able to slice into bed beside Ziva. He looked at Ziva, but couldn't see her face since she was facing the other side. "Ziva?" he whispered to her.

"Mm," Ziva snuggled up to Tony as he climbed into the bed and pulled the covers back over him.

"You good?" Tony whispered to Ziva as he curled up with Ziva, encircling his arms around her.

Ziva nodded in her sleep, then started snoring slightly.

Tony let out a silent chuckle at her snoring and shook his head slightly on the pillow, then settled down to sleep, a smile on his lips. He'd always found her snoring cute, especially when she was drifting off to sleep.

~~Next morning~~

Tony stirred awake by the beams of sunlight shining through the window. Slowly moving his head, he craned around to look at the clock on the bedside table. The clock said 8:30. He looked to his side and saw that Ziva was still sound asleep. Moving slowly, he pulled the covers back just far enough so that he could slip out of bed quietly and not wake Ziva. Satisfied that he'd not awakened her, he gently put the covers back, then tiptoed out of the room so that she could sleep as long she desired. Closing the door most of the way, he quietly walked out to the kitchen. As he made a beeline to the refrigerator, he thought to himself, "How about if I make some good coffee and one of Ziva's favorite meals for breakfast?" Tony smiled at the thought as he muttered to himself as he rummaged through the fridge, "Let's see what's in here for breakfast."

Sometime later, Ziva stirred on the bed, feeling for Tony but not finding him in bed. Puzzled for a moment, she sat up a bit straighter, and looked around, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Suddenly, she smelled food, almost at the same time she heard sounds from the kitchen. She sat up at the edge of the bed, smiling to herself, thinking to herself, "Oh, Tony. He'd do anything to be there for me. He even seems to know what foods comfort me when I need it." Ziva got up and walked over to the bathroom and slipped on some leggings and threw a robe around her. Putting her hair up in a bun, she made her way toward the kitchen.

Tony looked up at her and smiled. "Made some breakfast. Thought you'd like this for breakfast." He held up a plate of chocolate-chip pancakes. "Then I thought we'd kick back and do a whole lot of nothing. Except maybe talking." He walked out to the kitchen table and put the stack of pancakes in the middle of the table.

Ziva pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. "Talk about what?" Ziva shrugged.

"Whatever's on your mind." Tony put the syrup on the table next to the pancakes. "You know, whatever comes to your mind, the first thing. Like for example: what I think about now, is a nice, warm breakfast, a nice cup of coffee." He smiled and held up a cup of coffee.

Ziva let out a tired chuckle. "That sounds wonderful." She reached out and grabbed a couple of pancakes and poured some syrup over the pancakes. She took a piece and bit into it, smiling at the warm, sweet taste of the pancakes. "This is good, Tony."

Tony smiled at Ziva as he took a sip of his coffee. "Thought that'd be something you'd want. Especially after everything that'd happened."

Ziva nodded as she ate yet another bite. She thought about what had happened over the last several days. How she'd used every ounce of her strength, and the resources available in order to track down Bodnar and avenge her father's death. How she'd risked being hunted by every three-letter agency of the United States, not to mention the Mossad – the very agency that she'd worked for! - trying to find her and put a stop to her plans. How she felt that she was the only person who could actually get close enough to Bodnar to actually be a danger to him. She smiled wanly at Tony. "How's McGee doing?"

Tony took a bite of his pancakes and smiled at Ziva. "He's all good. We had a good talk last night. Came to an understanding that everything's copacetic."

"That's good." Ziva smiled as she took a sip of her drink. "You know, he and I talked while we were in that hotel. He has deep respect for the both of us and would never intentionally cause us any harm."

"Yeah, about that." Tony nodded. "We got to the understanding that Gibbs may not even care anymore. As long as it's not on the job, he seems to be fine about it. He can't really say anything anyway, because of what he did in his past." He shrugged his shoulders.

Ziva smiled. "Then it's resolved." She looked down at her pancakes for a moment, then back up to Tony. "What did Gibbs say before we left?"

"To keep an eye on you," Tony said evenly. "I think he knows who is the correct person to be there for you at the time. That crusty Marine cares about us more than he lets on."

Ziva chuckled, then returned to eating her breakfast.

After they'd finished their breakfasts, they pushed their plates to the side and looked at each across the table. After a few long moments, Tony smiled at Ziva and asked, "What's going through your mind right this moment?"

"The tiredness, one thing." Ziva lips formed a tired smile as she held up a finger in the air. "I was also thinking about my father. How he'd been trying to forge an alliance with Iran. And in the middle of all this, he was trying to mend the walls with me."

Tony winced slightly. "Mend the fences, you mean." He shifted in his chair slightly and leaned onto the table. "And it never happened because of events."

"Yes." Ziva looked down at the table and swallowed. Then she looked back up at Tony. "When my father died, it was like a part of me died also. That's where I felt like I needed to punish those where were responsible for his death. Now, I feel like that I might lose you because I became... destructive... in my hunt to find the one responsible." A tear fell from her eye, and she reached up and wiped it away.

Tony sat back and looked at Ziva, taken aback by her response. "No, you were just doing your job. I think Gibbs had to accept that you really were the only person who could catch Bodnar and stop him before he could do anything else. The other agencies, eh, what can they do now?"

Ziva blinked her eyes at Tony. "What do you mean by that?"

Tony shrugged. "The way I understand it, Vance and Gibbs had an understanding. You were defending yourself and you did your job. As far as they're concerned, the case is closed and you're in the clear."

Ziva sighed as she looked down at the table. "I thought that when I... killed... Bodnar, that I would feel a sense of satisfaction. But no. I wanted him alive more than dead." She let out a sigh and kneaded her hands. "But I had no choice."

Tony put a hand on her arm and looked into her face the best he could. "Hey. You did your job, pure and simple. Yes, he put you in danger, but you handled him. Like I said, it's not your fault." He looked down at her hands. They still bore bruises from her fight the previous day. "You took your ring off because your hands still hurt?"

Ziva shook her head. "No, I just haven't had the chance to put it back on. My hands are doing a little better today. Still sore, though."

Tony nodded. "Well, as long as they don't stop you from holding onto things and doing things. Like holding onto me." he smiled at Ziva.

Before Ziva could say something, she heard her phone ringing on the small table in the living room. "My phone," Ziva muttered as she got up and went to her phone. She returned the table and sat down as she answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Ziver." Gibbs' voice sounded over the phone. "How're you this morning?"

Tony mouthed to Ziva, "Who is it?"

Ziva mouthed to Tony, "Gibbs." Putting the phone back up to her mouth, she spoke into the phone. "Doing better, thank you for asking. Trying to clear my head. Everything just seems like a blur ever since my father was killed." She swallowed before she continued. "I'm sorry if I went to a place where I shouldn't have gone. With my Mossad training, I mean. It was just an automatic reaction."

Gibbs sighed over the phone to Ziva. "Look, Ziver. First of all, never apologize. It's a sign of weakness. Second of all, I totally understand where you come from. I've been there before, with my wife Shannon and Kelly's death." Gibbs paused, then said, "Much as I could try, I couldn't stop you. Realized that you really were the only person who stood a chance at getting to him."

Ziva sighed. "But how do I stand in the eyes of NCIS? Am I in the clear?"

Gibbs quickly answered, "You did your job, and you reacted exactly in the way your training taught you. None of this is your fault. Case is closed and sealed. Put deep in archives."

Ziva sat in her chair, holding the phone to her ear, tears flowing from her eyes. She flicked her eyes up to Tony, letting out a relieved sigh. "Oh Gibbs, thank you for letting me know. And being there for me."

Gibbs let out a short chuckle. Ziva could hear the clink of glass against glass and she knew that Gibbs was pouring himself a coffee at this time of morning. "Get some rest. See you in a couple of days," Gibbs said over the phone.

"Alright, see ya, bye-bye." Ziva hung up, then tossed her phone on the table as she reached out for Tony, tears flowing. She put her arms around Tony's neck and hugged him.

Tony held Ziva in his embrace as he let her cry on his shoulder. He shushed her gently as he gently rubbed her back. "Ziva, hey. It's okay, let it all out. It's over, and we all got you." Tony swallowed a lump in his throat, then whispered to her, "One thing that we can remember for sure, is you're our resident ninja, and nothing can change that." Tony smiled gently at her.

Ziva let out a short chuckle as she pulled away from the hug slightly and wiped her eyes. She looked up and smiled at Tony. "Thank you for being there for me. You've been such a good person to me."

Tony looked down at Ziva and smiled gently. "I've got an idea. How about us going to the beach house? You know, just to chill and enjoy the fresh salty air out on the beach. I figured that since the weather's nice and warming up some, now would be the perfect chance for us to go." Tony shrugged his shoulders slightly and tilted his head to her. "Just go for the weekend. Forget about work for a couple of days."

Ziva nodded to Tony and smiled at him. "That sounds wonderful. I could do some laps in the pool. A little walk out on the beach, a little hot tub time. Just the two of us together." She leaned toward Tony and gave him a soft kiss before she got up and looked out the window at the occasional clouds floating through the sky.

"That's right. And if they're running that light house, we get to see the light sweeping out over the ocean as well." Tony got up and walked beside Ziva and hugged her at his side.

~~Beach House~~

That evening, Tony and Ziva walked down the beach, holding each other hands, breathing in the salt air. As the ocean waves lapped at their feet, they took turns kicking the water at each other, making each other laugh. As the sun rode lower in the sky, the light house in the distance started sweeping its light beam out over the ocean. As Ziva looked out over the ocean, she felt like this was the perfect location to be, and started to feel the stress of the past draining away, as if the ocean was washing it all away. She looked over at Tony, smiling. How he knew that this was just what I needed, I have no idea, she thought to herself as she walked alongside Tony. "This is just what I needed. A getaway from everything," she whispered to Tony as she held onto his arm.

Tony turned his head to Ziva and smiled to her. "Nothing better than clearing your head where nobody can find us for a while." He pulled Ziva in closer to his side. "Ade's away on a vacation cruise in Florida. She got lucky with a getaway special that the cruise line was having."

Ziva chuckled as they reached the pathway toward the lighthouse, lined with solar lights on either side. The occasional lamp here and there had turned on early, she noticed, while most of them remained off. "I'm starting to feel more at peace now, now that I know that my father would be at peace, knowing that I did my job."

Tony looked over at Ziva and looked thoughtfully in her eyes. "And your sister too, I think. They'd want to know that deep down, you mean well. That you make sure that no harm comes to our countries – the United States and Israel."

Ziva nodded. "Even though my father has had his shortcomings, you couldn't say that he didn't do his job. I've come to realize and understand that he tried his best with the decisions he's made while working for the Mossad, he was still trying to do his best."

"Even if he made enemies out of people he knew?" Tony asked. He held up a hand, stopping Ziva. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out this way. I meant -"

"I know what you mean." Ziva cut him off. "Yes, he was unpopular among some people. He had his own ideals, but in the end, he was trying to forge a peaceful alliance with Iran. Getting old in his time?" She shrugged her shoulders. "Perhaps. I wouldn't know his true motive, now."

"Maybe with this Orli woman as head of the Mossad, things will be better." Tony sounded hopeful as he replied to Ziva.

Ziva's eyebrows shot up and she shrugged. "We shall see. I still do not totally trust her. Yet. I have to learn to put that past behind me, my father's dead now."

Tony stepped up and turned to face Ziva, stopping her. "That's probably the best way to look at things. Be who you are. Do your job to the best of your ability. Nothing else matters."

Ziva looked up at Tony and smiled. "I'm starting to feel better now. But I'm not totally there yet." She sighed as she kneaded her hands, turning the ring over on her finger, making it do a full circle around her finger.

Tony looked at Ziva, and put a finger under her chin and lifted it up gently. "Hey. What's on your mind? You know I'm here for you."

"I don't want to lose you, Tony," Ziva whispered to him.

"Hey, no." Tony peered into Ziva's eyes, a concerned look on his face. He reached down and took her hands and felt them. His hands ran over her ring, and he looked down at the ring. "Hey, your ring, you're wearing it."

Ziva looked down at her ring and smiled gently. "Yeah. Finally had the chance to put it on. I wanted to protect it earlier."

Tony gently pulled Ziva into an embrace and looked into her face. "No matter what, you will never lose me. I knew what I signed up for when I made the decision to be your friend. More than friends, now. No matter what, we'll always be together."

Ziva encircled her arms around Tony's neck and hugged him, eyes closed, a tear leaking from her eye. After a few long moments, she whispered to Tony, "Thank you for being there for me, no matter what. I don't want to lose you."

Tony nodded slightly as he hugged Ziva back. He took his head off her shoulder just long enough for him to plant a kiss on her forehead. "Never happen. Here now, forever, and always with you."

As Ziva hugged Tony, she looked out over the ocean, and saw a streak in the sky as a shooting star arced through the sky just as the sun's last rays slid under the horizon. Off in the distance, she heard the joyful chirp of a bird. "Did you see that?" she breathed out to Tony.

Tony broke the embrace and looked in the direction that Ziva was looking and saw the now-fading trail of the shooting star. "I see it, now." He looked at Ziva and smiled.

Ziva looked back at Tony and smiled. "I feel like everything's back to normal, now." She held up a finger and said, "Not totally normal, but normal enough for me."

Tony chuckled. "That's the spirit. Welcome back, Ziva." He hugged her in a tight embrace.

A/N: This AU was after the episode, Revenge. More to come soon. Thank you for the reviews, tweets, messages, and kudos.