Thank you for the support! Currently trying to edit future chapters into something worth reading - it's proving tricky to say the least!

4.

She can feel the panic rising up inside her, making her chest tight and her body feel weak. She knows that noise. She knows everything else that comes with it. Punishment and pain and games that can't be won. She tries to take a deep breath but her lungs won't let her. She reaches blindly for Caleb, grateful that he remembers their routine and guides her hand to his chest. She keeps her palm flat against him, feeling each of his breaths and trying to match her own to his. The sound of her own heartbeat gradually dissipates enough to be able to hear him softly counting her through the breaths. His hand is still on top of hers, holding her to him, and she becomes aware that his thumb is gently stroking the back of her hand. She stays like that even when her breathing has returned to normal, needing the contact.

"I'm sorry," she says. She barely made a sound but she knows Caleb will have heard her.

"That's not something you ever need to apologise for."

She looks at him for the first time since her panic attack. Even through waterlogged eyes, she can see the sincerity on his face.

"Han…" he says, tentatively. "Can I ask?"

She removes her hand from beneath his and wipes at her eyes. She doesn't think she's up to explaining everything, partly in case vocalising it triggers another attack and partly because she doesn't know how she'll cope if Caleb's as freaked out as she is. "The alarm," she manages, "it means we've got to do as we're told."

He holds her gaze and she can tell from his quirked eyebrow that he has questions, but instead he just nods. His eyes flicker to their untouched starters. "So we..?"

"Guess so."

"We keep checking in with each other for any signs we feel unwell, okay?"

Her stomach may be empty but it doesn't prevent nausea from swirling around her insides. "Okay."

"Please enjoy your meal."

A wave of hopeless hits her and she stabs a fork into the food. They make it through the starters unscathed and it comes as no great surprise when the main course is lowered down to them. They tackle it the same, bite by bite, interrogating each other for side effects, trying to swallow the fear down with the food. By the time dessert comes, it's hard to tell whether they feel sick from any poison or from the mass of food on an empty stomach.

"And now? How you feeling now?"

"Fine. You?"

"Not poisoned," she says. Saying she's fine would be a stretch too far.

Their legs bump under table. It may have been an accident but every contact with him makes her feel that little bit safer. She's sure Caleb's wondering why they're being fed so well if they weren't going to be poisoned but she hopes he doesn't ask. She doesn't want to have to point out that A isn't going to kill them when she can mess with them instead.

"Groom, please stand for your speech."

After a short pause, Caleb stands. He runs a hand over his head. His lips are slightly parted and she can see he's nervous.

"Uh, so I never imagined our wedding day would go like this."

Her heart jumps. "You've imagined our wedding day?"

"Yeah, I think I started that time you referred to me as a barnacle."

She smiles despite it all.

"No, it was when you let me into your life and made me realise there are good people out there after all. You taught me how to trust again and learn that I didn't have to do it all on my own. You make me laugh like no-one else. You're the bravest person I know. Not to mention the hottest. You changed my life for the better, Hanna." He gives her that look where it feels like he's staring straight into her soul. "I know things went wrong between us and- and we have a lot to work though, but I honestly believe that we can. It may not be a real wedding, in here like this-" he shoots a disgusted look at the nearest camera, "but this speech… this is real."

She stays silent at first, just looking up at him, drinking him in. Tears prickle that back of her eyes. It's impossible to know how to feel, she's yearned to hear him say these things for so long and yet she can't be happy because of where they are.

She stands up and takes his hand again. She can't seem to stop touching him.

"Is it time for my speech now?"

He raises an eyebrow. "I think traditionally it's just the groom."

"And how many weddings have you been to exactly?"

"Well did you want to make a speech?"

"Actually, yes."

"I'm listening."

She looks down at their clasped hands, checking he's really there. "I just wanted to say that letting you into my life was the best thing that I ever did. So thank you for making me believe in myself and for sticking by me when my life got crazy… really crazy! You're the best person I know. And if I have to have a fake wedding with anyone, I'm glad it is with you."

Perhaps it's a reward for actual giving speeches but the door lock clicks open. They follow the corridor back to their room as instructed and the door locks behind them. Across the bed are scattered rose petals.

Her hand finally slides from Caleb's as she rushes to brush them off from the duvet.

"We got the honeymoon suite, huh?" he says from behind her.

"That's not what I would call it."

He helps her clear the remainder of the petals. "It's just messing with us. It's going to be okay."

"Your first night as a married couple. Make it a special one."

He frowns. "You think it means..?"

"Great, this A's a pervert as well." She sinks onto the edge of the mattress. The structure of the dress digs into her ribs. "Why is there no such thing as a comfortable wedding dress?"

"You'll have to design one."

"And let A dress me up in that one too? No thanks."

He rummages through their wardrobe. She can't find the energy to stand up again and see what he's looking for but it soon becomes apparent when he turns back, garments in hand.

He passes one to her. "No pyjamas," he says, "convenient for A - but this'll do. You can't stay in that all night."

She unfolds the garment he gave her and sees an oversized men's t-shirt. "All night?"

"Yeah. We should get some sleep." He undoes his tie. "Are you tired?"

Her eyelids are heavy with exhaustion. "I can't sleep!"

"Try. Come on, stand up," He comes nearer. His shirt's half open. "You need help getting out of that?"

She gives a sarcastic smile. "I thought you'd never ask."

"Do you want help or not?"

With a roll of her eyes she stands with her back to him and waits patiently as he loosens the ties. She pulls the top over her head and lets the dress crumple to the floor. She steps out of it and leaves it in a heap. Caleb's the other side of the bed in a pair of joggers, his suit having met a similar fate.

"You alright with sharing?" he asks.

"Yes," she says quickly. "I need you here with me."

They slide under the duvet, both on their backs with as big a gap between them as they can comfortably manage.

"This isn't how you should be spending your wedding night."

Hanna scrunches her eyes shut wishing that will make it all go away. She feels the mattress dip as Caleb shuffles uncomfortably.

"This isn't how you should be spending your wedding night."

"Hanna?" It's a whisper. "Are you okay?"

"No," she says. She opens her eyes. Caleb's on his side, propped up by his elbow, looking at her. "It's going to make us do something."

"And what if we don't? That alarm again?"

"Maybe. And much worse."

She watches him as he digests it, the frown line between his brows, the worried bottom lip. If it was anything else concerning him, she'd pull him to her to make it better.

"Shall I kiss you?" he eventually says.

It could solve everything. "Okay."

His lips touch hers and he kisses her so sweetly and gently that she immediately feels tears springing to her eyes. She returns the kiss, pressing up into him and for a split second it's feels like all the fragmented parts of her are being glued back together. But then she remembers where they are and why he's kissing her, and her heart breaks all over again.

He must know, for he opens his eyes straight away, and reaches to brush the stray tear from her cheek.

"Don't cry, babe," he says softly.

That only sends another wave of tears to her eyes. "I can't help it. I- I wish this was real."

"It is real. This is real." He brushes her lips with his. "Just because it's trying to control us right now, it doesn't mean it's not what I'd want."

"Like this?"

"No, of course not," he says, "but it doesn't change the way I feel about you." He reaches down to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "I love you, Hanna."

She doesn't know why it makes her chest hurt so much. "I love you too," she says. Her fingers trace his jaw line and then move to gently stroke the bruised skin on his cheek bone. Her hand meets his hairline and tangles in his locks, pulling him down on top of her so that she can kiss him again.

Her eyes shut this time and she tries to shut out everything except Caleb's lips moving against hers. It feels new but, at the same time, like they've never been apart. She feels every memory, good and bad, in his touch. But she freezes as the TV pings into action, and he does the same.

"Time to take the next step on your wedding night."

Her eyes don't leave Caleb's as she shakes her head. "I don't want to."

"It's okay-"

"I don't want our first time, second first time, to be like this."

"I know!" He rolls off her but stays by her side. "Hanna, I'm not going to have sex with you when you don't want it."

"But A-"

"It's not A. And I don't care. It's just a stupid voice. It can't make us do anything we don't want to."

"It can punish us."

"So what? We've already got the scars to prove we can handle whatever it throws at us."

He pulls her into a hug. She feels safer with his arms around her, she always has, but it doesn't stop her whispering into his shoulder. "There's worse stuff than a few burns."

In the dollhouse, the psychological torture had been worse than any physical punishment could have been. Pitting the friends against each other. Making them chose between each other. That was what A got off on. And that's why nothing so far has made any sense, putting her and Caleb together was a good thing. She frowns as she tries to make sense of the thoughts crashing together in her brain. It's never been about her and Caleb, she realises, it's about dividing another wedge between her and her friends. Or more specifically her and Spencer.

This A wants proof of her and Caleb's infidelity. It wants them as intimate as possible, to show Spencer the evidence. She gasps.

"What is it?" Caleb asks.

There's enough to incriminate them and break Spencer's heart already. But if they can't prevent Spencer seeing them together, they can rig it to show her they're in trouble. She scans the room, checking she knows the locations of the cameras.

"Get back on top of me," Hanna says.

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Yeah, of course-"

"Then just do it."

He looks at her with incredulity but does as she asked. She wraps her arms around him, pulling him into a kiss. Then, hoping it looks natural, runs her hands down his sides, gradually inching the duvet lower and lower as she does so. He shivers from his exposed skin. He breaks the kiss, his eyes flickering open in curiosity. She doesn't dare risk anything other than a pointed glance over his shoulder at a camera, then back at him. She's not sure if he's understood but as she continues to push the duvet, he presses his lips against the soft skin on her neck in acceptance. She remains focused. She's seen the damage to his back and wants to ensure the camera sees it all too.

Once she's confident the camera will have got a good view of Caleb's back, she flips them over so she's straddling his hips and the bruising across his face and stomach is on display. She looks at him, lips parted and hair mussed just like she remembers it being if they were doing this for real, but she can see from his eyes that he's still figuring out exactly what she's up to. She knows her plan stands more chance of working, the more footage there is showing their injuries. Her own are mainly hidden beneath the t shirt, across her arms, shoulders, chest and back. With a deep breath, she takes the hem of the top and pulls it over her head. She hears a strangled sounding moan from Caleb. Her cheeks heat up and she avoids his eyes even though he's seen it all before. She sweeps her hair over one shoulder and lowers herself on top of him.

When she can't think of any other wounds on either of them that she can reveal, she reaches for the duvet and rolls to the side of Caleb, immediately more comfortable once she's covered. He drops a light kiss on the top of her head and then grabs the duvet himself, pulling it over their heads for more privacy.

She feels his breath on her face as he moves closer.

"That was a show for the cameras, right?" he murmurs in her ear.

"I think A wants evidence of us together," she says, enunciating as clear as she can so he can hear her despite her volume being barely audible. "I think it's going to send pictures of us to Spencer so she thinks we've ran off together. I was trying to show her what A's done to us."

"That's clever."

"You think it'll work?"

There's a pause. "Yeah, she'll figure it out."

She tries her best to ignore the fact he sounds more hopeful than confident.

"Sorry for the eyeful," she says.

He huffs in amusement. "That's really… not a problem."