Chapter 6

Aleksander glanced at the clock. It was a good hour after he was supposed to awake Alina for his turn for sleep, but seeing her sleeping so peacefully, comfortably in his arms, he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

The night before, she had softly reprimanded him for letting her sleep so long when he needed rest too, but she had stopped quickly when she saw his reaction. He hated to be chastised for caring for others. It reminded him of when Baghra had punished him as a child for caring too much about Grisha. He couldn't help but care for Grisha, even if their lives seemed temporary. And there was absolutely nothing that could convince him not to prioritize Alina over himself. She was needed. He was needed only to support her.

He could give her a bit more sleep. Maybe he could fall asleep on his own tonight and be alright. He had been doing so well since Alina had been helping him. If he could just hold onto that feeling of being enveloped in her warmth, maybe he could safely doze off. He was getting drowsy already. He focused his thoughts on their pleasure earlier in the night, the taste of her, the way her hips moved when he found just the right spot. If the happy thoughts could get him a peaceful sleep for even an hour, that was an hour more sleep that she could have.

He dreamed of taking Alina horseback riding again to their spot. It was quiet without all the interruptions of the Little Palace. She rode with him so he could feel her in his arms, smell the sweetness of her skin. Once they arrived, he dismounted and held up his hand to help her down. They could sit and talk and share dreams for the future. At their spot, it seemed like happy endings weren't too rare to hope for outloud.

But then something changed. Shadows sliced through the air, formed a curtain, a wall. The Fold. It didn't belong here. How was it so close? He quickly stepped in front of Alina to protect her as he stared at the darkness that had haunted him since its creation.

Something was coming out. To his horror, he realized it was Zlatan and he had brought his army. How had they crossed the Fold? It didn't make sense, but there was no time to think on the how because Aleksander knew the why. Zlatan was there for Alina.

He raised his arms to make the blade for the Cut, but, no. No! He jerked and struggled. Someone had his wrist. How had they gotten to him so quickly? Not his wrists, not his wrists! He kicked and even tried to bite, but try as he may to turn to get to the man holding him, he could not even see him. Not the wrists. Anything but the wrists. He could not stand any pressure on his wrists. It was his worst nightmares come to life. The man had the other wrist now as Zlatan approached.

"Alina, run!" he cried. "Don't worry about me. Just go!"

"Aleksander!" she screamed back as the army moved towards her.

His other wrist was wrenched painfully behind his back. The bar put between them was the perfect length to stop him from being able to touch his hands. He used every ounce of his strength and adrenaline to try to break the bar, but they were smart enough to switch to steel now. It would not budge. Maybe if he could dislocate his shoulder ...

"Aleksander!" Her cry broke through all thoughts. All that mattered was saving her, somehow. He would die if he could just get his hands free from their bonds for just a moment to protect her.

Zlatan was approaching.

"No!" he screamed, struggling against the cuffs around his wrists more and more. "Alina, it has to be you. You have the strength. Find it in you. Cut him down! We cannot let him take you!"

Zlatan swung his sword, and her head rolled to the ground. Aleksander screamed and screamed, the wail of someone so devastated by loss that there was no will to contain himself. Shadows erupted from him in every direction; he didn't even know how with his hands bound, but he did not care if they consumed the whole world. Nothing mattered without Alina.

And then there was her light breaking through it all.

He blinked and he was no longer outdoors. Bed posts were in his view within Alina's blinding light. He blinked again. His shadows swirled outside the ball of light, but they bounced off every time they came near her dome.

He gasped for air, but his throat was closed off. No air would come. He glanced frantically inside the light and found Alina, her head still connected to her body, hovering over him with worry.

"Aleksander?" she asked. "Are you back with me? Please stop the shadows. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold them off."

He tried to move his arms to command the shadows to stop, but he found his wrists still paralyzed, frozen by some imaginary bar. He tried again for breath to focus on finding the strength to free him, but again no air would come. He gasped and choked and his whole body began shaking. She was alive. That was all that mattered. He could take the pain of paralyzed wrists, survive without oxygen, as long as she was alright.

"You're hyperventilating," she whispered. "Try to match my breath. Don't go faster than me. Deeply in … and out …"

Was he? He felt as if his lungs weren't working at all, but as he listened carefully, he could hear what she was saying. He was breathing so fast that his lungs weren't functioning, but it was all from the sheer panic going through him. He needed to calm down to get the shadows under control, to regain use of his arms, but he was struggling to get the image of her head falling off her shoulders out of his mind.

"No, no, no," she stopped him. "Focus on me. Only on me. Feel my light? Feel it in your skin? I'm here. Now breathe with me."

His body didn't want to give him control of breathing yet, but he tried to just focus on her warmth and her face and her concern, and somehow, after some time, his breathing slowed down to match hers. It was finally enough for him to move his arms and banish the shadows.

She sighed with relief.

Tears of shame flooded his eyes. He was humiliated she had seen him like this, and furious with himself he had let his shadows get so close to her. She would hate him after seeing his pathetic weakness now that she knew his shadows went through and through to his core.

"We're okay now. We're okay," she whispered in his ear, and to his surprise, she cuddled into his chest.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. Words were not enough, but he needed to say them.

"It's okay. I'm here," she said before directing the light towards him to banish away the last chills of the nightmare.