Chapter 7

Aleksander didn't know how long he held Alina in his arms while focused only on her breathing. Every time he thought of saying something to explain why the nightmares had nearly caused the shadows to overtake them both, he was so flooded with shame that he nearly lost control again. With regret, he was going to have to tell her that she was going to have to start sleeping in the Vezda suite again. Being around his nightmares was just too dangerous for her, but he found he couldn't bear the thought of losing her to the lonely nights. He couldn't bring himself to say it. He tried to think of the future, of how they would someday bring safety to all Grisha, but there seemed to be so many obstacles in the way. Every time he thought of how to deal with Zlatan, the nightmare threatened to resurface. It was best to stay in the now, to focus on nothing but her breathing, on their simply being. And that made it better. She made it better.

Eventually, he tired of fighting off his thoughts. "Let's have breakfast with the other Grisha," he suggested. It would feel good to see the others intimidated by him after letting Alina see how weak he really was inside.

"That sounds good," she agreed. She was worried about him; he could feel it, but she seemed willing not to push and to let him have what he needed to feel better for now.

Taking a deep breath to hopefully clear off the remaining shivers of the night, he stood to dress. The kefta was his mask, his shield. It made him look strong. He turned and saw Alina dressing in her black and gold, not the formal one of the demonstration, a soft velvet one. She looked breathtaking in it. Even after seeing his vulnerabilities, she was still choosing to align herself with him. The blue ones were in the back of the closet now, and he would be happy to never see them again.

"Shall we?" he asked, offering her his arm.

"We shall," she smiled at him, that smile that could somehow bring joy back to his chest.

"If you would prefer to sit with Nadia, I would understand," he whispered softly.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I'd very much prefer to stay by your side." And, with that, he knew she wasn't abandoning him. Maybe she should. There would always be darkness and pain in him, but she wasn't going to, and he couldn't be more relieved.

"Why don't we ask Nadia to join us? Nadia, you, me, Ivan, and Fedyor." That would certainly cause a stir, but Nadia had lost Marie, her best friend, whether she quite realized the how or not, and Aleksander found he did truly care if the girl was suffering from that loss. There was nothing worse than the pain of grief accompanied by abject loneliness. If Ivan joined him, that would let Alina and Nadia feel more free to talk. Ivan could fill him with some details of something in the war that needed to be solved. It would feel good to feel in control again. Of course, he would not separate Ivan and Fedyor for breakfast. There was something about the lighthearted way Fedyor got his stoic Ivan to smile that gave Aleksander hope that old hearts could still be touched.

Every voice immediately cut off the moment he strode into the dining hall. People had been mingling around talking, waiting for the food to arrive, but now all eyes were on them. Deep down, he had to admit that he enjoyed that power over them. He took Alina's hand and led her to the special chair he so rarely ever used. She would need a matching one, he decided, but for now, he seated her to his left. He flicked his fingers up towards his palm to gesture for Ivan to come to his side. His heartrender's response was instantaneous, and that sense of control returned to him. Aleksander gestured with his chin towards Fedyor to indicate he should come as well. The smile on Ivan's face was subtle, just the twitch up of his lips, but it was enough to make Aleksander glad he had made that decision. He had the power to give happiness to his Grisha. "Nadia," he called. "Please join us."

"Me?" Nadia asked in shock, and the room exploded with whispers.

He stopped them all with his hand. Oh, yes, he did love that power. "Come," he commanded her, then turned his attention to Ivan. He was confident enough that Alina could get Nadia settled.

As he had hoped, Ivan was able to keep his mind occupied with updates of things that, in the end, probably didn't matter, but it was enough to keep him distracted from thoughts of the night. Giving commands, even over mundane things, let him feel himself again. He was an ancient, and the most powerful creature in any room. He would do well to remember that just because he had allowed his wrists to be bound once, did not leave him that helpless fool. He would not repeat the same mistakes again. That meant making locating the Stag priority number one.

"Updates from the hunting party?"

"Not yet, sir. I'd expect another couple of days before we hear from them. The snow does move further South this time of year, which will likely slow their movement."

He was about to say something else when Zoya walked into the dining hall. She made straight for him, but Aleksander gave the slightest shake of his head to discourage her. She was a good soldier, and he had permitted her back in the Little Palace for her skills, but he would not have her upsetting Alina. Her face showed her frustration, and for some reason, that amused him. He nodded his head towards Ivan for her to report to, and then turned his attention to Alina and Nadia.

"Nadia, I never got the chance to thank you for making Alina feel so welcome here. I know what it's like to feel like an outsider. It means a great deal to me that you would offer her friendship." He would be sure to keep her assigned to the Little Palace or in Alina's guard as the squaller reached the end of her training.

Ivan leaned over and whispered in his ear. "Zoya found someone trying to sneak into the Little Palace."

"Someone picked the wrong day to irritate me." He would never hurt someone who didn't deserve it. He tried to spare people when he could, but there was no chance someone was accidentally breaking into the Little Palace. When consequences were due, he did rather enjoy the way using his power made him feel. There was nothing like holding a man's life in the subtlest movement of his fingers to banish the haunted memories of being helpless.

"I'm sorry, my dear, something has come up that requires my personal attention. Please, enjoy your breakfast with Nadia." Well aware all eyes were on them, he gently kissed her. Let them see her marked as his.

He stood and motioned for Ivan to accompany him and Zoya. As he past Fedyor's chair, he leaned in and whispered, "Stay right with Alina today. Have Inessa assist you. Do not let her go out on the grounds. There may be a second attempt. Do not leave her alone for anything. I am trusting you with her life."

"I would die for her, sir," Fedyor said without hesitation. "She will not be harmed on my watch."

"As would we all." He wasn't sure Fedyor heard his response, but he would give everything to keep her alive and safe.