Katsuki Bakugou

Inhaling deeply, Bakugou breathed a fresh breath into his stagnant sangfroid as he simply allowed Todoroki to unleash the emotions he'd bottled up. "I don't owe you shit, Shitty Hair. But, oi. Icyhot, go ahead and hit me as much as you want." Another manic flurry of punches and feeble kicks savaged his body, but Bakugou only saw a screaming, thrashing child in his arms. "Get it out… Yer only human. You don't gotta be a punching bag to life forever. Tch…" He bit his lip at the next cohesive sentence to spill out of Todoroki's mouth.

"I hate you," Todoroki sobbed, yet all Bakugou could imagine was Todoroki sobbing as a child rather than his current self. "I-I hate you so fucking much…" His voice was vibrant with visceral, vehement scorn. "Please… I want to fucking die. It's killing me. It hurts too much just to breathe. I-I can't… Kirishima, why…would you do this to me?" As his scalding fury fizzled out into sorrow, Bakugou pinned him down.

A dagger of guilt rent Bakugou's writhing heart while his skull was surrounded and drowned by the torpefying cadence of the rain. He'd never witnessed Todoroki in such a pregnable state, and he'd never seen Todoroki explode with such vicious, baleful feelings before. Bakugou had always reminded Todoroki that it was okay to let his feelings out, and that he didn't have to suppress every negative or unfavorable feeling, but even so, Todoroki nonchalantly insisted that he was all right and fully aware that he could do so whenever he felt the need to.

Is this similar to what he was going through then? Bakugou cogitated while Kirishima elucidated that Todoroki was a good friend that he did not want to lose. When he told me…that he did something that pissed Endeavor off to hell and back. I think I asked him if his emotions had ever broken him. Did he answer that? I don't remember. But I'm pretty sure he said that Endeavor found out about something he was never supposed to know.

Once Kirishima had finished speaking, Todoroki replied, "But I… Forget it. I just…" As though his undying inferno of a voice had been a blade of ice, it began to crack and splinter. "I'm sorry I dragged you both into this… I'm sorry I wasted your time. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry I'm fucking alive…"

"Bakubro, it's not your fault… No one would've known that this—"

"I TOLD THEM TO GO THERE! First Deku, then All Might, then that Icyhot bastard, and now my fucking parents! I hurt them all. Dammit. Dammit! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! I don't… I—"

"Hey, hey… Try to calm down, okay? I'm here. Don't be embarrassed to lean on me."

"Tch… I'm so fucking sorry you had to listen to all my shit, Kirishima."

"Dude, you don't need to apologize for that. I mean, you got every right to want to vent how you feel after what happened. Happy to be the person you picked to confide in. O-Oh, hey? Something wrong?"

Bakugou was unable to seal his tears away, so he hung his head low and dug his nails into his palms. "Nothing…"

"It's still manly to admit how you're really doing, even if you're not okay, y'know."

"There's someone I hate for what he fucking did to me."

But…look at what I've done to him.

Bakugou laid his calloused hands upon Todoroki's icy, rain-kissed cheeks. "Oi. Does it look like we asked for an apology?" With his tender touch, he swept his thumbs across Todoroki's cheeks, but as they met the peaks of their crescent arcs, Bakugou felt a certain warmth cascading through the raindrops.

I knew he was hiding some complex secret from me, but I never would've thought that, above all else, he was looking for an escape from life. He's always so damn calm, so to see him break like this? And over trying to kill himself? Fuck…

"You don't have to apologize for anything," Kirishima reassured Todoroki with soft, slow words while crouching down and nodding his inky head through the midnight downpour. "I'm happy I got dragged into this. I'm happy you're alive, Todoroki. Knowing you're here with us and our class makes me happy." His figure quaked in the rain as talons of wind gripped the three atop the bridge.

Todoroki's silence was asphyxiating. Like a silent, lachrymal invective, the lack of words and the proliferation of a dolorous ambience mantled the air with leaden discomfiture. No one dared speak to splash the inviolate tramp of the tranquil rain with droplets of their own voices; some scenarios of awkward silence were best left at awkward silence rather than peppering in embers across a placid field of gasoline.

Bakugou wiped away the tears of the sky swimming down Todoroki's cheeks, and as he did so, he could feel the subtle sensation of Todoroki lifting his head ever so slightly. Although he could not see Todoroki's eyes, he could feel Todoroki's brumal, damaged gaze sieving his countenance.

I want to be alone with him, Bakugou realized as the silence continued to stir and perniciously sink its fangs into him. Pinning him down like this… The long pause of silence… His cold, lethal, lackadaisical stare… It's just like the night that started this relationship. He swiftly blinked in astonishment as Todoroki's chest twitched. I want to go back to those days with him. I'm pretty damn sure he was doing better then. I want him to feel better. I've always loved him, but after what happened, I know I got defensive and even more full of myself. I just wanted back at him. What kind of fucking child am I?

Finally, Bakugou's voice waltzed over the wind and permeated the rain. "Oi, Shitty Hair?" Glimpsing up at the trepidatious figure that he'd fallen for, Bakugou exhaled slowly. "I'll take things from here. Get some rest, 'kay?"

Kirishima dithered before murmuring, "But—"

Lifting Todoroki up from the frigid layer of water rippling across the bridge, Bakugou sat Todoroki upright. "Just trust me, dammit…" Bakugou rested his rain-wrinkled fingers on Todoroki's shoulders while Kirishima's figure hesitantly nodded. "Icyhot, look at me." With one hand still gripping Todoroki's shoulder, Bakugou elevated his opposite hand to lift Todoroki's sunken chin. "I'm not gonna let you do this to yourself. I know I was a piece of shit to you, but I didn't know… I should've known. I should've asked. I should've made sure. Tch. Hit me all you want. I fucking deserve it."

I'll have to thank Ei later, Bakugou thought to himself as Todoroki crumpled forwards into his chest and attempted to ameliorate his hyperventilation. Went from screaming and violently thrashing…to just giving up. I don't blame 'im. For such a cold person like him to fucking explode like that at all, though… Anger to sadness. I know the feeling. Anger to rage. Rage to sadness. Sadness to self-loathing. Self-loathing to hopelessness. Hopelessness to numbness. It fucking sucks.

He held his affectionate embrace around Todoroki while the latter gripped onto Bakugou's soaked clothing and simply gasped into his chest. He never shows his pain, but here he is. The sky is crying, and I'll bet that on the inside, so is he. Won't let himself show the real tears. The ground's drinking the tears, and so are my memories. Ugh. Katsuki, for fuck's sake, get him out of the rain. Get him away from the goddamn bridge! But I just wanna let him finally cry without disturbing him.

As though to surreptitiously transport Todoroki elsewhere, Bakugou slowly lifted Todoroki up from the seal of shadows breathing across the bridge. Each labored breath that stumbled through Todoroki's body rubbed against Bakugou's chest. Every tenuous breath lurching from Todoroki's throat and raining into the tenebrous wind felt like the tip of a needle scrawling over the surface of Bakugou's heart. The melodic dissonance of the hissing downpour and Todoroki's heartbeat was just another reminder of the rift in Bakugou's relationship with Todoroki; the endless tear in the previously pictorial seams had been one that Todoroki attempted to dive into.

While plodding through the adverse, morose elements to abscond from the truth that the rain could not wash from the bridge, Bakugou thought, Have I ever asked him how he's doing? He cautiously shifted Todoroki in his arms while Todoroki draped his head over Bakugou's shoulder and clung to his chest. He usually asks me, but I never thought to ask him. Tch. Maybe he'd have felt more trusting, and maybe he could've opened up and told me about what was going on. He always did look mildly uncomfortable when I'd take his wrists and pin him back. I thought I finally understood him, but turns out I never knew anything.

I felt like he was obviously the one that fucked up our relationship, but it was my fault. I fucked it up. Sometimes, he randomly calls me just to check in and ask how I'm doing. He always picks up when I call him. The one time he didn't…and I didn't even think to check on him. I was a mess at the time, but I'm going to hate myself for that forever. He probably felt like I didn't give a shit about him. I probably made his depression worse. He probably cut more because of me. I can't get the image of him crying while cutting out of my head. Goddammit…

Once Bakugou arrived at the dim, hazy glow of the dormitory, he nudged his way into the building and planted a kiss on Todoroki's wet cheek; Todoroki's gentle, shaky gasps had died down like flickering embers to ashes. What kind of boyfriend am I? After all the time I've spent with him, I never knew how much he was hurting where I couldn't see. How much pain he was covering up. How much pain went on beneath that. Tch. He licked his tingling, salty lips. He sure gave off the impression that he was doing well. That's what scares me the most…how well he can fake being okay while suicidal and self-destructive thoughts are going through his head.

Like nails drumming against a desk, the rain tapped against the dormitory while Bakugou stepped into the elevator. Leaning back against the railing affixed to the walls, he exhaled slowly and listened to Todoroki's neutral breaths through the whirring of the machinery. He tilted his head to scrutinize Todoroki's expression, but Todoroki's dim mien reflected only the droplets of water lingering on its lachrymose surface.

Finally, Bakugou whispered, "Oi." Todoroki was like a drenched doll lying in Bakugou's arms. "I'm taking you to my dorm with me. I don't want you to be alone right now, 'kay?" Ever impassive, the phlegmatic, human doll did not respond. "Shouto?"

The elevator chimed as it reached Bakugou's floor, but as he slipped into his dorm and pushed the door closed with his heel, Todoroki still had yet to offer anything more than his involuntary actions. Todoroki stared at nothing, yet that "nothing" almost seemed to be his everything without truly meaning anything.

Lowering Todoroki down to the floor, Bakugou steeled himself to force another trembling question from the tattered remnants of his thought process, but much to his astonishment, Todoroki coiled his arms around him once his feet were grounded on the floor. "Katsuki?" Frail and brittle like a fractured leaf in the fall, Todoroki's voice slithered up Bakugou's chest.

Bakugou reciprocated the soaked embrace. "Hm?"

"I love your hugs." There was an ephemeral pause of silence. "So, why…does it feel like this one is breaking me?"