Chapter Five

Steph POV:

Carlos and I were spending almost every evening together. Mostly in my apartment, watching movies, talking, laughing, and sometimes working on projects together. At least once a week we went out to dinner, dressed up, went dancing, and watched a Broadway musical. The best nights were when he stayed over and we fell asleep cuddling. We hadn't taken the next step yet.

He wasn't rushing me. Let me set the pace for our relationship. Today he was coming to see Dr. Olson with me. I met him outside of the office. Carlos smiled softly at me as I approached. He held his hand out to me and I took it, allowing him to pull me in for a sweet kiss.

"Ready?"

I let out a sigh and nodded. He kissed the back of my hand as we walked in. The secretary looked at us and paged Dr. Olson. I nearly rolled my eyes.

Dr. Olson opened the door, "Stephanie, how're you?" He smiled.

"Doc, is there really a right way to answer that question?" I asked with a smile. He chuckled letting us in. Carlos took the seat next to me on the couch.

"And you must be Carlos."

Carlos stood and shook hands with him, before settling back on the couch with me and taking my hand. Dr. Olson noted that as he sat across from us.

"So, tell me what's been going on." He said, crossing his legs

"Carlos and I are trying to start our relationship again. We're taking it slow, but I'm still having difficulties." I paused.

"With?"

"I know I love him, I know I want to be with him. I'm having problems going farther."

"Farther?" Dr. Olson asked.

"Having sex," I said bluntly, sliding him a look.

"Steph," Carlos said, squeezing my hand. "I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do. I can wait however long you need."

"Stephanie, there are other ways to be intimate." Dr. Olson said. I felt myself start to blush and he shook his head. "I don't mean oral sex. I mean touching, talking, spending time together."

"Oh," I said. Carlos chuckled.

"Carlos, let's talk about you a little bit." I'm pretty sure I saw Carlos gulp.

"When Stephanie started seeing me, she told me about your past and how your relationship ended. She's allowed me to share some of our past breakthroughs and setbacks. How much has she told you about the time after you left?"

"Not much, she worked for my company during that time, but I knew nothing past that."

He nodded. "Robert Brown recommended that Stephanie come see me. She was in a bad place, not eating, overworking herself, not sleeping, it even came to the point that she was hurting herself."

Carlos turned to look at me. "Babe?"

"I… I was having issues." I said softly. "I would beat the bag until my knuckles were bloody. I needed to feel something, I was numb."

"Steph, I'm sorry…."

"You don't have to apologize," I told him.

"But…"

"Stephanie has improved quite considerably since that time." Olson broke in. "But you can understand why she's been hesitant in engaging in a relationship with you."

Carlos squeezed my hand. "I'll do anything for her to love me again."

"That's the thing, I never stopped loving you," I told him.

Olson smiled. "Now that we've admitted that, and figured that out, let's tackle the intimacy issues."

"There are plenty of things that are intimate without having sex. Kissing, holding hands, and cuddling. I think your past relationship relied more on physical intimacy, Stephanie said that you didn't like to talk about your feelings, you conveyed how you felt through touches, or acts of love."

"Including buying me a Porsche for our anniversary," I muttered with a small smile.

"Well, I took you to dinner too." Carlos defended.

"Carlos, how does it make you feel when she doesn't want to take your gifts?" Olson asked him.

"Well…" He started. "I'm not a big talker, especially not about my feelings. Giving her gifts, things I think she'll enjoy, allow me to show her I love her. It hurts me when she won't let me give her things."

"Because that's how you display your love." Olson nodded.

I squeezed Carlos's hand. "I'm sorry."

"We could have avoided it if I had just told you," Carlos told me softly. I smiled softly at him.

"Have you talked about why you're hesitating to take your relationship farther?"

"I just…" I paused. "I don't know if I can trust him with my heart again. I have always been attracted to him. I fell in love with him slowly, when I was working as a bounty hunter. It was easier then. I was with another man, I could bury my feelings for him, hide behind another man. We've talked about that before. Just after he left me, I've finally got myself somewhere safe. I've recovered from my heartbreak. I'm scared of it happening again."

"You have to be able to trust again," Olson said. "It's not going to just happen. It's a slow process. Even though you have known each other for years, your trust was broken. Now he needs a steady foundation to start again."

I nodded and Carlos squeezed my hand. "I'm okay taking it slow and following her lead." He said.

"Stephanie, I think you have a man here that is willing to do whatever he can to get back in your good graces and be in a healthy relationship."

"I know, he's always been a good man even if he doesn't always see it."

"Carlos is there anything you want to talk about during the session?" Olson asked.

"Well, maybe becoming more emotionally available?"

"Do you feel like you aren't?"

"Yes, I do. When I get angry or frustrated I walk off and go work off my frustrations, I don't try and talk it out. Unless she's in danger I don't bring it up again. If something upsets me I go work it off in the gym. I never go to her when I have something going on."

"How about whenever you have these feelings you take some time to analyze them and then talk to her about them? If she makes you angry then take a few minutes to calm down, and then sit down and talk." He said. "You cannot let those feelings build up, can't let them build up until they're too much to handle."

Carlos nodded in agreement. I was happy Carlos had agreed to come with me. I think this would really help us progress. The fact that he was putting in the effort to try, made my heart sing.

XXXXXX

Carlos POV:

Steph and I sat on her couch, her body snuggled into mine. My face nuzzled into her neck. I gently kissed her neck, sucking on the skin softly, nipping. Steph sighed contently, pressing her body closer to mine.

I leaned up to capture her lips again. She moaned softly into the kiss, her hands roaming over my chest. She pulled back and smiled broadly at me. "What?" I asked, my fingers coming up to trace her hairline.

"I just realized how much I like necking with you on the couch."

"Well, it took you long enough. We've only been doing it for the past twenty-thirty minutes."

She smacked my arm. "I mean just sitting here, holding each other, kissing and touching, whispering sweet nothings."

"Mmm." I hummed, leaning in to kiss her again.

She smiled, running her fingers through my hair, scraping her nails across my scalp. I arched up into her touch with a purr. She grinned.

"Babe, can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?"

"How come every time I invite you over, you don't want to come over to my apartment?"

She paused, pulling back to look at me. "Carlos, do you remember what happened the last time we were in that apartment together?

I nodded. "I know, I should have thought about that before inviting you over. It must have a lot of bad memories for you."

"A lot of good ones too." She smiled softly. "Just the last time I was there, that was the end of our relationship, the worst day of my life. It took me years to bounce back from that."

Her hand found my cheek and she stroked it. "If I'm being honest I just stay clear of the whole street." She shrugged. "Avoid it at all cost, and hell my favorite pizza shop is down there."

I chuckled. "Babe."

"Just something I've done since you left." She smiled. "Besides, I can just order the pizza and they deliver."

I laughed and Steph smiled. When I settled down she leaned in and kissed me. "Whatever happens we can handle it," I told her, tangling my fingers in her hair, pulling her close.

"Whatever happens." She said softly.

Steph fell asleep against me, I pulled her into my arms and stood, carrying her to her bedroom. "Carlos?" She whispered softly, curling into my body as I tried to lay her in the bed.

"Yeah Babe?"

"Will you stay here with me tonight?"

"Are you sure Babe?"

"I'm sure. It's just sleeping." She said nuzzling into my neck. "You have clothes in my top drawer."

I tried not to smile about the fact that I still had my own drawer in her dresser. I tried to set her down on the bed, but she wrapped her arms tighter around me and made a pitiful noise.

"Steph, I've got to change, which means I have to put you in bed."

"But you're so warm." She purred. I chuckled and sat her down on the bed.

I walked over to the dresser and found some sweats and a t-shirt. "Carlos?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you not wear a shirt?" She asked, I turned back to look at her. She was smiling.

"Why?"

"Because I want to feel you." She said, "Touching helps intimacy."

"I think you just want to see me with my shirt off."

"I actually prefer you without your shirt on and sweaty from the gym, but I have to get up early in the morning to see that, so this is the next best thing. I get to cuddle up to you shirtless."

I chuckled and turned my back to her so I could slip on the sweats. I turned back to catch her licking her lips. I chuckled. I slipped into bed, wrapping my arms around her. She rested her head on my chest, and I kissed her temple.

"I love you, Babe."

"I love you too Carlos." She whispered softly, almost soft enough I couldn't hear it.