Chapter 4: Did you really exist at all?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of this, except the plot. The show and the characters belong to Jeremy Zag, Thomas Astruc and Nathanael Bronn.

"You're late Mr. Agreste."

Adrien winced as he heard the condescending tone of his science teacher. He couldn't say he didn't deserve it though. He was essentially late. His photoshoot had dragged on for an hour more than he had planned. "Sorry Ms. Mendeleiev, I had a photoshoot—"

"Which ended an hour ago."

Adrien bowed his head. "It actually went on for longer than intended. I'm sorry."

His teacher sighed. He knew the chances of him getting in trouble were less, since he had informed all his teachers about his schedule. And because his grades never suffered from it. God forbid if Adrien Agreste ever failed.

"Very well," she said, "but it had better not happen again, or it's straight to Mr. Damocles' office for you!"

Adrien smiled in relief. "Yes Ms. Mendeleiev."

His teacher turned to the board and began to ramble about the periodic table, until she noticed Adrien still smiling—grimacing—awkwardly near the door. She sent him an annoyed glance. "Well…Do you need a separate invitation to sit?"

He felt the heat creep up to his cheeks as he made a beeline towards his desk. He reckoned that if it was anyone other than Ms. Mendeleiev, the class would have erupted into bouts of laughter. But as it was, they didn't, because the woman was more intimidating than an akuma.

Nino turned to him as Ms. Mendeleiev faced the black board once more. "Yo, what took you so long? Bombarded by one of your many fangirls?"

Adrien rolled his eyes. "No. the photographer couldn't make up his mind. Made me do the same pose over and over again."

"Ouch." His friend muttered. "How you deal with such an annoyance, I will never know."

Honestly, Adrien didn't know how he dealt with it himself. But it was one of the only ways to please his father. Perfection. Not that his father ever showed he was proud of him. He doubted he could do anything to make Gabriel Agreste proud, but he didn't stop trying. He never stopped trying.

And trying included going to the most nerve-wracking photoshoots. He didn't hate them. In fact, he quite enjoyed modeling his father's merchandise. But the unrealistic expectations were what made it less enjoyable. Between modeling and all his other extra-curricular activities, he hardly ever got to spend time as a normal teenager.

He could feel the annoyance seep into his veins at the mere thought of his photographer insisting that he pose like he just saw his mama's spaghetti. How does one even pose like that?!

"Well," Nino said, "at least you're done for the day."

Adrien stared at him blankly.

Nino frowned. "So…you're not done for the day…?"

Adrien groaned and dropped his head on his desk as he remembered another photoshoot he had scheduled in the evening, just after fencing.

"Mr. Agreste!" Ms. Mendeleiev bellowed. "Is there a reason you're sleeping in my class?"

He snapped his head up so fast, it made him see two science teachers instead of one. The thought was almost enough to make him shiver. "No."

"Good."

"Come on, Adrien." Adrien's photographer—Vincent—said in the thick French accent of his. "Sway like the rose that found its lover! Give me the tenderness!"

Adrien barely refrained from rolling his eyes. A rose that found love?! He'd very much like to meet that rose. He gritted his teeth as he was forced into yet another ridiculous pose. This was one of the few situations where he wished he could get frustrated and snap like any other person would. But his father would have his head if he ruined the Agreste name.

But luck seemed to be playing on his side today. There was never a time he was happier when Hawkmoth attacked. For his phone buzzed in the tell-tale tone he had set especially for akuma attacks. He wondered just how desperate he really was to seek relief in said attack.

"Adrien," Vincent said, "Looking 'alarmed-but-relieved' isn't exactly the theme of this photoshoot."

"Sorry Vincent, but I…uh…I…need to go to the toilet. It'll be quick."

It was going to be far from quick, but pushing his luck was something he was used to doing during his time as Chat Noir.

Vincent was reluctant, but Adrien knew he knew he wouldn't cooperate if he was running on a bathroom emergency. "Fine, but please make it quick."

"Sure."

Adrien ran towards the park's public toilets and swiftly hid in one of the stalls.

Plagg flew out of his breast pocket. "Bummer. It was quite amusing to watch you 'sway like a rose'. I personally thought you resembled a dying fish."

Adrien rolled his eyes. "I'd like to see you put up with it."

"I would, but us Kwamis can't be filmed or captured. So you'd just look like a fool when you publish my photos, no matter how good I looked for the camera."

Adrien glared at him. "Whatever. Your entertainment will have to wait, there's an akuma on the loose. Claws out!"

He felt the familiar buzz of energy flood him as he transformed, and he ran off towards the attack.

Arriving at the scene, he saw Ladybug already fighting the akuma. The akuma who was blasting ice. Out of her hands. Adrien rolled his eyes. "What's the matter?" he shouted, catching the villain's attention. "Got akumatized because you didn't get to see the new Frozen movie?"

The akuma snarled and shot him. He ducked. "You ridiculous alley cat! I'll turn you into a beautiful ice-sculpture. Maybe you'll be less offending to look at."

She shot another blast of ice at him, and he raced towards Ladybug, spinning his baton to dodge the attacks. He landed next to his Lady, who was looking at the akuma, no doubt trying to find the akumatized object. "Wow," he said, "she's cold."

Ladybug rolled her eyes. "Enough with your puns. Do you see the object?"

"My puns are claw-some. But no, I don't know where the object is."

They flipped out of the way as the akuma attacked again. Adrien ran towards her back as she fired at Ladybug and slammed his baton on the back of her head. She snarled and aimed at him, but Ladybug wrapped her yo-yo around the villain's ankle and pulled. The akuma fell and a necklace tumbled out from the inside of her shirt. A necklace that was too purple compared to the blue of her skin and the white of her hair.

Adrien shared a look with Ladybug and looked down at her. A purple butterfly outlined her eyes. She looked up and sneered at the heroes. "Give me your miraculous!"

Adrien spun his baton to avoid her blasts of ice. He dodged and kicked her in the stomach, but she flipped out the way. Ladybug wrapped her yo-yo around the akuma's wrist and pulled, but the villain attacked her with her free hand, forcing her to release her yo-yo to defend herself.

"Lucky Charm!" Ladybug said. A spotted blowtorch fell into her hands. "What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Whenever you're ready Milady."

Adrien charged forward to distract the akuma while Ladybug tried to figure out her Lucky Charm.

He struck her with his baton and swept his foot under the back of her knees to try to bring her down. The akuma jumped up and kicked him with her heel. He steadied himself and tried to deliver another blow, but she eluded and shot ice at him.

He flipped and landed next to his Lady. "She's all over the place."

Ladybug looked at him for a fleeting moment before smirking. "All over the place you say? Tell me, what happens when you melt ice?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Um…it turns into water?" he said, unsure of where she was going with this.

She held her blowtorch up. "And what happens if you're all over the place when there's water on the floor."

Realization hit him and he matched her smirk. "At your call Milady."

"Hey you!" Ladybug yelled. "Tired already?"

She growled and shot an ice-crystal at them, but they dodged, the crystal embedding into the ground.

Adrien ran forward and whacked his baton into the akuma's chest. As he fought, he noticed Ladybug melting the bottom of the embedded ice-crystal, forming a puddle of water beneath it. He flipped a little closer to the puddle, the akuma following his lead.

He kicked out at her and stumbled back as she reached out to shoot him. He turned his head back to assess the distance between them and the water. Just a few more steps. The akuma lashed out at him and he ducked out of the way. She reached forward to attack him but stepped on the puddle of water and slipped. She yelled as she harshly landed on her back and clenched her fists in pain.

He used this opportunity to swiftly reach out and yank her necklace off. "Cataclysm!"

The necklace turned to rubble in his hand and a purple butterfly fluttered out. Ladybug was quick to catch it with her yo-yo, and soon a purified butterfly was flying out into the sky. "Miraculous Ladybug!"

All was restored back to its original state and a young girl with blonde hair replaced the akumatized villain.

"Pound it!" They said in their customary fist pump.

"Wow," said Adrien, "who would've thought that slipping on water would be Elsa's down-fall?"

A surge of pride filled him as Ladybug gave a soft laugh. "We've done way weirder things. I'll take her." she said, nodding at the girl who was still on the floor. "Bug out!" she wrapped her yo-yo around a chimney and soon she, and the girl, were out of his sight.

He turned around to head back to his photoshoot and winced as he realized he would have been missing for nearly thirty minutes. He reached the park, only to find that the photographing team had packed up and left. He shrugged. They were almost done anyway.

He hid behind a bush as his ring beeped a final time. The kwami landed on his open hands. "Ugh…that was exhausting. I can't move a muscle!"

Adrien smirked and took out a piece of camembert out of his pocket. "What about now?"

Plagg sat up immediately to devour his snack. But said snack lasted only two seconds before he swallowed it whole. "What about your photoshoot?"

Adrien shrugged. "I guess they left because of the attack."

"Are you sure? Maybe you should check, just to be safe."

"No. I don't see anyone from the team here. Besides, I think we should let them catch a break. It's been a long day."

Plagg narrowed his eyes. "I know that's more for your benefit than theirs, but whatever, we get to go home early."

Adrien grinned.

Plagg rolled his eyes. "Well get on with it." He said. "It's been thirteen seconds since I last saw my camembert."

Adrien knew something was wrong before he even stepped in. Natalie's tense shoulders as she opened the gate for him were enough of an indication.

What had he done this time?

He wracked his brain for anything he might've missed in today's schedule. He'd attended both his photoshoots, he'd done explicitly well at fencing today, and he'd aced the day's quiz—as always. He was at a loss.

His heart was pounding in his chest by the time he entered the house. And it certainly didn't help to see his father standing at the top of the staircase, with his ever-present stoic expression.

"Good evening Father." He greeted, his hands feeling clammy with sweat.

"Adrien." His father nodded. "Where were you today?"

He frowned. He was where he was needed, wasn't he? "Just school and photoshoots."

"Don't lie to me Adrien!" he winced as his father's voice echoed in the empty hallways. "Your photographer said you went missing in the middle of the photoshoot."

He paled. Of course. Just his luck. He couldn't really tell his father he was fighting off villains. And he couldn't give him the excuse he gave to Vincent. No one disappeared to the toilets for over twenty-five minutes, unless they were in danger. And he wasn't in danger; he was standing here. "I…"

"Well?"

"I was taking shelter. There was an akuma attack."

"Don't give me that nonsense Adrien. The attack was on the other side of the city. The Park was safe. I am sure of it."

He bowed his head. There wasn't anything he could say now. Nothing that would get him out of trouble. "I'm sorry Father."

Gabriel remained completely stoic. "Tell me where you were. And don't bother lying."

Adrien wracked his brain once more. He shouldn't be so bad at this! He lied everyday to protect his identity for God's sake! "I…I was…" with Ladybug. "With a friend."

There. That wasn't a lie.

But as he looked up at his father, he realized now that it was one of the worst things he could've said.

Gabriel's voice rose. "You were with a friend. When you were supposed to be working."

Adrien bit his lip. He was done for.

"I told you when I let you take up public schooling that it should never meddle with your priorities! Your friends are not more important than the company Adrien! I do not have time to spare for your measly entertainments!"

But that was it, wasn't it?

He never had time.

He had time to make business calls. He had time to create new designs. He had time to make sure Adrien followed his schedule.

But he never had time for him.

His eyes watered and he ducked his head to hide it.

"All you have done since you stepped out of this house was make friends with a bunch of commoners who have a bad influence on you!"

Was that right? Hadn't he followed his father's ridiculous schedules everyday to a tee? Hadn't he made sure to live up to the crazy expectations every day? Hadn't he made sure to finish everything before he called it a day? He'd only left this one time, because of an emergency. He clenched his fist and bit his lip to stop himself for saying as such.

"There are more important things than friends Adrien! You can't expect people to have your back. They'll all leave you one day!"

Like you did?

He shut his eyes and prayed for the tears to stop falling.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't remove you from that school!"

He snapped his head up at that. He didn't care if his father saw him crying. He needed to go to school. It was one of the only escapes he had from this house. From this prison. "But Father, you can't. I've done everything—"

"Have you?"

Words could not describe the hurt he felt at that moment. He'd done so much. And not a single ounce of appreciation. "It was only one time…"

"Who is to say it wouldn't happen again?"

He bowed his head once more. He wanted to scream. But he cleared his head. No way was he going to be home schooled again. He had to apologize. It was the quickest way to convince his father. Even if he hadn't done anything wrong. "I'm sorry. It was a mistake Father. It won't happen again. I promise you."

His father showed no evidence of what he was thinking. "Go to your room."

There he was. Being shunned out again. He desperately willed his tears to stop flowing as he dragged his heavy feet up the stairs to his room.

He slammed his door shut and threw his bag across the room in a fit or rage. Plagg flew out of his pocket, a rare expression of sympathy on his face. "Kid…don't listen to him. He doesn't know what happened. He's not going to pull you out of school."

Adrien ignored him and stared at the floor. His father used to be so much better. He used to have a home—instead of the prison he had now.

But that was before. Before his mother had left.

He looked at the picture frame on his bed-side table. His mother was beautiful, long blonde hair and a heart shaped face with gorgeous green eyes.

He missed her. He missed the warmth she radiated in her presence. She was just as beautiful—if not more—on the inside as she was on the outside. She was kind and considerate. She always helped. And always listened. She loved unconditionally and with everything she had.

But she left.

And he never knew why.

He wondered about it all the time. It plagued his dreams on sadder nights. He desperately wished he knew what tempted her to leave him—and his father. Maybe she left because she didn't care about him.

Did anyone care?

He took a deep breath to try and release some of the tightness in his chest. It didn't help. Tears were still pouring softly down his cheeks, and he still felt the urge to throw things around and scream at the sky.

Then again, he'd done nothing but disappoint people in his life. He disappointed his father by not living up to his expectations. He disappointed his mother enough to drive her away. And he disappointed his friends every day by not spending time with them.

Maybe he didn't deserve hugs and kisses. Maybe he didn't deserve parental love. Maybe he didn't deserve to be happy.

Maybe he didn't deserve to be cared for.

At least people cared about Chat Noir. Or maybe they only did because he kept the city safe.

If a better superhero came, he'd probably be thrown to the curb.

"Kid." Plagg's voice drifted into the jelly that was his brain. "You…You're hyperventilating. Calm down. Please."

He tried to control his breathing.

Looking out the window he saw a world that was less lonely, compared to the cold mansion he called a home. A world his mother had escaped off to.

"Get some air kid," Plagg said, "you'll feel better."

He doubted anything could make him feel better. But staying here was suffocating him. "Claws out." He whispered.

He thought patrolling would clear his head.

How wrong he was.

Jumping about rooftops, he could see the Parisians happy and carefree.

He could see them through their windows, chit-chatting at dinner tables and cuddling up for a movie night. He could see them out on the streets, holding hands and walking close by. Children running about with their parents behind them.

It should have put a smile on his face, it was his city after all. But all he felt now was sadness and envy.

Sadness because he was ripped away from it all without warning. Envy because they weren't. It seemed that everyone had a reason to be happy except him.

He tore his gaze away from the people because he was tearing up again. And he refused to cry anymore.

He stumbled forward and landed on a rooftop. It was a nice rooftop. With a lounge chair in the corner and a coffee table in the center. Fairy lights twinkled from above, seeming to mock him with their brightness.

He turned away and leaned on the railing, staring into nothing and wallowing in his self-pity.

"Chat Noir?"

He whipped around and saw his classmate's head peering out the trap door. "Marinette?"

It was then that he realized he'd landed on her balcony. He wanted to hit his head for not realizing sooner.

She hauled herself up and stood in front of him. "What are you doing here?"

He winced. His voice broke as he spoke. "Sorry Princess. I was just admiring your balcony. You've got a pretty view from up here."

He smiled at her, hoping she would buy it. But he knew she was too smart to fall for it.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly.

"Nothing. Why do you ask?"

"Why does it look like you were crying then?"

He froze. How did one get out of this?!

He shot her a sad smile. "Nothing to worry about. Sorry for intruding. I can leave if you'd like me to."

He turned to do just that, but she grabbed his tail. She smiled at him. "You can stay." She said. She came to stand beside him on the railing and looked out at the city.

He smiled softly. "Thank you, Marinette."

They stood in silence for a few minutes before she spoke again. "It's a beautiful night."

"Yeah." He said, but his voice sounded too bitter.

She turned toward him. "You can talk to me you know. I'll listen."

Listen. Maybe that's what he needed.

"Do you ever feel like you should just stop trying, because you'll never be good enough?"

She looked at him with wide eyes. He'd left her speechless. "What?" she breathed.

"Maybe I should just stop, no matter how hard I try, I'll never be loved or appreciated."

Her eyes hardened. "Chat, what's this about?"

He sighed. He couldn't give much away, but he had to give enough so he didn't sound like an idiot.

"I'm sorry. I should've explained. My…My father…he…I don't have a very good home life. I'm neglected most of the time, and I'm only allowed to be where I'm needed. I have all these rules I have to follow and there's no sense of freedom—except being Chat Noir."

Marinette looked like she was hanging on to every word. It made him feel a little better knowing someone was listening.

"And today…there was an akuma attack…and I couldn't be where I was needed, and my father wasn't happy. At all. He's never happy, no matter how hard I try."

Marinette placed a hand on his shoulder. "That's awful! You could've been in danger."

He nodded. "Yes. That's why it stung so much. He never asked if I was okay, just demanded to know where I was."

Marinette's eyes softened. "What about your mom?"

"She…She's not around anymore."

She breathed in sharply. "I'm so sorry."

The reminder of his mother caused his despair to grow immensely. He wanted to rip his hair out.

He laughed, but it was devoid of humor. "No one wants me around. No one cares!" He shouted. "If no one in the entire world cared about you, did you really exist at all?!"

Marinette moved to stand in front of him. "Don't say that! They are plenty of people who care about you."

He scoffed. "You're only saying that to make me feel better."

"No, I'm not!" she argued. "The whole of Paris cares about you! Think of where they'd be if it weren't for you!"

He blinked at her. "But they only do because I help them—"

"That's exactly why someone cares about you. Because you're important to them. And you make them happy. Why would anyone care about you if you only cause trouble in their lives?"

He remained silent.

"And I'm sure your father cares about you too. He wouldn't be placing so many rules if he didn't. He knows where you are always, that's precisely because he cares. Maybe it's not the best way of showing it, and maybe it restricts you, but he does care Chat."

He wanted to defend himself, he really did, but she had a point. Like always.

"And what about Ladybug? Did you forget about her? Do you really think she doesn't care about you?"

He looked down guiltily. How did he forget about his Lady? She cared about everyone. Some of his best moments were when he was with her. And he never felt like he wasn't needed around her. She'd told him herself that she needed him.

"And I care too."

That one shocked him.

"I wouldn't want anything to happen to you. I wouldn't want you to be so sad and gloomy. I care Chat."

He was still looking at her with wide eyes. "You…You do?"

She smiled genuinely. "Of course, I do. You wouldn't be standing here if I didn't. You're a really nice guy Chat. You're helpful and funny. Lots of people care about you. You're more than enough."

He smiled at her, and before he could stop himself, he wrapped his arms around her in a crushing hug. "Thank you, Marinette. You don't know how much that means to me."

She wrapped her arms around him. "It was the least I could do."

It was such a relief to have someone come out and tell him that he mattered. Having those words said to his face loosened the tightness in his chest by a lot. And it certainly helped that the words were coming from one of his best friends. Even if she didn't know it.

His heart burned with appreciation for her, and before he knew it, a low rumble was emitting itself out of his chest. He felt the heat creep up to his cheeks.

She pulled away before his blush had calmed down. "Did I hear you purr?"

He willed the heat in his cheeks to go away. "No. Of course—"

"Oh my God!" She cooed. "You purred! Oh! It was so cute."

He was sure his face now resembled a ripe tomato. He huffed indignantly. "I'm not cute. I'm a man. I'm angelic, handsome, angelically handsome—"

"You're more of a devil—"

"Smart, strong, paw-some, claw-tastic—"

"Arrogant, cocky, full of yourself—"

"It's called confident."

He grinned widely as she burst into laughter. He felt a thousand times better than he had back at the mansion. And he had her to thank for it.

He wrapped his arms around her once more. "Thank you." He whispered.

She smiled as she hugged him back. "Anytime. And Chat?"

"Hmm?"

"If you ever need to talk, or just want some company, I'm here."

"Thank you Marinette."

He pulled back and smiled at her. He frowned as he realized that the streets had cleared up, and the houses had turned their lights off.

"I best get going." He sighed. "It's getting late. Good night Princess." He took hold of her left hand and bought the back of it to his lips for a kiss.

She blushed and smiled at him. "Good night kitty."

He beamed at her and jumped off her balcony into the night. But he stopped two rooftops away and looked back. She was still there. And she was waving goodbye.

And as he waved back, he knew that he was going to be visiting her more often.

'If no one in the entire world cared about you, did you really exist at all?' is one of my favourite quotes from the first installment of The Infernal Devices trilogy; The Clockwork Angel. You should definitely read it if you're into young adult fantasy. I thought the quote fitted well for this situation.

Thanks for reading. Until next time!