Someone rang at the door. It made her jump, suddenly realizing her eyes had been shut and her mind had drifted away while drifting off to sleep. She secretly hoped to see her children behind the entrance door but it was only Andy, there again to check on her. She had to walk carefully but gladly she could walk a few steps a day now. When he took sight of her, she could see in his eyes that he knew how she felt and what exactly she had been thinking, that's how well he knew her. He gently laid his hand on her shoulder, showing his support while not touching her too much. He was afraid to hurt her but, also, he didn't know if he could be that friendly with her. His mind was still very confused concerning Sharon, though he knew it wasn't the right time to clear things out on that matter.
- Hey! How's the Captain today? considering the heaviness of the emotions hanging over her, he didn't want to be too personal.
- Hey! Doing alright, I guess. Any news from Jack? it was actually the only thing she wanted to know, she barely cared about her own health if it wasn't for her children's own good to be in a good shape and welcome them back properly.
- We have a lead actually!
- Oh my god! Where are they?
- A patrol car recognized Emily's bag on a bench in a park near Rotary Park. The officer confirmed it was hers thanks to the stickers you put inside with her name and address!
- Oh Andy! It's wonderful! Let me just sit down. She reached the couch with Andy's help. Where's that park? Have you guys sent a patrol to get them back to me yet?
- Sharon… Rotary Park is in Vegas…
- What?
- It's okay, don't worry! Provenza and Gabriel are on their way there… his heart ached for her, she thought they were on their way home already. Actually, we don't know where they are yet… but the very good news is that we have a lead. The police dogs are gonna help us out and I'm sure we're gonna find them in no time.
- Andy… I can't take it anymore. I need them, really.
Andy understood how difficult it was for her when her watery eyes looked directly into his. He knew she wouldn't show her pain that much if she hadn't reached her quota of things to take in. He found himself upset on her behalf, he was almost boiling from the inside. This was so unfair, she didn't deserve such thing. She had made him suffer and he was still bitter about it but never in the world he would wish such bad things to her, she was a too beautiful person for that.
Sharon didn't realize Andy had drifted off into his mind. She was just too overwhelmed by it all.
- Maybe you should leave…
There it was again, rejection. That was her way to cope with difficult events, isolation. He knew it wasn't the time to ask but he was saying the words without controlling them.
- Why do you keep rejecting me?
He heard himself say it as if it was an echo. As soon as it was out, he regretted it. It was wrong to do it to her at this precise moment when she had so much on her plate already.
She raised her head to meet his eyes. Deep inside, she knew this question would come up sooner or later, now the question was: was she ready to answer it? And him, ready to hear it?
- Andy… I…
- No, never mind, I'm sorry!... I don't know why I asked… It's not the time, sorry… You're right I should probably go now…
- It is not the time indeed but you have the right to ask. I know I should have told you and I should have done it a long time ago.
- I don't wanna put any more pressure on your shoulders… I do wanna hear your answer but only if you feel ready, I mean we can have this talk another time… he didn't wanna push her and felt almost embarrassed and way too selfish to actually claim for an answer in the middle of this chaos.
- Listen, I need to apologize to you because I know I hurt you a lot back then. It was wrong of me to disappear like that and give such little explanation for my behavior. You didn't deserve it and I'm really sorry for all the pain I caused you.
- Thank you, I appreciate it… but Sharon, what happened exactly? Did I do anything wrong?
- No, of course not!
- Then why did you leave when we were so happy together and so in love with each other?
- Andy… It's complicated.
- Please tell me…
- We… We had been together for about 2 years when we had this talk about our future. You know how catholic my family and I are… I was so.. in love with you that I wanted to be with you… forever. I wanted to marry you, to be your wife and make you happy, grow old with you. Over our talk, I was expecting that you'd feel the same about me…
- Sharon, I did feel the same about you, very much actually!
- But when we talked, you said that you didn't believe in marriage because of your parents having had a complicated married life, you grew up seeing a lot of fights between them and you told me how difficult it was for you to see marriage as something you'd do in the near future. I understood your reasons… but Andy… I was so upset because it felt like you would never envision that kind of future for us. I wanted you to be my husband and the father of my children… and I felt like you couldn't see that kind of future with me…
His eyes filled with tears suddenly realizing that a poor misunderstanding tear them apart. He wanted her forever and somehow, he expressed it the wrong way because she thought he didn't want to grow old with her when he wanted it more than anything in the world. It struck him how he still felt about her… he might even still want her forever… but now he was married to someone else and so was she.
- I don't know what to say… Sharon…
Tears were silently rolling down his cheeks because it felt like his world was turning upside down, now realizing how they both wanted each other and a simple talk took the love of his life away from him.
- Sharon… I wanted you just as much as you did, I wanted to grow old with you and have a family with you. You meant the world to me! I wanted to get married to you… I can't believe I told you this, I was scared I guess but I wanted you Sharon, with every fiber of my being…
He grabbed her hand and looked her straight in the eye. He wanted her to see his soul, to understand how he loved her deeply. He was so sorry and regretted his words bitterly. She dived into his eyes and it was all very clear to her. She had misunderstood him and all the horrible things that followed that talk were actually her fault because she misinterpreted him… She left without asking further questions and she destroyed their love…
- Oh my god… Andy… I'm sorry I should have asked you clearly… It's all my fault! she was now sobbing again and he didn't understand what she was getting at.
- No! Absolutely not! I didn't show you how much you meant to me and told you things you shouldn't have heard, I'm the one to blame! I feel so terrible!
- You don't understand… I spoilt everything…
- What do you mean?
- I actually led us to talk about this on purpose because I needed to know how you felt about our future.
- Of course… but…
- Wait, you don't know everything yet… she paused.
For the first time, she was now returning the hold in his hand, reaching for contact and reassurance. She was so scared of the reaction he would have to her last announcement.
- A few days before that talk, I found out… Andy, I was pregnant with your child…
His eyes opened wider, and his eyebrows rose, almost meeting his hairline in shock. He wasn't expecting this at all.
- You were pregnant…
He needed to repeat her words out loud to have the information reach his brain. He was puzzled.
- You were pregnant and you thought I didn't want you… I'm so sorry Sharon! I would have been so happy to hear that! I'm such an idiot!
- But Andy… I lost the baby… her eyes turning away. She couldn't face him and see how painful it would be to him. That feeling was only too familiar.
- What happened? He squeezed her hand in his.
- I was upset I just… she was sobbing, feeling overwhelmed by her own memories. I rambled out of your house feeling lost with no future with the love of my life but a baby on the way. I didn't know what I was doing… I was confused, I took the car and drove aimlessly, trying to process what had just happened. I was driving way too fast, thinking about our talk, hearing your words over and over again in my head. It was raining hard that day and I… Damn, I was so stupid… I lost control of the car because of the high speed. Before I knew it, I had crashed into a truck. I regained consciousness barely a few minutes after the accident but when I got out of the car, I realized I was bleeding. The truck driver called the paramedics, but the baby didn't make it to the hospital. It was too late Andy… I had lost our child. I was so mad at myself and I thought that I had just spoilt everything. It wasn't me, I don't act impulsively, the life of our baby should have come first. I shouldn't have been so irresponsible… I killed our child and I'll never forgive myself for this.
It felt like a punch in the stomach. Andy was taken aback and he felt his emotions mixing all together forming a deep overwhelming knot in his throat. He needed to get out of there, to cool off and cry it out, away from her, before it would consume him from the inside. She couldn't see any more of him crying like that. He stood up from the couch and barely muttered something about having to leave. He was reaching the doorknob, his eyes already full of water, when he heard her say:
- I'm sorry for not being good enough… I hope that you can forgive me someday.
He walked out; she was shattered, completely crushed with his reaction. It was even worse than she had anticipated. It deeply hurt her and reopened old wounds to say all this out loud. Exhausted, she drifted off to sleep, heartbroken.