- Ma'am?
She almost jumped when the lady finally opted for touching her arm to catch her attention. She had gone far into old memories, her nostalgia being so immense today. Such an old souvenir still titillated her and made her lips curve. How intense their relationship was! They were a perfect fit both mentally and physically. Now they would probably never see each other again… how could she ever envision a life with anyone else after everything that had happened between them over the years? She not only had that feeling of having found her one back then, but still came to the same conclusion 10 years after that. 22 years after having first laid eyes on him, she was still hooked up and just couldn't do anything about it. What was probably the most frustrating, was that they knew they were meant to be and yet, their lives always seemed to follow different paths. Was the universe trying to tell them to stop insisting? It was no good their trying, they still hadn't found a way back to each other. She should probably resign herself after all and fully accept her new life might never allow her to see him again.
- Yeah! Sorry, it just reminded me of something… You should definitely take this one! she smiled apologetically. Is there anything else I can help you with?
- No, thank you! Have a nice day! said the lady, looking at her sideways, not quite understanding the blank she just had.
She had to pull herself together before her superior could notice she was not feeling too well today. She had to keep this job and mostly not arouse people's curiosity.
7 pm. Her shift was finally over. On her drive back home, she stopped by the supermarket to get a few things for their dinner. It was stupid, she had just left the supermarket she worked in but she was just not with it at all. It hardly ever happened, but tonight she really struggled with seeming nice and cheerful. Her nostalgia was too intense today, she had been invaded by so many memories of their previous life that, on this particular day, it was difficult to be so far from everyone she loved. Even her walking would give her mood away.
The kids were already home when she got to the apartment. Ricky was, as always, locked in his room, doing God only knows what and Emily was on the couch, studying hard. As she got further into their home, she put her mask on, not willing to be a burden to her babies.
- Hey baby! How was the audition?
- Mum, you're home! It was awesome!
- Oh my god, Emily! I'm so happy for you, Sweetheart!
She rushed to the couch and wrapped her little girl in her arms. She was so proud of her baby who didn't seem so little anymore.
- Thank you, mum. I'm so glad! she was all smiles.
- Now, tell me everything about it, I wanna hear it all!
Despite her own feelings, Sharon was so enthusiastic when it came to her children's success. Her main goal was to help them make something out of their fake life and she couldn't be more relieved to at least be able to provide a fulfilling life for them.
- So, I was really nervous this morning. I really thought I'd have no energy and no dynamism. Somehow, when I hit the stage, it all came back to me! It was one of the best performances I ever did and I don't even understand how it's possible!
- See! I told you you'd be amazing!
- Yeah! And the best part is that the cast director really liked the emotion I put into my moves. He complimented me and really like my interpretation. He then asked me to be part of their online crew as well! That's so exciting!
Gosh, Sharon needed these moments to cheer up. Mother and daughter were now chatting loudly on the couch, smiling and giggling, beyond excited about the big news.
- Oh that sounds awesome! What is an online crew exactly?
- Well, he explained to me that the online crew basically sells the image of the Ballet Company. We shoot videos, sort of trailers and transmit our passion through the media so that the public is caught and willing to whether apply to be part of our crew or buy a ticket to come and see a performance.
- Oh my! Seems like a very important part of the Company!
- Absolutely, that's why I'm so thrilled! I met a bunch of the other dancers and one of them really told me how lucky I was for being casted for those two jobs. Apparently, It's quite rare to be casted for an online part so fast and impulsively.
- He must have really liked you then! Well, who wouldn't, right?
Drawn to the cheerful sounds that prevailed in the living room, Ricky showed up a few minutes later.
- There you are my little caveman! What have you been up to?
- Hey mom! What's up?
- We were gushing about Emily's big success today! Have you told your brother yet?
- Yeah… she snort laughed. He was happy while not really expressing it, you know how he is!
- My God, this teenager is into blasé mood these days!
- Nah, I was really happy for her… said Ricky trying his best cheerful tone. Anyways, what's for dinner?
Both girls burst out into laughter. That Ricky boy was hilarious with his constant effort to look like a cool teen, not showing too much enthusiasm for anything. The hardest he tried, the funniest he was to them. They knew how he truly was and eventually he'd come round to being his true self again.
- Right! I should start dinner! I'm quite hungry as well. I got us some chicken on my way back. How about some fried chicken with some veggies?
- Anything that I can eat in a short while, Ricky quickly answered.
- Right! I tend to forget how you, little monkeys, are tirelessly starving and impatient all the time!
The evening was nice, she enjoyed having dinner with her children, exchanging about the day. It always amazed her how they never mentioned their life in Los Angeles. It seemed like they didn't even remember it. Instead, they always shared stories from college or from the activities they enjoyed after school time. Ricky was in the school football team. He was also very much into technology, computing a lot with some friends. He loved dwelling on that for hours. It was nice seeing them feeling satisfied with their very full life.
That night, she went to bed feeling proud of her little family. They had survived and gone through so much, yet they were still so happy and close, a loving family although incomplete. She still felt a hint of sadness, missing the person she was back then, not even mentioning the half of her heart she had left miles away. As she was finally drifting off to sleep, a single tear rolled down her cheek, her silent way to release a tiny bit of the feelings she had been bottling up for 12 long years.
Each passing day felt predictable. Very little would change from one day to another. It seemed endless and yet she couldn't do anything to make it shorter. The agent that programmed their stay there told her several times to stick to the plan no matter what and as long as she could. She had to keep this job, not get noticed, keep a routine that would seem just usual for anyone around because someone could be spying on her anywhere. There were rules and she had the right personality to go with them in any situation. But sometimes it became difficult to play only by the rules, even for her. After so many years of hiding, she knew they were safer, but she couldn't help but worry anyways. Nobody from LAPD had contacted her saying Jack had finally been caught and she wanted to wait until then to finally feel free and truly safe. She had gone through too much to just blew her safety away by being too impulsive. Of course, the kids were studying and starting their careers but she wouldn't draw attention on any of them. When Emily told her about appearing on the web, she was beyond excited although she was still worried it could compromise their safety. Her daughter had assured her she wouldn't appear up close to the camera and that it wouldn't be a risk for them.
Her dreams were repetitive. The previous night, she had dreamt of him, again. It was always the same plot: she walks down a street and sees him walking a little further across the road. She then shouts his name the loudest she can, as long as her lungs give her air. He never hears her or turns around. She crosses the street running, hearing car horns honking in the background. She stretches her arm to reach his. He finally meets her eyes and she throws herself into his embrace, sobbing, just crying, letting it all out, being back to him at last. She then opens her wet eyes and he's gone before she knows it. It felt like chasing a ghost every single night.
Every time she had that dream she would wake up sweating, breathlessly coming to her senses, the truth hitting her hard once more. Her life hadn't been easy and yet she was a fighter, she would continue to live for her kids. Nonetheless, this was getting really unbearable for her, physically painful to be apart, not being able to see, hear or feel him. It almost felt like her chest was wide open, raw and no one cared. Sometimes she thought God or the universe would never let such unfair thing happen, but doubts would invade her making her feel like fairness didn't exist or at least not for them.
Today, something was different. Emily was finally under contract! Her dream was finally coming true. Today, she was expected early at the Ballet Company because they were filming the first trailer for the upcoming season. She had been practicing for over a month now and she was more than ready. Every time she talked about it, Sharon could see her daughter's eyes enlightened, she was so passionate. She couldn't be more thrilled that her baby would have the chance to experience such thing, because she was well-aware that not everybody is given the chance to find themselves a passion to live for and from. Sharon herself didn't know if she had found hers yet.
Her precious ballerina would soon be all over the web and famous for her huge talent. What she loved the most about her daughter's skill was probably her grace, the softness of her movements, always so measured and yet so powerful. Soon, the name of "Rose O'Donnell" would ring anyone's bell and brighten the world. She was so happy for her.
Sharon just realized that her mind had drifted off into her deepest thoughts as she brushed her last stray of hair. At that exact moment, it hit her. Fear. Anxiety. She hadn't felt that old friend for a while now and shamelessly hadn't missed it at all. She felt danger, her body going rigid in a split second. The worst about it: she couldn't identify the reason but it just took possession of her for a short while and then she felt better eventually.
The three of them had been waiting this moment for weeks, impatiently refreshing the page every minute. Even Martha had offered to bake one of her famous family recipes to wait with them for that special moment. It was very sweet how she sort of became their grandmother over the years. She was so benevolent towards the children and her. Even though she knew them as Elisabeth O'Donnell and her two kids Rose and Tom, she had earned a warm spot in Sharon, Emily and Ricky Raydor's heart. Martha was a little over 70, though she looked much younger and energetic. She was always the most cheerful person in the room and the funniest. She'd put a smile on anyone's face for sure. How delightful to have her around. She was the right amount of invasive, supporting them even when they didn't know they needed it but also knew how to make an elegant exit when her presence wasn't wanted anymore.
Finally, there it was, her baby girl on video! She was glad beyond words for her daughter who had always dreamt of this. They celebrated all evening, sang and laughed all together with Martha cheering along. God, it was good to still enjoy these moments of pure joy despite what their life was now.
Publishing the trailer had been a real step forward for darling Emily who was now feeling almost like a celebrity. A couple of directors from other Ballet Companies, contacted her astonished with her talent and she felt tremendously relieved to find so much success in the beginning of her career. She'd never leave her actual Company but it was flattering anyways. Their routine hadn't changed though. Sharon still had her shifts, Ricky still had to go to high school and Emily still had her college classes in the mornings before going to the Ballet trainings. The weeks passing by, their everyday life remained eventless despite the recent fame of Emily.
Today was Tuesday. Sharon started her shift earlier and the kids would go to school/college on their own. It was her dreaded shift. She had to be there for the opening of the store AND the closing which made it always a very full day. She then would head directly to Martha's where she was expected for their poker night.
People seemed very annoyed today. It felt like every client was in a bad mood, asking for help without any kindness or politeness for that matter. She had very good manners and loved feeling helpful although on big days like these it was sometimes hard to put up with so many rude people in a row. She kept reminding herself she was doing it for her babies.
She came across a southern woman, her eyebrows frowned while she was asking for some advice. God, she reminded her of Brenda who she shamelessly didn't miss at all! It was always so complicated to collaborate with her. Brenda would never include her or share information with her, Sharon was constantly afraid that she would do something to annoy FID or ruin their investigation. If Brenda had known her better, she would have been able to see how devoted Sharon was and that she just wanted to do her job correctly. Even when she was in trouble, Brenda wouldn't let any kind feelings corrupt her famous nonchalant attitude.
The day went along pretty well all things considered and it was finally time for a little fun poker game. Martha always invited a few friends over for these evenings and tonight Sharon was obviously the youngest around the table. They were all very sweet to her. She liked being around some other adults for once, moreover they reminded her of her parents who she missed dearly. Of course, they would never put any money on the line, just a couple of sleeping pills or painkillers that were these people's treasures at their advanced age.
After laughing hard all evening with Martha cheering the table all along the night, she came back home, tired but smiling nonetheless. These small gatherings had the power to cheer her up, that's why she kept showing up even though it was her fullest day at work.
In the apartment, only silence could be heard. It was late and the kids were already in their rooms, probably fast asleep. Even though they were grown, she still liked to pop into their room, drop a little kiss on their foreheads and tuck them lovingly into bed. A true mother hen. She cherished every moment with her precious babies she once almost lost.
Sharon wasn't too hungry because Martha would always make them some snacks to eat over the evening. She still felt like enjoying a cup of Peppermint tea – her favorite to sooth herself after a long working day. A warm mug in the hand, she walked peacefully from the kitchen to the living room. Her eyes suddenly laid on the hall and she remembered she had seen earlier that she had mail awaiting on the entrance shelf. It was probably a bunch of bills. She would take the time to open them on the couch, watching TV and sipping her delicious tea. She grabbed her mail and made herself comfortable on their blue couch.
The two letters on top of the pile were indeed bills. She put them aside further on the coffee table. As she took the third one in her hands, she saw a note hidden under it. No address mentioned, just a basic white paper sheet bent in half. Her curiosity won over and she decided to open it, putting down the envelope she already had in her hands. As she opened the note, her heart skipped a beat.
"I found you"