Craig and Tweek (or more like Super Craig and Wonder Tweek) patrolled the streets of South Park that night. Due to their work, Tweek at the family business and Craig with his own job at the planetarium, they barely saw each other during the day. At least they had these nights...
A woman looked at them from the window and quickly hid. Was she scared of them, after what their partner had done? Tweek wondered...
Craig stopped to pick up a newspaper someone had left inside a trash bin. He read it disinterestedly until a small section made his eyebrows arch.
"Look at this." He said to Tweek. "«Maserati Jones confesses she lied about being molested by Fastpass. According to the nine year-old, her bosses and parents coerced her into lying about the abuse, posing for the pictures after the hero passed out due to an excessive alcohol consumption»."
Tweek took a look at the date of the journal. "This is from yesterday, and see how hidden and small the article is! I haven't heard anything on the news or on Twitter. I bet no one has seen this, or don't care. Jimmy is still being called a pedo, and he's gonna have to live with that for the rest of his life..."
"Don't be so grim. At least they published it, it's an advance, isn't it?" Craig said, throwing the newspaper away.
"It's not if no one reacts to it..." Tweek shook his head. "I'm afraid no one will apologize to him..."
Craig said nothing and just kept walking by his side, thinking that he was right in a way, but still it was quite of a pessimistic point of view. He had always thought that truth always found a way. Jimmy would be fine.
"And I don't know if we did right expelling Timmy, honestly..." Tweek muttered.
"I voted against it, but guess we have a face to save. It sucks but..." Craig said.
"I don't want Timmy to think we didn't forgive him for what he had to do to us, when Gregory or, well, Cartman, blackmailed him...I hope he read our minds and understood this is not personal...We are still his friends...Same for Jimmy..."
"They are mad now but they'll be fine."
"...What a mess too, huh? Wendy and Stan..."
"Yeah. Good thing we don't have that kind of problem, eh?" Craig smirked, and walked to take a look into a very suspicious-looking alley. It turned out the noise he had heard were only a couple of rats looking for something to eat inside the trash can.
"Yeah, yeah...Right...Uh...Craig...Maybe...we should talk about it some time..."
"Why do you care about Stan knocking Wendy up?"
"Not that, I mean...Kids...We've been married for two years now...It's a bit soon, we just moved together, I know, but..."
"What do you mean, Tweek?" Craig stopped to look at him. "Don't tell me you got the baby fever."
"No, no! Yes?" Tweek shrugged. "I don't know, I just...I just wonder where we're going...What our plans for the future are..."
Were they really having that conversation, Craig asked himself. Well...He supposed that moment had to come sooner or later.
"Well...I don't know...We're fine this way, right?" He tried to weather the storm as well as he could. "Kids are loud and obnoxious, and...they wake you up at night to ask you to take them to the bathroom 'cause the dark scares them...you gotta clean their shit...when they grow up they tell you everything bad in their life is your fault somehow...I know, because living with Tricia was a nightmare."
"Weren't we all like that when we were kids?...Yeah, being a parent seems like a lot of work...It must be pretty, though..." Tweek turned his eyes to the sky and could only watch dark clouds.
Talking about storms...
"...So you wanna be a dad?" Craig asked.
"I-I don't know. But it's a possibility we should talk about. If we want to find a surrogate mother or start an adoption process, we have to start saving a lot of money and making a few changes..." Tweek said.
"We are in our early twenties, we have plenty of time to think about children." Craig said, and he hoped that was the end of it.
But Tweek sighed. "We are superheroes, Craig, but we are not invulnerable. A lost bullet could kill us, or some guy with a harpoon..."
"Are you sure you are alright, Tweek?" Craig raised an eyebrow.
"...I just feel that something is very wrong...In the air...Everywhere...Haven't you noticed?"
He didn't need to say so. His mood already had a reflection in the weather. Craig wished he could shoo all those clouds away from his husband's head. But, funny, as strong as he was, he felt so powerless...
Wendy opened the door and stood still for a second, just staring at Kyle and Kenny.
"Hi, Wendy." Kyle said. "Uh...How are you?"
"I'm...a bit better...Thanks for asking." Wendy replied. She did look pale to Kyle, or maybe it was a light effect—what was sure was that she looked and sounded spiritless.
"Congrats." Kenny said, because he had not said anything about it yet, and he had barely uttered those words when he regretted it, because she was probably tired of hearing that. But she smiled nevertheless.
"Thank you, Kenny."
"Uh...Is Stan around?" Kyle asked.
"Yes, he..."
She went quiet all of a sudden, and the two men thought she was going to burst into tears. Her eyes got wet, but she got to breathe deep and get a hold on herself.
"...I hope you can make him react, he doesn't talk to me anymore!" She said.
She let them in. Stan was lying on the couch, just doing nothing. He hadn't been off it even when his family came to see him in person, since he didn't reply to their calls. «If we are going to be grandparents, Stanley, I think we deserve a little more than a text to find out!», «Hey, when the baby's born, could I borrow it for a commercial? Tegridy is about family, you know...», «I am so proud! I am Grunkle Jimbo now! Oh, I'm so happy!». He only turned his eyes to his friends when they showed up.
"Hm."
"Hm? We haven't seen you in almost two weeks! Is that all you have to say? 'Hm'?" Kyle said to him, his hands on his hips.
"I am just...not in the mood for superhero stuff..." Stan just said, and it seemed it was hard for him to just speak.
"I'm not talking about superhero stuff, just the three of us, hanging out and stuff. Listen, Kenny and I were going to Skeeter's tonight, since it's his day off at work. Wanna come with us?"
"No, thanks."
"Come on, you should get out of the house."
"Who told you I don't...?"
"Because you reek, dude." Kyle rolled his eyes and made Stan stood up. "Come on. You have a shower, or wash your armpits and put some cologne on at least, and come with us."
"I'd rather stay."
"I was telling you, not asking you, Stan. Let's go." And with Kenny's help, Kyle got to make him stand up. "We're stealing your man tonight, Wendy, hope you don't mind."
"Absolutely. Have fun, you guys." Wendy replied. By the look of her face, she seemed to hope this did Stan good.
There was nothing Stan could do but to obey. He let his friends take him out of the house like a docile lamb. It didn't seem like he was much in the mood for resisting anyway. When they ordered their drinks, he barely touched his.
After a while of just being carried around, maybe being alone with his friends and the alcohol having some effect on him, finally his tongue untied.
"Everyone knows, even Principal Victoria congratulated me on the store the other day, and I haven't seen her in ages!"
"So I guess this wasn't planned?" Kyle asked.
"...I just don't know how it happened...I used a condom, always..."
"Yeah, but...This took Wendy by surprise too. She is as scared and confused as you are...What I mean is, she needs you, Stan." Kyle said softly.
"Why did she wait so long to tell me?"
"I don't know, maybe she didn't notice until now...Sure she didn't hide it from you on purpose..."
"Dude, I'm gonna be a dad..." Stan shook his head in disbelief.
"And...aren't you...happy about it?" Kyle frowned.
"Happy?" Stan exclaimed, raising his head to him. "How am I going to be happy? I-I'm just twenty-three! This was going the time of my life, the time to enjoy my youth before I get old and tired, enjoy my new life with Wendy...And it's over! Over right after the start! Once kids are born, you can say goodbye to everything that makes you happy! No more going to the movies if it's not for watching some Teletubbies crap. We can barely afford our own home, and a kid is so expensive—music won't be enough; I'll have to get a side job! Wendy! What about Wendy? Children become a woman's obsession. Our intimacy, our plans and sex and cuddles...Gone! And she will get fat, and angry, and bossy and fickle, like all moms! What about me? I am probably the last guy in this town who should have a kid! What do I know about dad figures? Have you seen my dad? Chef was a million times more of a father figure than he was! Big Gay Al! Everyone but him! And see how I am now! I-I drink all the time, and I swear, and I am a fucking mess! I will become like our parents, like all parents in this damned town, smoking Tegridy to put with the boring life of the adult and a kid who only wants to bother you in every way possible! Also, what if the kid is like us, a freak with superpowers? They won't have a normal life and it will be our fault!"
Kyle and Kenny exchanged a look.
"...I felt the same when Karen was born..." Kenny said.
"A sibling's not the same as a child, Kenny..." Stan sighed.
"With the parents we had, it felt the same..." Kenny muttered, taking a sip of his liquor.
Stan also paused to gulp his drink.
"...I...I wish we could go back in time, before this happened...Wendy and I were a lot happier then..."
Kyle placed a hand on his friend's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.
Kenny looked away. He still thought of Karen. No matter what Stan said: what he was feeling then seemed pretty similar to what he went through with her. He also hated Karen with burning passion when he knew she was on the way and wanted her aborted, dead, gone; did every thing possible to prevent her birth. But when he saw her face, so innocent, and held her in his arms for the first time, realizing how tiny and helpless she was, while his mother was drinking vodka from the bottle...He fell in love...He really did...And from then on he learnt to do things no kid was ready to do like cooking, changing diapers, put a baby to sleep, washing it, help with the teething...Maybe Stan needed that sparkle too...One thing was for sure: his friend was not going to become a deadbeat dad. He wouldn't because he would kill him with his own hands if he did.
There were so many necks to bite inside of that bar...It was kind of risky, though. The people in there drank till they collapsed, and their blood was full of alcohol, and he could barely hold it. Last time he sucked a drunk's blood, he ended up sleeping inside a fountain at the park. But Mike just was careful to choose a victim. That Asian guy, for instance, seemed pretty sober and had a pretty neck.
"You can't help it, can you?"
The voice didn't startle Mike, he just moved away from the window to look at its source.
"Blood calls, per se." He simply said.
"You did very well with the Raisins girl." The voice said, hidden in the shadows.
"Well? I couldn't get a poor drop of blood and I got beaten up like a rug!"
"Worry not. There are plenty of necks to bite out there. I can offer you some delicious specimens to feed from..."
"You got what I wanted, per se, and I did not. I hope next time you keep your word."
"Don't worry..."
His interlocutor walked a bit away from the shadows, revealing his face.
"I always keep my word, my friend." And his face was painted pink lips and eyes on a left hand.
After Harper, Emory and Bailey helped their father with the chores (because it was sexist that women had to be the ones doing the chores, so the men did it), they joined their sisters at the bedroom and found they were looking at the screen of their tablet. They had got another DM from Mitch Conner. They said they should meet someone who had a lot to teach them. They even told them where to meet her.
They found her the next morning, at the Community Center. She seemed to be getting everything ready for a women meeting. They liked her already just for being part of that.
"Excuse me, we are looking for Sheila Broflovski." River approached to say, pushing a hair out of her face.
"It's me. How can I help you?" Sheila smiled at them. How adorable they looked, with those sunglasses on!
"We are Harper, Riley, Emory, River, Harper and Bailey Woman." Bailey introduced himself and his siblings. "We have been told you have a great leader."
"Me?" Flattered, Sheila giggled. "Oh, well, I just like to be sure that you children grow up in a safe place...Just like any responsible mother, just like that."
"We have heard you have lead tons of causes, like vulgarity on television, religious intolerance, ableism..." Riley said, a grin on her face. "You are truly an inspiration!"
"Oh, ho, ho, ho! My, what charming boys and girls!"
Well, that non-binary erasure costed her a few points...
"Mrs. Broflovski (please correct me if I assume you identify as a female)," Bailey said. "We need someone with your experience to fight the biggest threat to our little community right now."
"It's the Freedom Pals, ma'am." Harper said. "Sure you have heard about them."
"Oh, I have." Sheila's smile vanished from her lips. "They are not to be trusted, I assure you. There is something evil in them."
"Yes, exactly." River said. "And we want people to realize. We know that they are not heroes, but, but..."
"Fascists!" Emory exclaimed.
"Savages!" Harper said.
"Surely they serve an invisible hand, or are people with so much power they want to take over the world." Bailey said. "They should be out of South Park. Out of our country."
"You are very right, children. You are very woke, I must say." Sheila said. "Nobody seems to understand that. They think they are like those superheroes your generation admires, the Retributors or whatever they are called. Lately they are displaying a very censurable behavior and nobody seems to care! People keep admiring them! They would love them even if they started shooting people up at the mall! Children imitate everything they do and one day one gullible kid might kill themselves trying to play the hero who can fly and play with drills!"
"That is why we have to stop them. For the other children. For everyone in South Park." Emory said.
"I will help you." Sheila said with determination, standing tall. "I still have a say in this town. Everyone knows me and I know everybody. I know what we have to do to spread awareness and make a change."
And thus the team was complete...