Laying on his side with his knees raised towards his chest, spencer was feeling extremely nervous. The drape was over his back, and he'd already been swabbed with disinfectant.

Dr Edmonds had decided against putting spencer to sleep for the spinal tap; he was having his central line placed later in the afternoon, and he didn't want him to be drugged to sleep twice in one day. Instead, he had administered a strong local anaesthetic.

"How does that feel spencer?" Edmonds asked, gently pressing the needle against his skin, not enough to break it.

Spencer swallowed thickly, looking at his Daddy, who was sitting in front of him. "i can feel it, but it feels really weird"

"ok, that means the anaesthetic has kicked in. Spencer, what i'm going to do now is i'm going to push this needle into your skin and between your vertebrae into your spinal column. I have to apply a fair amount of pressure to get it into your spine, so it's going to feel uncomfortable and it may hurt"

"i don't like needles," spencer whispered, his eyes filling with tears.

"i'm sorry, spencer, i know needles aren't very nice. This won't take very long, i promise," edmonds said apologetically. "i'm going to start now"

Spencer slipped his hand into his Pappa's, taking deep breaths to try and hold back his tears. he really didn't like needles at all.

he barely felt the needle break his skin, but as soon as it started to pass between his vertebrae, he could feel it pressing against the bone. The next thing he felt was a lot of pressure, and that was when it started to hurt.

Tears fell from his pretty brown eyes as he let out a shaky breath. he felt the small pop which meant the needle had broken into his spinal column. It was really hurting. he knew the local was taking the edge off, but that didn't stop his from bursting into tears.

"stay nice and still for me spencer, it's nearly over," edmonds said reassuringly, holding a vial underneath the bore needle to catch a sample of spinal fluid.

Spencer's grip tightened on Dave's hand as Dave tried to comfort him, brushing his hair away from his face and repeatedly whispering gentle words to soothe him.

"it hurts Pappa" spencer sobbed, his hand gripping his Pappa's hand like an iron claw. Dave's heart broke at spencer's utterance of 'Pappa'.

"i know baby, but it's nearly over. Just a minute or two more," he said gently, squeezing spencer's hand and promising not to let go.

Seeing the scared tears falling rapidly from spencer's eyes, Dave reached down under the bed and grabbed his stuffed turtle out of his bag. Handing him to spencer, he watched as spencer clutched the beloved toy with his free hand, hugging him close to his chest as he tried to stop his sobs.

he knew he'd been correct in bringing him to the hospital. Spencer liked to play it cool, but Dave knew better.

Finishing up the procedure with a small vial of spinal fluid, dr edmonds removed the needle, swabbed spencer's skin with a sterile wipe and covered it with a clean dressing.

"all done. Your back's gonna be a little sore for the rest of today. I'll have to come back and check it before you go for your central line, because i need to make sure you don't have any fluid leaking, ok?" edmonds said gently, removing the drape and pulling spencer's shirt back down.

"ok," spencer said in a small tearful voice.

"you did really well spencer, considering we usually put kids to sleep for a spinal tap," edmonds praised, moving around to where spencer could see him. Spencer nodded, cuddling his turtle closer to his chest.

Edmonds spoke to Dave for a few more minutes before bidding his goodbyes and leaving the room.

Returning to the recliner, Dave looked at spencer, who was curled up on the bed with his turtle clutched tightly in his two hands.

"you ok little monkey?" he asked gently, placing one hand over spencer's.

Spencer managed a tiny smile before gingerly rolling onto his back, grateful to find that it didn't hurt too much. Finding the remote for his tv among the sheets, she cycled through the channels with his right hand, his turtle held like a lifeline in his left.

"ok spencer, you ready to go get yourself a nice brand spanking new central line? They are, i hear, the latest accessory to have," edmonds said as he entered the room for the second time that day. Spencer giggled at his doctor, having calmed down after his spinal tap.

Moving to the other side of spencer's bed, he quickly checked the dressing over the puncture for his spinal tap.

"all looks good. We're going to take you up to surgery now. The central line operation is only about an hour, not long at all," he said to Dave and spencer.

"doctor edmonds?" spencer said quietly.

"yeah spencer?" edmonds replied, leaning on the end of spencer's bed.

"do you think i could take my turtle with me?" spencer asked, holding the frog in his hands.

Edmonds smiled. "i think that would be fine"

Spencer beamed at his oncologist, tucking his turtle in the crook of his arm as he lifted the rails on the sides of his bed. A couple of nurses came into the room, disconnecting the few monitors that spencer was hooked to from the wall.

Dave got up and moved to the edge of the bed, leaning down and pressing a kiss to spencer's forehead.

"I love you monkey," he said with a smile. Spencer's subsequent giggle warmed his heart.

"love you too pappa," spencer said softly.

With one last kiss to his sons cheek, Dave watched as they took him away to get his central line placed.

The reality of the situation was starting to hit him. His healthy four year old boy didn't need a central line.

His four year old boy who was fighting cancer did.